The Joke Thread
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Suckballs_bebe replied on Wed Jul 7, 2004 @ 3:34pm |
 Coolness: 66595 | Here's a good one;
This guy goes to a bar with the intention of picking up a girl. So he meets one, gets her drunk and takes her back home with him. He brings her up to the bedroom where they commence to get undressed. He takes his socks off and the girl realizes how decrepid his toes are so she's like: "What the fuck happened to your toes"??! "Oh when I was younger I got Toelio" he replies and the girl gives him a quizical look. "Yah Toelio" he repeats. Then he turns to take of his pants and she realizes that not only are this guys toes messed up, but his knees are aswell so she says: "Yo what is up with your knees??!" and he says: "Well when I was younger I got the Kneesles". The girl gives him another strange look and says: "Okie Dokie, let's just get this over with"... So the guy resumes taking off his clothes and as soon as his boxer came off the girl screetched "EWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! I GUESS WHEN YOU WERE YOUNGER YOU CONTRACTED SMALL COCKS TOO!" |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Mali replied on Wed Jul 7, 2004 @ 4:04pm |
 Coolness: 202225 | bahahahaha |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» beercrack replied on Mon Jul 12, 2004 @ 1:35pm |
| Coolness: 71545 | fucking and fanning
Doctor, I have this problem: when I make love to my wife, I get the feeling that she doesn't feel anything at all. Sometimes she even falls asleep! Picture that! That has a scientific explanation - said the doctor. "Some women, when getting excited, warm up so much that it turns out impossible for them to feel anything. Try to make love to her and fan at her at the same time". Thank you so much, doctor! - said the patient. And that night he did as it was indicated, but while he concentrated on the fanning, he couldn't attend the other thing, so he decided to hire a black man to fan his woman while he would make love to her. - Go at it, man, fan! Do you feel something now, my love? - No. Nothing. - Stronger, man, fan stronger! Damn, do you feel something now, sweetie? - Nothing... - Let's see, nigga. Give me that fan and now you do her. The black man mounts the woman and starts doing his thing, while the husband fans at her. - And now, honey, do you feel something? - Oh, yes, fuck yeah! I surely do feel something now, ahhhhhhh...! - You see, piece of shit? That's a real fanning! |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» ashtraygirl replied on Sun Jul 25, 2004 @ 5:55am |
 Coolness: 89595 | Q : how do you get a cure fan out of a tree?
A: Cut the rope. ;) ahahahaaaa |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» beercrack replied on Mon Jul 26, 2004 @ 4:53pm |
| Coolness: 71545 | So you see...
Two guys came upon some quicksand. The first guy walked across with no problem. The second guy didn't notice it because he was following the first guy. When he stepped onto the quicksand he started sinking like a rock and couldn't get out. He looked up at his companion and said, "Very funny, Superman. Now pull me out of here." |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» beercrack replied on Thu Aug 5, 2004 @ 2:13pm |
| Coolness: 71545 | :::There was this kid, and he got top in class in K1.
"What do you want?" the father asked. "I want a ping pong ball." So, the father gave him one. In K2, the kid got top in class agin. "What do you want?" the father asked. "I want a ping pong ball." So, the father gave him one. In Primary 1, the kid got top in class in again. "What do you want?" the father asked him. "I want a ping pong ball." So, the father gave him one. In Primary 2, the kid got top in class again. "What do you want?" the father asked him. "I want a ping pong ball." So, the father gave him one. In Primary 3, the kid got top in class again. "What do you want?" the father asked him. "I want a ping pong ball." So, the father gave him one. In Primary 4, the kid got top in class again. "What do you want?" the father asked him again. "I want a ping pong ball." So, the father gave him one. In Primary 5, the kid got top in class again. "What do you want?" the father asked him. "I want a ping pong ball." So, the father gave him one. In Primary 6, the kid got top in class again. "What do you want?" the father asked him . "I want a ping pong ball." So, the father gave him one. In Seconday 1, the kid got top in class again. "What do you want?" the father asked him. "I want a ping pong ball." So, the father gave him one. So, he kept getting top in class and kept asking for ping pong balls all the way to university. One day, the kid was dying. So, the father asked him what he wanted as a last request. "I want a ping pong ball," the kid said. The father was curious as to why the kid kept asking for ping pong balls so he asked,"Son why do you always want ping pong balls?" Then, the kid..... DIED! |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Miss_Amanda replied on Thu Aug 5, 2004 @ 2:16pm |
 Coolness: 160655 | AHHHHHHHHHH!
I HATE YOU GERONIMO!!!! *SO FRUSTRATING* |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Toltech replied on Tue Aug 24, 2004 @ 9:22pm |
 Coolness: 145530 | ahahahahaha wicked! though I skpied right through the end...... it's more of a joke to be told in person, methinks |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» beercrack replied on Thu Aug 26, 2004 @ 3:08pm |
| Coolness: 71545 | :b
my friend translated me a joke from his native mexico, and it goes: * * * There was a family man called Henry. His obnoxious mother-in-law lived with him, too. Several robberies had been reported in the neighborhood recently. “You better do something now, pendejo, and quickly, before a burglar breaks in in the middle of the night and steals my stuff. I don’t care about yours, asshole, only about mine and my daughter’s” – said the intolerable bitch. Henry went to a pet store, looking for a brave dog. “I want to protect my family. There’s a rat in the neighborhood”. Come with me – said the clerk. I think I have what you are looking for. Customer and employee entered the “dangerous beasts” corridor. There was a big fanged Australian demon, a crazy monkey bathed in blood (from his last meal), vicious dogs and other savage animals. At the very end of the row: a miniature cute poodle called Chiquistriquis. “This is Chiquistriquis, sir. The best killing machine we got”. Come on! – retorted Henry. – But it’s only a poodle! – . Don’t let appearances deceive you. Let me show you a DEMONstration – said the clerk while carefully opening the cage and letting the animal out . “Chiquistriquis: the table!” The small poodle ran rabidly towards a table and in a matter of seconds turned it into sawdust. Wow! – said Henry dropping his jaw. I’m definitely buying it! – You won’t be disappointed, sir. Whenever you want him to attack someone or something, you just have to utter his name first and then the target - added the clerk. Excited, Henry took Chiquistriquis home. Honey, but how could this little creature protect us? – said his wife, skeptical. What is that stupid poodle doing here, schmuck? You just lost your money one more time, fucking moron! – said the mother-in-law, bitchy, as usual. Oh, but this animal is quite special – he said. “His name is Chiquistriquis”, to which the odious mama replied: “Bah, Chiquistriquis my ass!” |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Bunnytronix replied on Thu Aug 26, 2004 @ 4:26pm |
 Coolness: 152620 | .
So what's the difference between Jehova witnesss and testicules? None. they both knock but don't get in. |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» ashtraygirl replied on Fri Aug 27, 2004 @ 3:45pm |
| Coolness: 89595 | i know a good joke... |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Lunna replied on Fri Aug 27, 2004 @ 6:05pm |
 Coolness: 78120 | Q : 95% of women do this while having sex ....
A: laugh/giggle |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Violence_Inc replied on Tue Aug 31, 2004 @ 9:49am |
 Coolness: 174200 | why didnt superman save JFK jr?
Because he's in a wheelchair. |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» blop replied on Tue Aug 31, 2004 @ 12:51pm |
 Coolness: 200640 | what's the opposite of christopher reeve?
christopher walken. |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Violence_Inc replied on Tue Aug 31, 2004 @ 1:47pm |
| Coolness: 174200 | lol awesome |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» ashtraygirl replied on Thu Sep 2, 2004 @ 3:13pm |
| Coolness: 89595 | George W. Bush is visiting a primary school and he visits one of the classes. They are in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asks the President if he would like to lead the discussion of the word tragedy.
So the illustrious leader asks the class for an example of a tragedy. One little boy stands up and offers: "If my best friend who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a runaway tractor comes along and knocks him dead, that would be a tragedy." "No," says President Bush, "that would be an accident." A little girl raises her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff! , killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy." "I'm afraid not," explains the exalted leader. "That's what we would call a great loss." The room goes silent. No other children volunteer. President Bush searches the room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?" Finally at the back of the room, little Johnny raises his hand. In a quiet voice he says: "If Air Force One carrying you was struck by a missile and blown to smithereens, that would be a tragedy." "Fantastic!" exclaims President Bush, That's right. And can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?" "Well," says the boy, "because it sure as hell wouldn't be a great loss and it probably wouldn't be an accident either. " |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Lunna replied on Wed Sep 15, 2004 @ 7:01pm |
| Coolness: 78120 | A Canadian asks his freind
- Is the glass half empty or half full ? His freind answers - It doesn't matter, the water belongs to the Americans. |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» DManda replied on Fri Sep 24, 2004 @ 9:25pm |
| Coolness: 38890 | more Bush humour...
[ bash.org ] ("we know that dictators are quick to use aggresion while free nations strive to solve differences with peace." g.w. Bush |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Toltech replied on Fri Oct 15, 2004 @ 3:57pm |
| Coolness: 145530 | A visiting professor at Texas A & M University is giving a seminar on the supernatural. To get a feel for his audience, he asks: "How many people here believe in ghosts?" About 90 students raise their hands.
"Well that's a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you've ever seen a ghost?" About 40 students raise their hands. "That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost? 15 students raise their hands. "That's a great response. Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?" Three students raise their hands. "That's fantastic. But let me ask you one question further.....Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?" One student in the back raises his hand. The professor is astonished. He takes off his glasses, takes a step back, and says, "Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have slept with a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience." The redneck student replies with a nod and a grin, and begins to make his way up to the podium. The professor says, "Well, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost." The student replies, "Ghost? Damn..... From back there I thought you said 'goats'!" |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» wisp replied on Fri Oct 15, 2004 @ 3:59pm |
| Coolness: 97430 | you know you're a redneck when your gun rack, has a gun rack on it!
jeff foxworthy = so not funny. |
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