The Joke Thread
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Kalymero replied on Thu Nov 24, 2005 @ 10:33am |
 Coolness: 56560 | Q:What's the difference between won dollars and won sex ?
A:With the dollars you just won, you can buy both sex and the things you want ! |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» beercrack replied on Mon Jan 2, 2006 @ 3:07pm |
 Coolness: 71470 | why does santa have such a big pouch?
because he comes only once a year! |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» BOBDYLAN replied on Wed Jan 4, 2006 @ 10:54am |
 Coolness: 148220 | lol
yesterday i was in my car and I saw a newfie with only one boot. I asked ''hey newfie, what the fuck are you doing with only one boot?'' he replied'' they announced on météo média only one feet of snow'' |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» PonChalice replied on Wed Jan 4, 2006 @ 3:03pm |
 Coolness: 76290 | |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» earthyspirit replied on Sun Jan 8, 2006 @ 12:11pm |
 Coolness: 229710 | WORDS are JOKES. |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» beercrack replied on Sun Jan 8, 2006 @ 12:56pm |
| Coolness: 71470 | so funny! |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» kwickStah replied on Mon Jan 9, 2006 @ 5:05pm |
 Coolness: 65580 | i have to write it in french sorry....
c'est un gars qui dis à une blonde: Excuse moi, mais tes bas sot pas pareils... La blonde répond: Je sais c'est étrange j'en ai une autre pair pareille chez moi!! |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» PartyPopple replied on Mon Jan 9, 2006 @ 5:35pm |
 Coolness: 63450 | lol...classic |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Bunnytronix replied on Mon Jan 9, 2006 @ 8:09pm |
 Coolness: 152545 | Man: Doctor, I've broken my leg.
Doctor: I'm afraid it is a very bad break. You will never walk properly again. ------------------------------------------------------------------- Knock, knock. Who's there? The police. I'm afraid there's been an accident. Your husband has been killed. ------------------------------------------------------------------- A man walks into a pub. He is an alcoholic whose drink problem is destroying his family. ------------------------------------------------------------------- Did you hear about the blonde who jumped out off a bridge? She was clinically depressed and took her own life because of her terribly low self-esteem. ------------------------------------------------------------------- What do you call a cat with no tail? A Manx cat. ------------------------------------------------------------------- Why do undertakers wear ties? Because their profession is very serious, and it is important that their appearance has a degree of gravitas. ------------------------------------------------------------------- How many electricians does it take to change a light bulb? One. ------------------------------------------------------------------- Why do women fake orgasms? Because they want to give men the impression that they have climaxed. ------------------------------------------------------------------- Two men are sitting in a pub. One man turns to the other and says: 'Last night I saw lots of strange men coming in and out of your wife's house.' The other man replies: 'Yes, she has become a prostitute to subsidise her drug habit.' ------------------------------------------------------------------- What's worse than finding a maggot in your apple? Being raped. ------------------------------------------------------------------- Two cows are in a field. Suddenly, from behind a bush, a rabbit leaps out and runs away. One cow looks round a bit, eats some grass and then wanders off. ------------------------------------------------------------------- Why are there no aspirin in the jungle? Because it would not be financially viable to attempt to sell pharmaceuticals in the largely unpopulated rainforest |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Bunnytronix replied on Tue Jan 10, 2006 @ 1:41pm |
| Coolness: 152545 | Nobody likes my antijokes???
Man 1: Knock, Knock Man 2: Who's there? Man 1: It's me Johnny. Man 2: Oh, hey man! Come on in, and have a beer. ---------- A priest, a rabbi, and a buddhist monk walk into a bar, sit at the end and start having some drinks. Two hours later, they come out with a better understanding of each other and a mutual respect, the beginnings of a friendship that last a lifetime. ---------- What do you get when you cross a chicken with a centipede? A media circus about the debate over the morals and ethics of genetic engineering. ----------- So, there were an Irishman, an Englishman and an American wrecked on an island. One day, they found a bottle, and when they opened it, a ghost came out and offered them each a wish. However, even though they wished for different stuff, nothing happened, as the three guys of varying nationalities were just having shared hallucinations from hunger. ------------- Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? Because it was just the decomposing remains of a long forgotten murder case in a remote field. --------------- A man walks into a bar He drinks 6 Newcastles, 4 shots of Jack Daniels, hits on the waitress unsuccessfully, takes his wedding ring off, tried again and fails, drinks 3 more shots, drives home, beats his daughter for coming home late, and cries himself to sleep realizing that he hates his life. ---------------- A duck walks into a bar... Animal control is promptly called, the duck is then taken to a near by park and released. ---------------- A horse walks into a bar, and the barman says "Why the long face?". The horse replies: "I'm deeply troubled by the anthropomorphic aspects of my existance and the extent to which I am now protected by law." ----------------- Why was six afraid of seven? It wasn't. Numbers are not sentient and thus incapable of feeling fear. ----------------- How do you know when a Frenchman has been near your house? You don't, really, unless you were there to see him or if one of your neighbors saw him. I wouldn't worry about it, really. ---------------- The Pope walks into a bar. The bartender says, what'll ya have, Pope? But the Pope's grasp of English is tenuous at best, so he mumbles something in Latin. The bartender doesn't know any Latin. The Pope gets frustrated and leaves. ---------------- A bear walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer. The bartender says, ''Sorry, we don't give beer to bears in bars.'' The bear replies, ''I guess I will have a soda instead.'' So the bear and the bartender talk over nonalcoholic drinks all night about the reality of interspecies communication. |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» I_fucked_IansMom replied on Tue Jan 10, 2006 @ 2:04pm |
| Coolness: 49065 | I would assume that in a joke thread, an "anti-joke" as you put it, would not be welcome.
Disagree? |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Bunnytronix replied on Tue Jan 10, 2006 @ 2:20pm |
| Coolness: 152545 | Your making the setup for "you being a joke thing" too easy.
Now that you went a bit nicer, it seems stupid to rip on you. Anyways.. I'll start my own friggin Antijoke thread. |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» I_fucked_IansMom replied on Tue Jan 10, 2006 @ 2:26pm |
| Coolness: 49065 | I never stoppedyou , If you want to go and rip on someone for being right, Then how does that make you look, cool??
HAHA You MADE A VALIDE POINT YOU FUCKEN JOKE?? I dont care, cuz you know as well as I do how much more of an idiot you would look like for bashing me, I knew i was setting myself up, In a way i wanted to see what you'd do. I'm actually impressed. |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Bunnytronix replied on Tue Jan 10, 2006 @ 2:49pm |
| Coolness: 152545 | Up to now you've been the joke of this board. So Iunno.
Keep talking this is truely appropriate for the thread man. btw. Losers like Ian or whatever actually get frustrated when you jock out. Regular ppl just find it lame. anyways. MHO. |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» beercrack replied on Tue Jan 10, 2006 @ 9:41pm |
| Coolness: 71470 | what'S the difference between an orange? |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» mdc replied on Tue Jan 10, 2006 @ 9:46pm |
| Coolness: 148850 | POTATOES!!! |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» kwickStah replied on Wed Jan 11, 2006 @ 9:29am |
| Coolness: 65580 | between an orange and what? |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» flo replied on Wed Jan 11, 2006 @ 10:05am |
 Coolness: 146360 | the one on the left looks more like the other one |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» mdc replied on Wed Jan 11, 2006 @ 10:47am |
| Coolness: 148850 | Originally posted by TOLTECH ...
CINDERELLA wants to go to the ball, but her wicked stepmother won't let her. As Cinderella sits crying in the garden, her fairy godmother appears, and promised to provide Cinderella with everything she needs to go to the ball, but only on two conditions. "First, you must wear a diaphragm." Cinderella agrees. "What's the second condition?" "You must be home by 2:00 a.m. Any later, and your diaphragm will turn into a pumpkin." Cinderella agrees to be home by 2:00! a.m. The appointed hour comes and goes, and Cinderella doesn't show up. Finally, at 5:00 a.m. Cinderella shows up, looking love struck and very satisfied. "Where have you been?" demands the Fairy Godmother. "Your diaphragm was supposed to turn into a pumpkin three hours ago!!!" "I met a prince, Fairy Godmother. He took care of everything." The Fairy Godmother stated, "I know of no prince with that kind of power! Tell me his name!" Cinderella replied, I can't remember, exactly, Peter, Peter, something or other..." someone has got to explain that last one for me because I honestly don't think I get it :( Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater It's a nursary rhyme. |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Mali replied on Fri Feb 10, 2006 @ 1:50am |
 Coolness: 202150 | >A teenage girl comes home from school and asks her mother, "Is it
> >true what Rita just told me? Babies come out of the same place where > >boys put their penises?" > >"Yes, dear," replies her mother, > >pleased that the subject had > >finally come up and she wouldn't have to explain it to her daughter. > >"But then when I have a baby," the > >teenager pondered, "won't it knock > >all my teeth out?" |
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