The Joke Thread
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Toltech replied on Tue Jan 27, 2004 @ 10:42am |
 Coolness: 145375 | they're calle JOKES |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Toltech replied on Tue Jan 27, 2004 @ 10:42am |
| Coolness: 145375 | aka not real |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» neoform replied on Tue Jan 27, 2004 @ 12:08pm |
 Coolness: 339620 | MORE |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» BA_Baracus replied on Tue Jan 27, 2004 @ 12:25pm |
 Coolness: 120990 | yes more please! |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Toltech replied on Tue Jan 27, 2004 @ 7:53pm |
| Coolness: 145375 | Q. How do you get a baby out of a blender?
A. With tostitos. |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» michaeldino replied on Tue Jan 27, 2004 @ 8:26pm |
 Coolness: 68930 | thats revolting |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Toltech replied on Tue Jan 27, 2004 @ 9:05pm |
| Coolness: 145375 | yeah right, get outta heere. |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» eltopo replied on Sat Feb 14, 2004 @ 3:40pm |
 Coolness: 62865 | What's the best thing about having sex with twenty eight year olds?
There are twenty of them! |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Phoenix replied on Sat Feb 14, 2004 @ 6:25pm |
 Coolness: 81645 | Q: Why have I barely contributed to this thread?
A: Cause I'm not as lame as everyone else in it... |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Toltech replied on Sat Feb 14, 2004 @ 7:45pm |
| Coolness: 145375 | that's a joke of course... |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Toltech replied on Wed Feb 25, 2004 @ 3:23am |
| Coolness: 145375 | Q: Why do rabbits have quiet sex?
A: The males have cotton balls! |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Toltech replied on Mon Mar 22, 2004 @ 1:57am |
| Coolness: 145375 | A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a Prada suit, Gucci shoes, Dior sunglasses and D+G tie, leans out the window and asks the shepherd: "If I tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me one?"
The shepherd looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing flock and calmly answers: "Sure. Why not?" The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his AT&T cell phone, surfs to a NASA page on the internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo. The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany. Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with hundreds of complex formulae. He uploads all of this data via an email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response. Finally, he prints out a full-colour, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturised HP LaserJet printer, turns to the shepherd and says: "You have exactly 1,586 sheep". "That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my sheep," says the shepherd. He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the boot of his car. Then the shepherd says to the young man: "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my sheep?" The young man thinks about it for a second and then says: "Okay, why not?". "You're a consultant," says the shepherd. "Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie. "But how did you guess that?" "No guessing required," answers the shepherd. "You showed up here even though nobody called you, you want to get paid for an answer I already knew to a question I never asked, and you know fuck-all about my business. "Now give me back my dog." |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Toltech replied on Sun May 30, 2004 @ 5:56pm |
| Coolness: 145375 | A pedophile is walking in a forest with a young boy, late at night. It's dark and creepy so the little says to the pedophile.
"I'm really scared of walking in this dark forest." So the pedophile replies; "You're afraid?!.... You're not the one who's gonna walk all the way back all alone." |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» beercrack replied on Tue Jun 8, 2004 @ 2:14pm |
 Coolness: 71390 | An African friend of mine once told me a joke which went like this:
Many years ago, before the whites came to Africa, we were masters of all the land we could see. Then the whites came, and to be polite we received them. They had with them a book which they called "the Bible." They said to us, "Close your eyes, and let us pray." To be polite, we closed our eyes while they held their prayer. When we opened our eyes, lo and behold! We had the Bible - and they had taken the LAND! |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Trey replied on Thu Jun 17, 2004 @ 8:54pm |
 Coolness: 102720 | --->"Wanna get laid?
crawl up a chicken ass and wait." --->"My dad says he like his women like he like his scotch, 12 years old and mixed up with coke" |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Toltech replied on Sun Jun 20, 2004 @ 3:33am |
| Coolness: 145375 | that last one reminds me of that movie "Airplane"
"Would you like milk in your cofee?" "No thank you. I take my cofee like I take my man.....black!" |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Toltech replied on Sun Jun 20, 2004 @ 3:36am |
| Coolness: 145375 | A day in the life of a doctor:
At a doctor's office one morning, a patient arrives complaining of serious backache. The doctor examines him and asks him "What the hell did you do to your back?" The patient replies "You know that I work for a local nightclub? This morning, I got home to my apartment early and heard a noise in my bedroom. On entering, I knew someone had been sleeping with my wife and the balcony door was open. I rushed out the balcony door and did not find anyone. As I looked down from the balcony I saw a man running out and he was dressing himself. I grabbed the fridge and threw it at him. That's how I strained my back" The 2nd patient arrives looking as if he has been in a car wreck. The doctor says "My previous looked bad, but you look terrible. What the hell happened to you?" He replies, "You know I have been unemployed for a while now .Today was the first day at my new job. I forgot to set my alarm and was running late. I was running out of the building, getting dressed at the same time, and you won't believe it but I was hit by a fridge." The 3rd patient arrives; he looks even worse than the other two patients do.The doctor is shocked. Again asks, "What the hell happened to you?" The 3rd patient replies, "Well I was sitting in a fridge & someone threw it from the 3rd floor!" |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» ashtraygirl replied on Tue Jun 29, 2004 @ 1:58am |
 Coolness: 89440 | i still can't tell if this is going too far or not:
Q: What do you get when you cut a baby with a straight razor? A: An erection. Q: What's worse than finding a dead baby on your pillow in the morning? A: Realizing you were drunk and made love to it the night before. from [ thisisacryforhelp.com ] |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» michaeldino replied on Tue Jun 29, 2004 @ 8:19am |
| Coolness: 68930 | thats fucking wrong |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Screwhead replied on Tue Jun 29, 2004 @ 3:05pm |
 Coolness: 685545 | Originally posted by ASHTRAY G I R L...
Q: What do you get when you cut a baby with a straight razor? A: An erection. ACTUALLY, it's... Q: What do you get when you cut a baby with a straight razor? A: I dunno about you, but I get an erection |
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