The Joke Thread
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» ashtraygirl replied on Mon Sep 15, 2003 @ 11:23pm |
 Coolness: 89440 | but in my heart i will always live on barnett.
you know that. roughriders reprezent. |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» leon replied on Tue Sep 16, 2003 @ 11:27am |
 Coolness: 40335 | Wasn't it the Rolling Stones' lead singer Mick Jagger who once penned the words "what a drag it is getting old"? Well apparently Stones' fans are finally getting the message.
At a recent Rolling Stones concert at Edison International Field in Anaheim, California a number of fans came up to the local police officers manning the outside of the stadium complaining that they had run out of the quite plentiful handicap parking spaces. True story. |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» leon replied on Tue Sep 16, 2003 @ 11:29am |
| Coolness: 40335 | This guy comes home from work one day to find his dog with the neighbor's pet rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit is very dead and the guy panics.
He thinks the neighbors are going to hate him forever, so he takes the dirty, chewed-up rabbit into the house, gives it a bath, blow-dries its fur, and puts the rabbit back into the cage at the neighbor's house, hoping that they will think it died of natural causes. A few days later, the neighbor is outside and asks the guy, "Did you hear that Fluffy died?" The guy stumbles around and says, "Um.. no.. um.. what happened?" The neighbor replies, "We just found him dead in his cage one day, but the weird thing is that the day after we buried him we went outside and someone had dug him up, gave him a bath and put him back into the cage. |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» lakester replied on Wed Sep 24, 2003 @ 1:50pm |
 Coolness: 59635 | Three older golfers practice their swings at the range while a fourth goes to grab some drinks for them.
While the fourth is gone the other three start bragging about each of their sons success. The first one says "My son is Such a successful car dealer that he gave a brand new Mercedes Benz to his good friend for nothing." The second one says "My son is such a successful realitor that he was able to give his good friend a million dollar house for nothing." The third one says "Well my son is such a successful investor that he was able to give his good friend a stock portfolio worth millions for nothing." Just then the fourth golfer come out with the drinks. The other three ask him what his son does. The fourth golfer says "Well I just found out my son is gay, but it seems to be working out for him because his last 3 boyfriends gave him a Mercedes Benz, a million dollor house, and a stock portfolio |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» PitaGore replied on Wed Sep 24, 2003 @ 1:51pm |
 Coolness: 471760 | From ANGER MANAGEMENT ;
Talkin about the BUDDHA'S teachings ; -How can a 300 pounds guy teach us about self-discipline ??? - |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» lakester replied on Wed Sep 24, 2003 @ 1:53pm |
| Coolness: 59635 | Ok, so this guy is golfing, and he meete this guy and they start talking the first guy asked: "So what do you do for a living?" And the other man replys: "Me? I'm a hitman." So the first guy asked him how much he charged. "I charge $1000 for every bullet I shoot." The first guy then went on to tell the hitman how his wife was cheating on him. " I want you to shoot him in the dick for fucking my wife, and to shoot her in the mouth for lying to me..." So the golfer and the hitman went to a hill that had a perfect view into his room, and he sees his wife, and sees the guy in there too. So the golfer whispers : "Go ahead make the shot..." And the hitman says" "Hold on, I'm trying to save you $1000 dollars..." |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» lakester replied on Wed Sep 24, 2003 @ 1:54pm |
| Coolness: 59635 | A teacher asked her students to use the word 'fascinate' in a sentence. Mary said, "My family went to the New York City Zoo, and we saw all the animals. It was fascinating."
The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted the word 'fascinate'." Sally raised her hand. She said, "My family went to the Philadelphia Zoo and saw the animals. I was fascinated." The teacher said, "Good, but I wanted the word 'fascinate'." Little Johnny Siebert raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because Johnny was noted for his bad language. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word 'fascinate' so she called on him. Johnny Seibert said, "My sister has a sweater with 10 buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight." |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» lakester replied on Wed Sep 24, 2003 @ 1:55pm |
| Coolness: 59635 | A destitute couple were discussing their finances and desperately
trying to come up with ideas that would get them out of their situation. After some time the husband declared to his wife "OK the only way we are going to get out of this mess is for you to go on the streets and sell yourself for sex." "But honey " she said " I have never done anything like that and I won't have a clue what to do." "No problem" he says "All you have to do is put on your shortest skirt and a blouse that shows the most cleavage and then stand on a street corner and wait on the customers coming to you" They decide that it is probably the only way they can get out of their present predicament so she gets dressed up and proceeds to the nearest street corner. The husband leaves her at the corner but tells her not to worry as he is close by in the car and will be watching in case of problems. She is only there 5 minutes when a car pulls up and a guy calls her over to his car. "How much for sex" he asks. Never having been asked this before she tells the guy to wait a minute and then she runs round to where her husband's car is and asks him how much she should charge for sex. "$100" he says so she runs back to the guy in the car and tells him. He only has $60 so he asks "How much for a blowjob" She asks him to hold on and then she runs round to where her husband is and asks how much should she charge for a blowjob. "$60" he says so she goes back to the guys car and tells him. It is within his budget so he tells her to get in the car. When she gets in the car, the guy pulls down his zipper and pulls out the biggest dick she has ever seen. "Hold on" she says and she gets out the car and runs back to her husband and says "Can you lend this guy $40" |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» lakester replied on Wed Sep 24, 2003 @ 1:55pm |
| Coolness: 59635 | there was a little girl who was blinded in a car crash, one day she asked her mom, "mommy, will i ever be able to see again?", "Of course you will, the doctor said it was only temporarily" repleid the mom, "tomorow we will go to the doctors office, and well get some special cream that will make you see". So, the little girl got into bed that night very excited and happy and she barely slept due to her excitement. The next day, they went down to the doctors office and got the cream. The mom put on the cream, and sent the little toddler off to bed. The next day, they removed the cream "mommy, i still cant see" said the little girl. " i know", replied the mom " april fools". |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» lakester replied on Wed Sep 24, 2003 @ 1:56pm |
| Coolness: 59635 | one day this guy gets a call during work, when he answers the fone it turns out its the hospitol, and his wife has been in a horrible car accident, and for him to rush over ASAP, so he runs to his car and 10 minutes later he arrives at the hospitol and runs to the front desk. "is my wife ok?!" he asks, the man grimly looks back at him and says "im affraid your wife is paralized from the kneck down, she will spend the rest of her days in a wheel chair. you will have to wash her, feed her, and take care of her" the man looks shocked n replies "oh no, thats terrible!" then man at the front desk starts laughing hysterically and says "im just fuckin with u, shes dead" |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» lakester replied on Wed Sep 24, 2003 @ 2:10pm |
| Coolness: 59635 | A guy from Quebec and a guy from Ontario are fighting over a lantern when a genie pops out and grants them each one wish.
The Quebecer says, "I want a wall around Quebec to protect my culture. Make it about 150 feet high, so nothing can get in or out." "It is done," says the genie, turning to the other guy. "And your wish?" The guy from Ontario smiles and says, "Fill it with water." ________________________________________________ A Canadian is walking down the street with a case of beer under his arm. His friend Doug stops him and asks, “Hey Bob! Whacha get the case of beer for?” “I got it for my wife, eh.” answers Bob. “Oh!” exclaims Doug, “Good trade.” ________________________________________________ Two Canadians are sitting in a bar getting bored, so they decide to play twenty questions. The first Canadian tries to think of a subject for his friend to guess and, after a little pondering, comes up with "moose cock." He tells his friend he’s ready to play. "OK," says the second Canadian. "Is it something good to eat?" The first Canadian thinks for a moment, then laughs and replies, "Sure, I guess you could eat it." The second Canadian says, "Is it a moose cock?" |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» PitaGore replied on Wed Sep 24, 2003 @ 5:09pm |
| Coolness: 471760 | Psycho-Lakester ROCKS ! |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Toltech replied on Wed Sep 24, 2003 @ 9:33pm |
 Coolness: 145375 | Q. What doesn't belong in this list:
Meat, Eggs, Wife, Blowjob? A. Blowjob: You can beat your meat, eggs or wife, but you can't beat a blowjob. |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Toltech replied on Wed Sep 24, 2003 @ 9:33pm |
| Coolness: 145375 | Q. What do a Rubix cube and a penis have in common?
A. The longer you play with them, the harder they get. |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Toltech replied on Wed Sep 24, 2003 @ 9:35pm |
| Coolness: 145375 | Q. What's the difference between a bonus and a boner?
A. A wife will always be willing to blow a bonus. |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Toltech replied on Wed Sep 24, 2003 @ 9:36pm |
| Coolness: 145375 | Q. How does a guy know if he has a high sperm count?
A. If the girl has to chew, before she swallows. |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Toltech replied on Wed Sep 24, 2003 @ 9:37pm |
| Coolness: 145375 | Q. How can you tell when an auto mechanic just had sex?
A. One of his fingers is clean. |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Toltech replied on Wed Sep 24, 2003 @ 9:37pm |
| Coolness: 145375 | Q. Whats the difference between parsley and pussy?
A. Nobody eats parsley. |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Toltech replied on Fri Sep 26, 2003 @ 4:46pm |
| Coolness: 145375 | For those of you who haven't seen this, enjoy.
I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other stall saying: "Hi, how are you?" I'm not the type to start a conversation in the men's restroom but I don't know what got into me, so I answered, somewhat embarrassed, "Doin' just fine!" And the other guy says: "So what are you up to?" What kind of question is that? At that point, I'm thinking this is too bizarre so I say: "Uhhh, I'm like you, just traveling!" At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear another question. "Can I come over?" Ok, this question is just too weird for me but I figured I could just be polite and end the conversation. I tell him, "No........I'm a little busy right now!!!" Then I hear the guy say nervously... "Listen, I'll have to call you back. There's an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions!!!" |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» cactain_steef replied on Thu Oct 2, 2003 @ 9:27pm |
 Coolness: 154630 | how do you tell a hitch hiker with one leg to into your car?
HOP IN! hha ha ha what do you get when you throw some lepers into a sauna? OATMEAL! haha why did they have to stop a hockey game full of lepers? CUZ there was a face off! ahaha |
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