The Joke Thread
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Toltech replied on Fri Aug 15, 2003 @ 11:18pm |
 Coolness: 145380 | Ghetto-Tsawk!
Leroy is a 20 year-old 5th grader. This is Leroy's homework assignment. He must use each word in a sentence .. . 1. Hotel - I gave my girlfriend crabs, and the ho tel everybody. 2. Dictate - My girfriend say my dictate good. 3. Catacomb - I saw Don King at da fight the other night. Man, somebody get that catacomb. 4. Foreclose - If I pay alimony today, I got no money foreclose. 5. Rectum - I had two Cadillac's, but my bitch rectum both. 6. Disappointment - My parole officer tol' me if I miss disappointment they gonna send me back to the joint. 7. Penis - I went to the doctors and he handed me a cup and said penis. 8. Israel - Tito try to sell me a Rolex. I say, "man, it look fake." He say, "Bullshit, that watch israel"..... 9. Undermine - There's a fine lookin' ho who live in the apartment undermine. 10. Acoustic - When I was little, my uncle bought me acoustic and took me to the poolhall. 11. Iraq - When we got to the poolhall, I tol' my uncle, iraq, you break. 12. Stain - My momma in law stopped by and I axed her, "You plan on stain for dinner?" 13. Fortify - I axed this ho on da street, "how much?" she say " fortify." 14. Income - I just got in bed wif da ho and income my wife. |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Toltech replied on Fri Aug 15, 2003 @ 11:29pm |
| Coolness: 145380 | I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister.
My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low-cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when quite near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else. One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me." I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and tossed them down to me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house. I walked straight towards my car. My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are so happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family." The moral of this story is: always keep your condoms in your car. |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» blop replied on Fri Aug 15, 2003 @ 11:36pm |
 Coolness: 200490 | what's more fun than throwing a baby off a cliff?
catching it with a pitchfork. |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Screwhead replied on Sat Aug 16, 2003 @ 4:49pm |
 Coolness: 685550 | One day, Jimmy Joe was walking down Main Street when he saw his buddy Bubba driving a brand new pickup. Bubba pulled up to him with a wide grin.
"Bubba," said Jimmy Joe, "where'd you get that truck?" "Bobbi Sue gave it to me," Bubba replied. "She gave it to you? I knew she was kinda sweet on ya, but a new truck?" said his skeptical friend. "Well, Jimmy Joe, let me tell you what happened. We were driving out on County Road 6, in the middle of nowhere. Bobbi Sue pulled off the road, put the truck into 4-wheel drive, and headed into the woods. She parked the truck, got out, threw off all her clothes and said, 'Bubba, take whatever you want.' So, I took the truck!" "Bubba, you are one smart man!" said Jimmy Joe. "Them clothes woulda never fit you." |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» lego replied on Mon Aug 18, 2003 @ 10:52am |
 Coolness: 38105 | So I went to the store the other day, I was only in there for about 5 minutes and when I came out there was a copper writing a parking ticket. So I went up to him and said, 'Come on mate, how about giving a bloke a break?'
He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So I called him a pencil-necked Nazi. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having bald tyres!! So I called him a horse fucker. He finished the second ticket and put it on the car with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket!! This went on for about 20 minutes, the more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote. I didn't give a shit, my car was parked around the corner... |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Screwhead replied on Mon Aug 18, 2003 @ 12:09pm |
| Coolness: 685550 | There were three country churches in a small Texas town: the Presbyterian church, the Methodist church and the Catholic church. Each church was overrun with pesky squirrels.
One day, the Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about the squirrels. After much prayer and consideration they determined that the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine will. The Methodist group got together and decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God's creations. So, they humanely trapped the squirrels and set them free a few miles outside of town. Three days later, the squirrels were back. It was only the Catholics who were able to come up with the best and most effective solution. They baptized the squirrels and registered them as members of the church. Now they only see them on Christmas and Easter. |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Toltech replied on Tue Aug 19, 2003 @ 4:04am |
| Coolness: 145380 | Carlitos (that's me as a child); Mami, does a toilet spin?
Mami; No, why? Carlitos; I think I did No2 in the washing machine. |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Screwhead replied on Thu Aug 21, 2003 @ 3:44pm |
| Coolness: 685550 | Q:
What's got 2 thumbs and likes blowjobs?  |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» somekid replied on Thu Aug 21, 2003 @ 3:48pm |
 Coolness: 84965 | haha |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Toltech replied on Mon Aug 25, 2003 @ 11:29pm |
| Coolness: 145380 | What do camel humps smell like?
an Arab's ass. |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Toltech replied on Tue Aug 26, 2003 @ 1:59pm |
| Coolness: 145380 | Q: What's the difference between a living wife and a dead one?
A: The sex is the same but the dishes pile up. |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Toltech replied on Wed Aug 27, 2003 @ 12:58am |
| Coolness: 145380 | Difference between boys and girls when getting cash from an ATM
Boys: 1- Drive to the bank, park, go to the Cash Dispenser 2- Insert card 3- Dial code and desired amount 4-Take the cash and the card Girls: 1-Drive to the bank 2-Check make-up in the mirror 3- Apply perfume 4- Manually check haircut 5- Park car - failure 6- Park car - failure 7- Park car - success 8- Search for the card in the handbag 9- Insert card, rejected by the machine 10- Throw phone card back in handbag 11- look for bank card 12- Insert card 13- Look for piece of paper where secret code is written in handbag 14- Enter code 15-Study instructions for 2 minutes 16- #Cancel# 17- Re-enter code 18- #Cancel# 19- Call husband to get correct code 20- Enter desired amount 21- #Error# 22- Enter bigger amount 23- #Error# 24- Enter maximum amount 25- Cross fingers 26- Take cash 27- Go back to the car 28- Check make-up in rear mirror 29- Look for keys in handbag 30- Start car 31- Drive 50 meters 32- STOP 33- Drive back to bank machine 34- Go out of the car 35- Take card back from machine 36- Go back to the car 37- Throw card on passenger seat 38- Check make-up in rear mirror 39- Manually check haircut 40- Go into roundabout - wrong way 41- BREAK 42- Go into roundabout - right way 43- Drive 5 kilometers 44- Remove hand break |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» mdc replied on Wed Aug 27, 2003 @ 1:02am |
| Coolness: 148775 | ahaha... STOOPID WOMEN!! |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Screwhead replied on Wed Aug 27, 2003 @ 1:06am |
| Coolness: 685550 | bwahahahaha that was gold. |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Toltech replied on Wed Aug 27, 2003 @ 1:50pm |
| Coolness: 145380 | A very smokin' lookin attractive blond woman goes to a postal office
Blondy; I have to send an important message to my mother but I don't have any money. Postal worker; Sorry babay, I can't help u then... Blondy; But I must, I must.....I'll do ANYTHING! Postal worker; Really?! Anything? Blondy; Anything!!!! Postal Worker; Ok, I think I can work something out for you ;) Blondy; Great, let's do it. so the postal worker asks her to follow him in the backroom. Postal worker; Ok now get down or your kneens. Blondy; And you're sure that she'll get my message? Postal worker; suuuuuure, don't worry about it. he then undo his pants and takes out his whoohoodilly. Postal worker; Now take that in your hands. so she then grabs his man meat with both hands and says... "Hello mom, can u hear me?" |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» leon replied on Wed Aug 27, 2003 @ 2:14pm |
 Coolness: 40340 | A few days after Christmas a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her son playing with his new train set in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son yell "All you sons of bitches who want to get off, get the hell off now, because this is the last stop! All of you sons of bitches that are getting on, get your asses in the train cause we're leaving."
The mother went in and told her son, "we don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go into your room for two hours. When you come out, you can play with your train, but I don't want to hear any bad language." Two hours later, the son comes out of his room and continues playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard the son say, "All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your ride was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon. For those of you who are just boarding the train, we ask that you stow all of your hand luggage under the seat, remember there is no smoking except on the club car. We hope you have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today." "For those of you who are pissed off with the two hour delay , please see the bitch in the kitchen." |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» leon replied on Wed Aug 27, 2003 @ 2:17pm |
| Coolness: 40340 | A man who absolutely hated his wife's cat decided to get rid of
him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park. As he was nearing home, the cat was walking up the driveway. The next day, he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away and try the same thing. As we were driving back into his driveway, there was the cat! He kept taking the cat farther and farther away, but the darn cat would always beat him home. At last, he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right and so on until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and he left the cat there. Hours later, the man calls home to his wife: "Jen, is the cat there?" "Yes," the wife answers. "Why do you ask?" Frustrated, the man answers: "Put that damn cat on the phone. I'm lost and I need directions!" |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Toltech replied on Tue Sep 9, 2003 @ 4:06am |
| Coolness: 145380 | Two men who were camping together for about a week really started to get on each others nerves. One man says to the other, "Today, I'm going to go north. You go south and we'll meet back here later tonight and tell each other what we saw."
That night one man says to the other, "Well, what did you do?" He replied, "I went north and came upon a beatiful meadow full of flowers, birds and wild deer, so I just sat back and enjoyed my day. What about you?" The other man said, "Today, I went south and came upon a girl tied to a railroad track. I untied her and we had sex in every position you can imagine." His friend was shocked. "Wow. Did you get a blow job too?" "No. I couldn't find her head." |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» flatlinedive replied on Wed Sep 10, 2003 @ 4:28pm |
| Coolness: 63865 | BAHAHAHAAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA
three jokes the atm withdrawls one, the blond, and that last one hehehe |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» mdc replied on Thu Sep 11, 2003 @ 12:40am |
| Coolness: 148775 | dirty.. but expected |
The Joke Thread
[ Top Of Page ] |
Post A Reply |
You must be logged in to post a reply.
[ Top Of Page ] |
