|Title:||Intragenisis: the Saga of SELF|
|Posted On:||2007-04-16 22:22:11|
The headline basically refers to the constant evolution of all this is me - me and my ever growing universe. I'm sure if i keep unfurling like this, i'll end up in my very own savage garden amongst the stars one day.
As you know, i basically believe that we are all our own Gods living in our own world's - my last blog aimed at impressing this fact using the example of religion. A Christian will see and experience Christian phenomena just like a Wiccan will see and experience Wiccan phenomena - both live in the same world and both will try and negate each others experiences but the fact remains that each person has been touched by something that is true to them. Each person has their "christian" or "wiccan" goggles on respectively, and each lives in their "christian" or "wiccan" realities. So we all have the choice of how to live our lives. Whereas most seem complacent in this pseudo-culture we call North America, i choose to live in my magical sphere where every mystery is upheld and explored to the fullest. I personally could never confine myself to any religion, doctrine or body of thought for my beliefs and ideas are constantly changing, my world is ever shifting - the only thing that remians somewhat stable is this linchpin we call consciousness, and even that comes and goes. I lose myself in sleep, in pleasure, in many things. I've always tried to hold on to the little things that mean so much, little things that should never be overlooked. The way a particular place will make me feel, the way that everytime i think of someone they seem to somehow get a hold of me that very same day, the way that when i'm attracted to someone they're probably attracted to me too, the way my friends are ALWAYS there for me, the way things sometimes fall into place to reveal a glimpse of that "bigger picture".
I've come to a new personal conviction - that not everyone will be granted an after-life. I truly believe we are blessed with this animating presence that inspires movement, thought and creativity - and i also see a lot of people who are too lazy to harness it and self-actualize. Which is fine, to each his own or whatever - but i just feel like, as a human being, as a conscious essence, it is my duty to cultivate my spirit and try and suck up all the energy i can. The more i probe and think and define what it is i believe, the more i can feel my soul gaining density. And i believe that it is this action, this "gathering-up-of-the-self" that will grant me some kind of after-life. I can't help but feel that without a strong sense of self and without potent soul, one cannot survive death. When you know yourself well enough, your consciousness develops a gravitational pull that binds itself together in a big ball of mana. Strong people have strong souls and weak people have weak souls.
The flip side would be the dull and lifeless masses who are content with the mere facade of things. Those who don't think, and don't feel and don't truly live - they are the ones who are doomed to be spiritual fertilizer. Their souls are so empty and filled with pocket's of air, they have no gravitational pull, so the moment they die - their soul will dissolve into spiritual dust and fertilize Mother Earth with pure mana; whereas the dense souls will live on (because they have such a strong sense of self) and maybe even feed on the essence of the dissipated ones.
I don't know if our personal energies will have any form of consciousness - who really does - but i think that those who have harvested themselves throughout their lives definately have some kind of compact, albeit ethereal form waiting after this fleshy shell gives out.
This whole concept came to me as i started noticing the internal "highs" of self discovery, and the way that everytime i gained some real life "experience points" i felt fuller and more REAL.
I am fully aware that my concept sounds self centered and egotistical as i'm basically glorifying those who are like me, intellectual and inward-looking - but whatever! This is how we grow, or at least how I grow. I jot down ideas, scrutinize them, and watch as they either bloom and expand or fizzle out and fade. LET NO STONE BE LEFT UNTURNED, sayeth I!
It'd be interesting to hear what others think of this "theory". I discussed it with a friend (Jason) during our last Rave and, being on e, everything sounded even more grandiose - so we were in total life-and-death territory with this here topic. After we'd hit any sort of intellectual plateau, meaning after any sort of meaningful discussion, we'd celebrate our philisophical victory with some high powered dancing, which totally enhanced the experience by making it so multi-dimensional. We celebrated ourselves, our intellects, the universe for inspiring us, our friends and each other.
Yes, i am still as enchanted with raves as i've ever been. I feel as though most people should experience one rave in their lifetime, just to get a taste of what an egalitarian/celibratory society could be like. Where people of all ages and all walks of life actually come together to dance and be joyeous. That's one aspect i love about Afro-American churches - they truly CELEBRATE life and love and God.
Our society is sooooooooooo lacking; PAINFULLY lacking in the celebration domain. And it's amazing how jamming to music with people all around you can actually bring you together. Anyone who's been to a live concert has tasted it. But at raves, it's so much more intens. It creates this sense of comeraderie that you don't experience everyday, walking down the street. It creates a sense of communal LOVE.
I don't know why singing/dancing and reverly has been pushed away from our culture and deemed "savage". The daylight world, the realm of work/school/money has no time for such celibrations. It's all been pushed into the night-time world. We've been polarized. We have our politically correct selves that don't acknowledge each other when walking down the street, and then we have our night-time selves where we can really let loose the animal inside us. And when i say animal, i mean that NATURAL part of ourselves that needs sex and dancing and drinking and fun and friends and stupidity and togetherness and revelry. We NEED it. But it's been confined to out sub-cultures. Those who are looking to fulfill these animalistic needs have to go searching for outlets... Whereas, say - in American Indian culture it's part of daily life! They have pow-wow's, and festivals, and talking circles - activities to bring people closer together. They were a true tribe, a true PEOPLE who cared about one another. A people who partied together and felt for one another the way brothers and sisters should.
Another thing i find enchanting about ancient cultures is the way they connect with the natural mystery of the universe. And the way they connect with each other. And the way life was art, and life was ritual, and life was grand and beautiful. Can you imagine living in a monolithic city? Surrounded by megalithic buildings that wrap you inside a gigantic world of AWE inspiring AWESOMENESS! If you've ever stood next to a monolithic statue or an ancient ruin - it feels surreal. It adds a touch of magic to everyday life. Waking up to the sun rising between two gigantic pillars? Dancing around a bonfire, surrounded by huge columns that protect you like force-field made of stone. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah - those were the days!
Besides life and death and ancient civilizations i've also been thinking a lot about LOVE. That's right boys and girls, the big elle oh vee ee!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I've been hit by a crimson arrow and have fallen INFATUATED with this angelic creature wrapped in the skin of a beautiful earthen boy! I'm too pussy to ask him out cuz it would break me to hear him say he doesn't like me... And when i break i SHATTER, and it hurts way too much to be broken to pieces. When i see him it's like this, a violent twist of the heart/a furious gush of blood/a profusion of warmth/and a feeling that i'll never go hungry again.
So the thing is i love so many people, and so deeply, that when i go to heaven, i want to be with everyone FOREVER! Do you guys ever get selfish like that? I guess we'll each have to spend time with different people at different times in heaven, sort of take turns. But without a BODY and without SEX, what will differentiate the different types of love?
I mean, what'll be the difference between your love for your husband, your friends, and your family when your a ball of light floating in heaven...? Know what i mean?
We basically define romantic love according to one thing: sex. Which isn't right, but it's the way our society has grown to see it.
And without sex we can probably love so many MORE people!
Also, i often wonder... When a religious person loses their husband or wife, and they remarry - who are they planning to spend eternity with? Husband number 1, or 2, or BOTH!?!?
There is a quote from Nietzsche that i would like to invoke at this moment and time and here it is:
"Love for one is a barbarism; for it is exercised at the expense of all others. The love of God too."
And lastly, i have two poems to offer. One of them is more of a feeling, it's more of an excercise in verbal aesthetics... Which i rarely do. But the other one is dear to me. It's like my "Great Inversion" except less Martyr and more Messiah:
Dead St@r Lament
Lonely stars flicker out and fade
In the oily black of night
So sick in their celestial graves
So dead, so cold, so frail
Shooting stars commit suicide
Jumping off into oblivion's mouth
All they get is a flash and some fairy dust
And then the rest is silence...
One by one they'll all explode
Spilling their shiny guts in outer space
It's grizzly, sick and hopeless, and i can't bear to face:
We can't save the stars
That are so remote
So desolate in their place
It's a black winter everyday for the silent ones
(how they dazzle and amaze)
Wish for change and wish for fortune
It's all just lost in vain
We don't dance/We just writhe in pain
Burn the "Books"
Bury your senes
And we'll summon the waters down
Torrential rains breed purple stars that blossom in your hearts.
The powers that they call upon are no longer strong enough
The powers that they call upon have been ravaged by orange RUST
I've been ripped apart and sewn back together
Vivified by the work of the fire
And now we'll dance, dance the primal dance
Shake the cosmos far and wide
Dance, dance the feral dance
We'll deify ourselves
Halos bloom like tongues of flame
Flickering above our heads
Let me be your guide
If you'd just follow me down,
Secret things, hidden things have yet to be found.
We are the wandering ones, ever searching for our little piece of light
Now here i am
Imbued with Promethian Flame
Bale-fire Boy ignites!
Traversed the violet streams that exists only in our dreams,
The truest place, the only place - where ones like us can meet
Third eye pride, we stand demarked - NOT stigmatzed
Cocked and loaded, Alchemized,
Here is what i've learned...
Where you see walls
I see doors
Where you see walls
I see doors
Where you see walls
*AND LASTLY I WANNA SHARE MY EXCITEMENT FOR ALL THE COOL NEW CD'S BEING RELEASED THIS SUMMER BY - Courtney Love, Tiger Army, Marilyn Manson, NIN, MIA, The White Stripes... Omg - it feels like the 90's again... Cuz i'm actually EXCITED about new music. WOOOOOOOOOOH! Ice cream and out-door parks and STUFF!