2008 August:

2008 July:

I know it's there right now.
I just know.
Standing there, with it's ugly yellow eyes.

Wanting me dead.
But not quite.

I know it's there,
waiting.
Waiting to ambush me.
to hollow me out,
crush my confidence,
to lower me down.

Lower than I ever been before.

Just so it can finally reach for my heart,
And rip it out.
Stick it in it's nightmarish mouth
and chew on it, spit it out on the floor
and stomp all over it.

Laughing.
Laughing hysterically.

Asking me to do something,
knowing that I can't.
knowing that I won't.

Knowing that I'm me, not it.
And I could never hate it as much as it hates me.

Knowing how strong it is,
knowing how weak I am.