2008 August:

2008 July:

What am I supposed to do? WHy do I even care. All I want is gone, the only thing that'll put my mind at ease is genuine concern. Inconditionnal concern. But my eyes are crusted over with a corpse. Oh such a lovely corpse, but still nothing but a mangled mess of hurt, scabs, and sweet sticky candy melting in my hands. Making my fingers stick to everything, leaving sugary finger prints all over the blueprint of my recovery.

I doubt everything I know about me. About her. Even my lust is misdirected. I love the other ones in her sake. So she has peace of mind, knowing that's I'm trying hard to get over this mess.

But I ain't.

When the lights go out, and the sweat is pouring, do you think of me like I think of you? When you see me break inside, not able to contain my loss, do you hate me like I do? When you cry, do you miss me?

I do.

It's a brave new world, without the Soma.
It's the end of the world, without relief of destruction.
It's the fire without the heat.
It's all I have left.


Locked in my box, red, black and white.
Blocking out most of the light.
In hopes that one day I might,
Again stand tall and bright.

But still I can hear.
Softly whispered in my ear,
Those words that don't belong:

"Baby, what's wrong ?"...

I guess you'll find out before long.

Rules mean nothing anymore.
I will do what I want, when I want.
I know I can, I have.
To get caught for pleasure only,
My evil showing on purpose.
You call it revenge, I call it revolution.
Revenge is empty until intent is spoken.
Revolution happens, whether you look at it or not.

I don't need to hide.
I don't need to love.
I don't need to fear.

But I do.