crystal - new order

i might be an emotional vampire...

i hate paxil

oo oo i had the pleasure of colliding with a low slung door which opened in front of me with amazing agility and speed... those japanese cars

the owners couldn't stop to see if i was ok cuz they were on their way to church... ahhh good folk

my poor bike... but i fixed it, and i couldn't even feel my whole left side... shock can be cool

oh maaaan i wish i had the money to go skiing...
or get a snowsuit
n' shoes... n food...
dang

if there's gnocchi's going down... may i join?

they're better then fries!

where's the booty?

you're right heather
i do feel jealous-
i wish i could enjoy life like other people do
i do feel alone-
i s'pose i like the pain of seeing how little people care for me or like me
but all this shit happens with or without drugs
no one wants an addict in their lives

trying meth is different for everyone i suppose... some people don't get hooked... i was the only one i know who did... i loved feeling good for once... having the illusion that i was accepted... actually trusting people for once... not being terrified of every experience... not painfully obsessing all the time... being productive... being FREE from my horrible behaviour

it's different for everyone... i took it to relax and sleep, to digest food, to go to work and stop obsessing, to communicate, to have fun and feel good... and i was wrong as i've been told by everyone. i didn't know i was an addict when i tried it... i was just told i am a week or so ago. realizing what that means is really hard. but that's only me. that's my business and it should end- i wish i were dead

i was 19 when ___ dragged me into the bathroom at a party and told me to sniff as much from these 1.5 vials of K in one big line cuz i'll never want to do it again...(it was really finely shaved meth) i sniffed it all in one shot... the biggest tear i ever saw jumped from my eye and hit the wall the instant the corrosive crystals hit the lining of my nasal cavity, and my life was changed forever...
which is just to say that i'm still impressionable having never grown up? age doesn't seem to matter quite so much as mentality/maturity

___ wasn't a methdealer then, but i hear he is now, back from the US... anyone wanna go hunting????

back then he just liked to fuck me over

it was my choice to do it. i thought i didn't value my life and i gladly gave my life over to someone i was sure would kill it, because i would never be able to do the deed.

thrd

i wish i were better... a good person

i wanna be down

lookit all that snnoooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

talks with lee

i wanna chill with gordo
and ski
and exercise

i was confused!!! so don't ban me... although i don't darken your doorsteps all the same...

i'll be at blue dawg giving somekid some birthday beats if anyone wants some...oh i dunno

so who's makin me fries already?

dang i thought it made you cool... and what's this about household? i thought it was ravewave

i keep the peanut butter in the fridge so it doesn't separate

what do you mean banned?
can i be?

i keep calling since saturday night and i never get thru :(

hope you had a great bday charlie

happy people

i wish everyone could be happy... and healthy

how shall we punish kafwin?

and i haven't lost a friend and i'm so happy to hear her voice again

...hey this time they're tears of... happy!

made: leelee calling:D
made: sounds like kitkat had fun on her vacation... i hope it made her feel good and that she'll be happy to COME HOME TODAYYYYYY!!!
made: the world looks beautiful for some reason...

ruined: too tired to meet kitkat at the airport

same here... i wish i had SOME money at all so i could show my appreciation to my family by giving them something... instead i have to look like an ass

fucking $800 dept fuckfuckfuck wish it would disappear!!!

and i really wanna lose weight too

hoping...

you're beautiful caro

when my friends want to live

i love you leelee

i got high on chocolate the other night

i'm a caffiene addict:(

oh i've watched plenty of it, i've been offered many times, but i haven't taken any because i know i've already failed myself and everyone else...

i am unworthy... of happiness, companionship and understanding

i should stay away because it's not good for people to hang around an addict... but it's really hard missing your best friends... i hate being alone

loneliness is what has driven me to do crack cocaine and heroin in the past and the more i stay away from people the harder it is to stay clean

i should just die, but i'm not suicidal

somebody make me some fries - now!!!

somekid: those are some nice memories eh?

too bad i wasn't on drugs at cloud 6 and didn't stay long... this sober thing is going on far too long come to think of it...
thanks for talking to me at that party julian, despite how high you were and how fucked up i was emotionally... you helped a lot

Liam gets the coolest party person in my books... he always goes the distance in whatever he does and is super supportive to all his friends - rock solid.

and shut up simon :b
you're the best

and little sara definitly gets cutest girl

dreamt that simon and i climbed up a fire-escape to hang out on the roof and met up with three street kids there who told me my friend was oding and i screamed at them that wasn't cool and to fuck off and i ran away, dropping through the fire-escape past garbage cans and glass pipes and body parts... as if i were in a video game

oh different definition.. i was wondering since what date of account created

FFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKK how did i miss it?

i miss CHARLIE!!!!
happy birthday mang!
i keep calling and it says try again later

killabite

life is what you make of it... and if i'm bitching i deserve to be permanently shut up

help me.

who you talkin to?
i have the easiest, most blessed life... i'm just such a rotten person that i always fuck everything up

it was 8
i can't believe you forgot

and what defines new and old?

i quit for two years after trying it for the first time.
after those years were up i stopped having such severe shaking when thinking of the drug
i tried it again, and have since quit
i have not touched it for a few days shy of two months
you don't have to do things more then once sometimes to know you are addicted. only substance wich ever affected me that way, but it happend all the same, and i assure you i knew only a few short hours after my first ample dose... just like my hunch i was addicted to joy after my first dose of that too...
btw, do i look like i've been on it steadily for three years? thaaaaanks

one thing is true tho... it's hard to quit friends

however, i do realize the importance of my ostrasization from all friends and society as being an addict will only hurt them

lemme tell you - fuckin hurts like nothing else from this end too

but what do i know? i'm not even a person anymore... addicts aren't capable of feelings

people who can't tell you the truth, or even what's going on

.