The Joke Thread
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Toltech a répondu le Sat 13 Dec, 2003 @ 10:26pm |
 Coolness: 145455 | Q.How do you know when to go to bed in NeverNeverLand?
A.When the big hand is on the little hand. |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Toltech a répondu le Sat 13 Dec, 2003 @ 10:27pm |
| Coolness: 145455 | Q. Why did Michael Jackson place a phone call to Boyz-2-Men?
A. He thought it was a delivery service. |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Toltech a répondu le Sat 13 Dec, 2003 @ 10:28pm |
| Coolness: 145455 | Q. What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a plastic bag?
A. One is white, plastic and dangerous to young children, the other is a plastic bag. |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Toltech a répondu le Sat 13 Dec, 2003 @ 10:28pm |
| Coolness: 145455 | Q. What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?
A. Got two fives for a ten? |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Toltech a répondu le Sat 13 Dec, 2003 @ 10:36pm |
| Coolness: 145455 | There was a farmer who owned a bull and a female cow and was trying desperately to mate the two. No matter what he did the bull didn't want any.
Finally he went to a friend who claimed to have had the same problem. So he asked him what could he do. The friend told him that he had to stick his arm up the cows pussy and rub it on the bull's nose. After doing so the bull went crazy and started humping the cow over and over. With the success of the bull the farmer starts to wonder if this will work for him. So that night he gets in bed and starts playing with his wife. He rubs his nose with his hand and gets the biggest boner he has ever gotten. He wakes his wife and tells her to look. She looks, and with a mean look on her face says, "You woke me up to show me that you have a bloody nose." |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Toltech a répondu le Sat 13 Dec, 2003 @ 10:38pm |
| Coolness: 145455 | ok this is a sick joke...
Charlie's an embalmer, and one day he says to his boss, "There's a problem with Mrs. Whittaker." The boss says, "What's that?" Charlie says, "I was getting her cleaned up when I noticed a jumbo shrimp sticking out of her pussy." The boss says, "That's impossible. Show me." They go to the table where she's lying, Charlie flips back the sheet, points, and says, "See? There's a jumbo shrimp sticking out of her pussy." The boss takes a closer look and says, "You jerk, that's not a piece of shrimp. That's her clit." Charlie says, "Her clit? Well, it sure tasted like shrimp." ROFLMAO!!!!1 |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Toltech a répondu le Sat 13 Dec, 2003 @ 10:44pm |
| Coolness: 145455 | A kid goes up to his father and says, "Hey, Pop, know how old I am today?"
His father says, "No...how old?" He says, "I'm eleven!" He goes into the kitchen and says to his grandmother, "Hey, Grandma, know how old I am today?" She says, "Come closer..." She unzips his jeans and reaches her thin, spotted arm down into his underwear. She fondles his genitals for a few minutes and then she says, "You're eleven." He says, "How could you tell?" She says, "I heard you tell your father." |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Toltech a répondu le Sun 14 Dec, 2003 @ 7:40pm |
| Coolness: 145455 | Two drunks are sitting in a bar when one smells something foul. He turns to the other. "Hey man," he says, "did you shit yourself?"
"Yeah," says the second drunk. "Well, get out of here! Why don't you go clean yourself up?" "I ain't through yet." |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Toltech a répondu le Mon 15 Dec, 2003 @ 1:23am |
| Coolness: 145455 | A man constantly comes home drunk and every night he shits his pants in his sleep.
The wife nags him, "One day you're going to shit your guts out!!" Well the nagging doesn't do any good so one afternoon she goes to the butcher shop and buy a bucket of cow intestines. That night her husband shits himself as usual but this time she loads the back of his underpants up with the cow's guts. That morning the husband came to breakfast looking a bit ill. The wife asks, "What's with you? Ya look like death!" He says, "Well you were right, I finally shit my guts out." Wifey says, "Well what do you intend to do about it? " "Nothing -- with the grace of God and a long-handled spoon I was able to get them all back in!" go ahead! tell me I'm fucked for laughing my ass off off of this! (off of ofofofofff :b) |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Toltech a répondu le Mon 22 Dec, 2003 @ 6:12pm |
| Coolness: 145455 | Several men are in the changing room of a golf club. A mobile phone on the bench rings and a man switches on the hands-free speaker-function and begins to talk:
MAN: "Hello" WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?" MAN: "Yes" WOMAN: "I am just in Harvey Nicks and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only £5,000. Is it OK if I buy it?" MAN: "Sure, ... go ahead if you like it that much." WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2003 models. I saw one I really liked." MAN: "How much?" WOMAN: "£80,000" MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with some options thrown in." WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing ... the house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking £950,000." MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but offer £1,000,000 to make sure we get it this time." WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you!" MAN: "Bye, I love you, too." The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment. Then he turns to them and asks: "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?" |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Screwhead a répondu le Mon 22 Dec, 2003 @ 6:20pm |
 Coolness: 685625 | hahahahahahahahahahaha omg that's great |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Toltech a répondu le Mon 22 Dec, 2003 @ 6:59pm |
| Coolness: 145455 | An Italian man enters his favorite restuarant... While sitting at his regular table, he notices a gorgeous woman sitting all alone at a table nearby.
He calls the waiter over and asks for their most expensive bottle of Merlot to be sent over to her knowing that if she accepts it, she is his. The waiter gets the bottle and quickly sends it over to the woman saying, "This is from the gentleman at the table behind you". She looks at the wine and decides to send a note over to the gentleman.... The note read "For me to accept this bottle... you need to have a Mercedes in your garage... A million dollars in the bank...and 7 inches in your pants." After reading the note the Italian man sends one of his own back to her... "Just so you know, I happen to have a Ferrari Testarosa, BMW 850 IL & Mercedes 560SEL in my garage... I have over 20 million dollars in the bank. Not even for a woman as beautiful as you... would I cut off 3 inches. Just send the bottle back. |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Toltech a répondu le Mon 22 Dec, 2003 @ 7:12pm |
| Coolness: 145455 | ok here's another sick joke...
What's the similarity between marriage and performing oral sex on a woman? One slip of the tongue and you're in the shitter. |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Phoenix a répondu le Mon 22 Dec, 2003 @ 7:29pm |
 Coolness: 81725 | Q: Who's the opposite of Christopher Reeve?
A: Christopher Walkin LOL -I love that one |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Phoenix a répondu le Mon 22 Dec, 2003 @ 7:31pm |
| Coolness: 81725 | A rabbi, a priest and a minister walk into a bar...
The bartender asks them: "What is this, some kinda joke?" |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Toltech a répondu le Mon 22 Dec, 2003 @ 7:42pm |
| Coolness: 145455 | that last one was better hahahaha!!!! |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Toltech a répondu le Mon 22 Dec, 2003 @ 7:54pm |
| Coolness: 145455 | a man joke!
There is a man who has three girlfriends, but he does not know which one to marry. So he decides to give each one $5000 and see how each of them spends it. The first one goes out and gets a total makeover with the money. She gets new clothes, a new hairdo, manicure, pedicure, the works, and tells the man, "I spent the money so I could look pretty for you because I love you so much." The second one went out and bought new golf clubs, a CD player, a television, and a stereo and gives them to the man. She says, "I bought these gifts for you with the money because I love you so much." The third one takes the $5000 and invests it in the stock market, doubles her investment, returns the $5000 to the man and reinvests the rest. She says, "I am investing the rest of the money for our future because I love you so much." The man thought long and hard about how each of the women spent the money, and decided to marry the one with the biggest breasts. |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Screwhead a répondu le Mon 22 Dec, 2003 @ 8:00pm |
| Coolness: 685625 | The Top 10 Things that Men Understand About Women:
10: 09: 08: 07: 06: 05: 04: 03: 02: 01: |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Toltech a répondu le Mon 22 Dec, 2003 @ 8:02pm |
| Coolness: 145455 | hehehehe u mean nothing, right? hehehehe....right? heheheheh wait....that's the answer, right? hahahaha.....ok I dunno....oh yeah it's nothing hahaha....ok end of post..... |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Toltech a répondu le Mon 22 Dec, 2003 @ 8:05pm |
| Coolness: 145455 | a man is stuck on an island and founds to his delight that there is only one other inhabitant, jennifer lopez!
after a few days j lo becomes incredibly horny and decides to start shagging the man, they do it several times a day for a number of weeks. this is a complete dream come true for the man and pretty much every man in the world! well after a month or so the man becomes depressed, j lo offers to do anything he wants but he still remains depressed. then after a few days he asks her to put on a wig and moustache and go over to the other side of the island. so she goes and after a little while he goes over to the other side of the island, finds her and shouts "Yo dude, you'll never guess who i've been fucking!" and he becomes a lot happier! |
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