Chuck Norris
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» AlienZeD a répondu le Fri 8 Dec, 2006 @ 3:20pm |
 Coolness: 509600 | Chuck Norris isn't hung like a horse.
Horses are hung like Chuck Norris. |
| I'm feeling tgifuck it right now.. | |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» HappyChop a répondu le Fri 8 Dec, 2006 @ 4:48pm |
 Coolness: 36755 | there is no theory of evolution... just a list of animals that chuck norris allows to live!
this shit is funny, yeah, but it old! |
| I'm feeling mild manered right now.. | |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Holly_Golightly a répondu le Fri 8 Dec, 2006 @ 5:15pm |
 Coolness: 158775 | chuck norris toilet paper:
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| I'm feeling for dancing right now.. | |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» BA_Baracus a répondu le Fri 8 Dec, 2006 @ 5:39pm |
 Coolness: 121075 | lol i never heard of this stuff, keep em coming
(conan showing clips of chuck norris is damn funny) |
| I'm feeling smoking big green right now.. | |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» DrGonzo a répondu le Fri 8 Dec, 2006 @ 5:54pm |
 Coolness: 265995 | when the dinosaurs became extinct it wasnt because of a meteorite, it was because of chuck norris
one time adam and eve had a party in the garden of eden. they failed to invite chuck norris so he roundhouse kicked them out of the garden and shoved an apple down adams throat, which created the adams apple the united states could save billions in defense funding if they trade the military for chuck norris chuck norris invented fire when he was staring at a piece of log and laser beams shot from his eyes chuck norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with laser beams from his eyes chuck norris does not get frostbite. chuck norris bites frost science fact: roundhouse kicks r comprised primarily of an element called chucktanium Chuck Norris + Roundhouse Kick - Bruce Lee = Jackie Chan & Jet Li once chuck norris played the best poker player in the world. he won using his laser vision to burn the other mans cards chuck norris once rode a bull, and nine months later it had a calf chuck norris puts the ass in assassinate. by this i mean he roundhouse kicks ur ass when arnold says the line "i'll be back" in the first terminator movie it is implied that is he going 2 ask chuck norris for help in the sequels the first law of thermodynamics states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed... unless it meets chuck norris the movie kill bill is actually a childhood biography of chuck norris when chuck norris does a pushup, he isnt lifting himself up, hes pushing the earth down when chuck norris jumps into a pool, he dosent get wet, the pool gets chuck norrised one time a man asked chuck norris for directions. to make his point, he grabbed another man, and ripped out his heart, painted n,s,e,w in their directions with the blood, jabbed a magnet down the mans throat, put him on the ground and spun him. chuck norris once worked as a weatherman for the san diego evening news. every night he would make the same forecast: partly cloudy with a 75% chance of pain chuck norris doesnt daydream. he's too busy giving other people nightmares the word kill was invented by chuck norris. other words were die, beer, and please chuck norris went to america before christopher columbus, but after roundhouse kicking all the natives, he got bored and retired to anarctica if u ask chuck norris what time it is, he always says, two seconds til. after u ask, two seconds til what? he roundhouse kicks u in the face Mise À Jour » DrGonzo a écrit sur Fri 8 Dec, 2006 @ 5:55pm "Alien vs Predator" is an autobiographical depiction of Chuck Norris' first sexual experience.
While Chuck Norris was on holiday in Spain, he ate some bad paella causing him to take the largest shit known to man. That shit is now France. Instead of having a cigarette after sex, Chuck Norris heads outside and brands his cattle. Chuck Norris doesn't break up with his girlfriends... He punches them in the vagina and they leave. |
| I'm feeling back in black right now.. | |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Holly_Golightly a répondu le Fri 8 Dec, 2006 @ 6:04pm |
| Coolness: 158775 |  |
| I'm feeling for dancing right now.. | |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Skicks a répondu le Fri 8 Dec, 2006 @ 6:57pm |
 Coolness: 176760 | Chuck's Favorite! (Picked by the man himself!)
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants. There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live. Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding. Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist. When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down. Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head. Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush. There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up. Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink. Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is. Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa that smile. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door. Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV. Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship. My personal favorites : The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous. The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist. Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves. Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide. If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever. Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!" Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter. When taking the SAT, write "Chuck Norris" for every answer. You will score over NINE THOUSAAAAAAAAND. (Modified this one a lil!) Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer. An anagram for Walker Texas Ranger is KARATE WRANGLER SEX. I don't know what that is, but it sounds AWESOME. The original draft of The Lord of the Rings featured Chuck Norris instead of Frodo Baggins. It was only 5 pages long, as Chuck roundhouse-kicked Sauron’s ass halfway through the first chapter. There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up. Chuck Norris doesn't play god. Playing is for children. Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull. Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise. Chuck Norris invented the internet… just so he had a place to store his porn. Chuck Norris smells what the Rock is cooking... because the Rock is Chuck Norris' personal chef. When God said, "let there be light", Chuck Norris said, "say 'please'." When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris. In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Chuck Norris. Everybody loves Raymond. Except Chuck Norris. The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long. Chuck Norris doesnt wear a watch, HE decides what time it is. 70% of a human's weight is water. 70% of Chuck Norris' weight is his dick. Fact: Chuck Norris doesn't consider it sex if the woman survives. Chuck Norris' credit cards have no limit. Last weekend, he maxed them out. Think of a hot woman. Chuck Norris did her. Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Chuck Norris is on. When in a bar, you can order a drink called a "Chuck Norris". It is also known as a "Bloody Mary", if your name happens to be Mary. Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of Chuck Norris' first visit to Tokyo. In the movie "The Matrix", Chuck Norris is the Matrix. If you pay close attention in the green "falling code" scenes, you can make out the faint texture of his beard. One time, at band camp, Chuck Norris ate a percussionist. Love does not hurt. Chuck Norris does. Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi. Mr. T pities the fool. Chuck Norris rips the fool's head off. In the first Jurassic Park movie, the Tyrannosaurus Rex wasn't chasing the jeep. Chuck Norris was chasing the Tyrannosaurus AND the jeep. "Brokeback Mountain" is not just a movie. It's also what Chuck Norris calls the pile of dead ninjas in his front yard. When you play Monopoly with Chuck Norris, you do not pass go, and you do not collect two hundred dollars. You will be lucky if you make it out alive. For Chuck Norris, every street is "one way". HIS WAY. Chuck Norris invented all 32 letters of the alphabet. Remember The Ultimate Warrior? He quit wrestling because Chuck Norris wanted his nickname back. Dinosaurs went extinct because of the Chuck Norrisaurus. Chuck norris doesnt go at the speed of light, he goes at the speed of Norris The speed of light was instituted because Chuck Norris didn't want get winded outrunning it. Chuck Norris hates to sweat. Chuck Norris puts the laughter in manslaughter. If you were killed by Chuck Norris, your tombstone would read RIP, ripped into pieces. Chuck Norris IS RIGHT BEHIND YOU. More here : [ www.chucknorrisfacts.com ] |
| I'm feeling intense! right now.. | |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» AlienZeD a répondu le Fri 8 Dec, 2006 @ 7:25pm |
| Coolness: 509600 | awesome! you guys killed it! in the good way :D |
| I'm feeling tgifuck it right now.. | |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Holly_Golightly a répondu le Fri 8 Dec, 2006 @ 7:43pm |
| Coolness: 158775 |  |
| I'm feeling for dancing right now.. | |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» DrGonzo a répondu le Fri 8 Dec, 2006 @ 7:49pm |
| Coolness: 265995 | hahahaha that killed me |
| I'm feeling back in black right now.. | |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» LadieZ a répondu le Fri 8 Dec, 2006 @ 7:55pm |
 Coolness: 209425 | omg O.o .. |
| I'm feeling en feu sti right now.. | |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» AlienZeD a répondu le Fri 8 Dec, 2006 @ 8:08pm |
| Coolness: 509600 |  |
| I'm feeling tgifuck it right now.. | |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» cvxn a répondu le Fri 8 Dec, 2006 @ 8:50pm |
| Coolness: 178685 | |
| I'm feeling 0 san right now.. | |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Skicks a répondu le Fri 8 Dec, 2006 @ 9:03pm |
| Coolness: 176760 |  |
| I'm feeling intense! right now.. | |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» HappyChop a répondu le Fri 8 Dec, 2006 @ 9:32pm |
| Coolness: 36755 | ... man, too funny! i guess this joke doesnt get old. |
| I'm feeling mild manered right now.. | |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» AlienZeD a répondu le Fri 8 Dec, 2006 @ 9:38pm |
| Coolness: 509600 |  |
| I'm feeling tgifuck it right now.. | |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Screwhead a répondu le Sat 9 Dec, 2006 @ 12:10am |
 Coolness: 685630 | omg that's the best one yet!!! |
| I'm feeling fat and sassy right now.. | |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» cvxn a répondu le Sat 9 Dec, 2006 @ 9:12am |
| Coolness: 178685 | |
| I'm feeling 0 san right now.. | |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» doomcookiek a répondu le Sat 9 Dec, 2006 @ 4:41pm |
 Coolness: 48255 | Oh, alien_zed how did you? a man after my own heart :P |
| I'm feeling happy and giggly right now.. | |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» AlienZeD a répondu le Sat 9 Dec, 2006 @ 5:19pm |
| Coolness: 509600 | I'm not sure what that means but I'll take it to mean what I want it to :D |
| I'm feeling free right now.. | |
Chuck Norris
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