HOOKED ON METH: ADDICT CALLS IT QUITS

In a world where no one wants to struggle or feel uncomfortable,
where instant gratification and a good time are top priorities, a
world in which our kids are used to getting what they want when they
want it, a world in which our youth are stressed out over looks and
popularity and trying to portray an image of maturity long before
their developing bodies and brains are ready for it, the perfect
stage is set for drug use.

Enter John*.

Only 12 when he first experimented with alcohol, because it was easy
to get and because all his friends drank, John found it only whetted
his appetite for mind-altering substances.

It wasn't long before he progressed to No-Doze, marijuana, crack
cocaine ... anything he could find.

At the age of 14, John and a few of his buddies found some meth at a
party and decided to try it.

"I knew it was speed (an upper), and heard it was pretty wild, but
wanted to try it anyway," he says.

People start taking meth for the same reason that people who've been
drinking drive a car, explains Kari Daron, prevention specialist at
Southern Hills Alcohol and Drug. "Denial, ignorance of the facts and
the belief that they can handle it. Most people who take meth for the
first time have heard about the intense euphoria the high creates and
they want to experience that. They don't know what's in it, what it
can do to the brain and body, and even if they did, some people would
still try it," she says, "because they totally believe they can
handle it and won't get addicted. Wrong!"

Studies have shown that 95 percent of first-time users become
addicted to meth. John was no exception.

"I was hooked after the first use," John says. "I liked meth. It made
me feel that I could do anything.

John, like many former addicts, is reluctant to talk about the high
he experienced on meth. He knows that just talking about it could
produce an intense craving that would draw him back into use.

Nikkole Abbas, with MAPP-SD, recalls that in a small high school near
Sioux Falls, a law enforcement officer, concerned about the problem
of meth and wanting to teach kids about the dangers, spoke at an
assembly. He showed the young people the dangers of meth, how the
drug can affect them, etc., using a PowerPoint presentation with
pictures from his case files. One of the pictures he showed was from
a home in Sioux Falls where a meth bust had been made.

A young women in the auditorium was a meth user in recovery, Abbas
said. When she saw the picture of this home, where she had formerly
used meth, she experienced very intense cravings, ran out of the
auditorium, ran away from home and relapsed back into use.

Other things that can trigger cravings, and thereby relapses, include
walking or driving by a park or other location where meth was used,
seeing someone they had used meth with in the past, smelling or
seeing meth or pictures of meth, talking about their use (such as
when a former user in early recovery tries to present a "prevention
program" to high school students, or when a treatment counselor asks
questions about how they used to feel when they used meth), even
rituals like going to the ATM machine, if that used to be part of
their ritual of getting meth.

Some former users have "drifted off" or gone into "automatic pilot
mode" while driving in front of their former dealer's house, not
knowing how they got there.

One former meth user, who used in the '60s and '70s and is now a
treatment counselor in Rapid City, gets a TB test every year and
strangely will experience the taste of meth in his mouth when the
needle penetrates his skin.

"When a user experiences cravings, these are not the kind of cravings
we all get when we want something salty or sweet or chocolate," Abbas
explains. "This is a craving like a person who has gone two or three
days without water will have for water. The person becomes physically
addicted, which means that their body physically needs it to function
normally."

On meth, John realized he had the energy to work a lot of extra hours
at his job and earn more money. The more money he had, the more meth
he could buy. "At first, it was great!" he recalls.

The combination of the high and the energy boost he got from meth
drove him to use more and more, never considering the consequences.

"While I was using the first couple of years, I didn't think I had
any consequences," he says. "I wasn't thinking of the consequences.
All I wanted was to get and stay high. I felt like I could do
anything as long as I was using."

For four or five years, John used meth whenever he could get it. "I
craved it and the cravings were really strong," he says. "I found out
that you can never have enough money when you're hooked on meth. The
more you have, the more meth you buy." At 5'10", John lost a lot of
weight, dropping to 115 pounds, as he lost interest even in food and
the basic necessities of life. But that wasn't the only consequence
of using meth.

"The last two years were pretty hard," he remembers. "I sold a lot of
stuff to get money to buy meth. It was all I wanted. I didn't care
about anything but getting high."

While different people react differently to stimulants because of
their body chemistry and their body's built-up tolerance to meth,
common symptoms include acute paranoia, where they believe everyone
is out to get them, even their own family and friends, says Daron.
They often accuse even those closest to them of doing things against
them when the accusations are totally unfounded. They become hostile
and violent if they feel they are being threatened in any way.

Loud noises or bright lights set them off. Meth users often
hallucinate, during which times they can see people (even those they
love) as demons or traitors, and sometimes they don't recognize their
own family members.

Meth users have a tendency to buy and hoard guns because they believe
people are out to get them and they want to be ready to defend
themselves and their meth.

People who use a lot of meth are capable of almost anything, notes
Daron. "They can turn on someone in a heartbeat. Fights, stabbings
and battery are common when a meth user is tweaking (using a lot in a
short period of time). They often take on the characteristics of a
paranoid schizophrenic. A meth user can turn into an abuser or a
fighter or a raging killer. Because it destroys brain cells, it's
often hard to determine how a person will react to any stimuli. Even
well after the person no longer uses, they can have hallucinations
and turn violent."

John's life followed that script.

"I was always paranoid that the law was out to get me and I became
really mean."

While John was never arrested for drug use or possession of drugs,
his behavior while on drugs eventually sent him to prison. John lost
his possessions when he sold most of them to get money to buy meth.
He lost his job when he was arrested. He lost his house when he went
to prison and couldn't make payments any more.

"I have two children I've never met and will probably never have a
relationship with because of meth," he says. "The last year I used
meth, I lost everything! My job, my house, my possessions, my pride."

When a person uses meth (or any drug/alcohol) for awhile, and they
know they're addicted to it, they have moments of clarity and they
see what they've become, Daron says. "Selling their own things to get
the drug (things they worked hard to get), not caring about their
family, friends, job, etc. They see what they were and what they
could have become versus what they are on drugs and what they'll
stoop to in order to get the drugs. They also feel defeated because
drug use is ruining their lives and they feel they've lost all their
power over it. It's a real pride killer to realize that you are no
longer in control of your life," she says. "All I'd worked so hard to
get I forfeited for meth," John says. "Still, I liked it so much that
I know that if I ever allow myself to use it again, I won't stop and I'll die."

John took other drugs (including alcohol) with meth and overdosed.
The curtain nearly came down on his life at that time. "I would have
died if my buddies hadn't iced me up and kept slapping me to keep me
awake," he recalls.

When too much of a substance such as meth is ingested into the body
all at one time or in a short period of time, the brain, respiratory
system, circulatory system and a number of organs go into overdrive.
The liver, which filters out the toxins in our body, can't deal with
a lot of alcohol or drugs, so sometimes these chemicals are dumped
into the pancreas, which causes it to malfunction as well, explains Daron.

With stimulants such as meth, the brain starts firing off electrical
impulses like crazy and the chemical message transmitter, dopamine,
floods out of the cells to send pleasure messages throughout the body
(the high). Brain activity increases, sending messages all over the
body to work harder, stay awake, keep busy, etc. The heart works
harder, all the systems of the body work harder, blood pressure rises
and so does temperature. A person can have a heart attack, stroke or
pass out from any number of things, including high body temperature,
such as John's overdose. It's not uncommon to have uncontrollable
convulsions as well. The whole body is racing out of control.

Despite this close call with death, the siren call of meth was so
strong, John couldn't turn away from it. After he overdosed the
second time, John knew if he didn't stop using meth, it would kill
him. Still, the lure was so great that he got clean only when he was
sent to prison.

As hard as it was to get off meth, it has been no harder than the
daily struggle he has with the cravings.

"I crave it all the time," he says, 11 years after his last use, "but
I have a family now and recovery has brought me back to a good job
and a much better life."

John is one of only six percent of meth users who will ever stay away
from the drug's pull. But the victory is tenuous. "I want to use it
right now," he says. "But I know if I do I won't be able to stop and
it'll kill me.

"The pull is hard to put into words. There's nothing to compare to
it. It's like losing your best friend in a way; you don't want to
give it up, but you have to. You don't have any choice."

Now that John has stopped drinking, he finds it even harder to stay
away from meth.

"I used drinking to take the place of the meth when I had bad
cravings," he says. "Now I don't have that to fall back on. I just
work really hard and try to concentrate on that and my family instead
of using."

He attends a program called "after care." Although the program is a
follow-up to the treatment they receive in prison, some, like John,
attend long after they've been ordered to by the courts because they
know it helps them stay clean and sober.

John has one bit of advice for anyone contemplating using meth:
"Don't do it! Don't ever start!"

If anyone who is addicted to meth is thinking of quitting, he says,
"Go for it! It's not easy; it's one of the hardest things you'll ever
do, but you feel so good about yourself when you overcome and quit
using. What I have now is so much more than I ever had when I was
using, and the cool part is that I'm still around to enjoy it."

* The name has been changed at his request to protect his privacy.