when you can only doze for maximum two hours a day... it's been a week and it's driving me crazy

plus it's mad boring!

yo happy birthday Doom!

have a good one

oh yay nunavut

huffing gas

work my way up to paint!

made: seeing elisa finally
made: waking up to rassie being lovey- brought him home from the vet last night
made: talking to people
made: facing fear of people, sorta
made: sending christmas cards
made: talking to my rents... my efforts to be nice to my mom seem to be fruitful... living there is a bit easier

ruined: not enough time and money to send gift to family
ruined: going away for two days and leaving my mom alone when we were supposed to decorate the tree
ruined: missing electronic high
ruined: being so nervous i forgot to eat the bagel my mom got me
ruined: paxil is not helping the nerves or the stomach
ruined: i miss people in montreal
ruined: being alone and awake in someone else's house. i can't wait to see yas for breafast and chill with julie

both kinda good and kinda bad... paxil for some reason makes me awake when for other people it makes them sleepy... when the hell am i gonna get more then 2 hours sleep?

when friends care more about drugs then you

talking with heather
breakfast with yasmine who's willing to hide me in her belly
seeing and talking to elisa

i'm up for the collective suicide

i know i can never shut up around her... man i have to calllll youuuuu :( i could use a good chat

^i hate that too

but what i really hate today is not knowing what to do... feeling like i've been left totally in the dark

yayee! i love you caro!:D

what the fuck is going ON?

hey caro... i'm not trashed am i?
come hang with me

i miss ppl... even if i am weird and nervous right now

you people have cute bellies

awwww

you can have mine

sammy's pants got good taste

how come my name disappears from the people online sometimes? am i invisible?

shit are you ok lee?

constantly fucking up my plans and not seeing people i really want to see

sorry! i was just kidding about coming over

i didn't think you'd take it seriously

i'm protective over my space too... to a fault

except me cuz i have none.
he just beats my face in... in a loving way... demanding i rob a bank

he really cares!!!

can i come over?

i wish i were dead

and about rock bottom... i've been hitting it for quite sometime... but i see another level down there...

i love you whatee

i worry about you on the roads lee

scott - tell me about it... time to puke:( again
i hate this pain

andd your sig- i ask myself that a lot

they won't... if they're anything like the people i know

they don't care... especially about anybody besides themselves and what's making them feel down or funny... or good for that matter

you could be happy and uncaring on an antidepressant, if you can stand the puking...
but then again i'm on paxil and i find i'm increasingly bloodthirsty... i wanna gut someone just to roll in their blood and wear their skin

made: morning walks in a winter wonderland... and no one knows i'm in my pjs

yea but that hurts too

kafwin i hear you... i've learned my lesson over and over... you can't help anyone who doesn't want to be helped, it never works no matter how much we try... and yet people just always have hope... caring hurts:(

feeling disconnected and too scared to make an effort to be close to people

to give orlon a monkee

that's an amazing picture:)

my rassie back
to be better ...(to be able to eat and see ppl...)

why aren't i dead?

yay spooky! you make me smile

you totally missed the beauty carlos... i think we gotta badger it up sometime

that's what i thought... they spelled your name wrong!!!

yeah coffee hurts like a bitch... makes me puke sometimes

but nothing like a tim hoes iced cap... yummmmy

and yerba mate is the shit
i love my chai

but i'm on drugs again... tripping on paxil hardcore, or no wait they just make you normal... well i'm tripping on "normal" then... fuck it's scary

thank you ontheroadagain

the guilt it driving me crazy
dancing at home when no one's looking is the only thing that got me thru some weeks

Caro i'd love to see you... i just thought you had stopped talking to me just like everyone else
call me anytime

my cat is dying

cuz you understand and care

ruined: i get one week of keeping my food down after 7 solid weeks of tossing cookies, and then i take paxil and up comes everything all over again.
ruined: the pain the pain the pain... and the burning
ruined: crying at odd times... not being able to control it... people seeing
ruined: people can sneak up on me now... it's not helping paranoia at all
ruined: can't think anymore... brain's been replaced by marshmallow... including my inner ear - i have no balance... acting weird in front of friends and not meaning to
ruined: why do i feel like this? can't be the paxil... ther's like no side effects.
ruined: missing julian's birthday cuz i felt like shit SORRRYYYYYYY i know i said i'd go... i was so sure i would...

made: hanging with leelee (sorry for acting so weird)
made: talking to julie... i'm rethinking the whoring myself thing... thanks!
made: confusing seb by laughing at everything