Confessions
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» blop replied on Wed Nov 26, 2003 @ 2:33pm |
 Coolness: 200745 | i stole these from [ allconfessions.com ]
add yr own... Little buddy November 17th, 2003 I was 10. I was outside one day with my cat. I was petting him and he rolled over for me to pet his belly. I saw his balls and didn't know what they were, so I rubbed them. He really liked it so I kept doing it. Later that day I found out what they were and never did it again. I feel gross about it. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Friends are forever November 17th, 2003 A good friend of mine came to me recently for advice and consolution. She just found out her boyfriend gave her herpes. She knows I've had it for a while and wanted to talk to someone who could understand. I let her cry on my shoulder and listened while she agonized over how her boyfriend must have cheated on her. Damn right he did. With me. I'm the one who gave him herpes. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Do what you love November 17th, 2003 Sometimes I think about becoming a meteorologist. Then I think about how the occupation results in so many people's unfortunate choices in outerwear. I would not be able to live with myself if a person decided to wear a wool coat when it was completely unnecessary. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A free country November 17th, 2003 I like to be snowballed. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Friendly neighbor November 17th, 2003 My neighbor had a dog that was forever dumping on my lawn. I'm a hunter and load my own shotgun shells, so I filled a few with a reduced load of powder and small pieces of rock salt. After a few weeks, I caught the miscreant mutt in action, and fired at it with my shotgun. Sadly, all that remained was a bloody mess. The humid weather must have made the salt solidify into a single piece. I quickly buried what little remained, and hosed the bloody lawn. My neighbor asked if I had seen his dog, but I said I hadn't and suggested it might have been killed by a car or got lost. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Best customer November 17th, 2003 I pee all over the floors, walls, toilets, sinks, mirrors, and paper towel dispensers in bathrooms of bars I don't like. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A girl's best friend October 30th, 2003 After my mom got divorced, I stole her diamond wedding ring and hawked it to buy an expensive pair of leather boots. I even let her wear them sometimes. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Man's best friend October 30th, 2003 I molest collies. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The negotiator October 30th, 2003 I was travelling in Hanoi, Vietnam and a streetkid (about 10yrs old)tried to sell me a photocopied Lonely Planet guide book of Laos. Over twenty minutes I haggled the price down from £30 to $5, and just as his face lit up with the thought of the sale, I told him that I wasn't interested and didn't want it at all. He promptly burst into tears, and the stupid thing was that I was going to Laos next and needed the book. I was inexplicably cruel, and I dread to think how that kid was punished for loss of sales. $5 is nothing to me and a week's wage to him. I still feel bad about it. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I got a snake man October 14th, 2003 When I was around 14 years old I bought a tiny snake from a kid at school. Not too long after I brought it home the novelty wore off and the poor little guy was more and more neglected. One day my sister came and told me that Squiggles (that was his name) didn't look like he was moving very much, and sure enough he was dead. I felt so terrible because it was entirely due to my neglect. My mother said I should at least give him a decent burial but it was raining outside so I ended up just throwing his body into some hedges. Years later I still feel terrible about the whole thing. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dreams do come true October 14th, 2003 Two years ago, I told my parents that I needed $10,000 to fulfill my lifelong dream to spend 6 weeks traveling across Europe. They obliged, and when I returned I told them stories of the late pub nights in Dublin, the amazing culture of Madrid, the great architecture of Venice, and Oslo's warmth towards Americans. The truth is I spent one weekend in Vegas banging whores in the "high roller" suite. I should have asked for 20 grand. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Circle of trust October 14th, 2003 When I was the treasurer for my sorority I skimmed money so I wouldn't have to the $400 dues for myself each semester. I doctored the books so the girls after me wouldn't find out. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Insecure October 14th, 2003 When my fiance and I broke up he left me some of his posessions - one of which he didn't know I had...his email password, which he stupidly never changed. For the next year I spied on his life (not because I cared, because I could). I found out about the woman he cheated on me with; viewed his wedding photos; saw him look for a new house and move in (even saw the photos); read about him losing and looking for a job; read emails from his wife to her friends, which justified my feelings of his lack of backbone and personality. Then i lost interest. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The great outdoors October 6th, 2003 When I was about 12 or so, we were messing about on a hill near my house. Some people were camping on a flat part of the hill just below where were were playing. They weren't around at the time. I kicked a fairly big rock, which started rolling uncontrolably down the hill, went throught their campsite at about 50mph, through one side of their tent and out the other, completely demolishing it - just left a pile of torn fabric on the ground with various pots and pans scattered around. We all ran off, presumably leaving the happy campers to return and look with astonishment at their ruined weekend. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dad's night out October 6th, 2003 I sometimes go to those video peep shows in Manhattan (there are only a handful left after Guilliani got rid of most) and get a blow job. Only if I find the guy attractive though. I'm married and have three children. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Heart of gold October 6th, 2003 I worked at a home for handicapped children and one of the kids was mentally retarded but high functioning. He had earned about ten dollars by helping the staff wash their cars etc. I stole his wallet and all of his money. I tried to make up for it by giving him one of my old wallets with a dollar in it. He was so happy that he hugged me and said thank you a hundred times. So I looked like the Big Man on Campus for giving him a a new wallet and a dollar. I know I'm going to burn in hell for that. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Breaking up is hard to do October 6th, 2003 My girlfriend cheated on me and I found out. Before I broke up with her I poked holes in the condoms she had in her purse. Come to think of it, maybe I should have been more wary of a girl that carried her own condoms. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Day at the beach September 29th, 2003 I was at the beach with my family. One of my sisters was standing in shoulder-deep water; I was standing on shore. I thought to myself it would be funny to make a big splash near her, so I got a big 'ol hunk of dead/dried coral and threw it high and "near" her. It caught her high on the cheekbone, a mere inch from her right eye causing a nasty gash that took 6 stitches to close. To this day she still has a scar. I feel terrible just thinking about it. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Little helper September 29th, 2003 I once bought a kitten so I could start up a conversation with my sexy neighbor. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Personal space September 29th, 2003 Just 2 hours ago, I was riding on the light rail train and was it packed. A woman was pressing her ample behind against my area which I naturally noticed. For 7 or 8 bumpy miles, we commuted thusly. To think I almost took the bus. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Keep it in the family September 29th, 2003 In 1987 i was 15 and my older sister who was 20 called for a ride home. She was drunk as hell and when we got home I could not wake her to go inside so I sat there a while and started to shake her to get her up. Nothing would wake her so i lifted her skirt and lost my virginty. I have never told anyone that before, thanks. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- M.I.L.F. September 22nd, 2003 I think my mother in law is sexy. |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» blop replied on Wed Nov 26, 2003 @ 2:37pm |
| Coolness: 200745 | i got really mad at my sister once, like 10 years ago. i think she walked in on me in the shower or something. to get her back, i took a nail file and scratched her brand new first ever cd - ace of base. she thought she'd dropped it, i'd never seen her cry that hard before, so i stole this bitch's ace of base cd during music class and gave it to my sister for christmas.
she still says it's one of the most thoughtful gifts she's ever recieved. |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» blop replied on Wed Nov 26, 2003 @ 2:38pm |
| Coolness: 200745 | here are some more from [ digruntledhousewife.com ]
I'm 18 and I only have sex with men 30-40 years of age. I work at a mental hospital, kind of like Charter, but more low-budget. Well, for years I have been tying myself in straight jackets and masturbating to the thought of some of our better looking patients. I'm sleeping with my husband's friend, no guilt, no shame. I'm a girl. When I was in fourth grade I would make out with Nicole [not me; sorry] in the girls bathroom. It went pretty far sometimes. I have sniffed girls panties forever, and I still do. When I visit someone in their home or wherever I will make an effort to find worn panties. I took video of my sister in law undressing and showering in my bathroom with a hidden video camera. I'm 15 and have never scored!! :( I once gave my husbands best friend a blowjob. I did it because my husband passed out after drinking too much. I still think about it alot. I explored my best friends mom's nether regions while she was sleeping. Twice. I was never caught, and I don't feel bad about it; I just like to tell people about it. I secretly dream of having sex with my best friend(a lesbian encounter). I think that she wants to also, but is to scared to say so. I enjoy selling myself on the streets at least once a week, it makes me feel like a complete slut, and I really enjoy it. I love my husband but don't want to stop. I think I'd like to do a porno film too. I used to masturbate in class in high school. It was a secret pleasure to get off in a room of 20 or 30 people and not have them know it. It was a hoot I miss from time to time. The only man who ever gave me an oral orgasm turned out to have a slight mental illness commonly known as SEVERE PSYCHOTIC DICKHEAD SYNDROME. But he had a cute ass. Also, I have eaten an entire half-gallon of Farr's Candy Crunch ice cream in one day, happily ignoring the consequences. Once, while visiting our nation's capitol, I saw a sexy woman in a light white dress. Seeing her underwear through her dress got me so excited that I beat off in the Capitol bathroom. I am aroused by pregnant women. I have a glow-in-the-dark vibrator. I don't really think that's shocking or disturbing, but I couldn't think of anything else to write. Oh well. I like to be dominated by women. [I don't know if this is from a man or a woman. Sorry.] Once I went to visit a friend, and as I was waiting for him to answer his buzzer I noticed that his curtains were open slightly. I looked around, saw that nobody was walking up the street, and peeked through the crack in the curtains. Imagine my titillation when I saw him in there having sex with someone. Hesitant but excited, I set my briefcase down and plunked right down on his stoop to enjoy the show. Every time someone walked by, though (and it was a busy street), I had to stand up and pretend I was walking away. But each time I squatted back down, determined to stay until the show was over. And I did. I once had phone sex with a total stranger. Then he wouldn't stop calling my house. I had the number changed before my husband could find out. |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» blop replied on Wed Nov 26, 2003 @ 2:39pm |
| Coolness: 200745 | When I worked for the state of Oregon, the Oregon Health Plan to be exact, we had an interesting phone setup. One of the great things was the queue. Anyway, to the point, this client kept referring to me in less than flattering terms so I sent him into the queue of the group of people who had just gone to lunch. He was calling long distance and was pissed about how much he was spending. He stayed on the line for seventy minutes before the call was answered and the case-worker transferred him to my phone because I was the person he needed to talk to about his problem. So I gave him the name of my boss and was utterly and completely rude, surly and otherwise UN-pleasant.
I work at Long John Silver's doing kitchen prep work, and if I'm working alone sometimes I jack off. Since you've amused me with this delightful web site I'll pass along this advice: Don't eat the cole slaw. I spent the last two hours reading and following your page instead of working. At least twice, when working late, I've sought out the desks of some of my catty bitch co-workers, the ones who make my work life impossible, found their cute slutty little I'll-catch-me-a-junior-partner patent pumps under their desks, and spit way down in the toebox. Then put the pumps back under their desks. They never — or at least I *think* they never — realized this. Having been hired by the Senior Administrator for a local Internet Service Provider, as a Systems Administrator, I learned that I had actually been hired to do all the crappy administrative functions like domain name, and dns record maintenance. Being female, I disliked this with a passion. The Senior Administrator and one of the younger department members took to high intensity sexual banter, whispering around me and telling me things about women's role in life. When the really cool projects were in the works, this Senior Administrator, all of 24 years old with a definite liking for methamphetamines (which he thought he hid well) for his all night projects, covertly tried to keep me out, despite my longer experience and his need for assistance on a grand scale. The service at this ISP was so horrible during this time that I was ashamed to link my name to it and I eventually went on to bigger and better things. But in desperate retaliation, I hacked an account on another ISP server and mailed the Phrack issue "Make your own Methamphetamine" to this Senior Administrator. I still get a kick out of seeing him get that peice of email and trying to trace the source and wonder WHO COULD HaVE KnOwN???? When I was a teller in an individual drive-in bank window, I counted a business' money and they were $20 short, so I changed the deposit slip in front of them. After they drove off, I found the extra $20 and kept it. When I was a janitorial supervisor, some hag used to bitch about the shitty cleaning job we did. She kept an extra pair of shoes by her desk so I put a thumbtack in her shoe. HAH HA HA I steal from my job. [This is also a Dirty Secret, but since it involves boredom-inspired misbehavior at work, I'll put it here] Once, when I was working in a small "risque" gift shop, I beat off behind the cash register to a pack of nudie playing cards (it was a slow day). When I spunked all over the carpet, I just rubbed it in with my shoe. I had this rotten boss in a temp job once who used to teach Tae Kwon Doh or some such hippie karate and who was an absolute pig to work with. He made me waste a whole day of work Xeroxing his repulsively written mystery novel in which he, as the hero, encountered many long-legged seventeen year olds who responded intuitively to his power and masculine vibes, man. He always made this huge production about getting him lunch. He'd send me out to get his lunch for it, and then I had to hide it in his office, and if any of his clients saw me bringing it in there I'd be in big trouble. He liked to keep everybody running around all the time. Anyways, I routinely ate the pickles off his sandwiches, and I'm pretty sure I once licked the inside of his bread. One day I got so revolted by something he'd done that I spit on his chair. I remember leaning over it and watching the drool roll onto his seat like I was somebody else. It was idiotic, but I couldn't think of anything meaner to do to him given the limited props in the office and the fact that I needed the job. I had to express myself? I don't know. It's a mystery to me. When I was really little I hated our landlord. So one day I took his tools that were lying in the back yard and threw them off a cliff near our house. The landlord could not figure out where they were and so he bout a new set. I threw these over, too. After buying tools 6 times, he stopped leaving his tools out. But he never figured out that it was little evil me! When I was in grade school, I used to chew gum, which was against the rules. To keep from being caught, I would chew very small pieces of gum and pop them inside my mouth. I would then hide the gum on the roof of my mouth whenever the teacher suspected me enough to look. They always make you move your tongue and open your mouth bigger, but they never check thre roof of your mouth. When I was in college, I had a blind roommate (meaning that he couldn't see, as oppossed to the fact that I didn't know him before we moved in together, which I didn't either.) anyway we were sitting around the dormroom one day and I was clipping my toenails. He liked to smoke pot and was fiending for some. So I threw my toenails in a bong and enticed him into smoking them. Amazingly enough, he did not regain his sight, but he did cough a lot. When I was in college the head of the university concert committee was a little Hitler, big wheel type who lined my band up to play a weekly keg-party in the court-type show. A week before, he told us he was booting us since we were "unreliable" (looking back, I guess we kind of were; we broke up a lot). Anyway, it was all very arbitrary. Several nights later, my housemates and I were having a cookout party and Little Hitler was there. When everyone was inside, I pissed on his porkchop that was cooking on the grill. I sat and smiled while he ate the whole porkchop. The funny thing is, after doing that, I didn't seem to have a grudge anymore. I guess by improved attitude showed because he ended up booking us several times in the ensuing months. But I wasn't sorry. I hate my mother-in-law. Recently, she stepped in a wad of chewing gum and had a fit. We all agreed: what a low-life to spit out their gum....it was mine! :) Back in sixth grade, my best girlfriend and I snuck into the Town Hall's restroom. They had one of those frosted white, round, plastic, soap dispensers—the kind where you whack the metal dispenser bottom to get out the yellow soap. She took it down, emptied it, and made me fill it up with my pee. We put it back, made sure it worked, and left. When I was twelve, I broke into a kinder garden school, and stole all of their fun music and story telling audio tapes- I just wanted to see if I could get away with it. I guess I liked living on the edge back then. When I was in high school, my horticulture class had greenhouses. One kid was growing some marijuana and our teacher didn't even know. He had always been a snot to me so I snitched on him, anonamously. Our principal came in and confiscated the plant. He kept thr plant in his office and called the cops the next day. I was in the main office when thry came and the plant had been harvested. When I lived in Texas I was tormented by a dog from down the street. He would get into the garbage every Tuesday night and strew it all over my yard. Talking to his owner did no good; the next garbage day would find me picking up my yard. I finally lost all control and shot the dog. I was trying to kill him but only shot off a leg. I felt bad about it, but I felt even worse when garbage day came and I found my garbage strewn all over the yard. This, when I knew the dog was still in the dog hospital. The owner never found out that I was the shooter, but that three-legged dog lived for 8 more years and would try to bite me every time he got the chance. Luckily, he was easy to outrun. I tell little lies to everyone. I told some freinds that I had seen a couple of Fellini films just to make it seem like I was a little more knowledgeable about movies than I already am. I finally did see one. I didn't get it. I used to wear my mother's clothes when I was 12. I went to a party at a guy's place. I really disliked the guy, so when I excused myself to go to the bathroom I pissed in his shampoo, shook it up and put it right back where I found it. I don't think he ever found out. Actually, that stunt still gives me great satisfaction today. Also, when I was a kid I used to break into cars and steal anything I could find. Now I'm a cop. Once, I got REALLY drunk and broke into a church and stole a stereo, a telephone, and a bag of Oreos out of their Sunday School room. I felt REALLY bad the next day. I am an adult man and I have three different Xena dolls. This is really gross, but a couple of years ago, my friend and I had gone for a walk. We were on our way back (Yet, still pretty far from home) when I had to take a shit really badly! There was no where to go, except there was a public library really close by, but we weren't sure if it was open. Luckily it was still open, but by the time we got there, I wasn't able to contain myself and I had already shit my pants. I didn't tell my friend, and when we got in the bathroom, I ran in, took off my underwear, cleaned myself up, and since I was really embarrassed and didn't want to tell my friend what had happened, I took my shit-filled underwear, lifted off the top of the toilet, and tossed them in. I walked home with onlt toilet paper in my pants (Which is real uncomfortable) I still dont know if my undies ever got taken out, and I have not gone to that Library since! When I was young (about 8 or 9) my friend and I pissed in cups, mixed with cordial, and drank it I have a subscription to Martha Stewart's Living. My boyfriend was pissing me off by staying in bed so I emptied the contents of my baby's nappy into a sandwich and brought him breakfast in bed. He didn't eat it. I once broke into my old high school during my junior year, and pissed in all the teachers' trash cans. I'm 40 years old and I'm still a virgin. I received a videotape in the mail that should have been delivered two streets over. It was for a new grandma from her son and daughter in law showing thier newborn baby. I taped it over with a pornographic film. All except the breastfeeding. I am in the military, and once a particularly obnoxious SGT hassled me to the point where I felt a need to "lose" his personnel records. It was too bad too, since he lost out on his big chance to get into a rambo school, whose recruiters were visiting the very next day! I would very much like to end civilization as we know it. Not just change things, I would really like to DESTROY everybody's happy little day to day bullshit lives. Does that make me psycho? I'm not the only person who feels this way — would you push the red button if you had the opportunity? |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» PaT_ replied on Wed Nov 26, 2003 @ 2:45pm |
 Coolness: 116510 | sharon you need a day job. |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» blop replied on Wed Nov 26, 2003 @ 2:49pm |
| Coolness: 200745 | you need a JOB job
kkk |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» PaT_ replied on Wed Nov 26, 2003 @ 2:51pm |
| Coolness: 116510 | ya maybe i do.
but at least i know how to properly occupy my time. unlike going on other message boards and pasting confessions from other people. |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Bunnytronix replied on Wed Nov 26, 2003 @ 2:56pm |
 Coolness: 152725 | try [ grouphug.us ] |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» eLDee replied on Wed Nov 26, 2003 @ 3:36pm |
 Coolness: 121130 | my confession: Im' SO grabbing your boobs next time!
ha! |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» neoform replied on Wed Nov 26, 2003 @ 3:54pm |
 Coolness: 339880 | i'm secretly in love with sharon. her sluttiness turns me on. |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» G__ replied on Wed Nov 26, 2003 @ 3:54pm |
| Coolness: 141580 | "Best customer
November 17th, 2003 I pee all over the floors, walls, toilets, sinks, mirrors, and paper towel dispensers in bathrooms of bars I don't like. " HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA holy shit |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Miss_Amanda replied on Wed Nov 26, 2003 @ 3:58pm |
 Coolness: 160760 | i wanna grab sharon's boobs too. |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» cloud9ine replied on Wed Nov 26, 2003 @ 4:01pm |
 Coolness: 138935 | confession: i pee in the shower, regularly. |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» cactain_steef replied on Wed Nov 26, 2003 @ 5:27pm |
 Coolness: 154890 | hi, my names yasmine, im an alcaholic, and my dog died when i was 5 |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» blop replied on Thu Nov 27, 2003 @ 11:34am |
| Coolness: 200745 | anyone who tells you they don't pee in the shower is LYING TO YOU. |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Miss_Amanda replied on Thu Nov 27, 2003 @ 11:44am |
| Coolness: 160760 | yeah i pee in the shower- it's hard not to because the sound of running water makes you wanna go
and at that point it's just a bitch to step out of the shower and use the toilet. |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» soyfunk replied on Thu Nov 27, 2003 @ 11:47am |
 Coolness: 126985 | i panhandled for one day in victoria |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» A_Princess replied on Thu Nov 27, 2003 @ 6:49pm |
 Coolness: 62060 | I panhandled downtown Mtl. I wanted mesc. |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» PaT_ replied on Fri Nov 28, 2003 @ 1:57am |
| Coolness: 116510 | oh i dont care what any of you say, i never pee in the shower! |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» neoform replied on Fri Nov 28, 2003 @ 1:59am |
| Coolness: 339880 | you just beat off for hours in there instead. |
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