WELCOME TO THE PAPER OF NOAH KNOWLEDGE:
I’m writing this in English because I don’t know if I could express myself as well in French. Actually I know I can’t so English will have to do. It’s a gathering of my feelings for the past while, both good and bad and hopefully this will allow anyone reading to better understand the way I am and the way I would like to lead my life in the future. I’ve restarted this many times and I don’t know if it will ever be completed because life is ever changing and that means this text should also be ever changing.
Before even starting to write about my thoughts I will describe a little bit on how my mind works because it’s known that everyone has different types of beliefs and in order to make mine known you’ll have to read about them.
First off I believe there are 5 types of people in this world and below I will describe each one to the best of my ability. Before reading on I will list the different types of people.
4) Best Friends
These people are the people who I don’t pay any attention to. They exist in this world but if they didn’t I really could not care since it would not affect my way of living in the least.
When I walk down the street and bump into an invisible that looks friendly I normally shout out a hello to that person. If someone I find cute is riding the metro normally I will go up to that person and say hello also. These people I meet and actually talk to become strangers in my mind because I have no idea who they are but me as a person have acknowledged them as a human being.
When I talk to a stranger more than once a month they become acquaintances. These types of people make up most of the people I talk to in my life. They are like friends whom I don’t see that often and whom I can chill with and go out with and have fun with. I can call them on the phone and chitchat about things but in the end if I didn’t exist it would not affect anyone and their lives would move on just the same.
A best friend is someone who has similar interests as myself. We can talk about almost anything if not anything and get along really well. We don’t necessarily have to see each other often but when we do meet up, there are rarely ever problems. When I’m feeling down or when there is something wrong with my life, these are the people who I would normally go to for knowledge. These are the people who if possible would like to spend the rest of my life knowing since friendships or good ones never die off. Parents and family seem to fall into this category also even though they might not have similar interests.
As far as I’m concerned lovers come and go. Maybe that’s just because I have not found the right person yet but from my observations no one ever seems to stay in love forever. A lover is probably someone that I admire because of his or her differences. This person is someone that I don’t see every day (and maybe wished I did) and there is something about them which makes my head spin. I’m not quite sure but I think I am attracted to the things and people that I wish I were like. This plays in both the physical and mental aspects of a person.
A BIT ABOUT MYSELF:
From the day I turned 15 and watched the movie Fun, I have always claimed that my motto in life was “Fun fun fun, fun is number one”. Throughout high school I have always gone and done things most of the people I knew thought was really stupid and I would always tell them why should I be like everyone else, lead a boring life when I can be my own person and enjoy my life. This motto was enhanced when one day sitting at my dads I watched another movie called Acid Beach on the Sundance channel about two girls who just decide to screw their life and school and run away to better discover themselves. They took off on the back of a truck heading to California where they encountered many obstacles which were all new for them and on the most part exciting.
Now I know myself as not being a huge traveler but this was the point in my life which made me decide that the minute I turn 18 I will move out on my own so that I will not be an animal stuck in a cage and will be able to explore the world for myself.
So finally it happened and right before I turned 18 and my parents sent me off to France by myself for 4 months where I learnt a hell of a lot about life and came back as a completely changed person. In fact I came back as such a different person, I remember my mom crying because I really was not the innocent child she once knew anymore. From that point on, the bits of curiosity and all the things, that I was holding in before, exploded out of me, and my real life was about to begin.
It was at this point in my life, after pure and applied science where I failed everything because I was too busy going around the city and meeting new people that I decided Computer Science was good for me and it’s when I met Heidi who really became my best friend and maybe even my only friend for a period of almost a year. She was from Toronto and didn’t have any friends in Montreal and well we just got along really well. It was she to introduced me to a wide variety of new life experiences that I probably would never have known if it was not for her. There were very few days where we didn’t see each other and life was good.
I moved out as soon as I had the cash and my new life was about to begin. Actually I ended up moving into the apartment that I still live in today because of the fact Heidi lived in the same building and hell I didn’t really know many other people. Was this a mistake well only time could tell? Without the worries of my mom bitching at me for coming home late or not at all or having socks on the floor, or deciding to interfere with my life when I brought girls over to the house, I became a huge party animal. Movie nights were very common in this time, as I would bring everyone over to my apartment and we would sit there and do crazy things together.
Anyways at this point I met Evie and things were good. As everyone knows she was a little tied down so she should not go out all the time so she used to always tell me to go out by myself. Because of this fact I became a little flirt cause I was out alone a lot and well that blows. Evie didn’t mind in the beginning but after a while it pissed her off and this is when our relationship started to die. I’m probably skipping a ton of information here and someday I will finish this whole section off but to be a little fast, I enjoyed having the freedom of being able to do whatever the hell I wanted, whenever I wanted and this is something which is important for that motto of “Fun, fun, fun. Fun is number one”.
SO WHAT’S THE PROBLEM:
Well the problems I see in having a relationship or a serious long one anyways are the following:
- First I am a big flirt and always will be. I love to hug and even kiss girls and I don’t think that right now in my life I will want to be really dedicated to one person only. Sure I’m really nice to everyone and maybe it seems like I would want to go out with someone but I’m just trying to have fun and enjoy my life, and trying to make whoever I am with have a great time as well. After all if two people are happy then it’s better than one, and why not share a smile with another person.
- I don’t think that I’m able to go out with someone who I have become a best friend with because to me I believe that love relationships can die and I would never want to loose something which means a lot to me. I don’t have many people I can talk with and share things with and go out with whenever on the spree of a moment and that’s I love that from those people.
- I like to hang out with many people. 95% of my friends are girls and I know from experience that in most relationships there will be a lot of jealousy happening especially since personally I don’t like going out with the same people all the time and this would include whoever would be my girlfriend. It’s fun to be with different people because everyone is different and this expands life experience.
- Love does not last forever and of course it can hurt people also when the love is gone and two people become enemies or just friends again it sucks. There is also other kind of relationships and those are the smaller ones. I have not really experience those ones and those are the ones I think go with my motto of life for now. I was talking with a girl the other day and she was all into trying something and then ending it and trying something different and it seemed like something which would be fun. Of course both people in the relationship but be all right with this but I’m really confused on how one would start something like this.
- I really don’t think I could live with a girlfriend because of the fact we would end up seeing each other way too much and never have privacy to be with other people. For one, I love people and well it just is not the same being with someone alone and being with someone around a group of other people. Yes I think I can live with a best friend because of the fact that we do share things together but we are also independent and can do our own things.
- Finally I don’t even know if I’m ready for something in the long run. If I did get into a relationship it would have to be to see if I’m ready for it. Even though I am not together with my old girlfriend, I kind of still do love her, and I don’t think that love will go away. I will have to accept some facts and move on and start a new love, which is fine, I just don’t think I’m mentally ready for another long-term relationship right now. I am ready to go out and have fun and enjoy, but to what point I don’t know.