What You Guys Think About My Story...
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Kuzutetsu replied on Wed Feb 8, 2012 @ 4:49pm |
 Coolness: 133010 | this is a pm to another guy on another forum but just feeling
like droppin it here cuz im pretty god damn pissed off about the situation and its literally screwing my whole life up. man sorry but im in dark days kinda here...ive been working for a company for about 5 years... well ok had about 6 months of wellfare then came back...2 freakin years ago... and from the past 3-4 months they were like man, work faster, work faster, work faster, work faster all the freaking time to one point they told me if you dont work faster we gonna slack you...so last monday (2 days ago) they wanted to slack me right away for some bullshit not working fast enough blablabla...managed to negotiate a 2week paycheck...starting.. monday (Feb 6th 2012)...worked tues (7th) and today when he came up to me (the guy whos checking the working guys for the company in his pick-up truck) man take your 2weeks already paid (cuz its the freaking law) sleeping at home your a complete psycho your working too fast ((0_x) WTF!??)) so yeah guess ill go get some wellfare..but fuck this ive been breaking my back and sweating like a pig for those cocksuckers for almost 2 years in a row, i need to find another job a.s.a.p....so yeah im pretty in psycho mood lol...i would have just sliced my boss throat monday and hit the other fucker with my best shot or blow his fucking truck up lol... so yeah.. comment..or not :P |
| I'm feeling nice shoes!; wanna fuck? right now.. | |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» DrGonzo replied on Wed Feb 8, 2012 @ 4:57pm |
 Coolness: 265930 | I don't understand, what are we supposed to comment on? Who are you sending this to and why? |
| I'm feeling abortions = omelettes right now.. | |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Kuzutetsu replied on Wed Feb 8, 2012 @ 5:04pm |
| Coolness: 133010 | no I just meant at first it was a pm.
and comment on the whole story or your opinion like a.not giving a fuck b.cool story bro c.whatever d.dont care e.boring f.okkkkk im sending this to some guy from the uk im working with to hack websites... just though id share my total unjustice and how some ppl are just full of shit and lying and extort and exploit ppl to theyre own benefit and ditch em like they were nothing when theyre tru with them. *insert pissed off smiley* |
| I'm feeling nice shoes!; wanna fuck? right now.. | |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Masa replied on Wed Feb 8, 2012 @ 5:30pm |
 Coolness: 158745 | a, b, c, d and e. I feel f. would give you SOME sort of vindication. |
| I'm feeling chaotic! right now.. | |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» v.2-1 replied on Wed Feb 8, 2012 @ 8:02pm |
 Coolness: 159095 | I suggest grabbing a few garbage bags from an old folks home, full of adult diapers and, well, shit and just dump them on your (ex) boss' car. Even better if it's a pickup truck. Cram the box full of garbage bags. Now, stay classy : don't throw them on the car for them to break, just leave them there but enough for him to take 15 minutes to get them off his car at the end of his shift.
I'm sure he'll be thrilled about it. :) |
| I'm feeling o.o right now.. | |
| Good [+3]Toggle ReplyLink» DCRn replied on Thu Feb 9, 2012 @ 9:40am |
 Coolness: 158210 | Plot: The plot barely holds up. Who's the protagonist? Who's the antagonist? You need to flesh out your characters more. The catalyst that causes change in your protagonist needs to be clearly defined if you want the audience to follow.
Editing: Good lord, you need an editor. Too many ellipses, not enough paragraphs. And the spelling errors make sure your screenplay's not going to be sold or even optioned. Shift key broken? Pacing: Too fast. It may work as a short movie or web movie but don't expect a full feature. Profanities: Are they necessary? Most studios will tend to edit out such words, to appeal to a broader (and younger) audience. Profanities demand a higher rating, which kills any chance for the box office and dare we say, Oscars. Casting: Who do you have in mind to play all roles? Since you're not describing who's who in your story, it might help form a basic idea of who your characters are. Remember to show, not tell! Conclusion: Would not buy, would not option. Needs editing and fuller characters. Needs a clear catalyst/obstacle. Good work but keep working on it and don't forget that a screenwriter will be turned down a good 50 times before making it! |
| I'm feeling nerdy right now.. | |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» DrGonzo replied on Thu Feb 9, 2012 @ 9:45am |
| Coolness: 265930 | Hahahahhaah ♥ |
| I'm feeling abortions = omelettes right now.. | |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Psyko-Kandy replied on Thu Feb 9, 2012 @ 10:38am |
 Coolness: 32300 | Awsome reply DrNyarlathotep I rate you11/10 |
| I'm feeling still waiting for a bether day right now.. | |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Masa replied on Thu Feb 9, 2012 @ 11:04am |
| Coolness: 158745 | Originally Posted By DRNYARLATHOTEP
Plot: The plot barely holds up. Who's the protagonist? Who's the antagonist? You need to flesh out your characters more. The catalyst that causes change in your protagonist needs to be clearly defined if you want the audience to follow. Editing: Good lord, you need an editor. Too many ellipses, not enough paragraphs. And the spelling errors make sure your screenplay's not going to be sold or even optioned. Shift key broken? Pacing: Too fast. It may work as a short movie or web movie but don't expect a full feature. Profanities: Are they necessary? Most studios will tend to edit out such words, to appeal to a broader (and younger) audience. Profanities demand a higher rating, which kills any chance for the box office and dare we say, Oscars. Casting: Who do you have in mind to play all roles? Since you're not describing who's who in your story, it might help form a basic idea of who your characters are. Remember to show, not tell! Conclusion: Would not buy, would not option. Needs editing and fuller characters. Needs a clear catalyst/obstacle. Good work but keep working on it and don't forget that a screenwriter will be turned down a good 50 times before making it! 
/bows. This so reminded me of Be Cool (which wasn't super awesome, but still PG13).. "Did you know that in order for a movie to not have an R rating, it can only have one F-word? Well fuck that!" -Chili Palmer |
| I'm feeling chaotic! right now.. | |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Kuzutetsu replied on Thu Feb 9, 2012 @ 3:23pm |
| Coolness: 133010 | ah oui pis pour conclure jme suis trouvé
une nouvelle job ce matin :D tout est bien qui fini bien :) |
| I'm feeling nice shoes!; wanna fuck? right now.. | |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» pencapchew replied on Thu Feb 9, 2012 @ 3:30pm |
 Coolness: 35565 | go to school |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Psyko-Kandy replied on Thu Feb 9, 2012 @ 6:01pm |
| Coolness: 32300 | C nice Sa LOL moi chui a la recherche encore pour une nouvelle job |
| I'm feeling still waiting for a bether day right now.. | |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Kuzutetsu replied on Thu Feb 9, 2012 @ 7:01pm |
| Coolness: 133010 | wais j'ai passez des poids moyens aux poids lourds, 6$/hr de+
...j'ai mal au bras mais j'ai + de cash!  |
| I'm feeling nice shoes!; wanna fuck? right now.. | |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» El_Presidente replied on Thu Feb 9, 2012 @ 10:01pm |
 Coolness: 299300 | Originally Posted By KUZUTETSU
no I just meant at first it was a pm. and comment on the whole story or your opinion like a.not giving a fuck b.cool story bro c.whatever d.dont care e.boring f.okkkkk im sending this to some guy from the uk im working with to hack websites... just though id share my total unjustice and how some ppl are just full of shit and lying and extort and exploit ppl to theyre own benefit and ditch em like they were nothing when theyre tru with them. *insert pissed off smiley* Cool story bro |
| I'm feeling the president right now.. | |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» DrGonzo replied on Thu Feb 9, 2012 @ 10:45pm |
| Coolness: 265930 | now come at me! |
| I'm feeling abortions = omelettes right now.. | |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» KounteSs replied on Thu Feb 9, 2012 @ 11:19pm |
 Coolness: 39390 | i thought you were a rich porn producer Kuzutetsu! too bad :P |
| I'm feeling costa rica!! right now.. | |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Psyko-Kandy replied on Fri Feb 10, 2012 @ 12:55am |
| Coolness: 32300 | Wrt a rich porn producer??? |
| I'm feeling still waiting for a bether day right now.. | |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Kuzutetsu replied on Fri Feb 10, 2012 @ 3:08pm |
| Coolness: 133010 | Originally Posted By KOUNTESS
i thought you were a rich porn producer Kuzutetsu! too bad :P I lol'ed...I wish :D |
| I'm feeling nice shoes!; wanna fuck? right now.. | |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Psyko-Kandy replied on Fri Feb 10, 2012 @ 5:16pm |
| Coolness: 32300 | Lol you wish to be rich or porn producer ... Why not both :P |
| I'm feeling still waiting for a bether day right now.. | |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» El_Presidente replied on Sat Feb 11, 2012 @ 3:14am |
| Coolness: 299300 | Originally Posted By DRGONZO
now come at me!  |
| I'm feeling the president right now.. | |
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