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The Electrohouse/dancerock Bandwagon
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Screwhead replied on Sun Nov 9, 2008 @ 11:54pm |
 Coolness: 685695 | Attention: hipster scum
In a handy service for people in skinny t shirts, ironic bling and inappropriate rosary necklaces (FYI: Jesus hopes you get smallpox), a website I read occasionally has saved the effort of picking out DJs that you have actually heard of from the confusing mass of 'mainstream dance artists’ that are obviously only appreciated by serious German men or the type of orange-skinned secretary who pronounces Ibiza as if it had an F in it. Behold, the hipster-friendly top 100 DJ list: [ www.hipsterrunoff.com ] (read it, as I’m not reposting it here) Use that keffiyeh to wipe the steam from your angular, thick-framed glasses, as that list is even more exciting than Banksy stenciling ‘subversive political commentary’ on a frostbitten tramp for the cover of Vice Magazine. It thoughtfully includes all the important genres of dance music: electrohouse, blog house, American Apparel house, ironic heavy metal T shirt house, Peaches Geldofstep, and any sub-genres that have swelled up like an outbreak of herpes simplex in the time that it took me to write this post. What the fuck is it about electrohouse that has attracted the bandwagon jumpers from every single musical genre on the fucking planet? Honestly, I can't look at Myspace, my email or take a piss at a nightclub without being assaulted with gaudy neon design work, pseudo graffiti and ironically-named club nights from somebody who just worked out that playing Justice records at a party will totally increase their chances of butt-fucking some anorexic photography student dancing ‘expressively’ to a dance rock remixe of The Gossip. Are electrohouse and dancerock the same thing? Probably, inasmuch as watching ITV on a Saturday and being sterilized should be the same thing, and it is undeniable that both are the chosen vehicles for the boring side-projects of otherwise underground musicians angling their way towards a teeth-grindingly uninformative cockpost on Pitchfork media. Electrohouse can at least be described as a promising genre of music oversubscribed with mediocre bandwagon jumpers. Hidden inside every poorly sequenced Ableton set are at least a handful of genuinely exciting productions, whereas the experience of enduring an entire set of dancerock is akin to being gang-raped by the teenagers that hang around outside Camden tube station. As far as I’m concerned dancerock is pretty much the worse thing to happen to the modern world since ‘1 million members to name my child Boris Johnson’ Facebook groups, Jeremy Clarkson’s avoidance of black ice and the time that OJ Simpson started the LA riots. The whole genre is like a gruesome hallucination where the most annoying people from the rave scene have fucked the least talented poseurs from the rock scene, couldn’t afford the necessary abortion and packed the resulting mongoloid fuckspawn to art college for a few years just to level up the part of their stats that control pretentious. Although having at least one degree in media studies means that I’m hardly in a position to talk, I have decided that art/fashion college is like a reverse concentration camp for hipsterism, squeezing re-animated corpses into skinny jeans, giving them two haircuts each and packing them off in huge numbers to force the rent up in the capital cities of the western world. Thanks hipsters, it’s all your fault that I have to live in fucking Jersey. The only good thing about hipsterism as a cultural movement is that it it’s so all-encompassing and essentially meaningless that it allows people like me (and in a hideous stroke of irony also the writers of Adbusters magazine) to focus much of our surplus middle-class rage onto the one target that isn’t just poor people. Imagine a cultural movement that somehow manages to squeeze fashionistas, wanky computer musicians and the dregs of student indie culture into one steaming shit sandwich; even Lily Allen and the writing staff of the NME are in there somewhere. In that respect alone hipster hating is absolutely fucking awesome – I pretty much feel like a Nazi in the 1930s, riding high on a surging current of loathing that sweeps across popular culture like a tidal wave hitting a country not important enough for even Bono to care about. I’m well aware that Bono isn’t a hipster, and probably doesn’t know what electrohouse is, but I think most people can agree that any massive pile of cunts has enough room for Bono’s bloated corpse to be tossed on top for the vultures. Getting mad at hipsertism is strangely liberating. If I disregard the inherent hypocrisy in the fact that I’m writing this on an Apple Powerbook, I can pretty much lash out in all directions, like an epileptic teenager at school disco. Suddenly a huge swathe of bad clothes, annoying music and obnoxiously trendy people can be herded into the same clearing and machine gunned with indiscriminate hatred. Do hipsters like nu-rave? Yes, I think so. Fucking great. Nu-rave is annoying, and so are hipsters: kill them all. How about wishy washy liberal politics? I think I saw a lot of hipsters holding signs on television last week, and I’m not sure but I think hipsters also like 9/11 conspiracy movies. That’s great – because I wish that somebody would fly a plane into American Apparel’s web server. I can’t read The Onion any more without shitty flash banners depicting some skaghead ad agency intern looking seductively vacant in hideous spandex leggings. Although their undies are quite comfortable, the following would undoubtedly force me to void my bowels in irritation even if I could afford a pair, which I can’t: [ store.americanapparel.net ] Look at that enormous smeg fountain! Ironic dookie ropes were respectable back when they signified that the wearer owned a vinyl copy of ‘Long Live The Kane’, now it seems to be a tactic for letting other tosspots know that your trust fund doesn’t quite stretch to real gold. I bet those chains looked pretty hype at the Daft Punk concert that I couldn’t get tickets to - shame that you couldn’t even see properly because you were wearing some stupid pink slatted shades that manage to still be hipster even though Kanye West owns a pair. How does that even add up? Kanye West and hipsters in the same sentence is the all-inclusive irritation equivalent of Russell Brand gatecrashing my house party with Sarah Palin’s retarded baby, taking turns to trainwreck Ed Banger ripoffs and huff whipped-cream propellant behind the decks. Like Josef Fritzl and R Kelly running a playschool for mutes, Kanye West sporting something you can buy at Hot Topic is wrong in the name of all that is good in this world – like Indie music and a cracked copy of Reason 2.5, the only place those two things belong together is at the bottom of a pit full of quicklime. Hey hipster, take a look over here at this hole. Look at those skeletons; they’re cool in this funky Mexican art deco kind of way. I bet you could get a pretty good picture of that with your lomo camera. Lean right over the edge there, get a good shot for your Myspace blog. Don’t worry, there’s no way I’m going to push you in there and sell your fixed-gear bicycle to buy black market firearms, you tedious floppy-fringed cuntbasket. |
| I'm feeling over 9000 right now.. | |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» cutterhead replied on Mon Nov 10, 2008 @ 12:24am |
 Coolness: 131700 | lol 1st link he totally push the dust bros out of the list lol, and made me laugh were he put a-trak, hilarious and true. yet i hate that list too, how can umek rank more than.. whatever you post sum it way better :D Update » cutterhead wrote on Mon Nov 10, 2008 @ 12:34am omg the replys are awsome !
Ads has left a reply. November 2nd, 2008 at 7:40 pm @Jack Layton, 01. Armin van Buuren - he is Dutch 02. Tiësto - also Dutch 03. Paul van Dyk - German 04. Above & Beyond - 2 Englishmen, One Fin 05. David Guetta - French. NONE OF THEM ARE GUIDO’s “”Guido” (Gino in Canada) is a pejorative slang term for a younger working class, Italian-American or Italian-Canadian male from the urban Northeastern United States or urban Central Canada, most often New York and the surrounding area due to the large number of Italian-Americans living in the area. The Guido stereotype is often portrayed as humorously thuggish and overtly macho attitude and an unyielding pride in his Italian ancestry. In a wider sense (and not directly connected to the above term anymore) is the use of ‘Guido’ as a bouncer slang term for an obnoxious club-going male.[1]” Guido - [ en.wikipedia.org ] [Reply] Gaspard has left a reply. November 2nd, 2008 at 8:17 pm @Ads, r u sucha fggt that pulled the guido definition from wiki? A guido is a type of person, it’s not necessarily geographically accurate. Christ, ur a hopeless fggt [Reply] PLOP has left a reply. November 3rd, 2008 at 12:18 am 1.Jack Layton 2.Gaspard =GUIDO’s Update » cutterhead wrote on Mon Nov 10, 2008 @ 1:21am @b, Just cause’ u like em’ doesnt mean they don’t suck balls and scrotum, ya douchebag. |
| I'm feeling 4.5kw 240vrms 45a right now.. | |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» MattWood replied on Mon Nov 10, 2008 @ 1:26am |
 Coolness: 39485 | what the FUUUCK!!!
GOD DAMMIT. *smashes face into desk* |
| I'm feeling focused right now.. | |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Blisss replied on Mon Nov 10, 2008 @ 3:04am |
 Coolness: 129825 | Yawn...the guys about 8 years late,
The electro house bandwagon actually started way back in 2000, lol... |
| I'm feeling bass heavy right now.. | |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» PitaGore replied on Mon Nov 10, 2008 @ 8:33am |
 Coolness: 471910 | dummy thang :D |
| I'm feeling yes we can ! right now.. | |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» the_worm replied on Mon Nov 10, 2008 @ 9:22am |
 Coolness: 61160 | Originally Posted By PITAGORE
dummy thang :D ohhhh que oui! |
| I'm feeling like the king of not right now.. | |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» MelooDie replied on Mon Nov 10, 2008 @ 11:12am |
 Coolness: 248530 | “”Guido” (Gino in Canada) is a pejorative slang term for a younger working class, Italian-American or Italian-Canadian male from the urban Northeastern United States or urban Central Canada, most often New York and the surrounding area due to the large number of Italian-Americans living in the area. The Guido stereotype is often portrayed as humorously thuggish and overtly macho attitude and an unyielding pride in his Italian ancestry.
Reggie!! Guido,here's your new surnameeeee |
| I'm feeling hidden oasis right now.. | |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» MURDOCK_ROCK replied on Mon Nov 10, 2008 @ 11:21am |
 Coolness: 83980 | this guy looks more like a douche bag than a gino/ guido.
but here ya go melo...  |
| I'm feeling republican right now.. | |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Screwhead replied on Mon Nov 10, 2008 @ 11:23am |
| Coolness: 685695 | that's a jersey guido, only it looks like he's actually gone easy on the orange fake-tan. |
| I'm feeling like shit right now.. | |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» PitaGore replied on Mon Nov 10, 2008 @ 11:29am |
| Coolness: 471910 | ewwwww |
| I'm feeling yes we can ! right now.. | |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» sabinonstop replied on Mon Nov 10, 2008 @ 1:56pm |
 Coolness: 92535 | Anyway i agree with most of his GREEN markings,but when
i saw he only marked RED daftpunk & justice i'm like WTF! sASHA,DIGWEED,CARL COX,ASTRAL PROJECTION,SVEN VATH,SEBASTIEN lEGER,hawtin BOOKA SHADE,LEIBING,VILLALABOS,DAFT PUNK,ASTRIX AND LAIDBACK LUKE All the above produce great music and r probably good dj's(i've only heard dj sets by sasha,astral projection,hawtin and chris leibing |
| I'm feeling ladansedescanards right now.. | |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» cutterhead replied on Mon Nov 10, 2008 @ 2:01pm |
| Coolness: 131700 | red-ing the chemical bros is a joke |
| I'm feeling 4.5kw 240vrms 45a right now.. | |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» ApR1zM replied on Mon Nov 10, 2008 @ 5:36pm |
 Coolness: 164905 | seriously i hate those guys as much as I hate hipsters like those kids working(almost) at BANG ON ! |
| I'm feeling failling pailing right now.. | |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Blisss replied on Mon Nov 10, 2008 @ 6:10pm |
| Coolness: 129825 | #65 female DJs who think they are awesome but kinda suck
#99 Joe the Plummer (DJ Set) Lol... |
| I'm feeling bass heavy right now.. | |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» PitaGore replied on Mon Nov 10, 2008 @ 6:15pm |
| Coolness: 471910 | who the fuck is that ?? lol |
| I'm feeling inspired right now.. | |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Blisss replied on Mon Nov 10, 2008 @ 7:53pm |
| Coolness: 129825 | Even better,
"Hosted by Joe The Plumber" hahaha... What happened to that whole hosting fad anyway? And what the fuck did the hosts actually do except smile and take your money... Seriously when I meet a host I expect at least some tea and cookies ;) |
| I'm feeling bass heavy right now.. | |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Gamos replied on Mon Nov 10, 2008 @ 9:43pm |
 Coolness: 93600 | maybe its cuz im stupid, but I totally didnt get the point of that blog. Can someone give me a synopsis in one or 2 sentences?
i mean, i rly like a lot of those top 100 djs...does that make me a hipster? |
| I'm feeling empty right now.. | |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» cutterhead replied on Mon Nov 10, 2008 @ 11:25pm |
| Coolness: 131700 | hwy trolling , and how to make a general assumption out the ass, and make it in an other sill valid way.
i get that lots of dj are just dusted off for the big name just because they ware gel. plus some retards think voting for their fav chick dj will get them in there bed stuff like that. i prefered the comment at the bottom of the article. it longer than the article itself :] |
| I'm feeling 4.5kw 240vrms 45a right now.. | |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» BOBDYLAN replied on Mon Nov 10, 2008 @ 11:33pm |
 Coolness: 148290 | hahahah le tutorial est nice je vais reproduire moustache en + |
| I'm feeling brokeback rave.ca right now.. | |
The Electrohouse/dancerock Bandwagon
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