DISCOVERING TRUE FEELINGS OF ECSTASY

It is strange to think that feelings of love, or empathy, or euphoria
might be nothing more than the particular state of your brain, the
right neural networks spurred into action by the right
neurotransmitters.

Feeling amorous or affectionate must, it seems, be more than the
activity of a ''pack of neurons,'' as Francis Crick, one of DNA's
discoverers, once described human emotion.

Yet the resurgence of MDMA, the drug popularly known as ecstasy, is a
compelling illustration of how the neural basis for affection can be
exploited as a shortcut to intimacy.

Take MDMA, and sure enough, you're going to want to touch and be
touched - a lot. You might find yourself confiding your most secret
thoughts to the stranger next to you, since suddenly it seems right -
indeed, inevitable - that your souls should merge. Sights and sounds
and words take on a special intensity and significance. There's no
longer any question: This Is It: the spiritual, psychic, and physical
communion you've been yearning for. You have transcended the boundaries
of self.

Of course all these pleasurable and profound feelings are absolutely,
undeniably real, as real as your brain as it responds to the flood of
serotonin made available by the drug. But, it might be asked, since
these feelings are radically indiscriminate, are they genuine? MDMA can
prime those who take it to fall for whatever is in the vicinity, be it
the human equivalent of a coat rack or a codfish.

The ''genuine'' question is worth contemplating as we grapple to
understand what drives a large segment of our population to use drugs,
with ecstasy now high on the list.

Few would dispute the idea that affection should be reserved for those
things or people who earn it. Yet some users of MDMA discover they
reveal themselves to others too easily, or become enamored of things
that lack enduring or intrinsic value. They were just on drugs.

So even though feelings of love and attachment may turn out to be brain
states (according to Ray Kurzweil, the artificial intelligence guru,
someday even robots will be capable of such feelings), it is still
important that the objects of our affections be worthy and durable.

Using drugs to generate such emotions may stunt our talent for forging
authentic commitments, and as profound as the experience might be at
the time, in the long run, drugs cannot substitute for a real, if
imperfect, lover who exists outside our heads.

Of course, all this will sound like mere moralizing to those who do not
particularly care about the source of good feelings, or their
permanence. After all, the primal rave experience, held under the
banner of PLUR (Peace, Love, Unity, and Respect) and often enhanced by
MDMA and other drugs, is about the moment, not the future. Who is to
say that such moments are not worthy and authentic, just because they
are transient?

Some therapists argue as well that MDMA can serve as an effective
adjunct in treating psychological disorders. With proper guidance,
chemically-induced catharsis can lead to insights that carry over into
ordinary life, without needing to repeat the experience.

But even accepting such arguments, there are still good reasons to be
wary of recreational MDMA use. It is commonly acknowledged by most
users, for instance, that the first time is the best: Try it again, and
you do not get quite the feeling. This is a sure sign that the brain
has changed in response to just one exposure.

The ''Tuesday blues,'' a midweek drop in mood following an ecstasy
weekend, is also frequently reported, suggesting that there is an
immediate neural-emotional debt to be paid for the sudden release of so
much serotonin. And although more research needs to be done to
determine the extent of its neurotoxicity, those familiar with the rave
scene acknowledge that heavy ecstasy users seem more prone to
depression.

So while it is highly unlikely that a little ecstasy will kill you
(only a few deaths nationwide have been directly attributed to MDMA),
it is possible that repeated use will modify brain function in ways
that could compromise cognition and emotional stability.

For the past decade, a natural experiment on the effects of ecstasy has
been underway in Great Britain, where the drug has been endemic in
clubs and raves. If regular MDMA use does indeed have significant
negative effects, they are likely to show up in British mental health
statistics in the next few years.

Those who imagine, dualistically, that they somehow exist over and
above their brains are arguably the most at risk of abusing, in the
quest for new highs, this most amazing organ of personal identity.
Unfortunately this includes many teenagers, who believe not only that
they are immortal, but that repeated drinking binges and drug trips
somehow will not affect their developing cognitive resources.

A good dose of scientifically grounded monism in health class -
teaching that mind and brain are essentially one - might help to
curtail enthusiasm for this latest new drug, as well as all the old
standbys still available. MDMA is not just changing your brain, it is
changingyou, and in a way that might not be particularly enjoyable in
the long run.

The intuition of mind-body duality is tough to surrender, rooted as it
is in the Western philosophical tradition of Descartes, for whom the
true self was incorporeal and therefore well insulated from changes in
mere matter. But the effects of MDMA show unequivocally that, as far as
thinking and feeling goes, ''brains are us'' - it is neurons or
nothing.

So it is best not to fiddle too much or too carelessly with the organic
machinery in our heads, since that is what we persons are, ultimately.
And we are better off looking for intimacy with a minimum of chemical
assistance, for only then can we be reasonably sure it is for real.

Thomas W. Clark is an associate at Health and Addictions Research,
Inc., a non-profit health research organization.