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Rules That Carlos Lives By
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Violence_Inc a répondu le Tue 27 Jan, 2004 @ 11:29am |
 Coolness: 174145 | 1) Loose Any Sense Of Shame: This might be the most important thing to keep in mind. No matter what, you can never let anyone get you into trance. People will give you looks (well, you hope they will....since you are mainly doing this for the status) and you are just going to have to deal with this. After you learn how to mix a few plates on your decks and have scribbled out a few hard pounding sets in your memo book, you are going to have to learn to perform in front of crowds (your mirror or, if you make it big, your parents in between commercials). You cannot afford holding back because you are afraid of what you look like. One key point: if all else fails, slap your mixer or decks or needles as if it was their fault. You might look like a girl, but at least you will still be a techno dj.
2) Learn Some Self Control: This is very important. If you are new to this techno dj-lifestyle (which can also be referred to as hyper gay) you might not be used to appearing as a homosexual all the time...but you must. You cannot afford to ever listen to anything other than techno in public. People may start thinking you are (::gasp: Diverse? That would not be good at all. Try to learn to save any of these urges of listening to other music when you are alone (most likely you will be alone a lot if you are a techno dj). When these times come, let out just a brief smile, take a deep breath, and then sniff some coke in order to get your eyes watery (it's a nice effect). 3) Dj Alias: This represents who you are and what kind of music you play. This is the most important part of djing. You think it has to do with skill? no no no...it's all in the name! For Techno you need somethingboring and unoriginal...something like Lostech. 4) The Decks and Mixer: As mentioned above, the decks and mixer are necessary for any techno dj. Synth lines? Too chaotic. Composed Loops? Way too complicated for you to grasp, stick to the kick drum. Bassline? Despite the low sound may be able to break up the monotonous sounds of the 4 x 4 kick, that is not the true sound of techno. Flute? Well you are almost a fairy, but still, techno only reveres kicks, everything else is blasphemy to the true art of techno. You need technics to actually be respected as an actual dj. When people ask you to play (even though you can only beat match 3 songs) just sniffle a little and say, "I’ll suck your dick for coke." this distraction tactic that has worked for countless of techno djs around the world and will work for you too, remember, no teeth. They will slowly walk away and you won't have to worry about playing anymore. High Five!!...oh wait, wash your hands first they are covered in semen. 5) The record bag: Bring this bag where ever you go, even if you aren’t playing at the party. This is so you can bond with other techno djs and compares the awesome white labels you tracked down off the net or in your local techno record shops. You might as well start making a set. Why? Because no one is going to invite you anywhere else, so you might as well kill some time. Use this set of hard pounding techno to, originally, draw girls' attention and, inevitably, chase them away. 6) The Webcam: This is a Techno dj MUST. If you do not have a webcam, you do not know true djing. Take recordings of yourself all the time. You’ll show all those eager fans how your mixing skills are up to par. Well you won’t really have any fans, no one will ever really no who you are, but its not about that right, its about the music…isn’t it? Never look directly at the camera, either. That would show interest. The picture should look something like as shown. 7) The Clothes: What is that phrase? Clothes make the man? Well, in this case, someone else's clothes make the man. Since no one really listens to techno you can only shop at Salvation Army, Goodwill, or any other place where the average customer gets the early bird special and then grabs some lunch at the local food pantry. If you want to be a "poser" (if that is still possible) you can grab some record fag bag and put books in them, or your parents vinyls, make it look like you are on your way to a gig. After you're done grabbing some shirts, it's time to get on your knees, with your actual lack of playing; you need to resort to other extreme methods of acquiring money. Finally, you cannot forget about the shoes. Stay with anything from sears, its cost effective. 8) Music: You're almost there!! You've got the image, now all you need is.....wait, what's that? You are only doing this for the status?? Hmm.... Well, let's assume someone out there actually wants to complete their Techno-city. You're final step is choosing the correct music. There are two key points to this. First, ONLY listen to music that concentrates only, and I mean only on bass drums. If they contain any interesting sounds, pass, loops, samples, phrases this will ruin the true sound of techno…anything with a melody, a build up, or different patterns is not TRUE TECHNO. Secondly, once you find these plates, make sure their names follow this simple formula: They must be one word; something boring and monotonous like the music, you don’t want to take away from the actual monotonous repetitive music. Finally, if you become a full tech-head (a.k.a. homosexual) you must join a production company. At first, just be a solo artist on your decks (see #3). This can also be called the "learn you suck at mixing" period. After that, if you at least have a decent mixing skills and track selection, join a label. You are stronger in numbers. Also you will be booked for parties with these new connections, of course you’ll be playing last at 10 am, but don’t worry, those speed junkies are to brain dead at that time to even hear your horrible mixing skills! Just wait till they all leave, it usually only takes about 7-9 minutes. Well, that's it. If you can follow these simple steps, you will eventually be a true Techno dj. Make sure to read everything clearly because we wouldn't want any mix ups. You might misread something and actually end up becoming a jungle dj or a house dj. |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Toltech a répondu le Tue 27 Jan, 2004 @ 11:37am |
 Coolness: 145475 | hey I'm not gay alright.....I'm latino.....iss called grace, pendejo! |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Violence_Inc a répondu le Tue 27 Jan, 2004 @ 11:38am |
| Coolness: 174145 | hahah i love you carlos. in the bum. |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Toltech a répondu le Tue 27 Jan, 2004 @ 11:42am |
| Coolness: 145475 | yeah I know, I've seen the way you hold your cigarettes baby ;) |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Violence_Inc a répondu le Tue 27 Jan, 2004 @ 11:46am |
| Coolness: 174145 | i hope you read the post...i spent 15 mins editing it! |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Toltech a répondu le Tue 27 Jan, 2004 @ 11:48am |
| Coolness: 145475 | yeah yeah jeeezz....it's like it's poetry or something.... |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» little_sarah a répondu le Tue 27 Jan, 2004 @ 11:49am |
 Coolness: 121495 | yeah, smoking is bad jeff |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Violence_Inc a répondu le Tue 27 Jan, 2004 @ 11:50am |
| Coolness: 174145 | I want to diEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Toltech a répondu le Tue 27 Jan, 2004 @ 11:51am |
| Coolness: 145475 | but it feels so good....kinda like murder muahahahhahaa!
I like the end, I might end up being a jungle dj hahaha as if that wasn't being cool. |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» little_sarah a répondu le Tue 27 Jan, 2004 @ 11:51am |
| Coolness: 121495 | shh- quiet down. |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Toltech a répondu le Tue 27 Jan, 2004 @ 11:52am |
| Coolness: 145475 | yes momma! |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» little_sarah a répondu le Tue 27 Jan, 2004 @ 11:53am |
| Coolness: 121495 | good boy *gives you a cookie* |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Violence_Inc a répondu le Tue 27 Jan, 2004 @ 11:57am |
| Coolness: 174145 | pfttt dont listen to her. Shes evil. Evil dawns many faces. The one that is the most innocent carries to the torch of hellfire. Beware her snake tip tongue whispering in your ear.
i like this part best - First, ONLY listen to music that concentrates only, and I mean only on bass drums. If they contain any interesting sounds, pass, loops, samples, phrases this will ruin the true sound of techno…anything with a melody, a build up, or different patterns is not TRUE TECHNO. |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» little_sarah a répondu le Tue 27 Jan, 2004 @ 11:57am |
| Coolness: 121495 | WHERE ARE THESE EVIL ACCUSATIONS COMING FROM?! |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Violence_Inc a répondu le Tue 27 Jan, 2004 @ 11:59am |
| Coolness: 174145 | accusations? more like affirmations. |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Toltech a répondu le Tue 27 Jan, 2004 @ 1:03pm |
| Coolness: 145475 | ok I'm not eating this cookie anymore.....no offence Sarah but I'd rather play it safe... |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Violence_Inc a répondu le Tue 27 Jan, 2004 @ 2:39pm |
| Coolness: 174145 | If techno were a person, you'd fuck techno. |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» little_sarah a répondu le Tue 27 Jan, 2004 @ 5:12pm |
| Coolness: 121495 | Originally posted by AZAZEL...
accusations? more like affirmations. you're a jackass- you know that? |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Toltech a répondu le Tue 27 Jan, 2004 @ 7:43pm |
| Coolness: 145475 | Originally posted by AZAZEL...
If techno were a person, you'd fuck techno. dude, I swear to god I use to say that all the time!....like 3-4years ago.....I stopped saying it because people would think I'm weird.......I'm really crazy in the head though... |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» michaeldino a répondu le Tue 27 Jan, 2004 @ 8:15pm |
 Coolness: 69030 | id fuck techno...
hard in the ass |
Rules That Carlos Lives By
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