5 Stages Of Raver
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 Coolness: 201220
| This is a joke, based on some other things I have seen (the 5 stages of industrial) so please disregard this aside from humor purposes...
The 5 stages of raver
Stage 1: newbie
Discover electronic music, attend your first rave, think it is the greatest thing ever. Buy your music from hmv/futureshop. Dance with glowsticks. Think DJ's make the music they play. Listen to: Trance music: Paul Oakenfold, Tiesto.. The crystal method, chemical brothers, or any thing that remotely sounds like electronic music.
Stage 2: candykid
Discover more underground styles that have stayed underground because they suck. Attend parties every week. Realize the difference between K, Z, E, ect... Think that the colour or shape of a pill changes it's chemical properties. Claim that glowsticks are lame, but dress up like a christmas tree. Purchase your clothes at overpriced stores. Start a flyer collection. Sell all the CD's you purchased at stage one and claim it is "lame and commercial". Claim that DJ's are talented. Know that DJ's don't make the music they play but still think they are god. Listen to: Happyhardcore, gabber, ect...
Stage 3: Jaded
Realize that you dressed like an idiot and listened to annoying, repetitious music. Begin to listen to less popular music which is equally annoying and repetitious (eg. jungle). Sell your old clothes and old cds and claim they are "lame and commercial". Buy turntables. Buy your drugs from more trustworthy dealers. Make your own clothes. Cut down drug use and increase alcohol consumption. Stop dancing at parties, but still attend parties to make fun of the stage 2 people. Try and sleep with the stage 2 people, especially ones who are much younger than you. Become a DJ and act as if it requires a lot of talent and skill. Hang out in VIP rooms. Never dance at parties, unless it is jungle. Try to promote your own parties and lose lots of money. Listen to: Jungle/ D n B / breaks / whatever you claim is the music of the "oppressed".
Stage 4: post-jaded meltdown
Sell turntables. Begin producing music. Claim that all DJ's and promoters are talentless hacks. Claim that all stage 1 and stage 2 people are lame whores. Claim that stage 3 people are alcoholics who are full of themselves. Try and sleep with stage 3 people, especially if they are much younger than you. Listen to any music that has no beat and sounds like noise. Claim it is "new and innovative". Buy music from independent music stores for inflated prices. Either A) reduce drug consumption or B) become addicted to a very hard to get and new drug. Listen to: IDM, noisecore, breaksexperimentalexplosioncore, ambient.
Stage 5: weird/braindamaged
Reject all electronic music, and claim it is the devil. Sell computer. Live in a shack. Wish you could have sex with stage 4 people, but it is against your new claim of abstinence. Drink lots of tea and cry a lot. Give up all drugs but be forced to live the rest of your life with serious mental issues from the chemical imbalances you have created. Listen to tapes of buddhist chants and folk rock on a little underpowered boom-box. |
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Coolness: 201220
| oh yeah that generally only applies to males.. for females is should be "tries to sleep with next highest stage, espcially if they are much older" |
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 Coolness: 120910
| that is sooooo true even tho it's supposed to be a satire of the whole scene |
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 Coolness: 174085
| bahaha scotty that was great |
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 Coolness: 685585
| I think I just hit stage 3 over the weekend, except I don't sell stuff. |
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 Coolness: 276430
| BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA... too true too true.. |
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Coolness: 174085
| im stage 5. burn everything,. |
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Coolness: 276430
| nah.. jeff.. I'd say your a 4. |
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Coolness: 201220
| I'm so 4, bordering on 5... |
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Coolness: 120910
| i'm at stage 6: destro the whole scene and erase all memory of it |
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 Coolness: 182525
| ha!!! and its so true!!! |
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Coolness: 201220
| heh stage 6 is DEATH |
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Coolness: 174085
| kawfin i dunt like idm or noise. i like hiphop and metal.
im a mix of 4-5-6(gotts kick it with eldar there) burn the scene. i love it when parties get busted now. |
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Coolness: 685585
| I'm like a combination of 3 through 5.. I never DJed, I've always produced, just not always stuff worth listening to. And I can actually play instruments, as opposed to most producers. But, I listen to too much diffrent sorts of music, so I'm not elitists like all the other ravers. |
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Coolness: 174085
| your not an elitist? i though having your cell phone attached to you belt would make you one. maybe im wrong. |
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Coolness: 201220
| yeah I have to admit someones when I hear a party got busted I thought it was funny.. All those people.. their dream for the night taken away from them... all the candykids wanting to change the laws and shit and all saying it's unfair.. then the next day going to the next party that's happening and forgetting about everything :) |
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Coolness: 685585
| I don't trust stuff in my pockets. Also, even if your phone is locked, when someone calls you pressing any key answers, so a few times I had ppl call me and my pocket answered and I missed important calls. |
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 Coolness: 144225
| #2 is pretty bang-on |
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 Coolness: 66510
| I'm inbetween stage 5 and stage 6, except I've ignored the rave scene for more "mature" forms of electronic music, like triphop! |
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Coolness: 201220
| house is mature.. House is what started the whole god damn scene in the first place, so it's had the longest to evolve... |
5 Stages Of Raver
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