131 Ways To Tell That You'Re Mall-Core - Page 1

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131 Ways To Tell That You'Re Mall-Core

Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Czarkastik a répondu le Sat 9 Apr, 2005 @ 7:26pm

Coolness: 148995

1. Your hair is dyed a color that doesn't appear naturally in humans, and you think tattoos and piercings are "sexy."
2. "Rip," "Suck," and "Rule" are the best descriptions you can come up with for music.
3. You think ICP is funny.
4. You think Korn is a metal band.
5. When you write or type words, you do it LiKe ThIs because you think it looks ReAlLy kEwL.
6. You think "Eighties Metal" refers to Motley Crue, Bon Jovi, and Poison.
7. You call yourself a metal fan, but when someone mentions Tom G.Warrior you just get a confused look on your face.
8. You're white, yet you wear really baggy clothes and try to come off as being hardcore.
10. You call people "fags" and "pieces of muthafuckin' shit."
11. You assume that if someone doesn't like Slipknot, they must listen to "pussy stuff like N'sync".
12. You claim to like heavy metal, yet can't name any German thrash bands.
13. You call things "the shit."
14. You own a Dr. Suess hat.
15. You think "goth" means Marilyn Manson.
16. You associate "industrial" with Prodigy instead of Skinny Puppy and Foetus.
17. You have a tribal tattoo.
18. You'd just die if Jonathan Davis touched you!
19. You think black metal bands are trying to copy KISS with their image.
20. You say things like, "Korn rulz and always will! If u dun like them you sux!"
21. You're under 20 years old and claim to like "extreme music."
22. You think the cops probably want to steal your pot.
23. Your music collection consists of less than 100 items. Most or all of these names appear in your collection: Korn, Taproot, Limp Bizkit, Fear Factory, Machine Head, Coal Chamber, System Of A Down, Downset, Soulfly, Pantera, Mudvayne, and Static-X.
24. You say some rap is good.
25. You love Incubus and don't know that there was once a Florida thrash metal band by the same name.
27. You're a 17 year old female and wear crop tops under your open ski jacket in January to show off your navel piercing. Flabby abdominal muscles do not seem to deter you, either.
28. You know who Wayne Static is and think his hair is kEwL.
29. You think Korn "revitalized heavy metal", even though the band themselves want to be disassociated with the genre.
30. You don't realize that Rob Flynn disgraces his past in Vio-lence with every passing moment he spends in Machine Head.
31. You have covered the back of your car in stickers, including at least one anarchy symbol, and one alien.
32. You think death metal is Satanic.
33. You think that by dressing, looking and talking like every other Mallcore simpleton that you're showing your individuality and expressing your uniqueness.
34. You think Fear Factory keeps getting better on every album.
35. You don't realize that Pantera ripped off Exhorder after deciding to cease and desist with glam.
36. You think that Metallica is good for a bunch of old geezers and Reload rocks!!
37. You consider the black album "old Metallica".
38. You think that Roadrunner is an underground label.
39. Best Buy meets all of your music needs.
40. You think you're on the cutting edge of music after seeing such "obscure" bands as Mushroomhead, Taproot, and Drowning Pool.
41. You learned your ebonics from Hatebreed.
42. You never experienced the torture of "Headbangers' Ball" - sitting through 2 hours and 50 minutes of White Lion, Extreme, Enuff Z Nuff and Poison to see a Kreator video.
43. You think Kid Rock is the first person to combine rap with "heavy" guitars.
44. You actually like Staind. Enough to buy it on CD. Enough to see them live. Enough to wear one of their shirts in public.
45. You say you hate the government yet can't name more than five people who actually work in the government, and one of those people is your aunt Irene that works at the DMV.
46. You don't find this rant amusing in the slightest.
47. You think your backpack goes nicely with your backwards baseball cap.
48. You think that the pictures of Coal Chamber are not at all silly, goofy, ugly, or stupid. In fact, you think at least one of the band members is really hot - even in these clothes. In fact, you dress like this every day and your parents and/or teachers give you a lot of grief about it.
49. You say things like "Korn are heavier than Iron Maiden or Judas Priest EVER were".
50. You're constantly in danger of tripping over your wallet chain.
51. You shave your eyebrows to look like that fag from Orgy.
52. You think Stormwitch, Anvil, Destruction and Blood Feast are new games for N64.
53. You think Slipknot is "The heaviest fucking band on earth, EVER. Nothing could top that, dude."
54. You think Linkin Park mosh pits are "violent."
55. Your parents hate your look but buy you your ridiculous clothes anyway because your broke ass won't.
56. You actually go out and buy the bands played on [ Farmclub.com ]
57. You think a band kicks ass if the guitarist performs a BMX Tabletop while he's playing that constant over-distorted open sludge note on it.
58. You look like Fred Durst.
59. You wear a red baseball cap that's somewhat furry.
60. You look like Eminem and actually think he's kEwL.
61. You know every lyric to all of Eminem's albums.
62. Before the Black Album got huge, you called Metallica "worship-Satan, kill-your-mother, rape-your-sister shit."
63. Hot Topic, Aeropostale and Gadzooks meet all of your clothing needs.
64. You actually think Kid Rock is worth your spending money on.
65. When somebody mentions metal, you think Papa Roach instead of Motorhead.
66. You've heard real metal and you don't like it.
67. You refuse to acknowledge the fact that Slipknot's masks are just gimmicks.
68. You think Limp Bizkit and Crazy Town are "tight."
69. You call death metal boring but you've never actually listened to a death metal band.
70. You get confused in the metal chatroom as to why most people there are "dissing" your favorite band.
71. You've sent hatemail to webmasters of anti-mall metal sites(with bad grammar and obscene language, of course).
72. You dress in a gothic way, listen to stuff such as Marilyn Manson and Korn but have the nerve to call yourself a non-conformist.
73. You fancy yourself as a non-conformist rebel but shrink back in fear everytime your math teacher tells you to "knock it off!"
74. Every time a new mallcore band pops up, you are usually one of the first to buy their CDs at FYE, in the mall.
75. You claim you don't like boy bands or rappers but you hang around with most of their fans.
76. You think the singer from Mudvayne is really hot.
77. When somebody mentions Slayer you think God Hates Us All.
78. You say the first Coal Chamber album doesn't sound like Korn.
79. You get confused when somebody says the singer from Tristania is better than the singer from Kittie.
80. You say Hot Topic isn't a trendy store.
81. Your hair is more colors than a hippie's shirt.
82. Your idea of Death Metal is Fear Factory.
83. Your screenname has more X's than ever thought imaginable in a 16-letter space.
84. You actually smoke pot on April 20th.
85. You think Cannibal Corpse started "death metal."
86. Your closet is full of Jncos and Korn/Slipknot/Mudvayne shirts, all with bleach stains and holes and fringed ends.
87. Your idea of a heavy guitar sound is an Ibanez RG7 tuned to Z flat.
88. You don't know what happened to Danzig after The Misfits.
89. You use your index, pinky AND thumb when making the metal salute.
90. Your idea of underground is Spineshank.
91. The more dented, scratched, stickered up and destroyed your guitar is, the better it is.
92. You think that by rebelling against your parents you're actually accomplishing something.
93. You've hit a "gravity bong."
94. You think of Cold as being emotional.
95. You consider yourself a black metal fan because you recently found out about Phil Anselmo's side project "Viking Crown."
96. You think Cradle Of Filth is black metal.
97. You deny that Slipknot and Korn are mainstream, yet they are constantly aired on MTV and widely available in malls.
98. You really think Marilyn Manson mames animals on stage.
99. All of your friends look exactly like you with slight differences like whether the lip piercing is on the left or right.
100. Your idea of a diverse musical taste is Blink 182.
101. You own a skateboard.
102. You think Slipknot's drummer is good because he can play double bass.
103. You worship Slipknot but don't know who Anal Blast are.
104. You think every band Metal Edge Magazine mentions is metal. Not to mention go by what bands label themselves, no matter how false it is.
105. You play a 7-string guitar and seriously think Korn invented them.
106. You don't know that Korn ripped off a Morbid Angel song. The breakdown of Morbid Angel's "Angel Of Disease" sounds exactly like Ball Tongue. (Angel Of Disease-1993, Ball Tongue-1994)
107. You say "y'all."
108. You think Tool is talented because they sound different from other mallcore bands.
109. Whenever your parents or other adults are around, you cough to hide the obscenities when you have a Korn CD on.
110. You think no one listens to Eighties Metal anymore and if they do, they're at least fourty years old.
111. You think Chris Barnes has the "deepest voice."
112. Your parents make you go to church and you think you're evil and blasphemic by wearing a Marilyn Manson shirt when you go with them.
113. The first time you ever heard Morbid Angel was when you saw them with Pantera and Kittie.
114. When someone mentions grind, all you can think of is Anal Cunt.
115. You think real metallers have never outsmarted a mallcore nerd and foolishly try to fight them.
116. You think people who don't like mallcore don't listen to it because they can't understand it.
117. You think people who don't like mallcore can't take "hard music."
118. You think Deicide is the most Satanic band in the world.
119. You think Corey Taylor is "da best fuckin' metal singer EVER."
120. You think Slayer are the godfathers of "death metal."
121. When someone mentions Hellhammer, you think of the drummer of Kovenant.
122. Your only use for vinyl records is as a frisbee.
123. You like Primus, but don't know who Possessed were.
124. You would cream yourself if Ozzy autographed your copy of the Reunion CD.
125. You say anything you don't listen to must suck.
126. You think Ozzy is the godfather of all metal.
127. You think Brave New World is the best Maiden album.
128. You think "666" is a Satanic symbol.
129. You obstinately deny the influence of rap in mallcore even though many of them claim rap influence.
130. You've never heard 80s Sepultura.
131. Last, but not least the first time you hear of Meshuggah is when they play Ozzfest this summer.

Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Souldah a répondu le Sat 9 Apr, 2005 @ 7:48pm


Coolness: 48240	hahahaha so true

Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Screwhead a répondu le Sat 9 Apr, 2005 @ 7:55pm


Coolness: 685580	bwahahahahahaha wait, does number 87 mean that I'm mall-core?

Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» blop a répondu le Sat 9 Apr, 2005 @ 8:12pm


Coolness: 200520	132. you think it's cool to post stupid "you know you're ____ when..." lists.

Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Screwhead a répondu le Sat 9 Apr, 2005 @ 8:20pm

Coolness: 685580

:lol

man, I think I might be mall-core after all. This is the playlist I had on while reading the list...

1. Cradle of Filth - From the Cradle to Enslave (6:36)
2. Cradle of Filth - Of Dark Blood and F**King (6:02)
3. Cradle of Filth - Death Comes Ripping (1:57)
4. Cradle of Filth - Sleepless (4:19)
5. Cradle of Filth - Funeral in Carpathia [Be Quick or Be Dead Version] (8:08)
6. Cradle of Filth - Dawn of Eternity (6:24)
7. Cradle of Filth - Scorched Earth Erotica (4:57)
8. Garbage - As Heaven Is Wide (4:53)
9. Korn - Y'all Want A Single (3:17)
10. Korn - Break Some Off (2:35)
11. Korn - Did My Time (4:04)
12. Korn - Here To Stay (4:31)
13. Korn - Hating (5:10)
14. Korn - Beat It Upright (4:15)
15. Korn - Wake Up Hate (3:12)
16. Mindless Self Indulgence - Bitches (2:42)
17. Mindless Self Indulgence - Cocaine And Toupees (1:50)
18. Mindless Self Indulgence - Faggot (2:44)
19. MuDvAyNe - Dig (2:41)
20. MuDvAyNe - Death Blooms (4:51)
21. MuDvAyNe - Nothing To Gein (5:28)
22. Mushroomhead - Before I Die (3:13)
23. Mushroomhead - Bwomp (6:23)
24. Mushroomhead - Solitare (4:37)
25. Mushroomhead - Chancre Sore (2:35)
26. Mushroomhead - The New Cult King (2:10)
27. Mushroomhead - Sun Doesn't Rise (3:13)
28. Mushroomhead - Mother Machine Gun (4:16)
29. Rammstein - Feuer Frei (3:09)
30. Rammstein - Bestrafe Mich (3:38)
31. Rammstein - Du Hast (3:55)
32. Rammstein - Bück Dich (3:22)
33. Rob Zombie - Superbeast (3:40)
34. Rob Zombie - Demonoid Phenomenon (4:11)
35. Slipknot - (Sic) (3:19)
36. Slipknot - Eyeless (3:56)
37. Slipknot - Wait and Bleed (2:27)
38. Slipknot - People=Shit (3:35)
39. Slipknot - Heretic Song (4:14)
40. Slipknot - New Abortion (3:36)
41. Slipknot - Duality (4:12)
42. Slipknot - Pulse Of The Maggots (4:19)

Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» blop a répondu le Sat 9 Apr, 2005 @ 8:51pm


Coolness: 200520	8. Garbage - As Heaven Is Wide (4:53) nice.

Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Screwhead a répondu le Sun 10 Apr, 2005 @ 12:54am


Coolness: 685580	I love their stuff. Fucking amaaaaaazing yo.

Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» cactain_steef a répondu le Sun 10 Apr, 2005 @ 12:07pm


Coolness: 154665	RINGRINGRINGRINGRINGRINGRINGRING BANANA PHOOOOOOOOOONEEEEE!!!! dingdongdingdongdingdongding... banana pHooooooone!

Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» ashtraygirl a répondu le Sun 10 Apr, 2005 @ 2:51pm


Coolness: 89475	that's a great Garbage song. Garbage's 1st album - right up there in my top 10 albums ever made.

Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» stabwork a répondu le Sun 10 Apr, 2005 @ 7:31pm


Coolness: 35595	It's about time that someone else thinks that Pantera ripped off Exhorders sound and vocal style. Check out Slaughter in the Vatican and The Law, and then tell many how many houses you torched in a raging inferno after you listen to these puppies!

Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Czarkastik a répondu le Sun 10 Apr, 2005 @ 7:50pm


Coolness: 148995	bahahahah! spooky listens to Mudvayne!! what a Douche! not to mention Korn.. man, ouch. that is weak. I suggest some Mortician.

Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Czarkastik a répondu le Sun 10 Apr, 2005 @ 7:52pm

Coolness: 148995

101 rules for DEATHMETAL!

1. Be Br00tal

2. dont be gay

3. Any one who isnt br00tal, is gay...

4. be gore

5. try and be br00tal gore if at all possible

6. Dont sit and watch any bands at any concerts, you must mosh, even if you hate the band.

7. Use the word "crushing" to describe things that are cool.

8. blast beats mean good drumming

9. never under any circumstances listen to....

10. six feet under

11. dont be Chris Barnes

12. if someone asks you if you like Cannibal Corpse, only say Chris Barnes CC, but maintaining your hate for him all the while

13. if in doubt, use some verb for vomiting in a song/ album title.

14. GORE OWNS YOU POSERS

15. Anything not ruthless or brutal is gay.

16. Maiden is pussy music, it doesnt crush...

17. for some reason, you must accept syl as deathmetal....

18. when your mom asks you to take out the trash, smash her face with a hammer, and rape her infront of your sister, then exhume a corpse and have a threesome with it and your mother

19. old cannibal owns\m/

20. hate old cannibal

21. when your mom makes you take the trash out via threats of violence tell her you only did it because your ruthless enough to handle anything, then kick the trashcan.

22. make fun of numetal using drop tuned 7s and simple riffs, then be in a band that does exactly that.

23. suffocation must be worshiped and copied no matter what.

24. name your band disgorge

25. do a slayer cover.

26. when in doubt say BRUTAL DEATH METAL!

27. smash crosses

28. youre not trying hard enough to be brutal

29. having a girlfriend is gay, it makes you less brutal

30. say you love Cryptopsy, but hate all albums besides None So Vile.

31. Blast beats can fill ANYTHING.

32. BLAST BEATS ARE BRUTAL:@

33. try as hard as you can to be gross, at the expense the entire band.

34. you can never have enough Carcass clones....

35. alas...dont be Dani Filth..

36. Say that all American deathmetal sucks, dispite the fact that most European bands are just copies of the American invented sound.

37. admit devin townsend is your lord and savior.

38. dont be grim

39. its perfectly plausable to be true and brutal in concurrance.

40. necro is cool, be necro....necro is used in deathmetal song titles....be necro...

41. sing about outragous gore, why god sucks...as much as possible.

42. infact...gorey deaths of jesus are what you should sing about, so sing...

43. if in a chatroom. kick and ban as many as possible to prove your brutality.

44. rap is not brutal.

45. if your girlfriend makes you listen to rap, berate her until the relationship dies.

46. wiggers are the declared enemy.

47. the low end of the bass is never too low, infact it could be even heavyer, tune down another step.

48. worship flo from cryptopsy

49. be racist and talk about suffocations ownage in the same sentence.

50. name your band disgorge.

60. when asked what deathmetal stands for say "DeathMetal is the soundtrack to societys end, mankind is useless, its the raw essence of nature and its brutality!" when the real reason you listen to it is blastbeats and funny lyrics.

61. hate punk

62. seriously, hate punk, and anything else weak.

63. feelings other then that of rage, the will to commit murder, or brutality are not true, nor are they brutal.

64. if you cry, you are not DEATHMETAL.

65. hate powermetal.

66. sing about corpses

67. when you pull a skinless and become commerical deathcore...say you did it for artistic integrity

68. hate new slayer

69. denouce slayer as not an inovator of deathmetal at all...

70. secretly love slayer

71. only admit to liking a few slipknot songs when drunk.

72. SLIPKNOT!?s:slkhD WHAT?

73. Pretend members of your family apprecaite deathmetal at 3 am.

74. insist on talking to uninterested parties about deathmetal and assume they understand what NUMETAL means, what blastbeats are, and care why Morbid Angel crushes.

75. Insit that suffocation are gods...

76. numetal is fucking gay.

77. seriously, ever heard the band staind? wow, you just wanna slap aaron lewises bald head with a hammer.

78. Greet only with Hail.

79. if someone is especialy brutal say "HAIL MOTHERFUCKER"

80. copy the 101 rules for blackmetal for ideas.

81. necro, any form of vomit, or misanthrope own and should be done as much as possible, to the point you want to smash stuff with hammers.

82. Hammers are cool.

83. the word OWN is the best word for any situation.

84. this owns

85. Hammers own.

86. BRUTAL DEATH FUCKING METAL!!! RRRAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!

87. Kill posers, with hammers....

89. Dont be Fear Factory

90. entrails are fun to sing about...

91. in addition to hammers and guts, chainsaws are also fun fun.

92. never use the term "fun fun"

93. Do stupid stunts that will no doubt prove your "brutality"

94. if its br00tal, it owns.

95. Say you want to fuck Angela Gassow, but hate her music.

96. Dont be Chris Barnes, seriously....

97. Say your favorite band is Death, but never listen to them.

98. "ruthless" is another welcomed addition to your vocabulary.

99. Hate inflames

100. You liked Inflames 3 years ago, but now youve always hated them

101. What the fuck are you still reading this for...pick up a chainsaw and attack some posers!!!

Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Czarkastik a répondu le Sun 10 Apr, 2005 @ 7:54pm


Coolness: 148995	BROOOOOOOOOOOTAL MUSIC!!!

Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» PaT_ a répondu le Sun 10 Apr, 2005 @ 9:33pm


Coolness: 116285	60. when asked what deathmetal stands for say "DeathMetal is the soundtrack to societys end, mankind is useless, its the raw essence of nature and its brutality!" when the real reason you listen to it is blastbeats and funny lyrics.

Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Screwhead a répondu le Mon 11 Apr, 2005 @ 1:37am


Coolness: 685580	18. when your mom asks you to take out the trash, smash her face with a hammer, and rape her infront of your sister, then exhume a corpse and have a threesome with it and your mother :lol

Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» PaT_ a répondu le Mon 11 Apr, 2005 @ 8:06am


Coolness: 116285	21. when your mom makes you take the trash out via threats of violence tell her you only did it because your ruthless enough to handle anything, then kick the trashcan. ;)

Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Deadfunk a répondu le Mon 11 Apr, 2005 @ 11:28pm


Coolness: 152995	whats mall-core (sorry if im not cool enough!)

Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Screwhead a répondu le Mon 11 Apr, 2005 @ 11:32pm


Coolness: 685580	You know those kids that listen to KoRn and MuDvAyNe and SlIpKnOt that have a metric ton of facial piercings and hair in shades that would have a blind man screaming OH MY GOD THAT'S LOUD! and they're like WAY more hardcore than ANYONE 'cause everything they do or watch or listen to or say is EXTREEEEEME!!!!!!1!!11! Yeah those.

Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» FRANKB a répondu le Mon 11 Apr, 2005 @ 11:42pm


Coolness: 103325	It's called a state of depression

Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Mico a répondu le Mon 11 Apr, 2005 @ 11:49pm


Coolness: 150450	Originally posted by FANCYLUNG... RINGRINGRINGRINGRINGRINGRINGRING BANANA PHOOOOOOOOOONEEEEE!!!! dingdongdingdongdingdongding... banana pHooooooone! Bahahahaha... I love that video!

131 Ways To Tell That You'Re Mall-Core

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