A PERPETUAL HIGH THAT LOST ITS LUSTRE AS THE COST GREW

In what he calls the land of the living dead, Christian* was never bored.

"You could watch paint dry and be entertained," says the 45-year-old
of his decade-long addiction to heroin and methadone. "You're sort of
functioning, but not really."

Always in work, always able to get up in the morning and operate
socially, Christian's using was never obvious - not even to his
family, to whom he has strong ties and responsibilities.

Eventually, dissatisfaction with his life and achievements overtook
the compulsion to seek the next high.

"I was always broke. Fortunately, I could maintain a lifestyle. I
worked and I didn't get into crime. [But] I'd be driving along to an
event, and then I'd go and score first. It does put a cap on where
you can get to in your career," says the long-time resident of the
inner west, who works in the entertainment industry.

When the moment came two years ago to give drugs the flick, Christian
was confident there would be no back-sliding, but first he needed to
get over the hurdle of actual withdrawal. Eager to move forward with
minimal disruption to his work life, he opted for rapid
detoxification and a naltrexone implant to keep him on track.

"The next morning I felt like a truck had run over me, and then
reversed and done it again. The feeling when you withdraw is a mix of
physical ache and psychological pain, because you know you can just
go out your door and deal with it [by buying more drugs]."

In the aftermath, he stuck with counselling, which gave him new
insights into his relationship with his father and helped him
understand the background to his addiction.

The advantages kicked in quickly, keeping the ledger on the positive
side. "Everything felt brighter and better. Even music sounded better."

On the methadone program, hurriedly seeing doctors who were
overwhelmed with a huge rollcall of patients, Christian now feels he
had no chance of getting away from drugs. "Methadone is fine if
someone's just got a very small addiction," he says. "But they let
people start and then they leave them for goddamn years, which I
think is wrong."

* Name changed