IN AMERICA, LINGERIE OFFERS CORNU-CUP-IA OF POSSIBILITIES

It's about time. Since the beginning of time, well-endowed women have
cashed in on their endowments. The benefits ranged from catching a man's
eye for marriage to catching tips for exposing those endowments in brothels
or on stage.

The Bible doesn't comment on Eve's figure, but I think when the Lord made
the first woman, he probably gave her pretty full fig leaves. Otherwise,
those guys painting naked women eating fruit during the Renaissance would
have rendered those gals more like Twiggy than Pamela Anderson.

For centuries, we "little" women have been made to feel less than worthy.
But no more. A cups and B cups of the world unite! Our time has come!

The Martinsburg Journal reported last week that state police arrested a
woman for stashing heroin and cocaine in her brassiere.

Alysia Dawn Ludwig, 30, of Sportsman's Paradise in Berkeley County, was
arrested on suspicion of packing 66 heroin capsules and 5.2 grams of crack
cocaine in her undergarment, according to Edward Marshall's story.

Police told Marshall they received a tip from a confidential informant the
drugs were en route from Baltimore to Falling Waters, a community north
of Martinsburg along Interstate 81. The informant also said Ludwig was
known to carry illegal narcotics in her bra.

The police reportedly stopped the vehicle in which she was a passenger and
asked her to remove any illegal drugs carried in her bra. Police reported
that she complied.

That gives a whole new meaning to the term "drug bust." Police estimated
the street value of the heroin at $2,600 and the crack cocaine at $550.

That's better than three grand for an afternoon use of a bra. See, the
possibilities are endless.

For every $1 that men earn on the job, women earn about 75 cents. All this
time we have been ignoring the great financial equalizer in the name of
equal rights. Moral high ground is one thing; putting food on the table is
another.

Who knew the courier business could be that solution? There's no need to
carry bulky parcels around; just pop that package into your bra and go.
It's lightweight, portable and convenient. Generally, the bra is
safe from searches, which means the package should arrive in perfect
condition. Anyone who tried to violate that sacred storage space could be
slapped with a sexual harassment lawsuit.

I can't believe someone else didn't think of it sooner.

Now, some of you may be worrying about violating the law to supplement
your incomes. That's a legitimate concern. Nothing ventured, nothing
gained. However, it's hard to raise your children from behind bars if you
get caught.

But a legal solution exists. Women could simply contract bra space to
storage companies or to Federal Express and other courier services.

Better yet, some women with an entrepreneurial spirit could form their own
courier service BDS Bra Delivery Service. Their motto could be "Ship with
us because the cup is always half full."

Is America a great country or what?