COUNSELORS: ADDICTION COULD CAUSE CHILD TO DIE

The age-old question: "What's a parent to do?," has special significance
when the child in question is addicted to alcohol and drugs.

Tough as it is, most parents and substance abuse counselors say they have
to face the fact that the addicted child could die from the disease.

"It's simple, but it ain't easy," says Marilyn Bader, prevention training
coordinator for the area's National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Abuse.
"There are really only two ways out. You either stop, get help or you die."

But being critical of an addict or treating addiction as though it were a
character flaw is the wrong way to go about it, she adds.

"It's like saying to a diabetic, 'You should know when your insulin level
is high and stop being a diabetic.' "

The national council offers prevention programs that include such
information as teaching kids how to have good coping skills so they don't
turn to substances when they encounter problems; helping kids learn the
boundaries of acceptable behavior; helping parents understand that being
good role models for their children means not using alcohol or other
substances to celebrate good things or mourn bad things.

Bader suggests that parents "show up" in their children's lives - go to
school plays, their friends' musical performances, offer to chaperone
school events and to let your kids have their friends come to your house
while you are home.

Also, establish rules and consequences and stick by them.

"The message needs to be real consistent: 'You can't do it because it's
illegal,' " Bader says. "You have to be a parent. A kid should never see a
parent drunk, and a parent shouldn't get drunk. Never allow a kid to put a
separate lock on a door. Offer to go get help with them and offer them
alternatives to getting high."

Bader recommends something she calls "carefronting," instead of
"confronting." Say to a child, "I need to talk to you because I care about
you," instead of arguing and hollering, she says.

She also suggests that parents be very specific when telling their children
what is and is not permissible and why. For instance, a child should know
that the rules in a house forbid drinking by minors and any drug use. "Ask
your child to hang out with other friends because you want him or her to
hang around with kids who don't use instead of kids who do."

For more information from the National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Abuse
call 314-962-3456 or 314-664-7550. They have offices in St. Louis at 1723
Pennsylvania Avenue, and in Brentwood at 8790 Manchester Road.