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» Zero on Mon Apr 28, 2008 @ 1:46pm
Title:Credit recovry
Posted On:2008-04-28 13:46:56
Posted By:» Zero
Just sitting here in credit recovery with nothing to do, just like every day for the past month. The teacher just finding out I have nothing to do after me playing videogames in class for the past month, genius. Tired as all hell today for no reason, maybe just bored of doing nothing in this class day after day.

» Screwhead on Sun Apr 27, 2008 @ 12:23pm
Title:Well THAT was fucking close
Posted On:2008-04-27 12:23:22
Posted By:» Screwhead
So I'm on my way to Never Never Land to play at 6am.. Quickest way there is to take a short walk up Pie9 to the 370, and that drops me off on St Denis, about 10 minute walk to get to Studio Loco.

I sit down at the front and ask the driver to let me know when we're at st denis, in case I space out while listening to music and miss the stop. I sit right at the seat next to the doors.

Not even 2 minutes later, the bus is crossing St-Michel and WHAM, drunk driver slams right into the bus, speeding his fucking ass off, RIGHT into the spot that I'm leaning back on. He slams into the bus so hard and so fast that he ends up almost at the oposing corner of the intersection, facing backwards.

Engien is rammed into the car (the front of the car was about 4 feet shorter than it's suposed to be) and his airbags didn't go off. Fortunately, he got out of that alive, though probably with a lot, if not all, of his ribs broken.

It's a good thing those buses are built solid; if they were built like all the cars are with "crumple zones" And weak-ass plexiglass, I'd have had a car going easily 80+ KM/h embeded into my back. Instead, I've just got a sore shoulder.

So, didn't make it to the party I was suposed to play at.. but fuck, that was insane. Comparing the damage done to the bus, and the damage done to the car, I honestly can't see the effectiveness of all that "crumple zone" crap; using plexiglass and weak aluminum to make the frame and body of the car.

If cars were built like they were in the 50s; full, reinforced steel frames.. Throw in some airbags and seatbelts that they didn't have back then, and you'd get WAY less injuries and deaths from car accidents. Those old cars could drive through a brick wall and it would just scratch the paint!

But, aluminum and plexiglass is cheaper than steel frames, and a company's bottom line is always the money saved, not the lives.

The other great solution to this is pretty simple; hard-limit all cars speed! No more speeding, and if they are, the accidents would be a lot milder if your car was speeding at max 50km/h than if it was only 1/3 of the way up the guage at 90.

» Yinivee on Sat Apr 26, 2008 @ 5:22pm
Title:Kuujjuaq
Posted On:2008-04-26 17:22:08
Posted By:» Yinivee
Sometimes i wonder why i live in this shit hole! Theres no Raves no Clubs! no exciting people! its soo bleuh! people are just getting babies and husbands and getting fat and shit! lol

Listening To: In my arms (bimbo Jones mix)

» totalworlddomination on Thu Apr 24, 2008 @ 3:15pm
Title:Travelling...
Posted On:2008-04-24 15:15:08
Posted By:» totalworlddomination
Back from asia, going to cuba!
Wiiii!

Listening To: Dengue Fever

» Cya on Wed Apr 23, 2008 @ 3:33pm
Title:confortably numb
Posted On:2008-04-23 15:33:07
Posted By:» Cya
Hello ?
Is there anybody in there ?
Just nod if you can hear me.
Is there anyone at home ?
Come on, now,
I hear you're feeling down.
Well I can ease your pain
Get you on your feet again.
Relax.
I'll need some information first.
Just the basic facts.
Can you show me where it hurts ?

There is no pain you are receding
A distant ship, smoke on the horizon.
You are only coming through in waves.
Your lips move but I can't hear what you're saying.
When I was a child I had a fever
My hands felt just like two balloons.
Now I've got that feeling once again
I can't explain you would not understand
This is not how I am.
I have become comfortably numb.

O.K.
Just a little pinprick.
There'll be no more aaaaaaaaah !
But you may feel a little sick.
Can you stand up ?
I do believe it's working, good.
That'll keep you going through the show
Come on it's time to go.

There is no pain you are receding
A distant ship, smoke on the horizon.
You are only coming through in waves.
Your lips move but I can't hear what you're saying.
When I was a child
I caught a fleeting glimpse
Out of the corner of my eye.
I turned to look but it was gone
I cannot put my finger on it now
The child is grown,
The dream is gone.
I have become comfortably numb.

http://www.youtube.com/v/tkJNyQfAprY&rel=1">http://www.youtube.com/v/tkJNyQfAprY&rel=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="355">


http://www.youtube.com/v/IXdNnw99-Ic&rel=1">http://www.youtube.com/v/IXdNnw99-Ic&rel=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="355">

» nostress on Mon Apr 21, 2008 @ 6:38pm
Title:fist rave
Posted On:2008-04-21 18:38:18
Posted By:» nostress
it was my first rave at laval 2 week ago. You people are so cool. No guy trying to play tough, No fights, no bad looks. So different that the hip-hop clubs! :0)

Okay i was there only for 5 hours. but i dance with no brake without drugs.My friends still wonder how i did .

Well friends stop smoking! :0)

» Destructiva on Mon Apr 21, 2008 @ 10:39am
Title:Apology
Posted On:2008-04-21 10:39:53
Posted By:» Destructiva
Orraggan, I don't go around taking pictures of people to make them feel bad, or expose them in bad situations, on the contrary, I always try to take pics of people I consider interesting, fun, or beautiful, unfortunately, in the party, people tends to do stupid things and I'm not the exception to that neither, I made the mistake to put the picture, yes, but in the personal level, I offered my apologies to the girl (which by-the-way I think is very funny and nice, I've taken other pictures of her and she's always happy, cute and gorgeous) I'm sorry I did the mistake to post the photo, but the intention wasn't bad, then I realized it was rude and I messaged Noah asking to remove the picture, at that point there was not much for me to do, I know that it was unfair, even though the photo doesn't mean anything, neither reflects what she is, I don't consider myself as a bad person, (or good for that matter) but you are free to think what's best for you, that's your own prerogative and I think that's not the purpose of this community, I sincerely feel bad, and apologize to her again, for sure this was a lesson for me too.

Orraggan said @ Mon Apr 21, 2008 @ 5:19am
Ben oui, t'es ben bon. Pis quand ta mère te soignait quand t'étais malade, elle te prenait en photo après, vu qu'elle avait été fine avec toi? Si tu me vois vomir, Destructiva, reste loin.

Destructiva said @ Sun Apr 20, 2008 @ 9:21pm
That's a good thing that you comment on the subject, and before the girl gets mad with me for the photo, I was the one who took care of her, I lift her from the stairs and asked the people in the sofa to move to put her there, I brought toilet paper and clean her face and shoes, and I bought her bottled water and gave it to her, while nobody else did anything, and for sure I wasn't gonna move from her side until she was better, after 20 mins Melodie and her friends arrived and I made sure that they took care of her, when I saw that they were taking her home, I asked them if they had a car and I offered to drive them in my car.

All in all, at the end this will stay as a funny souvenir, but this situation could happen to anyone, and what is unacceptable is that nobody react fast enough to give a hand, it could get serious.

Sorry for the photo kid, it was never with bad intentions, I owe you one.

» MunchinSushi on Mon Apr 14, 2008 @ 10:30pm
Title:Lonely is better right now.
Posted On:2008-04-14 22:30:13
Posted By:» MunchinSushi
This is getting really sad. I haven't been back in Ottawa for twelve hours yet and I'm already feeling the stress. I just snapped at my ex because he asked me what time we have court in the morning. I'm so frustrated with him and the whole male population right now. I don't care who you are, If you are a guy I dislike you so much right now.

Those of you I used to love, get this through your thick skulls!: I DON'T LOVE YOU ANYMORE! Will I go out with you again!? Hell no, exes are exes for a reason, I'm tired of having my heart trampled on because I am weak enough to believe your sorry ass when you say you still love me.

To those I loved but you didn't give me the time of day, Thank you. you showed me that I am worth way more than you could ever give, You're self centered and make me sick.

Those that purposely avoided me, Flat out plain and simple Fuck you. Grow up, be men and tell me that you aren't interested instead of letting me tag along, thinking that something might happen.

To the one that has captivated my heart over and over in the last few weeks, Thank you for showing me true beauty. You don't know how much I appreciate it, but seriously... Give me some sort of clue! I need a CLEAR indication! One second I see you as completely being the one for me but then at other times I don't know what to think. Yes, ok, when we talk I say flat out that I totally like you but were always joking. I'M NOT JOKING!!! I really do like you! I don't just say it to hear myself talk. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!!!!!!!!!! Oh, and P.S. When you say that I'm gonna get the chance to see you, please be reliable. I ask you to hang out AWAY from the scene so that I can actually have a conversation with you without having to yell and be cut off by other people that don't have the respect to wait til were done talking to cut into the Convo.

To D, Ya you get the use of your name. STOP critisizing me! When we were together you knew that I am not good with remembering exact times for appointments. When I tell you I think 2:00 It's because that's what I THINK! I can't be more clear than that! When you ask me the day before and I correct myself on the time and say 10:00 why the hell do you feel the need to ask me so rudely, "well, why did you tell me 2 then??" I could have said fuck it and let you be late and find out yourself, Did I?? NO, why?? Because I wanted to besure you didn't show up late. GET OFF MY CASE FOR MAKING A MISTAKE! I am NOT perfect, I know it, you don't need to belittle me because I'm not.

To the rest of you, please don't do anything in the next few hours to bother me.

That is all

/end rant.

Listening To: Life in Mono - Mono

» MunchinSushi on Wed Apr 9, 2008 @ 12:58am
Title:Expressions
Posted On:2008-04-09 00:58:56
Posted By:» MunchinSushi
The next thirteen minutes is an expressive vision of me, I have nothing truly exciting to say tonight, just feel like typing . I was told today that I have come a far way with my writing. That I have learned to be very expressive, I think before I write unlike when I talk and just blurt out anything that may be running through my head.

I've come to notice that men in Montreal have a thing for poking at my brain with a stick... It's like they live to confuse me. I am giving up on trying to keep track of what they're saying, I just don't understand them. It's like I try to tell them things but when we are in such conversations it's a joking conversation so I am never sure if they know I am being serious and I never know if they're being serious.

There is one in particular that I wonder about, he intrigues me, he has such a random yet organized mind. It's like he knows what he wants but he keeps it to himself and keeps everyone else wondering. He is a mystery and It's making me crazy.

I really hope I get to travel this week, I really want to see him. He makes my heart skip a beat with the cute little smile he does, and how he can talk me into doing things without even a word.

Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh... what on earth is a girl to do!?

Listening To: T.V Infomercial for the H20 mop....

» Adrianna on Wed Apr 9, 2008 @ 12:19am
Title:memo
Posted On:2008-04-09 00:19:41
Posted By:» Adrianna

» MunchinSushi on Mon Apr 7, 2008 @ 11:25am
Title:Montreal Morning--- The story of me
Posted On:2008-04-07 11:25:34
Posted By:» MunchinSushi
Good Morning all!!

I am in Montreal, Sadly my last day here for the weekend. I woke up this morning in a great mood! It's bright and sunny, Some hippies were playing the Beatles and I am now the only one awake, and in control of the computer. I really like waking up on days like this. I just hope that I will have as good as a day as I have had a morning.

This weekend ended up being quite random and very very different from the rest of my weekends, this time I actually missed Ottawa, not for very long but it happened, which is odd for me. In reality I think it had alot to do with the first text message I recieved when I was leaving. It was from my ex. He and I go through these little spots where we don't speak because of a big fight but then we always end up talking again. In 12 days It will be his birthday. That is the day that he and I were finished,just last year, The day my whole life flipped upside down.

I can't believe it's been a year. I have been lucky, in ways, In this last year I have learned the true meaning of Happiness, Sadness, Anger, Stress, Luck and pain. I have become stronger, But on the inside I am still in alot of that pain. The thing that bothers me the most is that I know that pain I feel is still that big part of me that wishes life was still the way it was August 2006. In June of that year, "D" and I decided to have a baby, we were ready for it in all ways. We didn't have a worry except one. Shortly after my first son was born In November of 2003 my doctor informed me that there were cancerous cells in my cervix, We fought them off and I was finally put into the clear May 2006. The only thing was that I would most likely never have anymore children.

They were wrong. I was pregnant within a week or two of our decision and we were on top of the world. We had a few stresses come into play but nothing too big, nothing we couldn't overcome. We started looking into new apartments so we could move into a bigger place, we started gathering baby stuff, everything was great. I was slated to start school on August 5th 2006 It was a ten month course so I'd only be missing a month and I could go back after I had the baby. It was the Sunday before the 5th, which for us was outing day, we took my son out to different places each Sunday, kinda like having a family day. That day we were headed to the wave pool and baby decided it was time for me to go to the bathroom. Everypregnant womans worst nightmare happened, I started spotting. I called the doctors office and left a message telling them I needed to move my appointment up and we explained to Trysten-Jonah that we couldn't go to the wave pool that weekend.

On monday my doctors office called me and assesed the situation over the phone. They said they were gonna just leave my appointment for the 6th as it was so close anyway. On the 4th of August we decided to take Trysten out for dinner since I was starting school the next day and we wouldn't be doing as many outings because of it. I started feeling very sick when we were eating but i thought nothing of it, cause I normally got sick when I was pregnant.

We went home and got Trysten off to bed. we stood at his door like the proud parents we were and watched him sleep for a few minutes filled with joy and wondering what this new baby would bring. My sister called me that night for the first time in a while, at that point I just wanted to go take a bath and relax, I was still feeling sick and I was starting school in the morning so I wanted to be well rested. The hours continued passing on as my sister and I talked, around midnight I finally got off the phone and I was off for my bath.

I never made it to the bath. I got to the bathroom and there was a sharp pain that shot through me like someone had stabbed me. I fell down and called D to be with me, he called a neighbour who came down got Trysten, and then he called an ambulance. Despite all the pain I was feeling I tried to keep a smile on my face and not worry. I was on the way to the Queensway-Carleton hospital and D was right there holding my hand through the whole thing. I was brought straight to a room when we arrived at emergency. I had started bleeding alot and the pain was getting worse. I'd never felt pain like that in my life. The doctors and nurses were working all around us and time was fading away. I looked at D and then at the nurse directly to my right. I asked as calmly as possible "Am I going to have my baby?" She just looked at me and I knew right then I wasn't. We were just there to wait out the full miscarriage.

It happened at 3 am I still remember it like it was yesterday. D and I fell apart. At 8:30 I was released from the hospital and I couldn't go home. I was too determined to keep my mind busy. I went toschool and I immersed myself in it. I didn't want to remember the things that had happened the night before. When I got home I'd look at D say my hello's get dinner ready get Trysten-Jo of to bed do my homework and we'd go to bed. There was no talking of any sort. D and I were both devastated, we couldn't believe it had happened even though we were warned I'd probably never have kids again.

We pushed each other away instead of being there for each other like we should have. It's hard now because we both know it. He and I were soulmates, our life was perfect. We were the ideal family, sure we didn't have everything but we were happy. Nothing could hurt us, or split us up at least that's what we thought in the beginning. We stood up to all elements and because the love was so strong we always beat it. Whatever it was we would win, except for the miscarriage, it beat us. That's where we started losing each other. The love was still there but the happiness was gone.

By Christmas we thought we won again. Things had started getting back to normal, School days were long but worth it. We were having our family days again and we were pregnant again. This time we didn't tell anyone, we weren't really happy about it either. We never let ourselves heal, we just threw ourselves so far into our occupations so that we didn't have to feel, we didn't cry except the morning it happened, we just stopped feeling, we became numb. So Christmas came and went adn things were almost perfect again. In January D quit his job and got a new one. I had decided with my school administrator that I needed to take a month for stress leave, she didn't want me on my feet through this pregnancy either. On February 14 it was our anniversary. We had planned a nice dinner out and a night of watching movies at home with Trysten instead of doing things alone. We were both very family oriented.

D had been called into work for a few hours so Trysten and I did the mommy, baby thing for the day. We were in his room playing and I missed a phone call so when I went into the other room I checked it. It had been his mum, she didn't sound very good, she just Said hi, it's mum can one of you call me please it's about dad. So I called D at work and told him, he said he'd call me right back. When he did he said mum wouldn't talk over the phone that she just asked him to go over after work. I asked him if he wanted me to meet him there, he said no mum asked him to go alone. When D came home that afternoon, he looked at me and started to cry. Dad had gone to the doctors and he was diagnosed with cancer. Within a week, they started radiation treatments, chemotherapy and told us dad only had an 80 percent chance if the chemo worked, It didn't.

Dad was getting worse and so was our stress. We were fighting almost regularly. By April we had told Mum and Dad and a few friends we were having a baby, we were almost 6 months by then, we figured that was long enough so that we didn't need to worry. Before April D and I had a few problems, he met a girl at work in April and for 3 months we fought about her. I trusted him, that's where my mistake was. On his birthday he left for work and never came home. The next day was my birthday. I waited and waited but he still didn't come home, earlier in April dad had gone in for surgery, I got a call the night of my birthday saying Dad was getting worse, he had picked up an infection and was put back into the hospital.

I'm gonna leave off here and continue Later...

10:52 am Monday Morning: Sorry Guys, I didn't get back into Ottawa until Late last night so I didn't post yesterdays Journal, I know I've been slacking but I promise to keep up...

I tried with no luck to call D for three days no-one could reach him, or so I thought, Turns out he was with his dad all along but that comes later. Finally after three days I heard from him. All I did was ask him if he needed clothes and stuff as I knew he'd be back to work that day he said yes, so I brought him a backpack with some stuff in it. That night he called and said he was coming with his sister to pick up his stuff, so I started packing it but I found it way too hard, so I called him back and told him that his sister was not to come into my house but he was more than welcome to come himself, she could wait outside as she and I never got along.

She didn't think that was a good idea so she came into my apartment like she owned it and started yelling at me, I responded very calmly with "Please, leave my home, you are not welcome here" She continued yelling at me so I said fine, I will call the police, which finally made her leave. D finished getting his things and he left. The next few months got really bad, I went into a severe depression. I was losing 13 pounds a week at 6 months pregnant.

I credit 2 people with saving my life. They both have memberships on this site but I am not going to name who they are, as they both know who they are. They pulled me out of the depression and helped me to become the happy person I used to be before all of this happened. For that I am eternally greatful, and I thank them so much.

Finally, after almost 4 months, D and I talked, He told me some things that I am very dissapointed with, mainly about what happened and why he cheated and left me for the girl from his work. When D and I first started dating his Mum and dad didn't want us together, thier son was the good little catholic boy, and I was the girl with a 2 year old son. Turns out, they were the reason for D and I splitting, he couldn't deal with telling me what they did so he found the next best way out in his eyes. Dad was diagnosed with cancer and Mom and his sister told him, "Daddy didn't want you with her in the first place, now that he's sick and there's a possibility of him dying you choose, either you stay with her or you leave her, if you stay with her though don't expect to be able to spend time with Dad before he goes."

I couldn't believe it, and I am still shocked by it. Almost a year later D and I are back to talking on a somewhat regular basis, we still fight alot but I think that is partly because we know that we are apart because of someone else's decision, but we can't change what happened. There is still so much love there in the space between us and we have told each other that numerous times but So much has happened niether of us is willing to try again.

Dad passed away in August, shortly after our son was born. It was one of the hardest things we've ever had to deal with. As angry as I was that his family would do something like this I can't help but wonder how they are, they were my family too. I miss them more than I can say.

That is why I think I missed Ottawa so much yesterday, D sent that message and it's like he called me back here again. I love Montreal so much, I still plan to move there in the next year or so, but I know I am going to miss this place so much. I've spent 20 years in this city, My everything is here but it's time for the change of scenery, Monteral is where my life is now, And I can't wait to be there.

I know this is personal, and long but to those of you who read it you now have a bit of a background of what I went through and what I mean when I say had you known me 8 months ago you'd know a different person.

Listening To: The sound of people walking around the house

» KandiKidChii on Sun Apr 6, 2008 @ 5:38pm
Title:Whats new?
Posted On:2008-04-06 17:38:24
Posted By:» KandiKidChii
Havent been alive on here in a while. Short and quick update.
Horton hears a who = the shit
re dying my hair pink on the 23 = the shit
getting my fluffies soon
getting miyavi shirt soon <3
Got a new piercing, getting more this weekend [hopfully]
I has kitteh~~<33333

Listening To: Homie G music haha xD

» MunchinSushi on Wed Apr 2, 2008 @ 11:29pm
Title:Incomprehendiular
Posted On:2008-04-02 23:29:17
Posted By:» MunchinSushi
Todays Journal is being written while I'm in one of my more silly moods. Recently I added a new word to TUEZDAE'S DICTIONARY OF TERRIBULARILY HORRIBULOUS VOCABULARILIY
the word is the name of this Journal "INCOMPREHENDIULAR" (in-komp-re-hen-ju-lar) It is the act of saying things or doing things that are ununderstadibulous. I love being the random princess of fantabularily sketchtacticular made up verbal diharrea.

So today my new 4 gig. Ipod Nano was stolen, that really pisses me off because I really can't afford to go buy a new one right now. You don't walk into someone's room and walk off with thier Ipod, especially when you are moving to Montreal with a mutual friend, And especially not MY Ipod! A. I'm gonna track you down, B. That's MY Ipod! If you needed something to listen to on the bus you could have asked me! I would have lent it to you till I got to Montreal on the weekend! Now... The thing that really makes me wonder about the persons intelligence though is this:

To take my Ipod it had to be disconnected from my computer. Instead of just unplugging the usb from the port she actually disconnected the Ipod from the cord which takes even longer as you have to push the little buttons on the sides of the plug. She left me the charger and took the Ipod! How stupid can you be! And really, If you took it to sell and get some money cause you're a broke ass, why didn't you leave the Ipod and take the 700 dollar camera that was sitting right beside it!?

Uggggh!!!! People these days......

Listening To: Nothing since my Ipod was STOLEN!

» DrGonzo on Wed Apr 2, 2008 @ 12:39pm
Title:Didier Super - Petit Caniche
Posted On:2008-04-02 12:39:24
Posted By:» DrGonzo
J'ai écrit cette chanson parce qu'un jour j'ai rêvé que j'aboyais
Aboyer ça veut dire parler comme les chiens

Petit caniche, peluche pour vieux
Quand t'aboie c'est tellement aiguë
Que tout l'monde croit qu't'es une femelle

Petit caniche, peluche pour vieux
Tellement que t'es con
Tu sais même pas qu't'es un caniche
Aouh-aouh!

Petit caniche, peluche pour vieux
La perruque à ta mémé
C'est tout ce qui reste de ta mère

Petit caniche, peluche pour vieux
Si tu veux pas tomber malade
Surtout sort pas sans ton petit manteau
Aouh-aouh!

Petit caniche, peluche pour vieux
En fait, quand t'es né
Ta mémé elle aurait voulu un chat

Petit caniche, peluche pour vieux
D'ailleurs elle sait pas que t'es un chien
Faut pas lui dire elle peut pas saquer les chiens
Aouh-aouh!

Petit caniche, peluche pour vieux
C'est parce que mémé elle t'aime bien
Qu'un jour, elle va t'empailler

Petit caniche, peluche pour vieux
T'as mal à ton zizi
Tellement que t'essaie de niquer tout les meubles
Aouh-aouh!

Petit caniche, peluche pour vieux
Si j'te chope, je t'entoure de shatertone
Pour pas qu't'exploses quand j't'encule
Petit caniche, peluche pour vieuuuux

Listening To: Didier Super - Petit Caniche

» MunchinSushi on Tue Apr 1, 2008 @ 9:36pm
Title:Growing up
Posted On:2008-04-01 21:36:56
Posted By:» MunchinSushi
Today I realized how much I have actually Grown in the last year. Some may say that I have gone backwards but really I haven't. Sure I've had some major setbacks in the last year but I have also made some big steps forward. At the moment I may not be the happiest that I have been but I am happy, That right now is what counts.

Hopefully I keep gaining and not falling back to where I was 7 months ago. To most of you that person is a stranger, because I was good at hiding her away from the eyes of everyone, and alot of you I had only met once or not at all. I find myself learning more about myself everyday and I am liking it. I like the person I have let surface, I learned with my ex how to hide my real self and not let people really know me.

The girl that everyone knew then was this girl who was quiet and shy, She was never herself, she hid behind a wall and never wanted to come out from behind it. That is not me. I am a happy person, I love people and I have a sense of humor. I love to dance and I love to argue with people. I am shy sometimes, only when I like someone though, and only because I fear the pain I may re-live if I get involved with someone emotionally again, I fear the girl that I used to be coming back to take over my life. I have alot of obstacles that are going to be hard to overcome but I am working at them one at a time.

I have become myself again, the girl I was before I gave everything I could to my relationship with my ex. I'm back to being the girl I was before, to some people she my be loud and she may be annoying but she is who I am. If you don't like it then that's your loss. I don't need people in my life that don't like me for being me.

I do want to say thank you to my real friends that have stuck by my side through all of this, I don't know how I could have made it this far without you. Thank you for not judging me and for letting me know when you looked down on my choices, yet still stuck by my side. You knew that I would pull through and you stuck by me through all of it. Thank you.


To those that didn't know me, I really appreciate you, for taking the time you have taken to get to know me, despite what others may have said about me.

Listening To: Make Me Sweat - J Bradley

» Dr_Jwa on Tue Apr 1, 2008 @ 4:03am
Title:Nous sommes?
Posted On:2008-04-01 04:03:56
Posted By:» Dr_Jwa
Où débute la liberté, où s’arrête-t-elle? Où débute l’indifférence, où s’arrête-t-elle? Comment définir la soif de l’autodétermination? Je suis et je sais que je suis, ais-je besoin d’en savoir plus? Si je sais que je suis qui je suis, comment savoir qui je voudrais être? Veux-je vraiment être? À quel prix, à quel effort? Chose certaine je ne veux pas régresser. Mais la stagnation est une forme de régression puisque tout avance et évolue. Évolution. Qu’est-ce que l’évolution? Devenir meilleur? D’amblée accepter que l’on est pas à son mieux. Mais alors, quand peut-on être à son mieux, quand peut-on Être. Je veux bien évoluer, je veux être libre mais certainement pas indifférent. Quels sont les éléments qui nous font évoluer? N’est-ce donc pas les mêmes qu’en d’autres moments nous nommons boulets et chaînes? Ceux qui par moment sont si lourds à porter?

Comment se définir? Est-ce seulement possible de s’affirmer, de s’affranchir, de se situer? Car la pirouette intellectuelle qui nous est nécessaire à l’autodéfinition, ne passe-t-elle pas par la comparaison, la mise en contexte et la considération de nos acquis cognitifs? Dès lors, pouvons nous Être sans l’apport de l’extérieur? Ais-je donc besoin d’externes agents afin de me connaître? Je crois bien. Mes parents, mes amis, mon amour. Tous des acteurs incontournables et incontrôlables qui en quelque sorte, forgent ma personne. À quoi bon être gentil, sympathique, généreux ou même aimable s’il n’y a pas d’univers autour de moi? J’aime. Quand on aime, on aime l’amour? On aime le fait d’aimer? On aime le fait d’être aimé? Moi j’aime le tout, mais surtout la personne. Lydia. J’aime Lydia. Je suis qui je suis et je sais qui je suis. J’étais, je suis et je serai. Lydia est et sera. Autant elle n’existait pas alors que j’existais, autant elle existait alors que je n’existais pas. Le fait de ne pas avoir existé est fortement, voire lourdement, étrange.

Je suis ce que j’étais et je suis ce que je suis maintenant que j’existe. Elle tout autant ce qu’elle était quand je n’existais pas. L’art de bien lier deux Êtres. Être à deux. Sommes-nous? Sommes-nous deux Êtres qui n’existaient pas ou deux Êtres qui existaient? J’aime être. Ne pas avoir existé me laisse coi et tout perplexe. Je décide donc que j’ai toujours existé. Perpétuel et intemporel. J’étais, elle était, nous sommes donc. Somme de deux Êtres? La somme de nos deux Êtres est inférieure à trois, normal puisque nous sommes deux. 1+1<3, cela va de soit, n’est-ce pas? Ainsi nous sommes, nous étions, nous serons. Nous? Mon Je se retrouve en Nous, mais le Elle est-il en ce Nous? Est-ce que le Elle symbiose avec le Je pour créer ce Nous? Car sans Elle le Je est sans aile et le Nous ne peut s’envoler qu’avec le Je. Je veux être Nous avec tout ce que cela implique. Je suis et sais que et qui je suis et serai. L. Mon Je prend son envol avec aile dans ce Nous grandiose et étoilé. Elle complète le déjà complet Je. Je et Elle sont complet en soi, mais JELLE est complet en somme. Nous sommes?

Listening To: Renaud - La butte rouge