|Title:||A Journal Not for Party|
|Posted On:||2008-02-04 12:50:03|
Allow please a few moments verbal vomit.Listening To:
I have been off the site for awhile...bad paranoia....
I feel like I have had little relief fom incredible tension lately, I feel like a spring getting more and more tightly colied. I feel as though everything going on is leading to....something.....I'm waiting I final peak...a screaming cosmic orgasm.At this point the tension is so bad that I no longer care weather the final moments are good or bad I high or a low....a great view or a miserable cold roll over cold stone on the other side. I don't sleep, barely eat,my mind a buzz until it shuts down in exhaustion and refuses further imput.Work, Home, Family, Husband, I am waiting some sort of resolution in utter chaos.
In times past when 'the life' winds up like a hyper kid with pixie stixz, I would just party, that action alone would relive the tension just enough to be bareable, survivable...now each night out, great drug,or buzz high is excrutiatingly less satisfying, harder to achive. I'm a junkie with no real drug, calm is my fix. A night out now feels like a great lie, or denial. Watching the colourful flames or a chemical warehouse fire while the toxic smoke fills the air above you. Filters into your lungs like enhacement drug ads through your spam blocker....where is my computer crash??Final Moment? Pointe Fini? When will this chaos reach it's towering peak so that I may begin my decent? To the valley of Eden. The the edge of hell. How I long for tranquility and resolution!
Thanks for the moments all.
The swell of tides...Tsunami...