Drugs Now Legal If User Is Employed
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» BA_Baracus replied on Mon Oct 31, 2005 @ 5:03pm |
 Coolness: 120995 | Drugs Now Legal If User Is Employed
WASHINGTON, DC—Seeking to "narrow the focus of the drug war to the true enemy," Congress passed a bill legalizing drug use for the gainfully employed Monday. "Stockbrokers, lawyers, English professors... you're not the problem here," said DEA Administrator Asa Hutchinson at a White House press conference. "If you are paying taxes and keeping your yard tidy, we're not going to hassle you if you come home from a hard day of work and want to enjoy a little pot or blow. But if, on the other hand, you're one of these lazy, shiftless types hanging out on the street all day looking for your next high, we're coming after you." The new law, which goes into effect May 1, will enable police departments and courts to focus on what Hutchinson called "the real drug offenders." "There's no point going after some cardiac surgeon who needs some speed to keep him sharp," Hutchinson said. "That's not what the law was intended to prevent. But the more destructive drug users—the addict who spends his welfare money on crack, the guy in Harlem who smokes marijuana—that is something that we as a society must not tolerate." Enlarge Image According to Drug Czar John P. Walters, the legislation should have a beneficial effect on the health of the American people. "As a result of this new law, we expect use of addictive, harmful drugs like heroin and crack—those statistically more likely to be linked to unemployment—to drop," Walters said. "Meanwhile, decent people with good jobs can continue their responsible use of milder drugs like E and cocaine in peace." Walters said the new legislation will make it significantly easier to fight the drug war. The nation's courts will not be clogged with cases involving club kids caught with "Vitamin K" or doctors prescribing Vicodin to rich housewives. More money can be freed up to build prisons to keep chronically unemployed addicts in jail and off the streets—the only statistically proven method of improving an addict's chance of recovery. "Clearly, a lot of people doing drugs simply cannot handle them," Walters said. "We've got to get the drugs out of the hands of these people, and give them back to the weekend user." The law, Hutchinson noted, will also help protect the nation's poor and unemployed, who are not as equipped to handle the effects of drug addiction as their more affluent counterparts. "Drugs are addictive, and that's true whether you're a ghetto gang member or a Harvard-educated entertainment lawyer," Hutchinson said. "But the cold, hard truth is, if the ghetto kid gets hooked, he isn't going to clean up in a rehab clinic in Palm Springs and maybe even become president, now, is he? That's why we need to protect the less fortunate among us with the threat of arrest and incarceration." The U.S. economy also stands to benefit. Initial surveys indicate that the threat of jail will motivate recreational drug users to seek employment, reducing the nation's welfare rolls. "Legal weed versus jail?" asked Cory Everly, 23, an unemployed Austin, TX, singer-songwriter. "I am so totally going down to the sub shop today to ask Rudy for my job back." Added Everly: "Rudy's my boss... at the sub shop." "The new American motto is 'Work Hard, Play Hard,'" Hutchinson said. "Do a few bumps of coke at your gay friend's party. Go to your be-in or your Lollapalooza rave or whatever it's called this year. But you'd better make it in to work on Monday, buddy, or you're going to jail." "Sorry if some of my comments have been a bit rambling and unfocused," Hutchinson added. "I'm a little high right now." from the [ onion.com ] |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» the_rider replied on Mon Oct 31, 2005 @ 5:08pm |
 Coolness: 42205 | Is it serious, or a big joke? |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» BeAtJuNkIe replied on Mon Oct 31, 2005 @ 5:12pm |
 Coolness: 48415 | Wow..i want to be a surgeon/smack addict |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» elka replied on Mon Oct 31, 2005 @ 5:18pm |
 Coolness: 52390 | lol this has to be a joke :lol: |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» CantStopDancing replied on Mon Oct 31, 2005 @ 5:26pm |
| Coolness: 34100 | lol good one :p
But it's gotta be a joke for the simple reason that's it's politicaly incorrect. |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» BA_Baracus replied on Mon Oct 31, 2005 @ 5:28pm |
| Coolness: 120995 | |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» neoform replied on Mon Oct 31, 2005 @ 5:36pm |
 Coolness: 339625 | good ol' onion. ;) |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» nothingnopenope replied on Mon Oct 31, 2005 @ 6:53pm |
 Coolness: 201185 | The funny thing is the onion is 100% right.
If you are rich and do drugs, you don't have anything to worry about, you might even be president one day (if you family has enough money). But if you are poor and black, God help you. |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» elka replied on Mon Oct 31, 2005 @ 7:00pm |
| Coolness: 52390 | by golly i get it. It's a social commentarrrrrrrrrry |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» daFTWin replied on Mon Oct 31, 2005 @ 8:04pm |
 Coolness: 276395 | I know someone who argued that you could be a doctor and be a functioning heroin addict because you can always afford to get your fix, but when you couldnt afford your fix thats when things got scary looking and one cant function. |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» trashandsuicide replied on Mon Oct 31, 2005 @ 10:04pm |
 Coolness: 75230 | Not 100% true.. but slightly valid. I know a ton of people who do a ton of drugs, but don't think they have a problem since they "still have a job and pay their bills"... bah... I do drugs, I know the score. Not getting into right now I don't think. |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» nothingnopenope replied on Mon Oct 31, 2005 @ 10:08pm |
| Coolness: 201185 | Black people don't ever get a break, they don't even let them into ARIA now |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» trashandsuicide replied on Mon Oct 31, 2005 @ 10:12pm |
| Coolness: 75230 | Nah I was there... there are black people. They're just old, or girls. Really I was talking to staff and they're just keeping out guys who are pretty much known gang members and their crews, most of the bouncers know these guys well enough to know who to keep out, and they keep a watch for gang colours and what not... also.. Aria on Saturday... the VIP was playing nothing but Hardcore all night long... it was... funky... |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Mico replied on Tue Nov 1, 2005 @ 12:34am |
 Coolness: 150420 | I have a job. Pay taxes. And i'm addicted to crack.
I can only get my fix from those unemployed mother fuckers on the corner, who contribute nothing to fucking society, other than encouraging young mother fucking kids to smoke mother fucking crack. If they all those mother fuckers go to jail, because those mother fucker are breaking the mother fucking law. What the fuck is a mother-fucker ta' do? Drink the mother-fucking Alcohol? That's mother-fucking wack! Sorry if some of my mother fucking comments have been a bit rambling and unfocused, I'm a little high right now... ... but that's OK, because I pay mother fucking taxes, mother fucker. |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» trashandsuicide replied on Tue Nov 1, 2005 @ 1:17am |
| Coolness: 75230 | Aww.. Mico... I thought they didn't have drugs in Edmonton... |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Mico replied on Tue Nov 1, 2005 @ 2:04am |
| Coolness: 150420 | *Sniffle*
"Maaaannn... ever since this U.S law came into effect... My whole life has been in ruins, nigga'!! I was happy! Being, you know, a minimum-wage-cashier-mother-fucker... barely getting by, especially with the abortions every week or so. But despite dem' shits. I always had my mother fuckin' nigga' Slim Crack Jim on da' cornah', hookin' a nigga' in need with the shits, ya know??" But what the fuck, nigga!? Is he gonna go to Jail, just because he's hookin' a Doctor in Neuro-Hypnotic Repatterning!? That ain't right! |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» trashandsuicide replied on Tue Nov 1, 2005 @ 2:18am |
| Coolness: 75230 | I was once really dirty and stuff.. and they tossed me in jail for being full of e and stuff.. but then they checked my records and let me out because I'm a taxpayer... BOOM! |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» moondancer replied on Tue Nov 1, 2005 @ 2:51am |
 Coolness: 92225 | is that a true story? well I wish this article was real, I feel like sending it to the prime minister. |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» trashandsuicide replied on Tue Nov 1, 2005 @ 3:00am |
| Coolness: 75230 | My story is an exaggeration of actual events. What actually happened was I was fucked off my ass, and wearing the same clothes I had been camping in. They thought I was some screwed up junkie (in reality I was very hungover and on a SLIGHT mdma down) and kept manhandling me as I tried (I was messed up enough that my french was failing me) to explain that I was just walking home. They had me spread eagle on the cruiser and found my wallet, realized that I had valid ID, cash, etc, and no drugs on my person, and then let me go. I get the feeling that if I didn't have my wallet I would've been treated to a trip to the station. |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Nitrous_N2O replied on Tue Nov 1, 2005 @ 9:26am |
 Coolness: 125385 | Originally posted by MOONDANCER...
is that a true story? well I wish this article was real, I feel like sending it to the prime minister. Just do it. |
Drugs Now Legal If User Is Employed
[ Top Of Page ] |
Post A Reply |
You must be logged in to post a reply.
[ Top Of Page ] |
