|Posted On:||2009-01-18 20:10:29|
The Actual Title:Listening To:
My president Nielson is eating what time it is and turning on the earth that crashed upon it forty-one seconds before the cookies became a shoebox. And to glove it again, Roxania is hanging from the floor feet first. And all I can do is magic in the eyes of three stones of plexiglass. I must move above.
This is not a mess...it's organized chaos!
It's 7pm Sunday night as I type this, the flow of common 'lifesense' is slowly regaining it's grip on me, but I can still hear the rythm to everything around me. I got home from Black Magik and went to brush my teeth and right then and there, over my sink, I heard something resembling Gabber in my head. I knew nobody else could hear since the music was going on in my own mouth but I still stared in wonder at the mirror wondering how I had never noticed it before. My toothbrush was my instrument of creation. Afterwards, I couldn't help but chew on the inside of my cheeks and tongue to see what kind of sound it made. I mauled myself for 2 hours, sitting in bed. I lit a cigarette up to relax a bit, but i didn't take one haul of it- it just burned entirely in my hand, the ash was intact until i realized i had something in my hand. So i lit up another, and the same thing happened- twice. I abandoned my idea of having a cigarette and just meditated, sitting on my night table, listening to all the music that came from the ambiant air.
And then I recalled back at Lionel-Groulx, with Majida and Tyler, standing in the bus shelter to shield ourselves from the cold while not even knowing if our body felt it at all, we all heard it at the same time: the rythm of life and it's symbiotic properties with the tangible things around us. Snow creaking under tires, wind whispering over a slit in the door making a slight whistle, the road signs flailing in the wind, people walking, breath, doors opening and closing, a car engine far away in the background for bass, cigarette burning. And it all made sense. We had left the physical manifest of the party but it was still living on inside of us; our body scarred with the bliss of freedom.
I am still currently going through a sort of dissassociation. My body is working on it's own, knowing what it needs to do to keep me alive, while my mind is outwardly exploring the world around me, feeling everything that is within it's reach, and then I realize, I have an infinite reach- I simply have to direct it one way to concentrate my search for the meaning behind this experience. My body is cold, but my soul is warm.
I'm wearing a sweater, but it feels so light and non-existant. I feel light, I feel possible. I walked into a wall, hard, because I had it in my mindset that I was going to come out the other side, like a ghost. But reality struck me, a wall ran into me *bam*. I felt still for a moment, as if I were the victim in the situation trying to comprehend the unfolding events that led to me hitting my noggen on a concrete wall. It dawned on me that, the reason I did it was that, my mind was way too far ahead of my body: it had already gone AROUND the wall and my body wanted to optimized it's time to reconnect with my mind. It just so happened that there was a hard place between them. Ah, boundaries! Ah, caramel!
Black Magik felt more like home than any other 'gathering-of-like-minded-people[-seeking-to-better-understand-what-makes-them-who-they-are-without-worrying-about-what-other's-opinions-about-them-might-be]' so far. It was hard to let the feeling of entirety go. Who knows what might have happened if it had stretched on a little longer. More alternate realities would have been created through our forever changing perception of the time and space we assume is there. Millions of baby universes would have connected to make one, almost perfect mind. I wanted to explore all the possibilities I could come up with and the ones other people came up with to connect them all within eachother and have a complete circuit of concious thought. All these experiments done inside my own psyche would have driven me to the brink of insanity, if my mind would have had to multi-task. Dancing is not a task, it is the flow of energy thoughout our body, looking for a way to escape in all gracefulness. In sanity, we find what the general population calls morals and ethics; not following them, or warping them would be viewed as a crime. I had no ethics code during Black Magik, and I do feel a bit regretful about what I said to some people, the way I acted was egocentric. But the freedom was there. I've realized some of my mistakes. I wish to correct them in some ways. Red pen *scratch out wrong answer*.
And now I find my mind to be empty. I have nothing else that needs to be said. I cannot think anymore. I go through two steps of the thought process and my mind, uncapable of linear thought, just shuts down.......................................THE END!