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» eatingownbrain on Wed 21 Jul, 2010 @ 5:15pm
Title:negative dialectic
Posted On:2010-07-21 17:15:58
Posted By:» eatingownbrain
i realize i have to step back. no dreams today are made of stuff, only absence and silence and in-between.
i let you go, again, i find myself in myself, without origin, unborn, agenetic, but i am like my mother – chokmah – unseen wisdom; beyond third eyes, sixth senses, and intuitions, she is the giver of these. weaving never fully woven, holding an ever growing world in my spinning web i forget love... for the sake of something beyond humanity. what wouldn’t i sacrifice for knowledge? have i become a villain in my own shameless pursuit?
what have i given up to get where i am?
why have i always been me? (sixteen years old borrowing Nietzsche from the public library, years later, out of school, reading Lyotard and Jameson’s postmodernism alongside Eco’s semiotics for fun.)
where is the line of pretense drawn in respect to curiosity? am i allowed to be naive at my age, where i am in this mess? a fool’s hope.
it would be a pity to sacrifice innocence for something less enduring (and most things do not last).
i let go, again, and live for nothing but selfish me; blessed and lonely and carefree. i can’t deny that i am happy here. it’s easy with little to lose.
and i continue to learn, sometimes painfully when my mistakes affect others, and sometimes fortuitously when errors transform themselves into opportunities. at least obstacles along the Way are not repetitive, experience always leaves its unique contexts for the interpretation of fables; the three little pigs...
if post-philosophy is found in tropes then truth is a story to be told without beginning or end, a tale found in the clouds merging with the morning dew, only to disappear in noon sun and eerily materialize in a carpet of emerald green jewels at dusk, becoming part of the shadows, giving meaning. evaporate, condense, crystallize. a cycle so subtly inclined that the spirals of its revolutions go unnoticed to mortal time; those who cannot see through the ages have no means of witnessing the change. perhaps faithless, they watch humanity’s defeat replay itself on primetime; political stories of distraction and environmental powerlessness as an ethos.
find your own truth.
the city is your friend precisely because she’s a whore; pay your rent and you can stay.
life is easy when i imagine a rhythm i could fall into. but i won’t. maliciously curious for the next intriguing thing to hybridize Mind, alone until i give up, and i don’t know how to give up – not like this, not now.
oblivion. what else could we ever do?

» eatingownbrain on Mon 5 Jul, 2010 @ 7:37am
Posted On:2010-07-05 07:37:17
Posted By:» eatingownbrain
Everything - fragments of beautiful heartache, every meaningless piece of life made significant in a sensual psychosis. Everything collides, when I step back and look at the chaos I am content – life is exploding relative big bangs all around me – I am part of the process. Fuck self, fuck other. This is not about hate, this is about the Way. In the span of two weeks I lost my father, transmuted into something new, loved and had my heart broken, unearthed my heart in sound while it was being formed and torn apart, and loved my family through our becoming. What does it mean to lose my father, now? To see my mother in her own hell, with its own process... becoming something else, always beautiful. Change is a deconstructive process in atomic reality. It takes another perspective to build Things. Walk the line, sometimes it will even feel like you’re winning, remember to laugh at yourself so you don’t fall off.

Rain. Every day for a week this sky is growling grey, purring thick white, dreaming schools of fish floating idly across morning sun blue space. Tropical winds without their storms; warm currents in summer city caressing rooftop thighs, people lingering below to a rhythm around the next corner, and storms arriving in silence, clearing on whims, washing away the days, weighing and releasing spirits from the Beat. Clear nights for meditation, giving names to the stars whose names were lost when men became kings, when god was invented. From a distance I watch the heart of the world grow and shrink with my own heart. Everything has become somewhat translucent; quantum foam is reflexive to my postmodern perspective... such is the dialectic. And my naive faith in irony is paradoxical, I’m metaphysically fucked, I’m aware. Real is peace. Everything else... let it go.

I believe in entropy! I give my heart now and forever to rock time! Take me through the ageless ages of sedimented mindlessness. And even though my dreams are less than dreams – phantoms lurking day and night without discretion, taking me and forgetting me – everything eludes my grasp now that I know who I am. The mirror of death is upon me and I am alone. Maybe this is every story, maybe not... it doesn’t change a thing, authenticity has no more content, no more form, only feeling for itself, forgotten on a present-loop never ending. I like to imagine that in timeless space we harmonize our presents to open wormholes and travel in firefly ships everywhere at once and together, one blur of total energy in an imagined closed system. Nothing is ever certain... Irony, Faith, Paradox. Nowhere.

Listening To: Van Morrison - Saint Dominic's Preview

» Party_Girl on Sat 3 Jul, 2010 @ 7:22am
Title:Angèle Arsenault JE MAIGRIS
Posted On:2010-07-03 07:22:43
Posted By:» Party_Girl
Depuis que je mange des salades, je maigris
Depuis que j'ai des amis à ma table, je maigris
Depuis que j'ai suivi ma diète
Depuis que j'en laisse dans mon assiette
Depuis que j'ai coupé la vinaigrette, je maigris

Depuis que je me fais la vie douce, je maigris
Depuis que je mange des pamplemousses, je maigris
Depuis que j'ai commencé à danser
Depuis que je monte mes escaliers
Et que je suis beaucoup moins énervée, je maigris

Mais ce n'est pas pour mon mari que je maigris
Et ce n'est pas pour mes amis que je maigris
C'est pour être mieux dans ma peau
Pour laisser respirer mes os
Pour ne rien transporter de trop que je maigris

Depuis que j'ai coupé le beurre, je maigris
Je peux pas dire que mes toast sont meilleures mais je maigris
Depuis que j'ai appris à dire non
Aux chocolats, aux chips et aux bonbons
Et que je mange beaucoup de saumon pis du thon, je maigris

Mais ce n'est pas pour suivre la mode que je maigris
Et ce n'est pas pour une nouvelle robe que je maigris
C'est pour être mieux dans ma peau
Pour laisser respirer mes os
Pour ne rien transporter de trop que je maigris

Depuis que je suis moins docile, je maigris
C'est la chose la plus difficile de ma vie
Mais je le fais pour mon bonheur
Parce qu'asteur j'en ai pas peur
Depuis que je m'occupe de mon coeur, je maigris

J'espère que je vais pas réengraisser, je maigris
Je suis pas encore stabilisée mais je maigris
Pis je me sens tellement bien dans ma peau
Asteur que je sais où sont mes os
Ça me fait rien d'avoir cinq ou six livres de trop
J'ai maigris