wether it is mine or wether it is not
wether its on the street or wether it is in a paradise
appreciate everything
all the time
i wont be part of the crowd that needs to loose what they have in order to truly appreciate it.
I will throw it all away if its not what i want.
People will say "what goes around comes around" I will say "life is the struggle of balance"
first %50 of life is shit and having to admit to yourself at your weakest point that NO ONE IS COMING TO SAVE YOU... the ladder%50 you shall be blessed what you do with that blessing is up to you. The people that have a content life their whole run will most likely die on their death bed surrounded by loved ones. there will be a person out there that will have a %100 shit bent over a log, fucked up the ass life there whole way through and die by getting mugged , raped and murdered. There is good and evil and no reason to repent. How would you know happy if you did not know sad...to play with good you must play with evil...the world has no balance and no concept of either of these 2 things. So many are hypocritically good and so many others are so spympathetically evil....i try to have a balance of all things in my life with moderation.
I will never be purly anything. None of us will. pure good or pure evil .pure sad or pure happy pure slut or pure..hahaha pure slut?? that just sounds funny...and ill sure as hell never be completely serious ! im doing not that bad though...im not in denial about anything that my life is and where i know its going.I dont regret some of the more taboo decisions i have made or having thought the thoughts that i have or having done the things that i have done...
Walking in the sadness of the sun and in the shadow of happiness.

N called last night and told me that her and A had kinda fucked over their living condition by not following the house rules. I told her that i could probably get HER a place to stay at M's house but i didnt really know A...I didnt feel bad for that...I wouldnt trust A enough to have her stay with M. She doesnt care bout me or M..but N said that she really wanted to stick with A,She said that she had a connection in L.A (following in my footsteps near perfect)and that she could probably bring N with her all she needed to do was get the money for the flight. To this day i still keep a watchfull eye on that piticular cities travel rate (dont know why but i do) Last i saw it was $200 n sumthin..not a lot of money. T had taught me to do what i had to do in order to survive, so i told N. She is living in a family situation (the family is not hers tho and the friend that was once a friend is no longer) so having a credit card in the house...is more than enough for 2 plane tickets..i told her that...she said she would get cought at the airport...with a stolen credit card ...? yes! but not if you went shopping for the day. before she had a chance to report it...return all the shit you bought and thats cash in hand...book the tickets (that way they are cheaper)...walk into the airport pay for the tickets and never doubt for a seconed that youll be stopped. Unless your underage with no passport...you dont need a passport to travel to l.a but you do need consent from your mother..(in mexico it is STRICTLY the mother..almost didnt get in although i was with my dad..fucked up)But really if you think about it ...forged letter and a friend with all the necassary details about N and her mother would suffice ie/ "date of birth,ms. N's Mother?" -N could tell me what i needed to know "hieght?..eye color, school ? reason for traveling?" N would know those things
"ok ms.N's mum could you tell me your place of employment ? her health card #...your place of birth ? address?"...all things N would or should know.
The only slick thing about the whole deal is getting your hands on the card right?...N had stolen most of her life and was smooth enough to walk into Auritsia and rip the tags off of a $200 track suite,out in the open and walk out...but apperently was not ready to graduate..but on that same coin stated "ill do anything " "whatever i have to do to get out ill do it"
Well apperently not so much and tonight,i don't know where home girl is sleeping. What the hell is she going to do its -30 outside. not really a good time to be homeless...she is 17..once told a guy she would give him head for a joint...not really thinking he would make her do it...N was staying at a friends(having run away from her home)And then A comes and leaves her house on a wimsical decision that was obviously made "in the moment of things" to go stay with N...no plan of where they are going to go...N having a place to stay.. with the exception that A cant go with her My perspective on it?
N will grow into a much different woman than I.
Where i would help A get a place and leave. She cant teach me anything..she will end up hating me if i carry her on my back. thinking that i think she owes me something ..and to be honest if carried her ass to l.a and fed and clothed her? ..ya she would owe me something. I would teach her what she wanted to know if i could and leave...obviously leaving at someone elses expence
N...WANTS to stick with A but will she? she cant steal a credit card its just not like what she does in the stores...she wants to find a place for a couple of months and clean herself up with A no more drugs,parties,guys
I went to L.a for the drugs parties and guys
N told me she drooled at the CC pic i painted for her but needed to be shown the ropes before she would ever pull it off herself...
made me put that into perspective
how many woman want to do things that are so doable but will not try? will not go get it themselves? have to be "shown the ropes" before they take the risk...and by then its not even a risk anymore because you know EXACTLY what you are doing. you have factered all error out.you have comprimised yourslef out of every problem .There is in fact no risk at all but the illusion of one ... 2 years ago i was in the EXACT postion N was in but her A was my J..I left J...shes a crack head now and never forgave me for leaving her..if i didnt though..i would be exactly where she is...eaten away and totally in the backround of all that is disgusting and sad.
I will never take for granted the bed that i sleep in. but neither will N.

Let me tell you about ecstacy, how sweet and tender it can be, to make you smile with just one kiss, to burn you out with just one piss, the joyness the happines with all the sound, stirring and stirring all around, the people the smiles the freedom of love the seretonin flyin out of youre ass, up on the floor all night long teching and teching all youre love and then you notice it comes to an end time to sketch with the best of friends.

all the ravers dancing so free, cute and happy as can be,rocking to this wicked beat,representing with all there treats, dancing with all there mother might, teching and teching with no sight, all the people staring not knowing why these ravers fly so high, well let me tell you this and now you dont know our fukin crowd. the nights we have teched before, the people that have danced some more, the drugs that have gone up our nose, well i am here just to say may you all be on youre ways, complete what you have what you have started then and tech till the very end.

Up in the sky flying so high with the only thing to wonder is how to fly, and to look down and all i see is fools and jesters standing so free. Prancing and prancing all around,being judgmental and making that sound. Well let me tell you this and now youre just entertainment for the fukin crown, and while i fly around in the sky you’ll sit on the ground and fukin die. But i do have a weakness and that is me and one of these days i will have to be "free", to be a fool and not see the truth to entertain without any proof. To smile is to be depresed, maybe one of these days i will leave it up to chance.And le tmy mind be smoldered by those fukin rats. At least i wont feal the pain when i fall but the one that hurts most of all, the one that isnt felt at all the one covered up by all the lies but all we do is sit and die

there you go hope you enjoy and when you read and can actually understand it all message me