| Page: 1 | Rating: Unrated [0] |
Every Girl Ever.
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Screwhead a répondu le Wed 4 Jun, 2008 @ 11:48pm |
 Coolness: 685500 | [ www.craigslist.org ]
Knock knock Oh hi, how's it going? It's me! Every girl ever. I'm really looking forward to this date. I'm not nearly as attractive as you remember me being because when we met the bar was dark and you were drunk. Come on in. Let's start off with the unavoidable tour of my incredibly typical post-college-girl apartment. You'll notice that I went ahead and purchased everything that Ikea and Pier 1 have ever produced. There's my decorative birdcage over there even though I don't have a bird, and there's my gay wicker basket with bamboo poles in it. I don't know what the hell that's thing's all about, but I bought it. Hey check it out, I have more candles in here than a Roman Catholic Church. Doesn't it smell like Hazelnut!? If I were to light all of my candles at once you could see my apartment from space! I fucking love candles! Come on into the living room. Oh, I see you met my cat there. That's "Freddy Paws Jr." Why don't you pet him and act like you like cats even though you hate cats? There you go. Oh, he took a little swing at your eye there huh? Yeah, he'll do that. Hey, let's check out the kitchen. Hey look at my refrigerator. There are pictures all over it! Look at all these pictures of me and my equally vacuous friends from college! We were so crazy! You can tell we're really good friends because our faces are all pressed up against each other like that. And check it out, we're holding up alcoholic beverages to the camera in every single picture. That's to prove that we were partying. College was so fun! But of course I don't talk to any of these girls anymore because now they're all bitches. Let's go back into the hallway! Hey, before we leave I'm going to go in the bathroom for ten minutes for some mysterious reason. Why don't you sit awkwardly in my big, stupid, round papizan chair over there while you wait for me. It's like you're sitting in a hug! Be right back... Sorry that took a half an hour, I don't know what the hell I was doing in there. Let's go! Wow! Thanks for opening my car door for me! I'm totally going to blow that meaningless gesture out of proportion and delude myself into thinking that you're a really good guy because that's what I want to believe. Well, here we are at the restaurant. No thanks waiter, I don't need to see a menu, just bring me some expensive things. Hey I know, while we wait, I'll tell you all about my unspeakably boring job. I hate my boss. He's a jerk! I might get another job. Maybe something in pharmaceutical sales. Now let's talk about my family. I love my family. I want you to love my family. I want my family to love you. I want you to make love to my family! I want you to go golfing with my semi-retarded brother Travis. That would be so God damned cute! Wow! I can't believe I ordered all this food! I have no intention of eating any of it. No thanks waiter, we don't need a box. Just throw it out. Hey, I've got an idea, let's go to a bar and have an after dinner drink! It'll be great, it will be just like how we're drinking here, only it will be louder and we'll have to stand up. Come on! See, isn't this better? Oh hey, what a coincidence. Look over there! It's a group of my friends that I knew was going to be here. Let's go over there so that they can judge you! Hey, I have to go to the bathroom for a half an hour again for some reason. You can stay here and talk to my unbelievably hideous friend Christine! Christine's so ugly she scares kids! Talk to her! She has a job and a family that she wants to talk to you about too. Be right back. I'm back! Sorry I was gone for three hours, there was a line. I want to go home now. Well here we are at my door again. This was really fun for me and not you. You should pretend like we're going to do it again sometime! Maybe I'll see you at Target a few months from now and we can avoid eye contact because you never called me. Here, have this awkward goodnight kiss that's as empty as my soul. Good night! |
| I'm feeling the beast right now.. | |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Kuzutetsu a répondu le Wed 4 Jun, 2008 @ 11:58pm |
 Coolness: 132945 | that's boring |
| I'm feeling broke right now.. | |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Masa a répondu le Thu 5 Jun, 2008 @ 12:06am |
 Coolness: 158680 | Meh, it ain't bad. A couple of pretty apt stereotypes. |
| I'm feeling 1up right now.. | |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» flo a répondu le Thu 5 Jun, 2008 @ 4:41am |
 Coolness: 146235 | lol
i like :) |
| I'm feeling phd powa !!! right now.. | |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» GODISDEAD_ a répondu le Thu 5 Jun, 2008 @ 9:31am |
 Coolness: 77200 | i thought that was hilarious. |
| I'm feeling nkotb right now.. | |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» v.2-1 a répondu le Thu 5 Jun, 2008 @ 10:40am |
 Coolness: 159030 | I'm with Masa on this. At least a couple of these things are accurate. |
| I'm feeling hospital records right now.. | |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» nothingnopenope a répondu le Thu 5 Jun, 2008 @ 10:59am |
 Coolness: 201135 | That's the funniest and most true thing ever posted on CL.
Although I am a fan of those candle filled apartments. |
| I'm feeling gangsta right now.. | |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» v.2-1 a répondu le Thu 5 Jun, 2008 @ 11:40am |
| Coolness: 159030 | From space, I tell you. FROM SPACE WE CAN SEE IT.
EPIC WIN ! |
| I'm feeling hospital records right now.. | |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» PonChalice a répondu le Thu 5 Jun, 2008 @ 11:43am |
 Coolness: 76165 | as an soon to be 30 year old woman, i resent that |
| I'm feeling olive to late eggpla right now.. | |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» v.2-1 a répondu le Thu 5 Jun, 2008 @ 11:45am |
| Coolness: 159030 | Oh ? You finally had that long awaited sex change ? Congratulations ! |
| I'm feeling hospital records right now.. | |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» PonChalice a répondu le Thu 5 Jun, 2008 @ 11:47am |
| Coolness: 76165 | ahahha... soon buddy, soon! |
| I'm feeling olive to late eggpla right now.. | |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» v.2-1 a répondu le Thu 5 Jun, 2008 @ 11:49am |
| Coolness: 159030 | Let me know, I'll bring you flowers and tampons to your hospital room. LOL ! |
| I'm feeling hospital records right now.. | |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» PonChalice a répondu le Thu 5 Jun, 2008 @ 11:51am |
| Coolness: 76165 | yo, i clearly havent thought this one thrue :/ |
| I'm feeling olive to late eggpla right now.. | |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» v.2-1 a répondu le Thu 5 Jun, 2008 @ 4:39pm |
| Coolness: 159030 | ZOMG ! HAHAHAHAHAHA !
Yeah. Consider Steak & Blowjob day too, man. But hey, you won't have any problems getting laid after your operation...getting laid with MEN, that is. |
| I'm feeling hospital records right now.. | |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» PonChalice a répondu le Thu 5 Jun, 2008 @ 4:43pm |
| Coolness: 76165 | hand / face |
| I'm feeling olivetolateeggplant right now.. | |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Gamos a répondu le Sat 7 Jun, 2008 @ 3:26am |
 Coolness: 93405 | made me lol |
| I'm feeling :) right now.. | |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» DAVETOTHEGRAVE a répondu le Sat 7 Jun, 2008 @ 8:22pm |
 Coolness: 49695 | irrellevant cut the shit time to fuck |
| I'm feeling glorious right now.. | |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» vanella a répondu le Sun 8 Jun, 2008 @ 1:39am |
 Coolness: 32135 | FKN WOW!!! HAHA! |
| I'm feeling up your mom right now.. | |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» JasonBeastly a répondu le Sun 8 Jun, 2008 @ 6:38am |
 Coolness: 76620 | I sure would love to go on a date. I'd even take that crap. Call me bachelor #4. On a show with only three bachelors and three bachelorettes (baccalaureates?). It's called the kitchen and the rules are like, you don't shit where you eat, and that means no waitresses. Boo. |
| I'm feeling master of typing right now.. | |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» PaLy a répondu le Sun 8 Jun, 2008 @ 7:47am |
 Coolness: 51630 | and don't bite the hand that feeds you.. right? :| |
| I'm feeling w00t! right now.. | |
Every Girl Ever.
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