Voilà, plus que quelques jours encore, et ce sera le retour à la vie "rangée", cartésienne, rationnelle et des plus sérieuses. Pas que je ne m'en plaigne, loin de là, mais vous devez avouer que lorsqu'on a connu un été aussi sublime, tant par les différents événements musicaux que de par la belle température dont nous avons été témoins, il est ardu de réaliser, petit à petit, qu'il tire maintenant bientôt à sa fin. Je me suis prise à penser aux nombreux moments qui ont marqué ma période estivale et beaucoup de choses m'ont amenée à réfléchir sur ce qu'était notre chère et belle société dite de consommation.

Parce que pensez-y bien un instant... Qui dit société de consommation, amène indubitablement les gens se situant à la base de la chaîne de vivre leur vie comme des forcenés, sans arrêt. N'avez-vous pas pris deux petites minutes pour observer combien les gens sont tendus, coincés, aigris et pressés? N'avez-vous pas remarqué à quel point la moyenne des gens ne vit que pour travailler? C'est ça, le bonheur? Honnêtement là, vous y croyez à tout ça; que pour être heureux, il faut se débattre comme le diable dans l'eau bénite sans arrêt et ce pourquoi? Se payer la maison, la belle bagnole, le chien, alouette! Toutefois, ne vous méprenez pas, je suis tout à fait d'accord avec le fait qu'il est souhaitable de "donner un bon coup" quand nous sommes plus jeunes, assurer notre avenir, ne manquer de rien. C'est très honorable comme lignée de vie... Toutefois, beaucoup trop de gens, hélas, s'enlisent dans leur course effreinée, tout comme une roue de voiture qui tourne dans le vide, étant coincée dans la boue vaseuse. C'est triste. Parce que j'ai toujours cru que "bien vivre", c'était faire l'équilibre entre toutes les sphères que peuvent comporter nos vies...

Non mais vous ne pensez pas? Si, comme les moines tibétains nous divisions notre temps dans une journée, à part égale, pour chacune de nos tâches, responsabilités, etc... Pour vous situer, les moines dorment 8 heures, prient 8 heures et travaillent 8 heures... N'est-ce pas là un parfait équilibre? Oh biensûr, je vous vois venir de loin... "Ah mes ils n'ont pas d'enfants eux, ils n'ont pas besoin d'aller à l'école, ils n'ont pas pas à payer ceci & cela, ils n'ont pas besoin de socialiser, etc". Le mot est là... lisez attentivement. BESOIN. C'est ça le problème, TOUT devient un besoin à notre époque. Bien entendu je ne dis pas qu'il faille vivre d'amour et d'eau fraîche, mais soyons réalistes... A-t-on besoin de TANT de choses pour filer le parfait bonheur? Je me le demande...

Ceci étant dit, je dois admettre qu'à la lecture de mon "défoulement sur la société", je puisse paraître bohême, utopiste, voire grano! Hé non! Je suis une professionelle assidue, ambitieuse, fonceuse, qui adore étudier, me tenir toujours informée des dernières tendances du marché dans lequel j'évolue... Cela dit, n'empêche qu'en repensant aux superbes soirées que j'ai passées en ce sublime été 2007, à me délecter de musique de tout genre, de m'enivrer de la présence des gens qui me sont chers, et de me soucier QUE de mon travail, je me dis qu'être un des meilleurs éléments pour sa compagnie, d'être dans les premiers de classe, d'être toujours présents pour les autres, presqu'à s'y perdre parfois et de se donner le but d'être une "superwoman" est étourdissant. Hormis le fait que j'aime l'espèce de petite routine de Septembre @ Mai, du fait d'être casanier pour causes d'études, de troquer les nuits endiablées pour des soupers bien arrosés entre amis, vous ne pensez pas, des fois, que de se suffir de peu entraîne indubitalement un changement au niveau de notre "train de vie"?

Ahhhh assez... Je sens que je vais tourner en rond... en éternelle insatisfaite que je suis... Est-ce un défaut que de l'être? Je me pose la question depuis fort longtemps.

Listening To: Electric Power 12

"Inutile de se faire des illusions, notre vie est exactement ce que nous la faisons, et personne, sauf nous-memes, n'est responsable des succes ou des echecs qui nous incombent"
Fleurette Levesque

A tord ma malice tendra vers l accusation innutile de tous et de toutes...A tord l'homme se bat contre lui-meme.. plus facile de remettre la balle a son voisin que de faire face a son seul destin...Pourquoi la peur de demain? Pourquoi s'associer en vain a des personnes nuisibles de mon amour propre? Si de se lever chaques matin devient un fardeau, si de se reveiller engendre le cauchemard de mon reve eveille, je suis foutue , perdue ... Mais ce que l'apprentissage apporte est de loin la plus belle remise en question de l'ame! Aie-je fait les bons choix???
Poser la question a l'ame de mon chevet , celle qui m allume et me transperce ... la reponse j attend, je la sent qui me guete.
Et cette reponse .... elle m a decue.... De mes larmes dechirantes qui ecorchent mon coeur... son battement devient lent ca-y est j'ai vraiment peur!Agonisante deception....
Je renvois a ma tete le controle de la question.... Aie-je vraiment fait les bons choix???Je t'en supplie raison, guide mon coeur , guide mon nom!

Par la suite , feuilletant les pages de mon grimoire , je semble accrocher a des lignes qui ravivent ma passion....
"Pour certains, les contrarietes sont un pretexte au decouragment. Pour d'autres, c'est une incitation a se surpasser"

Pourquoi je fais donc partie de ceux pour qui le decouragement semble plus facile? Ne pourrais-je donc pas etre de l'autre clan?Mais oui! Tout est une question de perception! Si je me vois brandissant le drapeau blanc....je m'avoue alors vaincue! Mais si c'est moi que je vois marchant d'un pas confiant , me voila je suis fiere; c'est a moi que l'on agitera ce foutue drapeau blanc car de ma force interieure, j aurai vue les obstacles non pas en obstacles insurmontables, mais en defis que mon ame saura surmonter en brandissant l'epee de mon courage et transpercant toutes menaces de mon amour propre! Non en les detruisants, mais en les joignants eux aussi dans un clans de gagnants!

Aujourd'hui, je recommence ma vie!
Drewsie a.k.a LiL_D

Listening To: my brain

Sorry I havent been online asd much x.X Been kinda busy, added a few pics and stuff and whatnot. Lates :3

"In the cold cold ground" is playing. The melody is ``lancinante`` sad, but reassuring.. I know it doesn't make sense.

Anyway, most songs get me by their music/rythm first.

Most often, mainly for English songs, it takes a while before I start paying attention to the words.

Music is , for me, the highest form of art expression.

Musicians, instinctively know how to awaken emotions.

All of them, with all imaginable nuances that only colors could match.



Shore leave (Tom Waits)


......
and I said Baby, I'm so far away from home
and I miss my baby so
I can't make it by myself
I love you so

..........

trying to make it all last
squeezing all the life
out of a lousy two day pass
.........................




The following paragraph may make you think I am a little off the wall.

Indulge in this perception, it's the only one that's real.
I guess.

Coming back to my lost message:

I was trying to switch from saving my text in My Doc, within an IE tab while writing the original on SU, inside a Mozilla tab, using a (paper) English dictionary, opening an other tab on IE to access My Yahoo/ Sent Messages, so I can retrieve the links I wanted to include in this fucking message.

Did you follow me.
Probably better than I was following myself.

Logically it should have been simple, after all I was only trying to use those marvellous tools, (extensions, add ons etc) that are supposed to simplify my writing sessions..

I wrongly thought that a few glimpses here and there would be enough for me to master the art of posting.

Wrong!!!

That can only means 2 things :

** It's not integrated enough (Different OS, editing software, etc) Infos still too scattered around the big WWW.

** I am lazy i.e: I lack motivation to learn technical details and some essential mandatory maintenance actions.

It reminds me when the contact lenses came out....

Well that's a complete different story.

Different but with the same conclusion on my part:
I want efficiency, no hassles maintenance and absolute obedience from the objects created to simplify my life and let my natural talent express itself.

Yes I am sometimes pretentious about some of my talents...

To be followed, so stay tuned.

Oupsie! Before following maybe some integration is needed.

Not tonight thou.

integrator
august, 25th, 2007

Listening To: Marvin Gaye

soaring over the path from ontario to beyond,
packaged safely in our craft
traverse the green belt and seemingly endless peripherals,
anticipation grows by the moment, kilometer,
and we emerge,
trekking mind and soul across vast boarders... INTO QUEBEC
my smile broadens thinking of kin and crew
some lost track awakens, shaking off memories from a space gathering
*glitch* mmmm madness madness i can hear only les francais
...materializing from deep pockets of the forest... and we are here.
QUEBEC ...

Listening To: OSG demo

Élisabeth II, née Elizabeth Alexandra Mary[1] le 21 avril 1926, est depuis le 6 février 1952 reine de seize États indépendants et chef du Commonwealth. Historiquement, la famille royale n'a un réel rôle qu'au Royaume-Uni.

Outre le Royaume-Uni, elle est également reine du Canada, d’Australie, de Nouvelle-Zélande, de la Jamaïque, de la Barbade, des Bahamas, de Grenade, de Papouasie-Nouvelle-Guinée, des îles Salomon, des Tuvalu, Sainte-Lucie, de Saint-Vincent-et-les Grenadines, d’Antigua-et-Barbuda, du Belize et de Saint-Christophe-et-Niévès, où elle est représentée par des gouverneurs généraux. Les seize pays dont elle est la reine sont désignés sous le nom de Royaume du Commonwealth, et leur population combinée est de 128 millions.

Élisabeth est aussi chef du Commonwealth, Amirauté, gouverneur suprême de l’Église d’Angleterre, Seigneur de Man et le Chef suprême de Fidji. En tant que chef d’État, elle est aussi le chef des armées dans chacun de ses royaumes.

En 2006, elle est classée comme la 46e femme la plus puissante au monde par le magazine Forbes. En 2007, elle est classée 23e. (toute une évolution en un an!)
(wikipedia)
********
C'est ce que j'appelle vivre par procuration sans les désavantages.
Tu vis ta vie à travers celle des autres...tu grandis quand ils grandissent
car ses sujets (clients, employés, esclaves... appelles ça comme tu veux) leur doivent toujours de $$.

C’est comme les cartes de crédit. Ils prêtent plus d'argent aux plus riches et à ceux qui remboursent le mieux comment ça ils sont plus sure de s'enrichir plus vite... ils savent que les gens évoluent et qu'avec leur évolution, si on insère un facteur artificiel comme le crédit assez tôt dans leur vie pour qu'ils puissent les 'maîtriser'... ceux-ci en auront plus besoin avec le temps. Ils peuvent donc donc s'enrichir quand les gens à qui ils empruntent deviennent plus riches eux aussi...c'est ainsi que les riches deviennent toujours plus riches.

Spécialement quand on insère une autre variable! Le pourcentage a ete cree par des mathematiciens pour representer des elements reels et facilite la tache aux gens. Pas pour l'appliquer a l'argent... La rendant plus dynamique... donc plus tu dois d'argent plus tu vas en devoir, plus le processus accélère. C'est comme quand tu mixes deux vinyls a deux vitesses différents au début tu vois à peine la différence mais plus ca va plus l'écart est grand! Même chose pour la taxe, l'intérêt...etc.

L'argent à l'origine représente le travail fait par l'homme ou pour acheter un bien...alors, comment ce fait-il que tout le monde gagne des salaires aussi differents.
A l'origine plus tu fais un travail qui sert à la structure et à sa survie
plus tu fais d'argent. Comme les médecins professeurs etc. Mais avec le temps ils ont dénaturé la signification du travail en payant par exemple des stars 1 000 000. Car il se sont rendu compte qu'en payant des gens ayant beaucoup de visibilité plus que les autres ça fait travailler les autres plus fort...ou s'endetter plus (le bon vieux principe de la carotte et du bâton).

Mais le problème maintenant est que l'argent en fait n'a plus aucune valeur. Si tout le monde décidait de retirer l'argent de leur compte en banque il n'y en aurait pas assez!

Donc, nous travaillons...nous courons après quelque chose de totalement fictif...au lieu de vivre une vie simple qui ne coûte presque rien. Il y a assez de terre pour tout le monde...pourquoi ne peut-on pas en avoir chacun un bout pour vivre, se reproduire, cultiver...

Parce que nous ne sommes pas libre...
Parce ce que ça ne rendrait pas service au gens déjà riche.
Comment pourraient-ils devenir plus riches si on avait déjà tout ce dont nous avons besoin?
Vous ne vous demandez pas pourquoi on a juste assez d'argent pour survivre et pas assez pour être libre?
Une maison ne coûte pas 150 000!

Vous ne vous demandez pas pourquoi tous les adultes finissent en général de payer leur maison à leur retraite?

Pourquoi les voitures ne fonctionnent pas déjà à l'éthanol?

Parce qu'il y a des gens qui on besoin qu'on travaille pour faire de l'argent, pour ainsi leur en donner plus...pour qu'ils puissent survivre....


Il y a dans ce monde des familles qui on détenu le pouvoir pendant plus de cent ans, qui son riche depuis des lunes comparativemen au Québec, par exemple qui est très jeune...si vous étiez eux... est-ce que vous accepteriez de le perdre si facilement votre pouvoir?



If the card is the master...who is the slave?


au moins c'est moins pire que l'accord du Canada avec les states!

Mon coup de coeur de l'été:
La plage du Parc Nature de l'Anse-à-l'Orme

Voici la description de MontréalPlus.ca à ce sujet:
De forme longiligne, le Parc Nature de l'Anse-à-l'Orme est situé à l'extrême ouest de l'Île de Montréal.


Boulevard Gouin Ouest / chemin de l’Anse-à-l’Orme
Pierrefonds, QC
Téléphone: 514-280-6871



Paradis estival
De forme longiligne, le Parc Nature de l'Anse-à-l'Orme est situé à l'extrême ouest de l'Île de Montréal. Il longe le majestueux lac des Deux Montagnes, et offre donc une multitude d'activités nautiques. Les plaisanciers connaissent et apprécie le vent dominant ouest qui facilite la pratique des sports nautiques, de la planche à voile au dériveur. D'ailleurs, de pratiques rampes de mise à l'eau des embarcations n'attendent que vous !

Flâner le long de la rive
Des aires de pique-nique permettent d'admirer les berges et les sportifs, et même si la plage n'est pas vraiment aménagée pour la baignade, il fait bon flâner le long de la rive, tout en profitant des boisés qui couvrent les 42 hectares du parc, situé dans la municipalité de Pierrefonds. Perpendiculairement au lac, le Parc s'étend jusqu'à la municipalité de Saint-Anne de Bellevue. Contrairement aux autres Parcs Nature de la Communauté urbaine de Montréal, on n'y pratique pas de sports d'hiver, et les installations sont minimales.

Parc Nature de Cap St-Jacques
Le Parc-nature du Cap-Saint-Jacques n’est pas seulement le parc-nature le plus populaire en ville, il est aussi le plus grand.


20 099, boulevard Gouin Ouest
Pierrefonds, QC
Téléphone: (514) 280-6871












Description du parc
Le Parc-nature du Cap-Saint-Jacques est riche de verdure et animaux fascinants. Une visite n’est pas complète sans avoir fait le tour de la ferme écologique et admiré les monuments historiques que sont le Château Gohier et la Maison Brunet. On y trouve également un magasin général et un casse-croûte où l’on peut déguster de délicieux mets campagnards. Situé à l’extrémité ouest de l’île de Montréal, ce parc bien aménagé attire des milliers de visiteurs, toute l’année!

Activités estivales
Le parc-nature du Cap-Saint-Jacques, où l’on retrouve une plage bien entretenue, est un endroit prisé où toute la famille aimera se baigner. Des filets de volley-ball sont installés sur la plage et des kayaks et canots sont disponibles en location. On peut également y pratiquer la bicyclette, le patin à roues alignées, y faire de la randonnée pédestre et des pique-niques.

Activités hivernales
Quand la neige tombe, les montréalais se donnent rendez-vous au parc-nature du Cap-Saint-Jacques pour profiter des nombreuses pistes de ski de fond. Les fins de semaine de mars et avril, petits et grands pourront se sucrer le bec avec de la délicieuse tire sur la neige et profiter d’une balade en carriole tirée par des chevaux. Sans offrir de repas de cabane à sucre comme tel, le restaurant sert de la soupe aux pois, des crêpes et de la tarte au sirop durant le temps des sucres. Bonnes sucreries!

Alright a bunch of shit has happend with me.. Got my hair done pink!~.. But it depends on the lighting xD Sometimes it'll be pink.. or orange/blonde or all three o.O Pretty cool? Yeah spent a bunch of time with Mel and a few others made kandi w00ts. And yeah, thats all I can think of, is a bit busy with msn and shit. tah-tah!~ <3

Ça fait très mal se rendre compte qu'on vie pour rien

Plus aucune passion.. plus aucun intérêt.. même se qui me passionnais depuis 12 ans je l'ai dans l'cul !

Dans se temps là... on vie pour sois-même ou pour les autres..?? On travail pour les autres.. on vie pour les autres.. on se laisse diriger par les waves de la vie...

J'avais réussi à arrêter d'penser.. Ça allais bien.. mais la.. ça marche pu.. Qu'es-ce que je fesais avant que je ne fait plus ? Ou bien qu'es-ce que je fais maintenant que je n'fesais pas avant ?

Bon... encore entrain d'penser...

Il me manque peut-être quelque chose que j'ai perdu aussi.. le gout d'vivre peut-être...

C'est peut-être mon identité que j'ai perdu.. ou je l'ai peut-être jamais trouver encore... Mais cé long ce chercher pendant 24 ans... j'peux quand même pas faire ça toute ma vie me chercher... Ça en fait beaucoup de peut-être !!

Bon... re-encore entrain d'penser...

J'ai tellement fait un beau rêve cette nuit en plus... fesais genre 4 mois j'en avais pas fait... mais c'était tellement un rêve agasse qui me rappelais comment j'était heureux avant...

Mais j'peux quand même pas me faire accroire que j'aime les même centre d'intérêt qu'avant..

S'rais cool devenir vétérinaire, cuisinier ou même facteur !! Tous sauf l'informatique à marde

J'ai même plus l'gout d'sortir.. Tous sque j'vois me fait penser.. chu même pu tranquille quand j'sort sur mon balcon!!


Reste pu grand chose a faire rendu la.. quand té même pu capable de te sentir sois-même... sauf une douche!

Morale de cet histoire.. la vie est ben meilleur sans vie! ça reste à prouver!

Ok, I think I've officially just had the WEIRDEST dream I've ever had in my life.

It was animated Garfield episodes; John had just gotten a new girlfriend, and he wanted to have
sex with her, but she was into exhibitionism, and even though she was in love with John, the
only thing that turned her on was having him watch her having sex with other men.

Only, by the time she was sufficiently turned on, the sex was over and she had no interest in
having sex with John, only in cuddling. John finally got so pissed off and frustrated that he
drugged her wine while they were eating, and while she was unconcious, he completely wrapped her
body up in like some kind of rubber/latex blanket, only leaving her head sticking out, and put
her on a 4-post bed with her head sticking out from the foot of the bed. He sits on the floor
and waits for her to wake up.

When she wakes up, he starts ranting and raving about how he just wants to have sex with her and
she never wants to, and she starts crying and asking for him to let her go because she wants to
leave him and go home.

So, while sitting on the floor, with her head hanging over the edge of the bed and looking at
him upside down, he takes a hand gun, puts it in her mouth, parallel to her body, and pulls the
trigger, and it's like one of those joke guns that has a flag pop out, except instead of a flag
it's a completely disproportionatley large chainsaw blade the length of her body that sliced her
in half inside the latex cocoon, which then explodes while he's laughing, covering him and the
bed in blood, with the blanket and intestines hanging off the 4 post bed and dripping
everywhere, leaving just her head intact. He then shoots the head multiple times (this time,
regular bullets come out of the gun) and says something to the effect of "Each one of these
bullets hitting your skull is like having 14 orgasms simultaneously"

Nothing much here. it was successful. I Djed the night away. when things got slow. i would simply through on a faster track and mix away. people would come back to songs they found interesting and recognized. but they are all young so lets give them a break. there are pics from that party in my photos under Party

Listening To: Sandstorm

Wow great times. I met plenty of new people only knew 2 Ricky and Bibi. I have some pictures of the party somewhere. i hope to be able to put them up soon. The pictures should speak for them selves.

There are Photos under Bibi Party.

Listening To: E.F.F.E.C.T.

Awesome pool party. Met plenty of new people. picked up a few numbers along the way. Had nice loud music. there were people everywhere you looked. Few friends i already knew where there. We had a great time.


Happy Birthday Maygen.

Listening To: E.F.F.E.C.T.

Great success. couldn't have asked for anything else. Everyone was ranting about it the next day. I can't wait to put up my next one. I wish though i had pictures to put up. but i forgot to take them as i was dj'ing along side DJ Levi.

I hope i will be able to add more entries soon.

Listening To: E.F.F.E.C.T.

Handicapped

You might laugh @ me but I wanted to share an observation about things in our every day world. Yes we all know them as handicapped. A friend and fellow bike courier (well former0 he was hit by a taxi and was parlayed when the waist down. Tonight was the fist time I heard from his mouth the events of his hit, this makes my breaking my leg and getting a rod in for life look like nothing. I just have to respect his will to live and carry on. Now beyond that when you look these people don’t look @ them as handicapped but challenge by their own expectations.

Listening To: Neelex - coloured lights

I'm fucking pumped.

That is all.

Listening To: Marilyn Manson - The Nobodies

Well, what a way to start the day off. Both good and bad? Talked to Mel a bit on MSN and whatnot then she had to go. But other then that. I made plans with an old frien of mine lastnight to hang, and well.. Looks like they ditched :/ Which blows becuase I was looking forword to it.. *sigh* oh well, next time? I always say, but seems like I'm not gooenough anymore..

Other then that, one of my friends are depressed and whatnot. Doing things they shouldnt be. Which I find is REALLY Lame. The top two things in my life, is my love then friends. I worry so much about friends gah, I just hope their all happy. I love to help them and shit, but blah. This is enough for now :3 haha.

Listening To: Here with me - ATB

+ Annihilation

From dehumanization to arms production,
For the benefit of the nation or its destruction
Power, power, the law of the land,
Those living for death will die by their own hand,

Life's no ordeal if you come to terms,
Reject the system dictating the norms

From dehumanization to arms production,
To hasten the nation towards its destruction
Power, power, the law of the land,
Those living for death will die by their own hand,

Life's no ordeal if you come to terms,
Reject the system dictating the norms

From dehumanization to arms production,
To hasten the nation towards its destruction
Power, power, the law of the land,
Those living for death will die by their own hand,

Life's no ordeal if you come to terms,
Reject the system dictating the norms

From dehumanization to arms production,
To hasten this nation towards its destruction,

It's your choice, your choice, your choice, your choice,
Peace or annihilation



+ Imagine

Imagine there's no heaven,
It's easy if you try,
No hell below us,
Above us only sky,
Imagine all the people
living for today...

Imagine there's no countries,
It isnt hard to do,
Nothing to kill or die for,
No religion too,
Imagine all the people
living life in peace...

You may say Im a dreamer,
but Im not the only one,
I hope some day you'll join us,
And the world will live as one.

(Imagine all the people sharing all the world)

Imagine no possesions,
I wonder if you can,
No need for greed or hunger,
A brotherhood of man,
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world...

You may say Im a dreamer,
but Im not the only one,
I hope some day you'll join us,
And the world will live as one.



+ (What's So Funny 'Bout) Peace Love & Understanding

As I walk on through this wicked world,
Searching for light in the darkness of insanity,
I ask myself, Is all hope lost?
Is there only pain, and hatred, and misery?

And each time I feel like this inside,
There's one thing I wanna know,
What's so funny 'bout peace, love, and understanding?,
What's so funny 'bout peace, love, and understanding?

And as I walked on through troubled times,
My spirit gets so downhearted sometimes,
So where are the strong?,
And who are the trusted?,
And where is the harmony?,
Sweet harmony

'Cause each time I feel it slipping away, just makes me wanna cry,
What's so funny 'bout peace, love, and understanding?,
What's so funny 'bout peace, love, and understanding?

So where are the strong?,
And who are the trusted?,
And where is the harmony?,
Sweet harmony

'Cause each time I feel it slipping away, just makes me wanna cry,
What's so funny 'bout peace, love, and understanding?,
What's so funny 'bout peace, love, and understanding?,
What's so funny 'bout peace, love, and understanding?



+ What's Going On

Mother, mother,
There's too many of you crying,
Brother, brother, brother,
There's far too many of you dying,
You know we've got to find a way,
To bring some loving here today

Father, father,
We don't need to escalate,
You see, war is not the answer,
For only love can conquer hate,
You know we've got to find a way,
To bring some loving here today

Picket lines and picket signs,
Don't punish me with brutality,
Talk to me, so you can see,
Oh, what's going on,
What's going on,
Yeah, what's going on,
Ah, what's going on,

Father, father, everybody thinks we're wrong,
But who are they to judge us?,
Simply because our hair is long,
You know we've got to find a way,
To bring some understanding here today, Oh

Picket lines and picket signs,
Don't punish me with brutality,
Talk to me,
So you can see,
What's going on,
What's going on,
What's going on,
What's going on,



+ Passive

“Dead as dead can be,” my doctor tells me
But I just can’t believe him, ever the optimistic one
I’m sure of your ability to become my perfect enemy
Wake up and face me, don’t play dead cause maybe
Someday I will walk away and say, “You disappoint me,”
Maybe you’re better off this way

Leaning over you here, cold and catatonic
I catch a brief reflection of what you could and might have been
It's your right and your ability
To become…my perfect enemy…

Wake up (we'll catch you) and face me (come one now),
Don’t play dead (don't play dead)
Cause maybe (because maybe)
Someday I’ll (someday I'll) walk away and say, “You disappoint me,”
Maybe you’re better off this way

Maybe you’re better off this way
Maybe you’re better off this way
Maybe you’re better off this way
You’re better of this; you’re better off this;
Maybe you’re better off!

Wake up (can't you) and face me (come on now),
Don’t play dead (don't play dead)
Cause maybe (because maybe)
Someday I’ll (someday I'll) walk away and say, “You fucking disappoint me!”
Maybe you’re better off this way

Go ahead and play dead
I know that you can hear this
Go ahead and play dead
Why can't you turn and face me?
Why can't you turn and face me?
Why can't you turn and face me?
Why can't you turn and face me?
You fucking disappoint me!

Passive aggressive bullshit



+ Gimmie Gimmie Gimmie

Gimmie, Gimmie, Gimmie,
I need some more,
Gimmie, Gimmie, Gimmie, Gimmie
Don't ask what for

Sitting here like a loaded gun,
Waiting to go off,
I've got nothing to do,
But shoot my mouth off

Gimmie, Gimmie, Gimmie, Gimmie
I need some more,
Gimmie, Gimmie, Gimmie, Gimmie
Don't ask what for

I know the world's got problems,
I've got problems of my own,
Not the kind that can't be solved,
With an atom bomb

Gimmie, Gimmie, Gimmie, Gimmie
I need some more,
Gimmie, Gimmie, Gimmie, Gimmie
Don't ask what for

You know I'm gonna go out,
Get something for my head,
If I keep on doing this,
I'm gonna end up dead

Gimmie, Gimmie, Gimmie, Gimmie
I need some more,
Gimmie, Gimmie, Gimmie, Gimmie
Don't ask what for



+ People Are People

We're different colors,
And different creeds,
And different people,
Have different needs,
It's obvious you hate me,
Though I've done nothing wrong,
I've never even met you,
What could I have done?

[x2]
People are people so why should it be?
You and I shouldn't get along.
People are people so why should it be?
You should hate me.

You're punching and kicking,
And you're shouting at me,
I'm relying on your common decency,
So far it hasn't surfaced,
But I'm sure it exists,
It just takes a while to travel
From your head to your fist.

I can't understand,
What makes a man,
Hate another man,
Help me understand,

[x2]
People are people,
So why should it be?,
You and I shouldn't get along,
People are people,
So why should it be,
You Should Hate me

[x3]
I can't understand,
What makes a man,
Hate another man?,
Help me understand,



+ Freedom Of Choice

We're victims of sedition on the open sea.
No one ever said life was free.
Sink, swim, go down with the ship.
Just use your freedom of choice.

I'll say it again in the land of the free
Use your freedom of choice, freedom of choice.

In ancient Rome
there was a pawn
who followed along
and watched it fall
he cast a stone
he felt secure
he felt that he would never be heard.

Freedom of choice
it's what you've got
Freedom of choice

You're given a voice
you don't want it
seems to be the rule of thumb
don't be tricked by waht you see
you've got two ways to go

I'll say it again in the land of the free:
Use your freedom of choice, freedom of choice.

Freedom of choice
it's what you've got
Freedom of choice...

In ancient Rome
there was a pawn
who followed along
and watched it fall
he cast a stone
he felt secure
he felt that his voice would never be heard.

Freedom of choice
it's what you've got
Freedom from choice
it's what you want.

Freedom of choice -
it's what you've got.
Freedom from choice.
It's what you want.

Freedom from choice
It's what you want.
Freedom from choice.



+ Let's Have A War

There's so many of us,
So many of us,
So many, there's so many, there's so many

Let's have a war,
So you can go and die,
Let's have a war,
We could all use the money,
Let's have a war,
We need the space,
Let's have a war,
Clean out this place

It already started in the city,
Suburbia will be just as easy

Let's have a war,
Jack up the Dow Jones,
Let's have a war,
It can start in New Jersey,
Let's have a war,
Blame it on the middle-class,
Let's have a war,
We're like rats in a cage

It already started in the city,
Suburbia will be just as easy

Let's have a war,
Sell the rights to the networks,
Let's have a war,
Let our wallets get fat like last time,
Let's have a war,
Give guns to the queers,
Let's have a war,
The enemy's within

It already started in the city,
Suburbia will be just as easy



+ Counting Bodies Like Sheep To The Rythm Of The War Drums

Don't fret precious I'm here, step away from the window
Go back to sleep
Safe from pain and truth and choice and other poison devils,
See, they don't give a fuck about you, like I do.

Count the bodies like sheep
Count the bodies like sheep

Counting bodies like sheep
To the rhythm of the war drums

Count the bodies like sheep

Go back to sleep
Go back to sleep

Counting bodies like sheep
To the rhythm of the war drums

Go back to sleep
Go back to sleep

Counting bodies like sheep
To the rhythm of the war drums

Go back to sleep
Go back to sleep

Counting bodies like sheep

Go back to sleep
Go to sleep [x14]
Go back to sleep
Go back to sleep
Go back to sleep

Counting bodies like sheep

Go back to sleep
Go back to sleep

Counting bodies like sheep

Go back to sleep
Go back to sleep

Counting bodies like sheep
To the rhythm of the war drums

Go back to sleep
Go back to sleep

Counting bodies like sheep
To the rhythm of the war drums

Go back to sleep
Go back to sleep

Counting bodies like sheep
To the rhythm of the war drums [x2]

I’ll be the one to protect you from your enemies and all your demons
I'll be the one to protect you from a will to survive and a voice of reason
I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and your choices son
They're one in the same, I must isolate you…
Isolate and save you from yourself …



+ When The Levee Breaks

If it keeps on raining, levee's going to break,
If it keeps on raining, levee's going to break,
And the water gonna come in, have no place to stay

Well all last night I sat on the levee and moan,
Well all last night I sat on the levee and moan,
Thinking about my baby and my happy home,

If it keeps on raining, levee's going to break,
If it keeps on raining, levee's going to break,
And all these people have no place to stay

Now look here mama what am I to do?,
Now look here mama what am I to do?,
I ain't got nobody to tell my troubles to

I works on the levee mama both night and day,
I works on the levee mama both night and day,
I ain't got nobody, keep the water away

Oh crying won't help you, praying won't do no good,
Oh crying won't help you, praying won't do no good,
When the levee breaks, mama, you got to lose

I works on the levee, mama both night and day,
I works on the levee, mama both night and day,
I works so hard, to keep the water away

I had a woman, she wouldn't do for me,
I had a woman, she wouldn't do for me,
I'm going back to my used to be

It's a mean old levee, cause me to weep and moan
It's a mean old levee, cause me to weep and moan
Gonna leave my baby, and my happy home



+ The Fiddle & The Drum

And so once again,
My dear Johnny, my dear friend,
And so once again you are fighting us all,
And when I ask you why,
You raise your sticks and cry, and I fall,
Oh, my friend,
How did you come?,
To trade the fiddle for the drum,
You say I have turned,
Like the enemies you've earned,
But I can remember,
All the good things you are,
And so I ask you please,
Can I help you find the peace and the star?,
Oh, my friend,
What time is this?,
To trade the handshake for the fist

And so once again,
Oh, America my friend,
And so once again,
You are fighting us all,
And when we ask you why,
You raise your sticks and cry and we fall,
Oh, my friend,
How did you come,
To trade the fiddle for the drum

You say we have turned,
Like the enemies you've earned,
But we can remember,
All the good things you are,
And so we ask you please,
Can we help you find the peace and the star?,
Oh my friend,
We have all come,
To fear the beating of your drum

+ The Package

Clever got me this far
Then tricky got me in
I am what I'm after
I don't need another friend
Smile and drop the cliche
'Till you think I'm listening
I take just what I came for
Then I'm out the door again

Peripheral long the package
Don't care to settle in
Time to feed the monster
I don't need another friend
Comfort is a mystery
Crawling out of my own skin
Just give me what I came for, then I'm out the door again

Lie to get what I came for
Lie to get just what I need
Lie to get what I crave
Lie and smile to get what's mine

I am what I'm after
I don't need another friend
Nod and watch your lips move
If you need me to pretend
Because clever got me this far
Then tricky got me in
I'll take just what I came for
Then I'm out the door again

Lie to get what I came for
Lie to get what I need now
Lie to get what I'm craving
Lie and smile to get what's mine

Give this to me
Mine, mine, mine
Take what's mine
Mine, mine, mine
Take what's mine
Mine, mine, mine

Lie to get what I came for
Lie to get what I need now
Lie to get what I'm craving
Lie to smile and get what's mine

Give this to me
Take what's mine
Mine, mine, mine
Take what's mine
Give this to me

Take what's mine, take what's mine, mine...
Take what's mine, take what's mine, take what's mine,
This is mine, mine, mine [whispered]



+ Weak & Powerless

Tilling my own grave to keep me level
Jam another dragon down the hole
Digging to the rhythm and the echo of a solitary siren
One that pushes me along and leaves me so

Desperate and Ravenous
I'm so weak and powerless over you

Someone feed the monkey while I dig in search of China
White as Dracula as I approach the bottom

Desperate and Ravenous
I'm so weak and powerless over you

Pale angel go away
Come again some other day
The devil has my ear today
I'll never hear of what you say
Promised I would find a little solace
And some piece of mind
Whatever just as long as I don't feel so

Desperate and Ravenous
I'm so weak and powerless over you
Desperate and Ravenous
I'm so weak and powerless
Over you



+ The Noose

So glad to see you well
Overcome and completely silent now
Without himself
You cast your demons out
And not to pull your halo down
Around your neck and tug you off your cloud
But I'm more than just a little curious
How you're planning to go about
Making your amends to the dead
To the dead

Recall the deeds as if
They're all someone else's
Atrocious stories
Now you stand reborn before us all
So glad to see you well

And not to pull your halo down
Around your neck and tug you to the ground
But I'm more than just a little curious
How you're planning to go about
Making your amends to the dead
To the dead

With your halo slipping down
Your halo slipping
Your halo slipping down
Your halo slipping down
Your halo slipping down [repeated]

Your halo slipping down to choke you now



+ Blue

I didn't want to know
I just didn't want to know
Best to keep things in the shallow end
Cause I never quite learned how to swim

I just didn't want to know
Didn't want, didn't want,
Didn't want, didn't want

Close my eyes just to look at you
Taken by the seamless vision
I close my eyes,
Ignore the smoke,
Ignore the smoke

Call it aftermath, she's turning blue
Such a lovely color for you
Call it aftermath, she's turning blue
While I just sit and stare at you

Because I don't want to know
I didn't want to know
I just didn't want to know
I just didn't want

Mistook their nods for an approval
Just ignore the smoke and smile

Call it aftermath, she's turning blue
Such a lovely color for you
Call it aftermath, she's turning blue
Such a perfect color for your eyes
Call it aftermath, she's turning blue
Such a lovely color for you
Call it aftermath, she's turning blue
While I just sit and stare at you

I don't want to know



+ Vanishing

Disappear
Higher
Higher
Into the air
Slowly disappear
No, no longer here

Disappear
Disappear
Thinner, thinner
Into the air

Never really here
What that never
Like a thought brushing up against a sigh
Floating away
Floating away [repeated]

Vanishing like a cyan sunday
Disappear
Disappear
Vanish, vanish into the air
Slowly disappear
Never really here

Floating away
Floating away [repeated]



+ A Stranger

Cast the calming apple
Up and over satellites
To draw out the timid wild one
To convince you it's alright
And I listen for the whisper
Of your sweet insanity while I formulate
Denials of your affect on me

You're a stranger
So what do I care
You vanish today
Not the first time I hear
All the lies

What am I to do with all this silence
Shy away, shy away phantom
Run away terrified child
Won't you move away you ??
I'm better off without
Tearing my will down



+ The Outsider

Help me if you can
It's just that this, this is not the way I'm wired
So could you please,

Help me understand why
You've given in to all these
Reckless dark desires

You're lying to yourself again
Suicidal imbecile
Think about it, put it on the faultline
What'll it take to get it through to you precious
I'm over this. Why do you wanna throw it away like this
Such a mess. Why would I want to watch you.

Disconnect and self destruct one bullet at a time
What's your rush now, everyone will have his day to die

Medicated, drama queen, picture perfect, numb belligerence
Narcissistic, drama queen, craving fame and all its decadence

Lying through your teeth again
Suicidal imbecile
Think about it, put it on the fautline
What'll it take to get it through to you precious
Go with this, why do you wanna throw it away like this
Such a mess. Why would I wanna watch you...

Disconnect and self destruct one bullet at a time
What's your rush now, everyone will have his day to die

They were right about you
They were right about you

Lying to my face again
Suicidal imbecile
Think about it put it on the fautline
What'll it take to get it through to you precious
I'm over this. Why do you wanna throw it away like this
Such a mess, I'm over this, over this!

Disconnect and self destruct, one bullet at a time
What's your hurry, everyone will have his day to die
If you choose to pull the trigger, should your drama prove sincere,
Do it somewhere far away from here



+ Crimes

One...two...three
Four...five...six
Seven...eight...nine
Nine...nine...nine
Ten...ten...ten...ten



+ The Nurse Who Loved Me

Say hello to the rug's topography
It holds quite a lot of interest with your face down on it
Say hello to the shrinking in your head
You can't see it but you know its there so don't neglect it

I'm taking her home with me all dressed in white
She's got everything I need pharmacy keys
She's falling hard for me I can see it in her eyes
She acts just like a nurse with all the other guys

Say hello to all the apples on the ground
They were once in your eyes but you sneezed them out while sleeping
Say hello to everything you've left behind
It's even more a part of your life now that you can't touch it

I'm taking her home with me all dressed in white
She's got everything I need some pills and a little cup
She's falling hard for me I can see it in her eyes
She acts just like a nurse with all the other guys



+ The Pet

Don't fret precious I'm here, step away from the window
Go back to sleep

Lay your head down child
I won't let the boogeyman come

Counting bodies like sheep
To the rhythm of the war drums

Pay no mind to the rabble
Pay no mind to the rabble

Head down, go to sleep
To the rhythm of the war drums

Pay no mind what other voices say
They don't care about you, like I do, like I do
Safe from pain and truth and choice and other poison devils,
See, they don't give a fuck about you, like I do.

Just stay with me, safe and ignorant,
Go back to sleep
Go back to sleep

Lay your head down child
I won't let the boogeyman come
Count the bodies like sheep
To the rhythm of the war drums

Pay no mind to the rabble
Pay no mind to the rabble

Head down, go to sleep to the rhythm of the war drums

I'll be the one to protect you from
Your enemies and all your demons

I'll be the one to protect you from
A will to survive and a voice of reason

I'll be the one to protect you from
Your enemies and your choices son
They're one in the same
I must isolate you
Isolate and save you from yourself

Swayin to the rhythm of the new world order and
Count the bodies like sheep to the rhythm of the war drum

The boogeymen are coming
The boogeymen are coming

Keep your head down, go to sleep, to the rhythm of a war drum

Stay with me
Safe and ignorant
Just stay with me
Hold you and protect you from the other one
The evil ones
Don't love you son,
Go back to sleep



+ Lullaby

Go back to sleep...
Go back to sleep [whispered]



+ Gravity

Lost again
Broken and weary
Unable to find my way
Tail in hand
Dizzy and clearly unable to
Just let this go

I am surrendering to the gravity and the unknown
Catch me heal me lift me back up to the sun
I choose to live

I fell again
Like a baby unable to stand on my own
Tail in hand
Dizzy and clearly unable to just this go
High and surrendering to the gravity and the unknown
Catch me heal me lift me back up to the sun
I choose to live, I choose to live, I choose to live

Catch me heal me lift me back up to the sun
Help me survive the bottom

Calm these hands before they
Snare another pill and
Drive another nail down another
Meaty hole please release me

I am surrendering to the gravity and the unknown
Catch me heal me lift me back up to the sun
I choose to live, I choose to live...

+ The Hollow

Run desire run
Sexual being
Run him like a blade
To and through the heart
No conscience
One Motive
Cater to the hollow

Screaming feed me here
Fill me up again
Temporarily pacify this hungering
So grow
Libido throw
Dominoes of indiscretions down
Falling all around
In cycles
In circles
Constantly consuming
Conquer and devour

Cause it's time to bring the fire down
Bridle all this indiscretion
Long enough to edify
And permanently fill this hollow

Screaming feed me here
Fill me up again
Temporarily pacifying

Feed me here
Fill me up again
Temporarily pacifying



+ Magdalena

Overcome by your
Moving temple
Overcome by this
Holiest of altars

So pure
So rare
To witness such an earthly goddess
That I've lost my self control
Beyond compelled to throw this dollar down before your
Holiest of altars

I'd sell
My soul
My self-esteem a dollar at a time

One chance
One kiss
One taste of you my magdalena

I bear witness
To this place, this prayer, so long forgotten
So pure
So rare
To witness such an earthly goddess

That I'd sell
My soul
My self-esteem a dollar at a time
For one chance
One kiss
One taste of you my black madonna

I'd sell
My soul
My self-esteem a dollar at a time

One taste
One taste
One taste of you my Magdalena



+ Rose

Don't disturb
The beast
The tempermental goat
The snail while he's feeding on
the Rose
Stay frozen, compromising
What I will
I am

Bend around
The wind silently
thrown about
Again I'm treading so
Soft and lightly
Compromising my will
I am

I am
I will
So no longer
Will I
Lay down
Play dead
Play your doe
in the headlights locked down
and terrified
Your deer in the headlights
shot down and horrified when
Push comes to pull comes to shove
Comes to step around this
Self-destructing dance that never
would've ended till I
Rose,
I roared aloud here
I will
I am.

I am
I will
So no longer
Will I
Lay down
Lay dead
Play this
Kneel down
Gun-shy Martyr
Pitiful
I rose, I roared
I will
I am



+ Judith

You're such an inspiration for the ways
That I'll never ever choose to be
Oh so many ways for me to show you
How the savior has abandoned you

F*ck your God
Your Lord, your Christ
He did this
Took all you had and
Left you this way
Still you pray, you never stray
Never taste of the fruit
You never thought to question why

It's not like you killed someone
It's not like you drove a hateful spear
Into his side
You praise the one who left you
Broken down and paralyzed
He did it all for you

Oh so many many ways
For me to show you
How your dogma has abandoned you

Pray to your Christ, to your god
Never taste of the fruit
Never stray, never break, never choke on a lie
Even though he's the one who did this to you
You never thought to question why

It's not like you killed someone
It's Not like you drove a spiteful spear
Into his side
Talk to Jesus Christ
As if he knows the reasons why
He did it all for you



+ Orestes

Metaphor for a missing moment
Pull me into your perfect circle

One womb
One shape
One resolve

Liberate this will
To release us all

Gotta cut away, clear away
Snip away and sever this
Umbilical residue that's
Keeping me from killing you

And from pulling you down with me in here
I can almost hear you scream

Give me
One more medicated peaceful moment
One more medicated peaceful moment

And I don't wanna feel this overwhelming
Hostility
Because I don't wanna feel this overwhelming
Hostility

Gotta cut away Clear away
Snip away and sever this
Umbilical residue
Gotta cut away Clear away
Snip away and sever this
Umbilical residue that's
Keeping me from killing you
Keeping me from killing you



+ 3 Libras

Threw you the obvious
And you flew with it on your back
A name in your recollection
Down among a million, say:
Difficult enough to feel a little bit
Disappointed, passed over.
When I've looked right through,
To see you naked and oblivious
and you don't see me

Well I threw you the obvious,
Just to see if there's more behind the
Eyes of a fallen angel,
Eyes of a tragedy.

Here I am expecting just a little bit
Too much from the wounded
But I see,
See through it all,
See through,
And see you.

So I threw you the obvious
Do you see what occurs behind the
Eyes of a fallen angel
Eyes of a tragedy

Well, oh well..

Apparently nothing.
Apparently nothing at all.

You don't
You don't
You don't see me
You don't
You don't
You don't see me
You don't
You don't
You don't see me
You don't
You don't
You don't see me at all



+ Sleeping Beauty

Delusional
I believe I can cure it all for you, dear
Coax or trick or drive or
drag the demons from you
Make it right for you sleeping beauty
Truly thought
I can magically heal you

You're far beyond a visible sign of your awakening
Failing miserably to rescue

Sleeping Beauty

Drunk on ego
Truly thought I could make it right
If I kissed you one more time to
Help you face the nightmare
But you're far too poisoned for me
Such a fool to think that I can wake you from your slumber
That I could actually heal you..

Sleeping Beauty
Poisoned and hopeless
You're far beyond a visible sign of your awakening
Failing miserably to find a way to comfort you

Far beyond a visible sign of your awakening
And hiding from some poisoned memory

Poisoned and hopeless
Sleeping Beauty



+ Thomas

Humble and helpless
Learning to pray
Praying for visions
to Show me the way
Show me the way to forgive you
Allow me to let it go
Allow me to be forgiven
Show me the way to let go
Show me the way to forgive you
Allow me to let it go
Allow me to be forgiven
Show me the way to let go

Illuminate me,
Illuminate me,
Illuminate me,
I'm just praying for you to show me
Where I'm to begin

Hoping to
Hoping to reconnect to you



+ Renholder

(instrumental)



+ Thinking Of You

Lying all alone and restless
unable to lose this image
sleepless, unable to focus on
anything but your surrender

Tugging a rhythm to the vision that's in my head
Tugging a beat to the sight of you lying
So delighted with a new understanding
Something about a little evil that makes that
Unmistakable noise I was hearing
Unmistakable sound that I know so well
Spent and sighing with a look in your eye
Spent and sighing with a look on your face like

Sweet revelation sweet surrender
sweet, sweet surrender
Surrender...

Tugging a rhythm to the vision that's in my head
Tugging a beat to the sight of you lying
So delighted with a new understanding
Something about a little evil that makes that
Unmistakable noise I was hearing
Unmistakable sound that I know so well
Spent and sighing with a look in your eye
Spent and sighing with a look on your face like

Sweet revelation sweet surrendering
Sweet revelation sweet

Thinking of you, thinking
Thinking of you, Thinking of you, Thinking of you, thinking...

Sweet revelation sweet surrendering
Sweet revelation



+ Brena

My reflection
Wraps and pulls me under
healing waters to be
Bathed in Brena

Guides me
Safely in
Worlds I've never been to
Heal me
Heal me
My dear Brena

So vulnerable
But it's alright

Heal me
Heal me
My dear Brena

Show me lonely and
Show me openings
To lead me closer to you
My dear Brena

(Feeling so) vulnerable
But it's alright

Opening to... heal...
Opening to... heal...
Heal.. Heal.. Heal...

Heal me



+ Over

been over, been over this before
been over and over
been over this before

And over, been over this before
so over this.
Been over this.
So over this.
Been over this.
Over this before



+ Diary of a Lovesong

Screaming out the window watch me die another day hopeless situation endless price i'll have to pay
diary of a madman walk the line again today entries of confusion dear diary i'm here to stay
sanity now and beyond me i will always love you however long i stay i will always love you
whatever words i say i will always love you there's no choice

whenever i'm alone with you you make me feel like i'm whole again
voices in the darkness scream away my mental health can i ask a question to help me save me from myself sanity now and beyond me i will always love you however long i stay i will always love you whatever words i say i will always love you there's no choice i will always love you

whenever i'm alone with you you make me feel like i'm whole again whenever i'm alone with you you make me feel like i'm whole again
i will always love you there's no choice

+ Vicarious

Eye on the TV
'cause tragedy thrills me
Whatever flavor
It happens to be

Like:
"Killed by the husband"
"Drowned by the ocean"
"Shot by his own son"
"She used the poison in his tea
[and / he] kissed [him / her] goodbye"
That's my kind of story
It's no fun til someone dies

Don't look me at like
I am a monster
Frown out your one face
But with the other
Stare like a junkie
Into the TV
Stare like a zombie
While the mother, holds her child
Watches him die
Hands to the sky cryin,
"Why, oh why?"

Cause I need to watch things die
From a distance
Vicariously, I
Live while the whole world dies
You all need it too - don't lie.

Why can't we just admit it?
Why can't we just admit it?
We won't give pause until the blood is flowin'
Neither the brave nor bold
Will write us the story so
We won't give pause until the blood is flowin'

I need to watch things die
From a good safe distance
Vicariously, I
Live while the whole world dies
You all feel the same so
Why can't we just admit it?

Blood like rain fallin' down
[Drown on grave and ground / ?? ]

Part vampire
Part warrior
Carnivore and voyeur
Stare at the
[transmittal / transmitter]
Sing to the death rattle

La, la, la, la, la, la, la-lie (x4)

Credulous at best
Your desire to believe in
Angels in the hearts of men.
But pull your head on out
[Your head please / ??] and give a listen
Shouldn't have to say it all again

The universe is hostile
So impersonal
Devour to survive
So it is, so it's always been ...

We all feed on tragedy
It's like blood to a vampire

Vicariously, I
Live while the whole world dies
Much better you than I.



+ Jambi

[Here from the / If in the / Infinite] king's mountain view
[Here from / If in] the wild dream come true
Feast like a sultan, I do
On treasures and flesh never few

But I would wish it all, away
If I thought I'd lose you just one day

The devil and his had me down
In love with the dark side I've found
Dabblin' all the way down
Up to my neck soon to drown.

But you changed that all for me
Lifted me up, turned me round

So I, I would wish this all away

Pray like a [martyr / father] dusk to dawn
Beg like a hooker all night long
Shout to the devil with my song
And got what I wanted all along

But I
I would
If I could
I would
Wish it away
Wish it away
Wish it all away
Wanna wish it all away
No price could hold sway
Or justify my
Giving away, my center

So if I could I'd wish it all away
If I thought tomorrow, they'd take you away

You're my piece of mind,
[my home / my Om / my own / my all]
I said I'm just trying to hold on
One more day

Damn my eyes!

Damn my eyes!
If they should compromise a fulcrum:
[Want and need] divide me
Then I might as well be gone...

Shine on forever
Shine on benevolent sun
Shine down upon the broken
Shine [on 'til / until] the two become one

Shine on forever
Shine on benevolent sun
Shine down upon the severed
Shine [on 'til / until] the two become one

[Divide and wither away
/ Divided, withering away
/ Divide, I wither away]

Shine down upon the many, light our way,
Benevolent sun.

Breathe in union

So, as one, survive
Another day and season
[Silent legions / Silently, just] save your poison
[Silent legions / Silently, just] stay out of my way



+ Wings for Mary (part I)

You...
You believed ...
You believed in movements none could see.
You believed in me

A passionate spirit
Uncompromised
Boundless and open
A light in your eyes
Then immobilized.

Broken
Fell at the hands of those movements that I wouldn't see
Yet it was you who prayed for me.
So what have I done
To be a son to an angel?
What have I done
To be worthy?

Daylight dims leaving cold fluorescents
Difficult to see you in this light
Please forgive this selfish question, but
What am I to say to all these ghouls tonight?
"She never told a lie,
... well might have told a lie,
But never lived one.
Didn't have a life,
Didn't have a life,
But surely saved one."
See? I'm alright
Now it's time for us to let you go.



+ 10,000 Days (Wings pt. II)

Listen to the tales and romanticize,
How we follow the path of the hero.
Boast about the day when the rivers overrun.
How we rise to the height of our halo.

Listen to the tales as we all rationalize
Our way into the arms of the savior,
Feigning all the trials and the tribulations;
None of us have actually been there.
Not like you.

Ignorant fibbers in the congregation
Gather around spewing sympathy,
Spare me.
None of them can even hold a candle up to you.
Blinded by choices, hypocrites won't see.

But, enough about the collective Judas.
Who could deny you were the one who
Would have made it, illuminated
You'll have a piece of the divine.
And this little light of mine, the gift you passed on to me;
I'll let it shine to guide you safely on your way,
Your way home ...

Oh, what are they going to do when the lights go down
Without you to guide them all to Zion?
What are they going to do when the rivers overrun
Other than tremble incessantly?

High as a wave, but I'll rise on up off the ground.
You were the light and the way, they'll only read about.
I only pray, Heaven knows when to lift you out.
Ten thousand days in the fire is long enough, you're going home.

You're the only one who can hold your head up high,
Shake your fists at the gates saying:
"I have come home now!
Fetch me the spirit, the son, and the father.
Tell them their pillar of faith has ascended.
It's time now!
My time now!
Give me my, give me my wings!"

+++ Give me my wings! +++

You are the light and way, that they will only read about.

Set as I am in my ways and my arrogance,
Burden of proof tossed upon the believers.
You were the witness, my eyes, my evidence,
Judith Marie, unconditional one.

Daylight dims leaving cold fluorescence.
Difficult to see you in this light.
Please forgive this bold suggestion:
Should you see your Maker's face tonight,
Look Him in the eye, look Him in the eye, and tell Him:
I never lived a lie, never took a life, but surely saved one.
Hallelujah, it's time for you to bring me home.



+ The Pot

Who are you to wave your finger?
You must have been outta your head
Eye hole deep in muddy waters
You practically raised the dead

Rob the grave to snow the cradle
Then burn the evidence down
Soapbox house of cards and glass so
Don't go tossin' your stones around

You must have been high

Foot in mouth and head up ass
So whatcha talkin' 'bout?
Difficult to dance 'round this one
'til you pull it out. boy,

You must have been so high

Steal, borrow, refer, save your shady inference
Kangaroo done hung the jury with the innocent

Now you're weeping shades of cozened indigo
(Musta) got lemon juice up in your eye
When you pissed all over my black kettle.

You must have been high!

Who are you to wave your finger?
So full of it
Eye balls deep in muddy waters
Fuckin' hypocrite

Liar, lawyer, mirror, show me. What's the difference?
Kangaroo done hung the guilty with the innocent.

Now you're weeping shades of cozened indigo
(Musta) got lemon juice up in your eye
When you pissed all over my black kettle.

You must've been...

So who are you to wave your finger?
Who are you to wave your fatty fingers at me?
You must have been out your mind

Weepin' shades of indigo
Shed without a reason *
Weepin' shades of indigo

Liar, lawyer - mirror, for you what's the difference?
Kangaroo be stoned. He's guilty as the government.

Now you're weeping shades of cozened indigo
(Musta) got lemon juice up in your eye
Now when you pissed all over my black kettle.

You must've been high!

Eyeballs deep in muddy waters
Eyeballs deep in muddy waters
Ganja? P-lease!
You must have been out your mind



+ Lipan Conjuring

...



+ Lost Keys (Blame Hofmann)

Nurse: Excuse me, doctor, do you have a moment?
Doctor: A moment? What's the question?
Nurse: More of a situation, a gentleman in Exam 3.
Doctor: What's the problem?
Nurse: That is the problem: we're not sure.
Doctor: You've got the chart?
Nurse: Right here.
Doctor: Hmm... not much here, is there?
Nurse: No doctor, no obvious physical trauma, vitals are stable.
Doctor: Name?
Nurse: No sir.
Doctor: Did someone drop him off, maybe we can speak to them? Let's get some background on this fellow.
Nurse: No ID, nothing, and he won't speak to anybody.
Doctor: Well, let's say hello.

Doctor: Good morning, I'm Dr. Watson. How are you today?
How are you today? Look son, you're in a safe place, we want to help you,
in whatever way we can. But you need to talk to us, we can't help you otherwise. Now, what's happened? Tell me everything.



+ Rosetta Stoned

Alrighty, then ... picture this if you will.

10 to 2 AM, X, Yogi DMT, and a box of Krispy Kremes,
in my "need to know" pose, just outside of Area 51
Contemplating the whole "chosen people" thingy
when a flaming stealth banana split the sky
like one would hope but never really expect
to see in a place like this.
Cutting right angle donuts on a dime
and stopping right at my Birkenstocks,
and me yelping...

Holy fucking shit!

Then the X-Files being,
Looking like some kind of blue-green Jackie Chan
with Isabella Rossellini lips, and breath that reeked of
vanilla Chig Champa
Did a slow-mo Matrix descent
Outta the butt end of the banana vessel
And hovered above my bug-eyes, my gaping jaw,
and my sweaty L. Ron Hubbard upper lip,
and all I could think was:
"I hope Uncle Martin here doesn't notice
that I pissed my fuckin' pants."

So light in his way,
Like an apparition, [that]
He had me crying out,
"Fuck me
It's gotta be
the Deadhead Chemistry
The blotter got [right] on top of me
Got me seein' E-motherfuckin'-T!"

And after calming me down
with some orange slices
and some fetal spooning,
E.T. revealed to me his singular purpose.
He said, "You are the Chosen One,
the One who will deliver the message.
A message of hope for those who choose to hear it
and a warning for those who do not."
Me. The Chosen One?
They chose me!!!
And I didn't even graduate from fuckin' high school.

You'd better...
You'd better...
You'd better...
You'd better listen.

Then he looked right through me
With somniferous almond eyes
Don't even know what that means
Must remember to write it down
This is so real
Like the time Dave floated away
See, my heart is pounding
'Cause this shit never happens to me

I can't breathe right now!

It was so real,
Like I woke up in Wonderland.
All sorta terrifying
I don't wanna be all alone
While I tell this story.
And can anyone tell me why
Y'all sound like Peanuts parents?
Will I ever be coming down?
This is so real
Finally, it's my lucky day
See, my heart is racing
'Cause this shit never happens to me

I can't breathe right now!

You believe me, don't you?
Please believe what I've just said!
See the Dead ain't touring
And this wasn't all in my head.
See, they took me by the hand
And invited me right in.
Then they showed me something
I don't even know where to begin.

Strapped down [to] my bed
Feet cold [and] eyes red
I'm out of my head
Am I alive? Am I dead?
Can't remember what they said
God damn, shit the bed.

Hey ...

Overwhelmed as one would be, placed in my position.
Such a heavy burden now to be the One
Born to bear and bring to all the details of our ending,
To write it down for all the world to see.

But I forgot my pen
Shit the bed again ...
Typical.

Strapped down [to] my bed
Feet cold and eyes red
I'm out of my head
Am I alive? Am I dead?
Sunkist and Sudafed *
Gyroscopes and infrared
Won't help, I'm brain dead
Can't remember what they said
God damn, shit the bed

I can't remember what they said to me
Can't remember what they said to make me out to be the hero
Can't remember what they said
Bob help me!
Can't remember what they said

[We] don't know, [and we] won't know (x12)

God damn, shit the bed!



+ Intention

Pure as we begin
Pure as we come in
Pure as we begin
Pure by will alone

Pure as we begin
Here we have a stone
Gather, place, [erase, so / a razor]
Shelter turned to home

Pure as we begin
Here we have a stone
Throw to stay the stranger
Swore to crush his bones

Move by will alone

Spark becomes a flame
Flame becomes a fire
Light the way or warm this
Hope we occupy

Spark becomes a flame
Flame becomes a fire
Forge a blade to slay the stranger
Take whatever we desire

Move by will alone

Pure as we begin

Pure as we begin
Move by will alone
Leave as we come in
Pure as light, return to one

Move by will alone



+ Right In Two

Angels on the sideline,
Puzzled and amused.
Why did Father give these humans free will?
Now they're all confused.

Don't these talking monkeys know that Eden has enough to go around?
Plenty in this holy garden, silly monkeys
Where there's one you're bound to divide it
Right in two

Angels on the sideline,
Baffled and confused.
Father blessed them all with reason,
And this is what they choose?

Monkey killing monkey killing monkey over pieces of the ground.
Silly monkeys give them thumbs they forge a blade
And where there's one they're bound to divide it
Right in two

Monkey killing monkey killing monkey over pieces of the ground.
Silly monkeys give them thumbs they make a club,
And beat their brother down.
How they survive so misguided is a mystery.
Repugnant is a creature who would squander the ability,
To lift an eye to heaven, conscious of his fleeting time here.

[Cutting it all right in two
/ Cut it all right in two]
/ Cutting our love right in two]

Fight over the clouds, over wind, over sky
Fight over your lie, over blood, over anything
Fight over love, over sun, over nothing
Fight till they die,
(Ahhh!) over what? for their ending

Angels on the sideline again,
[Mixing love / Benched along] with patience and reason.
Angels on the sideline again,
Wondering where this tug of war will end.

[Cutting it all right in two
/ Cut it all right in two]
/ Cutting our love right in two]



+ Viginti Tres

Be patient...

+ The Grudge

Wear your grudge like a crown of negativity.
Calculate what we will or will not tolerate.
Desperate to control all and everything.
Unable to forgive your scarlet lettermen.

Clutch it like a cornerstone. Otherwise it all comes down.
Justify denials and grip it to the lonesome end.
Clutch it like a cornerstone. Otherwise it all comes down.
Terrified of being wrong. Ultimatum prison cell.

Saturn ascends, choose one or ten. Hang on or be humbled again.

Clutch it like a cornerstone. Otherwise it all comes down.
Justify denials and grip it to the lonesome end.
Saturn ascends, comes round again.
Saturn ascends, the one, the ten. Ignorant to the damage done.

Wear your grudge like a crown of negativity.
Calculate what you will or will not tolerate.
Desperate to control all and everything.
Unable to forgive your scarlet lettermen.

Wear the grudge like a crown. Desperate to control.
Unable to forgive. And we're sinking deeper.

Defining, confining, sinking deeper. Controlling, defining, and we're sinking deeper.

Saturn comes back around to show you everything
Let's you choose what you will not see and then
Drags you down like a stone or lifts you up again
Spits you out like a child, light and innocent.

Saturn comes back around. Lifts you up like a child or
Drags you down like a stone to
Consume you till you choose to let this go.
Choose to let this go.

Give away the stone. Let the oceans take and transmutate this cold and fated anchor.
Give away the stone. Let the waters kiss and transmutate these leaden grudges into gold.

Let go.



+ The Patient

A groan of tedium escapes me, startling the fearful.
Is this a test?
It has to be. Otherwise I can't go on.
Draining patience. drain vitality.
this paranoid, paralyzed vampire act's a little old.

But I'm still right here, giving blood and keeping faith. And I'm still right here.
But I'm still right here, giving blood and keeping faith. And I'm still right here.

I'm gonna wait it out

If there were no rewards to reap,
no loving embrace to see me through this tedious path I've chosen here,
I certainly would've walked away by now.

I'm gonna wait it out

If there were no desire to heal
The damaged and broken met along this tedious path I've chosen here,
I certainly would've walked away by now.

I still may. And I still may.
Be patient.

I must keep reminding myself of this...

If there were no rewards to reap,
no loving embrace to see me through this tedious path I've chosen here,
I certainly would've walked away by now.
And I still may. And I still may. And I still may.

I'm gonna wait it out.
I'm gonna wait it out.
Gonna wait it out.
Gonna wait it out.



+ Schism

I know the pieces fit cuz I watched them fall away
mildewed and smoldering, fundamental differing,
pure intention juxtaposed will set two lovers souls in motion
disintegrating as it goes testing our communication
the light that fueled our fire then has burned a hole between us so
we cannot see to reach an end crippling our communication.

I know the pieces fit cuz I watched them tumble down
no fault, none to blame it doesn't mean I don't desire to
point the finger, blame the other, watch the temple topple over.
To bring the pieces back together, rediscover communication.

The poetry that comes from the squaring off between,
And the circling is worth it.
Finding beauty in the dissonance.

There was a time that the pieces fit, but I watched them fall away.
Mildewed and smoldering, strangled by our coveting
I've done the the math enough to know the dangers of a second guessing
Doomed to crumble unless we grow, and strengthen our communication

cold silence has a tendency to atrophy any sense of compassion

between supposed lovers
between supposed brothers.

And I know the pieces fit.



+ Parabol

So familiar and overwhelmingly warm
This one, this form I hold now.
Embracing you, this reality here,
This one, this form I hold now, so
Wide eyed and hopeful.
Wide eyed and hopefully wild.

We barely remember what came before this precious moment,
Choosing to be here right now. Hold on, stay inside...
This body holding me, reminding me that I am not alone in
This body makes me feel eternal. All this pain is an illusion.



+ Parabola

We barely remember who or what came before this precious moment,
We are Choosing to be here right now. Hold on, stay inside...
This holy reality, this holy experience. Choosing to be here in...

This body. This body holding me. Be my reminder here that I am not alone in
This body, this body holding me, feeling eternal all this pain is an illusion.

Alive

This holy reality, in this holy experience. Choosing to be here in...

This body. This body holding me. Be my reminder here that I am not alone in
This body, this body holding me, feeling eternal all this pain is an illusion...
Of what it means to be alive

Swirling round with this familiar parable.
Spinning, weaving round each new experience.
Recognize this as a holy gift and celebrate this
chance to be alive and breathing
chance to be alive and breathing.

This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality.
Embrace this moment. Remember. we are eternal.
all this pain is an illusion.



+ Ticks & Leeches

Suck and suck. Suckin up all you can suckin up all you can suck.
Workin up under my patience like a little tick.
Fat little parasite. Suck me dry.
My blood is bruised and borrowed. You thieving bastards.
You have turned my blood cold and bitter,
beat my compassion black and blue.

Hope this is what you wanted.
Hope this is what you had in mind.
Cuz this is what you're getting.
I hope you're choking. I hope you choke on this.
I hope you're choking. I hope you choke on this.

Taken all I can taken all I can, we can take. Taken all you can taken you can, we can take.
Got nothing left to give to you.
Blood suckin parasitic little blood suckin parasitic little
blood suckin parasitic little tick
Take what you want and then go.

Suck me dry.

Is this what you wanted?
Is this what you had in mind?
Is this what you wanted?
Cuz this this is what you're getting.
I hope, I hope, I hope you choke.



+ Lateralus

Black then white are all i see in my infancy.
red and yellow then came to be, reaching out to me.
lets me see.
as below, so above and beyond, I imagine
drawn beyond the lines of reason.
Push the envelope. Watch it bend.

Over thinking, over analyzing separates the body from the mind.
Withering my intuition, missing opportunities and I must
Feed my will to feel my moment drawing way outside the lines.

Black then white are all i see in my infancy.
red and yellow then came to be, reaching out to me.
lets me see there is so much more and
beckons me to look thru to these infinite possibilities.
as below, so above and beyond, I imagine
drawn outside the lines of reason.
Push the envelope. Watch it bend.

over thinking, over analyzing separates the body from the mind.
Withering my intuition leaving opportunities behind.
Feed my will to feel this moment urging me to cross the line.
Reaching out to embrace the random.
Reaching out to embrace whatever may come.

I embrace my desire to
I embrace my desire to
feel the rhythm, to feel connected enough to step aside and weep like a widow
to feel inspired to fathom the power, to witness the beauty,
to bathe in the fountain,
to swing on the spiral
to swing on the spiral
to swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human.

With my feet upon the ground I move myeslf between the sounds and open wide to suck it in.
I feel it move across my skin.
I'm reaching up and reaching out. I'm reaching for the random or what ever will bewilder me.
what ever will bewilder me.
And following our will and wind we may just go where no one's been.
We'll ride the spiral to the end and may just go where no one's been.
Spiral out. Keep going.
Spiral out. Keep going.
Spiral out. Keep going.
Spiral out. Keep going.
Spiral out. Keep going.



+ Disposition

mention this to me.
mention something, anything..
and watch the weather change.



+ Reflection

I find that I can see a light at the end down
Beneath my self-indulgent pitiful hole.
Defeated I Concede and move closer. I may find comfort here
I may find peace within the emptiness. How pitiful.
It's calling me.
It's calling me.
It's calling me.
It's calling me.

And in my darkest moment, fetal and weeping.
The moon tells me a secret. My confidant.
As full and bright as I am, this light is not my own
A million light reflections pass over me
It's source is bright and endless.
She resuscitates the hopeless
Without her we are lifeless satellites dreaming dreams.
And as I pull my head out I am without one doubt
Don't want to be down here feeding my narcissism
I must crucify the ego before it's far too late
I pray the light lifts me out before I pine away.
before I pine away.
before I pine away.
before I pine away.

So crucify the ego before it's far too late
To leave behind this place so negative and blind and cynical
And you will come to find that we are all one mind
(*)
Just let the light touch you and let the words spill thorough
Just let them pass right through, bringing out our hope and reason.

before I pine away.
before I pine away.
before I pine away.
before I pine away.

+ Stinkfist

Something has to change.
Un-deniable dilemma.
Boredom's not a burden
Anyone should bear.

Constant over stimu-lation numbs me
and I wouldn't have
It any other way.

It's not enough.
I need more.
Nothing seems to satisfy.
I don't want it.
I just need it.
To feel, to breathe, to know I'm alive.

Finger deep within the borderline.
Show me that you love me and that we belong together.
Relax, turn around and take my hand.

I can help you change
Tired moments into pleasure.
Say the word and we'll be
Well upon our way.

Blend and balance
Pain and comfort
Deep within you
Till you will not have me any other way.

It's not enough.
I need more.
Nothing seems to satisfy.
I don't want it.
I just need it.
To feel, to breathe, to know I'm alive.

Knuckle deep inside the borderline.
This may hurt a little but it's something you'll get used to.
Relax. Slip away.

Something kinda sad about
the way that things have come to be.
Desensitized to everything.
What became of subtlety?

How can it mean anything to me
If I really don't feel anything at all?

I'll keep digging till
I feel something.

Elbow deep inside the borderline.
Show me that you love me and that we belong together.
Shoulder deep within the borderline.
Relax. Turn around and take my hand.



+ Eulogy

He had alot to say.
He had alot of nothing to say.
We'll miss him.

So long.
We wish you well.
You told us how you weren't afraid to die.
Well then, so long.
Don't cry.
Or feel too down.
Not all martyrs see divinity.
But at least you tried.

Standing above the crowd,
He had a voice that was strong and loud.
We'll miss him.
Ranting and pointing his finger
At everything but his heart.
We'll miss him.

No way to recall
What it was that you had said to me,
Like I care at all.

So loud.
You sure could yell.
You took a stand on every little thing
And so loud.

Standing above the crowd,
He had a voice so strong and loud and I
Swallowed his facade cuz I'm so
Eager to identify with
Someone above the ground,
Someone who seemed to feel the same,
Someone prepared to lead the way, with
Someone who would die for me.

Will you? Will you now?
Would you die for me?
Don't you fuckin lie.

Don't you step out of line.
Don't you fuckin lie.

You've claimed all this time that you would die for me.
Why then are you so surprised to hear your own eulogy?

You had alot to say.
You had alot of nothing to say.

*** Come down.
*** Get off your fuckin cross.
*** We need the fuckin space to nail the next fool martyr.

To ascend you must die.
You must be crucified
For your sins and your lies. [sic]
Goodbye...



+ H.

What's coming through is alive.
What's holding up is a mirror.
But what's singing songs is a snake
Looking to turn this piss to wine.

They're both totally void of hate,
But killing me just the same.

The snake behind me hisses
What my damage could have been.
My blood before me begs me
Open up my heart again.

And I feel this coming over like a storm again.
Considerately.

Venomous voice, tempts me,
Drains me, bleeds me,
Leaves me cracked and empty.
Drags me down like some sweet gravity.

The snake behind me hisses
What my damage could have been.
My blood before me begs me
Open up my heart again.

And I feel this coming over like a storm again.

I am too connected to you to
Slip away, to fade away.
Days away I still feel you
Touching me, changing me,
And considerately killing me.

Without the skin,
Beneath the storm,
Under these tears
The walls came down.

And the snake is drowned and
As I look in his eyes,
My fear begins to fade
Recalling all of those times.

I could have cried then.
I should have cried then.

And as the walls come down and
As I look in your eyes
My fear begins to fade
Recalling all of the times
I have died
and will die.
It's all right.
I don't mind.

I am too connected to you to
Slip away, to fade away.
Days away I still feel you
Touching me, changing me,

And considerately killing me.



+ Useful Idiot

There are no words.



+ Forty-six & 2

My shadow's
shedding skin and
I've been picking
Scabs again.
I'm down
Digging through
My old muscles
Looking for a clue.

I've been crawling on my belly
Clearing out what could've been.
I've been wallowing in my own confused
And insecure delusions
For a piece to cross me over
Or a word to guide me in.
I wanna feel the changes coming down.
I wanna know what I've been hiding in

My shadow.
Change is coming through my shadow.
My shadow's shedding skin
I've been picking
My scabs again.

I've been crawling on my belly
Clearing out what could've been.
I've been wallowing in my own chaotic
And insecure delusions.

I wanna feel the change consume me,
Feel the outside turning in.
I wanna feel the metamorphosis and
Cleansing I've endured within

My shadow
Change is coming.
Now is my time.
Listen to my muscle memory.
Contemplate what I've been clinging to.
Forty-six and two ahead of me.

I choose to live and to
Grow, take and give and to
Move, learn and love and to
Cry, kill and die and to
Be paranoid and to
Lie, hate and fear and to
Do what it takes to move through.

I choose to live and to
Lie, kill and give and to
Die, learn and love and to
Do what it takes to step through.

See my shadow changing,
Stretching up and over me.
Soften this old armor.
Hoping I can clear the way
By stepping through my shadow,
Coming out the other side.
Step into the shadow.
Forty six and two are just ahead of me.



+ Message to Harry Manback

[words in brackets unclear]

Figlio di puttana, sai che tu sei un pezzo di merda? (1)

Hm? You think you're cool, right? Hm? Hm?
When you kicked out people [out of] your house

I tell you this, one of three Americans die of cancer,
you know? Asshole. You're gonna be one of those.

I [don't have the] courage
to kick your ass directly.
Don't have enough courage for that,
I could, you know.

You know you're gonna have another accident?
You know I'm involved with black magic?
Fuck you. Die. Bastard.
You think you're so cool, hm? Asshole.

And if I ever see your fucking face around,
In Europe or Italy,
Well I'll -- That time I'm gonna kick your ass.
Fuck you. Fucking Americans, Yankee.
You're gonna die outta cancer, I promise.

[Bang bang / Deep pain]

No one does what you did to me.
You wanna know something? Fuck you.
I want your balls smashed, eat shit. Bastard.

Pezzo di merda, figlio di puttana. (2)
I hope somebody in your family dies soon.

Crepa, pezzo di merda, e vai
a sucare cazzi su un aereo! (3)

(1) Son of a bitch, do you know you are a piece of shit?
(2) Piece of shit, son of a bitch.
(3) Die, piece of shit, and go suck dicks on a plane!



+ Hooker with a Penis

I met a boy wearing Vans, 501s, and a
Dope Beastie t, nipple rings, and
New tattoos that claimed that he
Was OGT,
From '92,
The first EP.

And in between
Sips of Coke
He told me that
He thought
We were sellin' out,
Layin' down,
Suckin' up
To the man.

Well now I've got some
A-dvice for you, little buddy.
Before you point the finger
You should know that
I'm the man,

And if I'm the man,

Then you're the man, and
He's the man as well so you can
Point that fuckin' finger up your ass.

All you know about me is what I've sold you,
Dumb fuck.
I sold out long before you ever heard my name.

I sold my soul to make a record,
Dip shit,
And you bought one.

So I've got some
Advice for you, little buddy.
Before you point your finger
You should know that
I'm the man,

If I'm the fuckin' man
Then you're the fuckin' man as well
So you can
Point that fuckin' finger up your ass.

All you know about me is what I've sold you,
Dumb fuck.
I sold out long before you ever heard my name.

I sold my soul to make a record,
Dip shit,
And you bought one.

All you read and
Wear or see and
Hear on TV
Is a product
Begging for your
Fatass dirty
Dollar+ I

So...Shut up and

Buy my new record
Send more money
Fuck you, buddy.



+ Intermission

There are no words.



+ Jimmy

What was it like to see
The face of your own stability
Suddenly look away
Leaving you with the dead and hopeless?

Eleven and she was gone.
Eleven is when we waved good-bye.
Eleven is standing still,
Waiting for me to free him
By coming home.

Moving me with a sound.
Opening me within a gesture.
Drawing me down and in,
Showing me where it all began,
Eleven.

It took so long to realize that
You hold the light that's been leading me back home.

Under a dead ohio sky,
Eleven has been and will be waiting,
Defending his light,
And wondering...
Where the hell have I been?
Sleeping, lost, and numb.
So glad that I have found you.
I am wide awake and heading home.

Hold your light,
Eleven.
Lead me through each gentle step by step
by inch by loaded memory.

I'll move to heal
As soon as pain allows so we can
Reunite and both move on together.

Hold your light,
Eleven. Lead me through each gentle step by step
By inch by loaded memory
'till one and one are one, eleven,
So glow, child, glow.

I'm heading back home.



+ Die Eier Von Satan

GERMAN

Die Eier von Satan

Eine halbe Tasse Staubzucker
Ein Viertel Teelöffel Salz
Eine Messerspitze türkisches Haschisch
Ein halbes Pfund Butter
Ein Teelöffel Vanillenzucker
Ein halbes Pfund Mehl
Einhundertfünfzig Gramm gemahlene Nüsse
Ein wenig extra Staubzucker
... und keine Eier

In eine Schüssel geben
Butter einrühren
Gemahlene Nüsse zugeben und
Den Teig verkneten

Augenballgroße Stücke vom Teig formen
Im Staubzucker wälzen und
Sagt die Zauberwörter
Simsalbimbamba Saladu Saladim

Auf ein gefettetes Backblech legen und
Bei zweihundert Grad für fünfzehn Minuten backen und
KEINE EIER

Bei zweihundert Grad für fünfzehn Minuten backen und
Keine Eier ..

ENGLISH

The Eggs/Balls of Satan

Half a cup of powdered sugar
One quarter teaspoo salt
One knifetip Turkish hash
Half a pound butter
One teaspoon vanilla-sugar
Half a pound flour
150 g ground nuts
A little extra powdered sugar
... and no eggs

Place in a bowl
Add butter
Add the ground nuts and
Knead the dough

Form eyeball-size pieces from the dough
Roll in the powdered sugar
and say the Magic Words:
"Sim sala bim bamba sala do saladim"

Place on a greased baking pan and
Bake at 200 degrees for 15 minutes
...AND NO EGGS

Bake at 200 degrees for 15 minutes
...and no eggs.



+ Pushit

I will choke until I swallow...
Choke this infant here before me.
What is this but my reflection?
Who am I to judge and strike you down?

But you're
Pushing and shoving me.
You still love me and you pushit on me.

Rest your trigger on my finger,
bang my head upon the fault line.
Take care not to make me enter.
'cause if I do we both may disappear.

But you're pushing me,
Shoving me. Pushit on me.

Slipping back into the gap again.
I'm alive when you're touching me,
Alive when you're shoving me down.

But i'd trade it all
For just a little bit of
Piece of mind.

Put me somewhere I don't wanna be.
Seeing someplace I don't wanna see.
Never wanna see that place again.

Saw that gap again today
As you were begging me to stay.
Managed to push myself away,
And you, as well.

If, when I say I may fade like a sigh if I stay,
You minimize my movement anyway,
I must persuade you another way.

There's no love in fear.

Staring down the hole again.
Hands upon my back again.
Survival is my only friend.
Terrified of what may come.

Just remember I will always love you,
Even as I tear your fucking throat away.
But it will end no other way.



+ Cesaro Summability

There are no words.



+ Aenema

Some say the end is near.
Some say we'll see armageddon soon.
I certainly hope we will.
I sure could use a vacation from this

Bullshit three ring circus sideshow of
Freaks

Here in this hopeless fucking hole we call LA
The only way to fix it is to flush it all away.
Any fucking time. Any fucking day.
Learn to swim, I'll see you down in Arizona bay.

Fret for your figure and
Fret for your latte and
Fret for your hairpiece and
Fret for your lawsuit and
Fret for your prozac and
Fret for your pilot and
Fret for your contract and
Fret for your car.

It's a
Bullshit three ring circus sideshow of
Freaks

Here in this hopeless fucking hole we call LA
The only way to fix it is to flush it all away.
Any fucking time. Any fucking day.
Learn to swim, I'll see you down in Arizona bay.

Some say a comet will fall from the sky.
Followed by meteor showers and tidal waves.
Followed by faultlines that cannot sit still.
Followed by millions of dumbfounded dipshits.

Some say the end is near.
Some say we'll see armageddon soon.
I certainly hope we will cuz
I sure could use a vacation from this

Silly shit, stupid shit...

One great big festering neon distraction,
I've a suggestion to keep you all occupied.

Learn to swim.

Mom's gonna fix it all soon.
Mom's comin' round to put it back the way it ought to be.

Learn to swim.

Fuck L Ron Hubbard and
Fuck all his clones.
Fuck all those gun-toting
Hip gangster wannabes.

Learn to swim.

Fuck retro anything.
Fuck your tattoos.
Fuck all you junkies and
Fuck your short memory.

Learn to swim.

Fuck smiley glad-hands
With hidden agendas.
Fuck these dysfunctional,
Insecure actresses.

Learn to swim.

Cuz I'm praying for rain
And I'm praying for tidal waves
I wanna see the ground give way.
I wanna watch it all go down.
Mom please flush it all away.
I wanna watch it go right in and down.
I wanna watch it go right in.
Watch you flush it all away.

Time to bring it down again.
Don't just call me pessimist.
Try and read between the lines.

I can't imagine why you wouldn't
Welcome any change, my friend.

I wanna see it all come down.
Suck it down.
Flush it down.



+ (-) Ions

There are no words.



+ Third Eye

Dreaming of that face again.
It's bright and blue and shimmering.
Grinning wide
And comforting me with it's three warm and wild eyes.

On my back and tumbling
Down that hole and back again
Rising up
And wiping the webs and the dew from my withered eye.

In... Out... In... Out... In... Out...

A child's rhyme stuck in my head.
It said that life is but a dream.
I've spent so many years in question
to find I've known this all along.

"So good to see you.
I've missed you so much.
So glad it's over.
I've missed you so much
Came out to watch you play.
Why are you running?"

Shroud-ing all the ground around me
Is this holy crow above me.
Black as holes within a memory
And blue as our new second sun.
I stick my hand into his shadow
To pull the pieces from the sand.
Which I attempt to reassemble
To see just who I might have been.
I do not recognize the vessel,
But the eyes seem so familiar.
Like phosphorescent desert buttons
Singing one familiar song...

"So good to see you.
I've missed you so much.
So glad it's over.
I've missed you so much.
Came out to watch you play.
Why are you running away?"

Prying open my third eye.
So good to see you once again.
I thought that you were hiding.
And you thought that I had run away.
Chasing the tail of dogma.
I opened my eye and there we were.

So good to see you once again
I thought that you were hiding from me.
And you thought that I had run away.
Chasing a trail of smoke and reason.

Prying open my third eye

+ Intolerance

I don't want to be hostile.
I don't want to be dismal.
But I don't want to rot in an apathetic existance either.
See
I want to believe you,
and I want to trust
and I want to have faith to put away the dagger.

But you lie, cheat, and steal.
And yet
I tolerate you.
Veil of virtue hung to hide your method
while I smile and laugh and dance
and sing your praise and glory.
Shroud of virtue hung to mask your stigma
as I smile and laugh and dance
and sing your glory
while you
lie, cheat, and steal.
How can I tolerate you.

Our guilt,our blame ,
I've been far too sympathetic.
Our blood, our fault.
I've been far too sympathetic.

I am not innocent.
You are not innocent.
No one is innocent.



+ Prison Sex

It took so long to remember just what happened.
I was so young and vestal then,
you know it hurt me,
but I'm breathing so I guess I'm still alive
even if signs seem to tell me otherwise.
I've got my hands bound,
my head down, my eyes closed,
and my throat wide open.

Do unto others what has been done to you.

I'm treading water,
I need to sleep a while.
My lamb and martyr, you look so precious.
Won't you come a bit closer,
close enough so I can smell you.
I need you to feel this,
I can't stand to burn too long.
Released in this sodomy.
For one sweet moment I am whole.

Do unto you now what has been done to me.

You're breathing so I guess you're still alive
even if signs seem to tell me otherwise.
Won't you come just a bit closer,
close enough so I can smell you.
I need you to feel this.
I need this to make me whole.
There's release in this sodomy.
For I am your witness that
blood and flesh can be trusted.
And only this one holy medium brings me piece of mind.

Got your hands bound, your head down,
your eyes closed.
You look so precious now.

(Show me something
Thought I could make it end
Thought I could wash the stains away
Thought I could break the circle if I
Slipped right into your skin
So sweet was your surrender
We have become one
I have become my terror
And you my precious lamb and martyr.)

I have found some kind of temporary sanity in this
shit blood and cum on my hands.

I've come round full circle.
My lamb and martyr, this will be over soon.
You look so precious.



+ Sober

There's a shadow just behind me,
shrouding every breath I take,
making every promise empty,
pointing every finger at me.
Waiting like a stalking butler
who upon the finger rests.
Murder now the path called "must we"
just before the son has come.

Jesus, won't you fucking whistle
something but the past and done?

Why can't we not be sober?
I just want to start this over.
Why can't we drink forever.

I just want to start things over.

I am just a worthless liar.
I am just an imbecile.
I will only complicate you.
Trust in me and fall as well.

I will find a center in you.
I will chew it up and leave,
I will work to elevate you
just enough to bring you down.

Trust me.

Mother Mary won't you whisper
something but what's past and done.

Trust me.



+ Bottom

My compassion is broken now. My will is eroded,
and my desire stolen and it makes me feel ugly.

I'm on my knees and burning.
My piss and moans are the fuel that set my head on fire.
So smell my soul burning.
I'm broken, looking up to see the enemy.
I have swallowed the poison you feed me ...
but I survive on it,

and it leaves me guilt fed, hatred fed, weakness fed..
and I feel ugly, and dead inside.

Shit adds up at the bottom.

You've left me no choice but to go inside and rebuild

what's broken.
Too much, too far, too late to lie down now.
I must arm myself to fight you
by making weapons out of my imperfections.
It's all I have left.
There's no other choice.

I'm shameless, nameless, nothing, and noone now.
But my soul must be iron for my fear is naked.
I'm naked and fearless.
But I'm dead inside.
You see.. shit adds up, now I'm dead inside.
Hatred, weakness, and guilt keep me alive
at the bottom.




+ Crawl Away

You crawled away from me.
Slipped away from me.

I tried to keep ahold,
but there was nothing I could say.
You slid and crept away
and there was nothing I could say.
So what you're trying to say
is you don't wanna play.

But what you want and what you need
doesn't mean fuck to me.

Because I can see your back is turning.
If I could I'd stick the knife in.

This is love.
This is my love for you.

Get up.

Now.

Say you won't go.



+ Swamp Song

My warning meant nothing.
You're dancing in quicksand.

Why don't you watch where you're wandering?
Why don't you watch where you're stumbling?
You're wading knee deep and going in.
And you may never come back again.

This bog is thick and easy to get lost in

when you're a stupid,dumb ass, beligerant fucker.

I hope it sucks you down.

Wander in and wandering.
Noone even invited you in.

But still you stumble in stumbling.
So suffocate
or get out while you can.

Noone told you to come.

I hope it sucks you down.



+ Undertow

Gone under two times.
I've been struck dumb by a voice that

Speaks from deep
beneath the cold black water.
It's twice as clear as heaven,
and twice as loud as reason.
It's deep and rich like silt on a riverbed
and just as undisturbing.

The currents mouth below me opens up around me.
Suggests and beckons all while swallowing.
It surrounds and drowns and sweeps me away.

But I'm so comfortable... Too comfortable.

shut up shut up shut up shut up
shut up shut up shut up shut up
You're saturating me
So how could I let this bring me
back to my knees again again again

Under for the third time.
I've been baptized by your voice.
It screams from deep beneath the endless water.
And it's half as high as heaven
and half as clear as reason.
It's cold and and black like silt on the riverbed.

But I'm so comfortable.
Far too comfortable.
Why don't you kill me,
I'm weak and numb and insignificant,
and I'm back on my knees.
Lost in euphoria.

I'm back down. I'm in the undertow.
I'm helpless and awake in the undertow.
I'll die within your undertow.
It seems there's no other way out of this undertow.

Euphoria.



+ 4°

Get up and free yourself from yourself.

Locked up inside you,
like the calm beneath castles,

Is a cavern of treasures that
noone has been to.
Let's go digging.
Bring it out to take you back in.

You won't do what you'd like to do.

Lay back and let me show you another way.
I'll kill what you want me to,
take what's left and eat it.
Take all or nothing.
Life's just too short to push it away.
Take it all.

Take it all in.
All the way in.
Let it go.
Let it go in.
You won't feel what you'd like to feel.
Lay back and let me show you another way.

If you knock me down I'll come back running,
knock you down,
it won't be long now
All the way in.
All the way.

Take it up higher.
4 degrees warmer.
Give in now
and let me in.
You'll like this in
Don't pull it out.

It brings us closer than
dying and cancer and crying.
Come on.
You can take it all.
Just like that.



+ Flood

Here comes the water.

All I knew and all I believed
are crumbling images

that no longer comfort me.
I scramble to reach higher ground,
some order and sanity,
or something to comfort me.

So I take what is mine,and hold what is mine,

Suffocate what is mine, and bury what's mine.
Soon the water will come
and claim what is mine.
I must leave it behind,
and climb to a new place now.

This ground is not the rock I thought it to be.

Thought I was high, and free.
I thought I was there
divine destiny.

I was wrong.
This changes everything.

The water is rising up on me.
Thought the sun would come deliver me,
but the truth has come to punish me instead.

The ground is breaking down right under me.
Cleanse and purge me
in the water.



+ Disgustipated

And the angel of the lord came unto me, snatching me up from my place of slumber. And took me on high, and higher still until we moved to the spaces betwixt the air itself. And he brought me into a vast farmlands of our own midwest. And as we descended, cries of impending doom rose from the soil. One thousand, nay a million voices full of fear. And terror possesed me then.

And I begged, "Angel of the Lord, what are these tortured screams?" And the angel said unto me, "These are the cries of the carrots, the cries of the carrots! You see, Reverend Maynard, tomorrow is harvest day and to them it is the holocaust." And I sprang from my slumber drenched in sweat like the tears of one million terrified brothers and roared, "Hear me now, I have seen the light! They have a consciousness, they have a life, they have a soul! Damn you! Let the rabbits wear glasses! Save our brothers!" Can I get an amen? Can I get a hallelujah? Thank you Jesus.

Life feeds on life feeds on life feeds on life feeds on........

This is necessary.

It was daylight when you woke up in your ditch. You looked up at your sky then. That made blue be your color. You had your knife there with you too. When you stood up there was goo all over your clothes. Your hands were sticky. You wiped them on your grass, so now your color was green. Oh Lord, why did everything always have to keep changing like this. You were already getting nervous again. Your head hurt and it rang when you stood up. Your head was almost empty. It always hurt you when you woke up like this.

You crawled up out of your ditch onto your gravel road and began to walk, waiting for the rest of your mind to come back to you. You can see the car parked far down the road and you walked toward it. "If God is our Father," you thought, "then Satan must be our cousin." Why didn't anyone else understand these important things? You got to your car and tried all the doors. They were locked. It was a red car and it was new. There was an expensive leather camera case laying on the seat. Out across your field, you could see two tiny people walking by your woods. You began to walk towards them. Now red was your color and, of course, those little people out there were yours too.

+ Sweat

I'm sweating,
and breathing
and staring and thinking
and sinking
deeper.
It's almost like I'm swimming.

The sun is burning hot again
on the hunter
and the fisherman,
and he's trying to remember when,
but it makes him dizzy.

Seems like I've been here before.
Seems so familiar.
Seems like I'm slipping
into a dream within a dream.

Must be the way you whisper.

The sun is setting cool again.
I'm the thinker
and the fisherman
and I'm trying to remember when
but it makes me dizzy.
and I'm sweating,
and breathing,
and staring and thinking
and sinking
deeper
and it's almost like I'm swimming.

Seems like I've been here before.
Seems so familiar.
Seems like I'm slipping
into a dream within a dream.
It's the way you whisper.
It drags me under
and takes me home.



+ Hush

I can't say what I want to,
even if I'm not serious.
Things like....
"Fuck yourself,
kill yourself,
you piece of shit."

People tell me what to say,
what to think ,
and what to play.

I say...
"Go fuck yourself,
you piece of shit.
Why don't you go kill yourself?"

Just kidding.



+ Part of Me

I know you well.
You are a part of me.
I know you better than I know myself.
I know you best,
better than anyone.
I know you better than I know myself.

You don't judge.
You can't speak.
You can't leave.
You can't hurt me.
You're just here for me to use.

I know you best,
better than one might think.
I know you better than I know myself.
It's time for you
to make a sacrifice.
It's time to die a little.
Give it up.

You are a part of me.



+ Cold & Ugly

Underneath her skin and jewelry,
hidden in her words and eyes
is a wall that's cold and ugly
and she's scared as hell.
Trembling at the thought of feeling.
Wide awake and keeping distance.
Nothing seems to penetrate her.
She's scared as hell.

I am frightened to.

Wide awake
and keeping distance from my soul.
I am scared like you.



+ Jerk-Off

Someone told me once
that there's a right and wrong,
and that punishment
would come to those
who dare to cross the line.

But it must not be true
for jerk-offs like you.
Maybe it takes longer to catch a total asshole,
but I'm tired of waiting.
Maybe it's just bullshit and I should play GOD,
and shoot you myself.*
Because I'm tired of waiting.

Consequences dictate
our course of action
and it doesn't matter what's right.
It's only wrong if you get caught.
If consequences dictate
my course of action
I should play GOD
and shoot you myself.*
I'm very tired of waiting.

I should
kick you,
beat you,
fuck you,
and then shoot you in your fucking head.*

* All references to "shoot you in your fucking head" are now performed live as "fuck you in your fucking ass" -- clearly a more appropriate message for the times.



+ Opiate

Choices always were a problem for you.
What you need is someone strong to guide you.
Deaf and blind and dumb and born to follow,
what you need is someone strong to use you...
like me,
like me.

If you want to get your soul to heaven,
trust in me.
Don't judge or question.
You are broken now,
but faith can heal you.
Just do everything I tell you to do.
Deaf and blind and dumb and born to follow.
Let me lay my holy hand upon you.

My God's will
becomes me.
When he speaks out,
he speaks through me.
He has needs
like I do.
We both want
to rape you.

Jesus Christ, why don't you come save my life.
Open my eyes and blind me with your light
and your lies.



+ The Gaping Lotus Experience • the hidden track

I had a friend once he took some acid
Now he thinks he's a fire engine
It's okay until he pisses on your lighter
Kinda smells kinda cool kinda funny anyway

Satan, Satan, Satan...

I had a friend once he took some ecstasy
Tried to marry me and every one in the room
He was sort of loving kinda caring,
kinda tried to fuck my lazy boy
It got a bit messy all over the curtains,
arm chair covers, throw pillows, and carpeting

Satan, Satan, Satan...

I'm getting bored again...

Till i'm going to Jess[chii]'s house ^-^ ;; haven't seen her in like 2 months
cuz she lives 2 hours away T_T ;; gonna buy beads and make kandi
+ gonna take loads of piccies :3 AND i get to see andrew<3
should be loads of fun
^-^

Heya!
my friend Chii introduced me to this site.
i'm new at it but loves techno/kandi~
I'm wondering if anyone would have info on raves in st john nb >.>
replys apreciated!
:3

Listening To: Cocaine vs Ecstasy!~

Violets are blue

I'll fuck you with a rake



Nobody loves me anymore. Eff you people then! =P

Listening To: Marilyn Manson - Antichrist Superstar

Well, looks like Mel [Melissa] Will be coming down for a week or so on Friday :3 Should be fun. Going shoping for beads [ not like I need more I have tons that havent been made into braclettes xD] and getting hair cut + duying it *grins* will be fun!~

Along with that, Scott and Allayah will be here too. Prob gona take tons of pics :3

Hey if anyone actully looks at my profile!~ XD anyways, I don't know how to use this site much.. But if someone knows of a Saint John,NB rave or Fredricton,NB rave please contact me dosent matter when they are, jut do it for me please:3 thanks!

Listening To: Summer jam - tiesto

Well, after my rave i realized that i wanted to go public.
I never new how hard it was to get a gig, but lately i've been promoting myself, and i'm getting people interested in my stuff.
Like i said in my previouse Journal, i feel that music is my path to life, and the beats are showing me the way to go. Anyways, carryin on.. I fanily got the guts to put a disk jokey account on here, and some of my mixes, and I fanily came out with my first out in public dj name. "DJ Turbo" My friends said it suited my style, as i love increasing the tempo, but im not to good at mixing happy hardcore.. so i mix tribal trances house..ect. I've been doing this for 4 years, now.
People are suprised i think im ready, well i don't think i know im ready.
But the question remains will people like my style? Will i ever make it big?
That is my question.

And how do i promote myself better to get gigs?
Any ideas.?
Well i guess ill have to find out but if you got a party let me know.

Yannick.,

i was seeking love and found it there, a look into what life could be if i wasn't told what i should do. i found magic not in drugs or in objects, but in the kindness and the pure intentions of others. i realized that some people do not want to learn, or share, or love. because of this realization, i lost some of my ignorant bliss.
i did meet incredible people though, searching for purpose and answers, wanting more out of their lives, seeking love, just like me.
i will never forget what james had to tell me. if i had listened to what he had to tell me in any other situation or circumstance i wouldn't think twice about him being crazy. but i really believed him for what he had to say, it's like the only reality that existed was the one that he was telling me about, because he believes it. i can't loose by listening to what someone believes.
he looked at my left hand and bgan looking at the lines. he told me that i am a water dragon or something along those lines and that i have the star of venus on my hand, and that because of this i am a daughter of the earth and must share this gift with others.
i got way more out of that experience than i expected to.
i truly feel the magic growing inside me like a warm ball inside my chest. i can't prove it exists, i just feel it.