ADDICTION HITS HARD FOR MORE THAN JUST THE ADDICT

When addiction gets its grip on a person, not only is it devastating to the
dependent individual, but it also ravages marriage and family.

While one person is being swallowed and consumed by their addiction, the
rest of the family bears many of the consequences for the actions and
neglect of the addicted individual. It doesn't matter what kind of
addiction is present?"whether it is dependence on a substance such as
alcohol or drugs or an addiction to gambling, everyone in the family is
affected.

One of the first things to be negatively affected by addiction is trust in
a marriage or family. A once reliable person becomes patently unreliable
and often cheats, tells lies and steals from the people he or she claims to
love.

In addition to these acts, the addicted individual very often does not take
responsibility for these actions and may blame family members for his or
her own failures. Family members learn to be on guard for the next crisis
and expect to be let down.

Obviously, this can be very devastating to a spouse or loved one and this
destruction of trust in a relationship erodes a marriage and often results
in separation or divorce.

Along with trust, goes communication. Very often, loved ones avoid
difficult topics surrounding the addiction in an attempt to keep stability
and hide the problem from outsiders. Family members also often find
themselves making excuses on behalf of the addicted individual, which can
lead to further resentment.

These coping strategies may help a family to operate smoothly in the short
term, but they also allow an addiction to continue and they cause the
problem to go underground where it festers and continues to damage
relationships.

Feelings of hopelessness are very common among families of people suffering
with an addiction. Frustration, anger, fear and a sense that they can't do
anything about the situation can be crippling. It is important to learn to
cope with these feelings and find effective ways to address the addiction
of a loved one, while accepting that it is not their fault.

Here are some tips if you have a loved one with an addiction:

Get information. There are many resources and support groups out there.
Search online and ask your health care provider for assistance in accessing
available resources. Once you learn about the addiction and the places to
seek help, you will be one step closer to dealing with the problem.

Get help. Simply having information isn't enough to deal with an addiction.
It is very likely that you will need professional help in treating an
addiction. Counsellors and treatment programs are available for the
addicted individual and there are also support groups and counseling for
family members. Don't be ashamed to seek assistance. Addiction is not
something you should have to handle on your own.

Talk about the problem. Although it can be painful and frustrating to talk
openly about addiction within a family, it is necessary. Speak with the
addicted individual as well as with an objective individual outside of the
situation, such as a therapist, support group or trusted friend.

Take care of yourself and your needs. If you have stopped doing things you
enjoy because your spouse or child is dealing with an addiction,
re-establish them. You may be enabling your loved one's addiction by taking
on extra responsibilities. It is important to take care of yourself.

Decide what you are willing to endure and when enough is enough. Don't make
threats you aren't prepared to follow through with.

Don't expect a miracle. Recovering from an addiction takes time, patience
and a lot of work. Relapses do happen and this will not be an overnight
transformation. Be encouraged by progress, but be realistic.

This is for information only and should not be relied upon as medical advice.

Paul Latimer is a local psychiatrist and president of Okanagan Clinical Trials.