ADDICTION IS A SICKNESS, AND SO IS CRIMINALISING YOUR CHILD

I Get Quite A Few Letters From The Relatives Of Addicts, And They Are
All Saying The Same Thing: How Can I Help My Loved One To Change?

As a crack and heroin addict who managed to stop using and then wrote
about the experience, I get quite a few letters from the relatives of
addicts, and they are all saying the same thing in different ways:
how can I help my loved one to change? Like this one from Suzie:

"Hi, Mark. I don't know who 2 turn 2. I read ur book. It made me cry.
My son is 19 and on heroin. He's got a drug counsellor at the mo and
has tried 2 get off it. He did 4 sessions a week but went back on it.
NO ONE SEEMS 2 WANT 2 HELP HIM. He is going on subutex soon and wants
2 get off it. He is such a lovely boy but has got no confidence. I
got him on a course and he has been going but feels an outcast with
his problems. He is crying out 4 help. I luv him so much but I am
scared 4 him. No one seems 2 care. Please help me and Jason. Suzie."

Thanks for writing, Suzie. I've chosen to answer your letter in this
column - with your permission and your identities hidden - to
highlight the difference between your experience and that of another
mother, a member of London's chattering and writing elite. Her son
used skunk for a few months when he was a teenager. Sorry if I'm hazy
on the facts. I refuse to read her book. I refuse to buy it. And I
refuse to name it.

No doubt this spell of teenage drug use was very upsetting for her,
but she has publicly defined her son as a drug addict, leaving him
stigmatised and reacting to that stigma for the rest of his life.

She claims she did so to help others, but what possible use can her
book be to Suzie and the thousands like her who are relatives of
serious addicts? Her wails can only draw attention away from the real
problem, which is the thousands of young people who are causing
misery and harm to themselves, their loved ones and the victims of
their crimes by serious long-term addiction.

However, both Suzie and the writer have something in common:
addiction is a sickness in the family. When the family is
dysfunctional, all its members start to behave in a sick way.

Suzie, you already understand something important - that no one wants
to be an addict, no one enjoys it, and every addict wants to stop.

Now understand this: Jason's situation is outside your control. He is
lost to you for now, because his only relationship is with his drug.
And he's getting that. If he's going to change, then he has to do it
himself. You can't do it for him.

I remember how my sister - the only person who still found my company
tolerable - asked me to leave her house. She finally said: "I love
you, Mark, but I can't stand what you're doing to yourself. Please
go." That was the beginning of the long process of recovery for me.

Let's not confuse the actions of the writer mother with my story or
yours, Suzie. To you, I'd say be resolute about who you are and where
your boundaries are, and make this clear to your son. State where you
stand on addictive behaviour.

Do it in a loving way. Yes, it's hard to tell someone you love them
and then throw them out, but it's better than telling them you love
them so much that you're going to accommodate their intolerable behaviour.

Please take care of yourself. Step outside the power of his drug by
meeting your own needs, keeping well, and staying strong. Get support
- - for instance, from Al-Anon. Maybe you can start Jason on a new
journey by pursuing your own needs.

I share your frustration over the quality and quantity of the right
care for addicts, and the use of substances like methadone and
subutex, and I plan to give that more space in another column. In the
meantime, good luck. Yours is the real story here, and let's not
forget how many others share it before we get swept away on a tide of
middle-class angst.

As for that writer mother, she is a dysfunctional adult who has
publicly exhibited her sickness by labelling and criminalising her
own son. But perhaps we shouldn't be surprised. That is exactly how
society as a whole treats its youth.

. Mark Johnson, a rehabilitated offender and former drug user, is
author of Wasted. He now runs a charity that aims to reduce reoffending.