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» Reaper on Fri Sep 28, 2007 @ 12:14pm
Title:Father.
Posted On:2007-09-28 12:14:58
Posted By:» Reaper
A vengeful child I was, filled with rage, confused and lost...never thought I could be found. Thinking of the man who made me sick with the poison he took when I was being made. Only anger flows through my mind and veins. As a child and as a teenager, lost and confused, looking for revenge. As he
struck my mother when I was but an infant, I couldn't defend her. These days he's out of my life, hiding like a coward and fearing the rage I contain. As I tread through the night waiting for my 16th birthday to come,
waiting for the day I can see him face to face. My bloodshot eyes tinged with black. Inside i'm wishing for him to die.

Screaming "father are you happy now?!"Wondering how you could think I wasn't good enough! Making me feel useless, when your the one who tormented the weak,beating a woman, and thinking it was right. Now! Now its time to fight! Lets see who will die tonight! I will show you what I've learned on my journey hunting you down. You think you could win tonight father, against your own flesh and blood? After all the years I've lived through, wishing to die because of you! I Never knew what I'd say when I came face to face with you. You say I'm a disgrace, yet you could never say that to my face! I look at you, and can't believe I was created with
the help of scum like you. Father, I've had it up to here with your bullshit! It's time for you to die, shotgun at the ready, locked and loaded. Counting 1...2...3... but I can't pull the trigger."why?" I scream "why?!"
I'm not you. Father I wont kill someone the way you killed my mother inside.
I'll beat you down, and make you bleed because it's time for you to see how
it feels when no one is here to help you! Remember this, father: I've tried
but you're dead to me know. So as I write this story I shall kill the
memories of you.

» BenyBoy on Thu Sep 27, 2007 @ 4:59pm
Title:Travailler TTC
Posted On:2007-09-27 16:59:58
Posted By:» BenyBoy
J'aime bien travailler
mais ça dépend des jours
il y des jours pour et des jours pour pas travailler
j'aime bien travailler mais j'aime bien dormir aussi
Ce que je préfère, c'est quand je travaille au lit
j'aime bien travailler mais le week-end jme la coule douce
sirotant ce vin délicieux merguez- couscous
j'aime bien travailler
[est-ce que t'aime bien travailler?]
j'aime énormément l'argent c'est pourquoi j'aime bien travailler.

D'accord! ne compte pas sur nous pour qu'on remplisse ton emploi du temps et ses trous. T'es dégouté? tu fais une drôle de tête! nous on va jamais en vacances on est des fous!
Ne compte pas sur nous, pour qu'on remplisse ton emploi du temps et ses trous! t'es dégouté? tu fais un drôle de tête!
C'est parce que TTC continue là où tu t'arrêtes.
On travaille, gagnons l'assurance,
on bataille et tue la concurrence, toujours plus, je veux toujours plus allonge, donne-moi tout, donne-moi tout
J'ai tout planifié, bien détaillé pour que rien ne puisse m'échapper
mon business flanque d'une justesse claire
use mon temps il coute trop cher
je compte bien faire fortune un jour c'est pour ça qu'je dors pour ça qu'jme colle un réveil-matin. C'est déjà lundi, le week end est fini on est reparti pour une semaine entière sans ptit dèj' copieux
Une rose pour deux, une vie heureux

Ne compte pas sur nous, pour qu'on remplisse ton emploi du temps et ses trous! t'es dégouté? tu fais un drôle de tête!nous on va jamais en vacances on est des fous!
Ne compte pas sur nous, pour qu'on remplisse ton emploi du temps et ses trous! t'es dégouté? tu fais un drôle de tête!C'est parce que TTC continue là où tu t'arrêtes.
Lorsque je me lève le matin, il est déjà deux heures de l'après-midi et j'ai mal dormi. quelque minutes dans la salle de bain, j'ai déjà allumé mon ordi et c'est mal parti! j'avale en vitesse un bout de pain, des céréales et un jus de raisin, j'avais pas d'tartines [?] pour demain
J'devrais boucler ça en un tour de main, mais j'ai pas envie, j'ai plusieurs milliards de rendez-vous, quelqu'un à qui je dois rendre des sous, quelque part en ville, je vais pas le faire attendre des heures, je ne voudrais pas qu'il soit déçu
et ce n'srait pas gentil si jme mets pas au boulot à l'avance, je n'm'y mettrais jamais de la vie, ça c'est garanti! je n'passe pas dans un bureau par chance, je la fait mais c'est une maladie!mais c'est ça la vie!

Ne compte pas sur nous, pour qu'on remplisse ton emploi du temps et ses trous! t'es dégouté? tu fais un drôle de tête!nous on va jamais en vacances on est des fous!
Ne compte pas sur nous, pour qu'on remplisse ton emploi du temps et ses trous! t'es dégouté? tu fais un drôle de tête!C'est parce que TTC continue là où tu t'arrêtes.
[X2]

» DiddyKong on Wed Sep 26, 2007 @ 9:46am
Title:Ma vie
Posted On:2007-09-26 09:46:09
Posted By:» DiddyKong
J'aimerais tellement faire autre chose de ma vie là..

Tsé... avoir une vrai vie...

Vivre ma vie.. pas avoir le sentiment d'la vivre pour les autres.. mais pour moi!!

» Reaper on Mon Sep 17, 2007 @ 11:23pm
Title:My life.
Posted On:2007-09-17 23:23:32
Posted By:» Reaper
Welcome to my life..excuse the spelling and grammar mistakes please..
I lived a life of pain, a life of hate and depression. Never knowing when id be saved from all the hell surrounding me..When i was two my mother and I left my father who was exstreamly abusive t'words my mother..he shoot her the works....I am a child that had and still do to this day have epilepsy,as ma,heart problems..ect.. I was hit by a car 3 years ago and was in the hospital for 6 months..now t'ill this day i still feel the pain in my arm and knees..I lived through so much..then about 2 and half months ago i found sumthing..someone who saved me..brought me back to life..and i guess this is just a thankyou to her i love you jenn, you have done so much for me. I don't know how ever to repay you you brought me light when i was in the darkest tonal, thankyou baby and i love you.

» moohk on Sat Sep 15, 2007 @ 10:08pm
Title:Cultural Baggage
Posted On:2007-09-15 22:08:29
Posted By:» moohk
A-Holes and K-Holes
...
"M.I.A. identifies with the ethos of the Clash, but not for the corporate jock-rock that passes for punk today. Likewise, she's conflicted about contemporary hip hop, and finds the mainstream American scene somewhat problematic...
[]
...Moreoever, her recording session with renowned Southern crew Six Mafia was aborted after it became clear that they expected 'sexy' material, and she was disapointed with Timbaland, who's apparently more drawn to the likes of Celine Dion these days. 'Come Around' is their one collaboration on Kala, though there was initially talk of having Timbaland produce the album in its entirety, perhaps reinventing M.I.A. a la Nelly Furtado.

"I considered it for, like, a minute", M.I.A. admits, "But I think it might be impossible to make that transition, with my lifestyle and the people I have around me".

Perhaps she is referring to her Polish buddy Shemko, who recently cut and coloured her hair under the influence of ketamine, aka Special K. With friends like these, who needs fame?"

...

» Screwhead on Thu Sep 13, 2007 @ 8:06am
Title:The random things you think about...
Posted On:2007-09-13 08:06:45
Posted By:» Screwhead
...while taking a shower.

Somewhere between a year and a half to two years ago I had a hard drive faliure that resulted in me losing a lot of things; the most important being all of my drum samples and songs I was working on, including some hiphop tunes that I actually planned to rhyme on.

Out of the rhymes that I'd worked on, there was really only one that I'd remembered and had memorised, because it was the first one I'd ever really written out and thought out properly; it took about 4 months to get 8 paragraphs down perfect and to say exactly what I was thinking at the time. (which turned into the track I had up for a short while, My Bloody Buddy/You Dirty Motherfucker)

There's another one that I'd started but never got to finnishing that I absolutely couldn't remember a thing about (thanks to copious amounts of weed smoking) untill now, taking a shower and letting my mind wander.

Every day I wake up and it's the same old shit
I feel dead to the world and I just wish I could quit
And take an exit stage left that I won't live to regret
And finally end this existance that I want to forget

'cause I'm tired of waking up alone in the dark
And crying every time I go out for a walk
And every time I sit quiet and look lost in a thought
It's 'cause dying seems so much easier than trying to talk

And anyways, who wants to listen to someone depressed
That's got so many demons that he must be posessed
Who used to take a razor every time his stress manifest
And he would only feel better after he'd cut open his chest

That's the kind of crazy fucker that you lock in a cell
With a straight-jacket on and throw the key down a well
And you don't even open the door once his corpse is starting to smell
'cause you think that just saying his name can damn you to hell

But it's not my fault, it's just the way I was created
By a couple of parents who were always innebriated
That used to beat on me and tell me I was hated
There's not a moment in my life that I was ever appreciated


Thinking about that while I was in the shower, I started to try and put together why I'd written that, what I could have been thinking about. I went to thinking mostly about the last bit about my parents and how I felt growing up.

A common excercise that psychiatrists use to help you think about how you feel about your life now is to ask you to think about your childhood, to think of any memories or events that stand out, specifically about your parents.

Off the top of my head, I can think of one memory per parent.

When I was maybe between 4-6 years old, I used to watch WWF wrestling with my dad on sundays at 11, usually while he was having a few (dozen) beers and getting totally shitfaced. I remember my dad was sitting on the floor with his back on the sofa, and we were play-wrestling as the match was going on. My dad had pinned me down under him, only he wasn't letting me get out from under him. I remember screaming and crying and begging for him to get off of me and let me move; being trapped under a 6'5" 240lbs drunk, completely pinned and unable to move isn't exactly the most pleasent of things, let alone for a child somewhere between the ages of 4 and 6.

While I'm busy screaming and crying, my mom is sitting just across from us at the kitchen table; she's reading a book or a magazine, also having a drink (something hard, either orange or brown in color, probably triple sec or those belini-style things) and just being completely focused and concentrating on what she's reading and ignoring that her child is about 5 feet away in the midst of a complete and total panic, freaking out and crying and yelling.

I'm trapped. I can't move. I remember my thoughts from back then absolutely crystal clear, as if it happened 5 minutes ago; I'm going to die. I'm never going to get out from under him and I'm going to die here. I can't move my arms, I can't move my legs, I can barely breathe, and I'm not going to live through this. I'm trapped under my father like someone buried alive. I'm going to starve and suffocate and I'm not going to live any longer than the next few minutes, because I can't breate, I can't move, and there's absolutely no one around that cares for me enough to check if I'm alright or not.

And I gave up. I was so completely terrified that I gave up, stopped fighting back and yelling, and just started crying and pissed myself.

THAT got my father to stand up and get off me, at which point he proceded to yell and scream at me and drag me up to his bedroom, where he pulled down my pants and took out this big, thick leather belt that he had, and whipped my ass with it.

If he'd used the leather end, that might have been alright. But he was drunk and pissed off and oblivious to the world, and he used the end with the buckle; a big, ornate buckle that's larger than the palm of my hands are now. I was then sent to my room and grounded, my mother having not said a word, not tried to step in and intervene, just sat there at the kitchen table, reading her book and pretending we didn't exist.

The memory of my mother durring childhood is from around the time I must have been 9-10 years old, shortly after my mother had kicked my father out of the house. We'd gotten into an argument about something, I can't quite remember what, and my mother had said something to me that got me crying and so shook up, and she then proceded to lock herself in her bedroom and ignore me.

At the time, her bedroom was at the end of a short hallway. There was nothing else, no closets, nothing, it was just an empty halway leading about 10-12 feet from the landing at the top of the stairs to her room. If you were on the top stair, about to step onto the 2nd floor, the bathroom door was on your left, my bedroom door was first on the right, and my father's bedroom was to the left of mine. Directly infront of the stairway was this hallway, only slightly wider than a door, extending about 10-12 feet, leading to her bedroom door, which is now locked.

I must have spent an hour outside of that door, sitting on the floor with my chin on my knees, crying, telling her I was sorry for whatever I had done, desperatly trying to apologise so that she could take back whatever it is she had said to/about me. All this time, absolutely nothing from her room. Not a sound. She could have been dead or sleeping or had climbed out her window for all I knew, she just completely refused to acknowledge my existance; that her son was sitting outside her door crying and traumatised by whatever it is she had said to me at the time.

When I was that age, I used to draw a lot, one of the only things my mother ever really seemed to encourage in me; she loved drawing and painting as well, so it's one of the only things we had in common. So, after however long I sat outside her door crying, I decided that I would try and cheer her up with a drawing, to get her to talk to me, to open her door, anything.

I went to my room and took a sheet of paper, sat at my desk, and drew. I drew two butterflies, one larger and the other smaller, both with smiles on their face. There was green grass and a blue sky, and they were both flying next to a flower.

I finnished it off by writing "Me and mom" on it. Then, I went to her bedroom door at the end of the hall, and slipped the piece of paper under her door and once again sat there, hugging my legs with my chin on my knees, waiting for her to open the door so that we could apologise to each other and comfort each other.

Instead, a few minutes later, a piece of paper comes back out at me from under the door. It's the drawing I'd made for her. She's changed the smiles on the butterflies to sad frowns, and added a giant hand, complete with movement lines to show that it was about to crush the larger butterfly, and had labeled that hand "FRED" in large letters.

Those are my childhood memories. Whenever someone asks me what I can remember of my childhood, what the happier moments of my childhood were with my parents, I can't think of any. Those are the first and only stand-out memories of what growing up was like to me.

And those two memories really seem to show what two of my main outlooks/observations on my life seems to be; one, there's always someone or something preventing me from doing what I want, what I need to do, to be happy, to be free, and any time I try to ask for help, I just get ignored as if I didn't exist. When I finally give in and accept my fate, it all gets thrown in my face and I get berated for not trying, when in reality I've done all in my power, all that I know how to do, to get where I wanted to go, to get something better for myself, and two, that everything I try and do to make things better, to get some kind of happieness and comfort, always gets thrown back in my face. Everything that I ever do to be happy somehow finds a way to be warped, perverted, and turned on me, so that everything that I enjoy becomes a constant reminder of just another way that I've failed at being better.

» SeismoLogick on Mon Sep 10, 2007 @ 9:49pm
Title:We are All Individuals !!!
Posted On:2007-09-10 21:49:33
Posted By:» SeismoLogick
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2T1LIrzsgqA

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Nl0mq72kNo

but we have to work in collectivity of a positiv purpus

» Minoo009 on Mon Sep 10, 2007 @ 8:02am
Title:Time Machine 2
Posted On:2007-09-10 08:02:40
Posted By:» Minoo009
Ohhhhhhh what a night yes yes...It was amazing to see those of you that I met at Terra 3 again, and to alllllll the new people that I met, talked with, or even just gave me a smile when I offered you a sticker...well props to you cause all of us made it an amazing party, amazing night, and will always be in my thoughts, xxx

Listening To: The music in the fan, since 8 pm last night

» SeismoLogick on Fri Sep 7, 2007 @ 6:12am
Title:ce qui me facine
Posted On:2007-09-07 06:12:42
Posted By:» SeismoLogick
la musique


la chaleur


le pouvoir de création


l energie


le mouvement


le voyage de l'homme sur le chemin qui mene à la conscience et la paix interieure


the true of all thing


le «bien» et le « mal » se retrouvant en toute chose de facon inegale


les adictions : les instincts destructeurs de nature inférieure que nous devons combattre pour atteindre le niveau superieur


l'organisation


l'intéraction


l'internationnalité

» DJ_Saiyan on Wed Sep 5, 2007 @ 12:40am
Title:NEW MIX!!
Posted On:2007-09-05 00:40:23
Posted By:» DJ_Saiyan
This past Saturday (September 1st) I played at a party by the name of English Muffins vs French Fries in Montreal, Quebec. The theme of the party was that the lineup consisted half of English speaking Toronto DJS (English Muffins), and French speaking Montreal DJs (French Fries). Nobody was keeping score (though IMO, we whooped em good!). It was a great party, capped off by a visit from Montreal's finest pork products halfway through my set, and a shit ton of driving, drinking, and personal injury. All in all a good night!

Anyways, unfortunately, my set wasn't recorded, as the person who was doing the recordings took off early. So here's another one of my patented (pending) Sort of Not Really Live sets. This is a studio version of the set I played, with extra care taken to duplicate any mistakes, stupid cuts, etc etc that I did over the course of the set. The only thing that I didn't re-do was the cops shutting me down for five minutes during Drop It Like A Bomb, and then starting back up five minutes later with Break of Dawn. Cause really, five minutes of dead silence in a mix is dumber than dipping your wang in water then shoving it in an electrical socket. That's pretty damn dumb.

Anyways, enough of my rambling, here's the mix!



Saiyan - Sort of Not Really Live Volume 4 - English Muffins vs French Fries

http://www.futureperfectsynergy.com/downloads/file...
(left click to be taken to the download page

S3rl - Slammer Jammer - Relentless Digital
DJ Kurt - Downlow - Lethal Theory
Rampant and Petruccio - Comin' Up - Lethal Theory
Anon - Everybody In The Place - Ripped 2 Fcuk
DJ Kurt - Suicide (AMS Remix) - Lethal Theory
S3rl - Neon Genesis - Relentless Digital
DJ Kurt - Spaceman - Lethal Theory
Chemical Imbalance feat. Voyager and Toni - Drop It Like a Bomb - Lethal Theory
Force and Jack Speed feat Lisa Abbott - Break of Dawn (Original Mix) - UK Dance
Frisky and Hujib - Get Away (Gammer Remix) - Next Generation
S3rl - Bad Boy - Relentless Digital
The American Idiots - Reazon 2007 - Boot Camp Recordings
No Left Turn - Time 4 Dance - Forthcoming Sunrize Sound
Lo Han - Duff Beatz - Forthcoming Boot Camp Recordings
M and C - Magic Touch (Squad E Remix) - All Around The World
Loft - Mallorca (Extended Mix) - Dance Pool


That link again is: http://www.futureperfectsynergy.com/downloads/file... (left click)

Bookings, death threats, free food coupons, and naked pictures (18+ ladies only please!) can be sent to:

E-Mail/MSN: shane.saiyan@gmail.com
Myspace: http://www.myspace.com/shanesaiyan
Purerave: dj_saiyan


Like what you hear? Wanna check out some more of my mixes? Click this bitch.

http://www.futureperfectsynergy.com/downloads/cate...



That's it for now. I've got a few other things in the pipeline that I'll be sure to get up A.S.A.P. Until then, remember. Spider-Pig can't swing from a web. Cause he's a pig. That is all.

Listening To: Sort of Not Really Live 4

» Djwolf on Tue Sep 4, 2007 @ 9:43pm
Title:Death to Humanity- My Visions
Posted On:2007-09-04 21:43:03
Posted By:» Djwolf
Does not the broken heart seek to be mended? Don't we all need love to survive the harshest pain that life inflicts upon us? Who are we to prolong the suffering of others?

Why do we look for the differences in one another instead of the similarities, does it make a difference if our skin is of different color or we are not of the same people?

And why of all things do we look at others and see what we think we could never be? Why not believe we all have purpose for being who we are?

Our hearts beat as one as our breath caresses the open air, we are all living breathing, beautiful people. We all may be different in one way, but truth be told, we are also the same in many a way and at many a time as well.

I dare anyone to tell me that inflicting pain and having it inflicted are exactly the same thing. Depending on the situation, inflicting pain is often and act of either anger, rage, jealousy, memories of long term pain, yet even more sickeningly; pleasure and one's own amusement. Then when it happens to you, you sometimes realize the wrong and sometimes you think you don't deserve it.

Think on this... from an abused child's view: how can you look into an innocent child's eyes and have the intention of breaking them down so they feel more afraid, helpless, worthless, and broken down than before? Does it make you feel better, does it make you feel bigger and stronger when you throw that first blow? Does that first scream of terror and pain not make you flinch but smile and want more? What have you or any of us to gain from such cruelties as this?


Life is a glorious gift and we take advantage of it so much so that we have begun to destroy it for not only ourselves, but every other living being, creature and life form on this planet. Should we feel proud and honored at the havoc we have wrought upon this once sacred and protected land?

At some points in this life I feel ashamed to call myself human, ashamed to see how we as the human race have combined our thoughts only to come up with not simplicity and beauty, but brutality and stupidity.

I take this quote from the song "Animal I Have Become" by 3 Days Grace, read it and read again so as to find it's true meaning. "So what if you can see the darkest side of me? No one would ever change this animal I have become, help me believe it's not the real me, somebody help me tame this animal."

What does it say to you? To me it speaks of corruption, we have been corrupted by power and pain that we have lost sight of what we once had, we are no longer of sound mind and body. We have become closed-minded, so the darkness inside our thoughts cannot be set free. So we think that our money brings happiness? How happy are you when the beast inside destroys all you love only for the sake of your own selfishness and greed?

Thus ends our reign as the perfect race, for with each passing day we are killing each other by any means possible, necessary or not. Why were we put here and what is our purpose for living if we only seek to destroy and bring Death upon ravens' wings?



"We all feed on tragedy. It's like blood to a vampire" explains what I mean. Tragedy thrills us to the bone, we love it, we live it and we feed on it. As would a vampire on blood. But look at what we have done! Where we see courage, we only demonstrate a cowards cruelty. If this is what humanity wishes, then so it shall be. My only regret is that our newborn children will never know peace and fairness, but pain, lies, and deceit. Welcome to the future, a living, more destructive, mechanically enhanced version of the past.

Welcome to all, the gates of Heaven are open to you, but you have all chosen to walk with Satan through the ever blazing, ferocious inferno that is Hell. I hope you enjoy the life that you have chosen. Watch your body, heart and mind be engulfed in the flame, but now your soul is enchained by a twisted fate, for it rides with Death upon ravens’ wings.

One must have believed in miracles to have created religion, but I ask with all sincerity to those of religious nature; Where is your god now? Where is he when you scream out in pain, when the world you once knew has come crashing down right in front of you? Where is he as you hold your child and watch them die, and where is your "God" when cruelty derived from racism breaks apart the beauty that once held your fragile life together? I beg of you, I beseech you to open your eyes and see what life has brought before you. In the end we will all know the same pain, we will all know what it’s like. Welcome to the future, our newly enhanced, more unpleasant version of the past.

Welcome to the beginning of the end my friends. Unless we, the new generation can do something, can correct the mistakes of the past generations, maybe, one day can we will once again live free!

Listening To: nothing

» nobody on Sun Sep 2, 2007 @ 10:20am
Title:Just Woke Up
Posted On:2007-09-02 10:20:07
Posted By:» nobody
I think my neighbors are fighting. They're sure as fuck yelling, anyway. It sounds like they're right in the hall, outside my door. That's really strange, because things like that never happen here. Oh well. Yeah, I guess that's all that's goin' on.

» nobody on Sat Sep 1, 2007 @ 2:42am
Title:Whoa!
Posted On:2007-09-01 02:42:23
Posted By:» nobody
Got a comment on that last post real quick. Didn't expect that. From someone I don't even know. Kinda exciting. Not very, but kinda. Makes me wonder... Just who is reading this, anyway. Leave some love.

» nobody on Sat Sep 1, 2007 @ 1:06am
Title:Right...
Posted On:2007-09-01 01:06:03
Posted By:» nobody
Just realized I have yet another online journal. That figures, don't it? I'm going around deleting all my old ones, so why not get started on a new one? And since about half the people I know on here can barely understand English, that makes the whole thing that much more fun. Get your translation program ready and copy and paste! I guess that's all I have to say right now, but I bet I'll write on here pretty often... mostly because I doubt I'll get many reads.

Listening To: Dj Clipz - Rubbish