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Rave News! Canadian Rave Scene Articles! Sticky
Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» nothingnopenope replied on Sun Oct 10, 2010 @ 1:18am
nothingnopenope
Coolness: 201025
Originally Posted By SCREWHEAD

wait until you meet someone who's entire personality is pickup tricks. They can't talk to ANYONE (male or female) without trying to game them to exploit them; a guy who's only female friends are girls that he wants to fuck, or that he can get money off of somehow (because she's looking for a room to rent at 2x the rent for a total hole or because she smokes weed/can get him weed) and his male friends are the exact same - he only befriends promoters and DJs who can get him guest into events, guys who are looking for a place to live, or guys that need weed or can get him weed.

Shows up hardcore over-dressed to everything, has a "trick" that he can use to get people interested in him, wears pheromone perfume/oil everywhere he goes to fool the instincts of everyone around him into thinking he's this incredibly awesome, smooth, cool, friendly guy..

But really, he's got zero personality. He's like a computer program; if someone says X, I say Y, if someone does Z, I do A or C. Strip away the [ fastseduction.com ] guides and you've got someone that's completely and totally hollow and devoid of actual personality.


Sounds like a great scam artist to me.

There are many people like this, I tend to be able to see through them, most people don't.

Remember that Bernie Maddoff tricked a lot of intelligent wealthy people into giving them their money which he squandered. There is nothing more sinister than a charming psychopath.
I'm feeling meow right now..
Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Nuclear replied on Sun Oct 10, 2010 @ 1:38pm
nuclear
Coolness: 2603785
RAVE NEWS - OCTOBER 10TH




CAUGHT FUCKING IN AN ALLEYWAY

This ones a little dirty, in more ways then one. One of your favorite rave promoters was recently caught with his pants down and his girlfriend with her legs up by a group of teenagers. The kids caught the couple in flagrant indelicte while taking a shortcut through a dank and grungy alley behind a fast food restaurant.

The horny couple had ducked into the alley while on their way to an after party for a quickie, and ended up putting on a show for a half dozen minors. The kids, incidentally, screamed in disgust at the couple. The promoter laughed it off and yelled a few ribald comments at the children about the virtues of carnality, but his girlfriend was decidedly more demure in her response to being discovered in a compromising position.

To the credit of our reckless duo, the cops were never called, and their adventures in outdoor sex were never punished by the forces of moral decency which rule over our sensible society.

For the record, the danger of getting caught might have added a certain thrill for the girlfriend, but the promoter is so shameless that fucking in a dark alley has absolutely no effect on his libido, for good or ill. He'd just as soon have sex in a garbage dump as he would in an airplane, a sewer, a ritzy hotel room, or in the middle of a school room that was full of students. His libido would stay level in all cases, for he is a sexual force of nature, constant like the speed of light.
I'm feeling nuclear right now..
Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Masa replied on Sun Oct 10, 2010 @ 1:47pm
masa
Coolness: 158570
Repost?
I'm feeling (^^)y! right now..
Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Nuclear replied on Sun Oct 10, 2010 @ 1:54pm
nuclear
Coolness: 2603785
No... It was a teaser before... Now it's an actual article... And I been working all day with a party so it's the perfect time for this article. Tomorrow obviously a new one! I'm going to sleep...
I'm feeling nuclear right now..
Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Nuclear replied on Mon Oct 11, 2010 @ 12:36am
nuclear
Coolness: 2603785
RAVE NEWS - OCTOBER 11TH




THE LAUGHING PRINCE

Prince William was in the news recently for airlifting a man having a heart attack off of a gas rig. He was busy being heroic while his younger brother, Prince Harry, was allegedly busy getting high on hippie crack at a rave.

News out of the UK is that the man who is third in line to the throne of Canada spent a lovely Friday sucking on ballons full of nitrous oxide. Royal groupies fought for his attention, but apparently the Prince of Canada was more interested in the balloons than in the bimbos.

Witnesses report that Harry had a blast on laughing gas, partying until the wee hours of the morning, when finally he succumbed to the temptation of two lovely lasses. The trio snuck away from the party at 5am, when they apparently absconded to St-James Palace for a depraved morning of sexual excess.

St-James Palace rests on the former site of a leper hospital, and considering the alleged behavior of our beloved Canadian Prince, it is apparent that the lepers have given way to lechers.

I would like to take this moment to point out that huffing nitrous is an incredibly ghetto ways of getting high. It's only slightly classier than hanging out in a Walmart parking lot on a Saturday afternoon, scouting for parked cars that have their engines turned on, then kneeling behind them in order to breath in the fumes coming out of their exhaust pipes.

You'd expect a Prince of Canada to pursue more rarefied highs. Like opium suppositories or LSD eyeball injections.

Hippie Crack, though?

It's undignified and déclassé.

If the people of Canada are going to have a drug addled, party mad Prince, then we deserve to have one that knows how to lose his mind in a proper and dignified manner.

On that note, I would like to extend an invitation to our Royal overlord. Harry, if you're ever in Canada, the people of Rave Canada will throw you a magnificent party.

Our women are cheaper, our booze is better, and over here we don't get high on laughing gas. We get high on life.

Among other things.
I'm feeling nuclear right now..
Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Andy_Riot replied on Mon Oct 11, 2010 @ 10:12pm
andy_riot
Coolness: 41530
Keep up the articles, i'm loving this :D
I'm feeling void right now..
Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Kire replied on Mon Oct 11, 2010 @ 10:48pm
kire
Coolness: 66500
LOL i love it, noah what u told me before about one of ur articles blew my mind i can't fucking believe it haha
I'm feeling a bday rave is in order right now..
Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» MolocH replied on Mon Oct 11, 2010 @ 10:54pm
moloch
Coolness: 226075
Originally Posted By KIRE

LOL i love it, noah what u told me before about one of ur articles blew my mind i can't fucking believe it haha


What was that?
I'm feeling ready for a change right now..
Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Nuclear replied on Tue Oct 12, 2010 @ 1:19am
nuclear
Coolness: 2603785
RAVE NEWS - OCTOBER 12TH




I SEE LONDON, I SEE FRANCE

A small and shady Montreal based adult movie production outfit has reportedly launched an upskirt site dedicated to our wonderful city's nightlife. Two men, armed with a variety of well concealed cameras, are prowling clubs, bars, and parties in order to capture glimpses of the lovely underthings adorning the netherbits of female party goers. These men, both in their mid twenties, got the idea after stumbling across a Japanese porno site dedicated to clubber upskirts.

The exact modus operandi of our illicit smut makers isn't known at this time, though we do have knowledge of at least one trick these men are using to capture videos and pictures of party panties. One raving damsel, an acquaintance of the two men, alleges that she caught them filming her using a well placed shoulder bag that had a cheap Flip Mino camera peering out of it.

There's a good chance that these pornographers are not only concealing cameras in shoulder bags. They might also be acting in a more brazen manner, like Darin Burkholder of Pennsylvania, who was recently arrested for allegedly snapping upskirt shots of Walmart customers using his cellphone camera. Oddly enough, another man, Mario Esquivel-Jimenez, was arrested in Idaho for the same crime -- catching snatch shots at Walmart. At least our local voyeuristic miscreants have a modicum of taste. Who needs Walmart when you've got raves?

Camera phones and loaded shoulder bags are only two means by which these sneaky perverts might be filming up your skirt. They could also take a page out of Erik Alvarado's book. This Utah man was arrested a month ago for taking pictures up a variety of dresses using a camera that had been concealed in his shoe. We can't say for sure if our two depraved reprobates are using this camera-in-the-shoe trick, but considering the amount of time and effort that is apparently going into their creepy activities, there's a good chance they are.

Keep your eyes open for these perverts. You never know which party they'll hit or which club they'll visit.
I'm feeling nuclear right now..
Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Nuclear replied on Wed Oct 13, 2010 @ 7:25pm
nuclear
Coolness: 2603785
RAVE NEWS - OCTOBER 13TH




THE GRAB BAG GAME

A group of four Montreal ravers have a malicious game they like to play at the end of the parties they go to. Many of you might remember going to birthday bashes as little children, and getting a grab bag at the end. These gift bags would have all sorts of trinkets inside -- candy, small toys, cards, and dollar store knick knacks, among other things. You never knew what you were getting until you opened up the bag.

Our four ravers apparently miss being treated like eight year olds, so they've decided to bring the past into the present. Raves don't give out grab bags, but that hasn't stopped these enterprising party kids from simply grabbing unattended bags as they leave the parties they go to. On the ride back home, the ravers then compare the surprise loot in the bags they took.

It's a contest, and whoever finds the best gear in their bag "wins" the game. The winner is decided through a point system -- electronics are worth more than legal pharmaceuticals and prophylactics, though they're not worth nearly as much as humiliating personal items like diaries and pictures. Sex toys and self-porn though are most sought after goodies. One time, one of the thieves found an iPhone full of home made pornography and explicit chat logs on it.

The prize for victory changes after every party, but it usually involves the losers buying some drugs and alcohol for the winner. None of the participants can steal more than one bag per party, so the four thieves are generally picky about which bags they take.

Let this be a warning to all of you: keep an eye on your backpacks and purses once the party you're at starts winding down, because these jerks might prance away with them. And don't forget to password protect your iPhone. Especially if it's loaded with videos of you giving blowjobs to people.
I'm feeling nuclear right now..
Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Kire replied on Wed Oct 13, 2010 @ 9:23pm
kire
Coolness: 66500
LOL!! nice, sucks about the iphone tho :P

@moloch its regarding the one w/ the ron jeremy looking guy and the watergun lol should ask him about it its jokes :P
I'm feeling in love with psytrance right now..
Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Trey replied on Thu Oct 14, 2010 @ 2:24am
trey
Coolness: 102565
my inbox... <3 ravers.


"u hit on XXXX once more and ur legs get broke. you talk shit, your legs get broke. fuck it, u talk to her PERIOD, ur legs get broke. understood? btw im her bf. case u didnt notice."
Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Kire replied on Thu Oct 14, 2010 @ 2:28am
kire
Coolness: 66500
he's plurring trey hahaha
I'm feeling in love with psytrance right now..
Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Nuclear replied on Thu Oct 14, 2010 @ 8:58am
nuclear
Coolness: 2603785
Trey: You should let us know who the girl is so we can all hit on her...
I'm feeling nuclear right now..
Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Nuclear replied on Thu Oct 14, 2010 @ 10:45pm
nuclear
Coolness: 2603785
RAVE NEWS - OCTOBER 14TH




IT'S RAINING RAVERS

Three ravers who were out scouting for locations in Montreal North fell on hard times earlier this week when the floor of the decrepit, abandoned building they were in collapsed beneath their feet. Bones were broken, blood was spilled, and bruises were made, but thankfully none of the injuries were life threatening.

Our hapless trio of urban explorers dropped eleven feet before crashing on to a clean patch of wood flooring. They were lucky the floor gave out where it did -- their landing area was only five feet away from a large pile of rusty iron bars, which almost certainly would have made their fall lethal.

One of the ravers escaped relatively unscathed, and had the pleasure of calling 911 to get assistance for his friends. Neither the police nor the paramedics were impressed with our intrepid adventurers. The boys were brought to a hospital and once their wounds were treated, charged with trespassing. Adding insult to injury, they also had to pay for their ambulance ride.

The lesson here, kids? The people bringing you these parties often put their life at risk -- and all in order to give you guys a chance to engage in a primitive mating ritual involving copious amounts of intoxicating substances, loud music, and outrageous displays of sexual availability. People are falling through floors to help you get your rocks off, and that's something you should all appreciate.

Hug your local promoter. They're doing this for you.
I'm feeling nuclear right now..
Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» BoyFromTheFuture replied on Thu Oct 14, 2010 @ 11:15pm
boyfromthefuture
Coolness: 27330
"....snorting lines of K in front of La Belle Province.." gold.
I'm feeling rockin right now..
Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Kire replied on Fri Oct 15, 2010 @ 8:08am
kire
Coolness: 66500
hahahhaha
I'm feeling in love with psytrance right now..
Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Nuclear replied on Fri Oct 15, 2010 @ 4:00pm
nuclear
Coolness: 2603785
Win a CD sponsored by Twenty4Seven Records!

Write a RAVE NEWS article and message it to me! It must be at least 350 words long! If it's a great funny + entertaining article and we post it on the site then you will win the MATERIA: OUT OF TUNE CD from Twenty4Seven Records!

We have other CDs from Twenty4Seven Records also which will be used for contests prises in the future!


I'm feeling nuclear right now..
Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Nuclear replied on Fri Oct 15, 2010 @ 4:46pm
nuclear
Coolness: 2603785
RAVE NEWS - OCTOBER 15TH




THE OUTBREAK

Last September, a small outdoor psychedelic rave was held in the outskirts of Montreal. It was a tiny, tiny affair full of neo-hippies dancing to old Goa tracks in a giant muddy field. The goaliens were probably too busy smoking various herbal products to practice good hygiene, because their little dance party turned into a horrible clusterfuck of filth and disease.

People with warts shouldn't dance naked in the mud with a bunch of strangers, and they most certainly shouldn't grind up against anyone. Not only is that disgusting, but warts are contagious. Transmission of warts from person to person is rare, which makes the dermatological disaster that followed this dirty hippie party all the more incredible.

A little over seventy five people attended this gathering, and two thirds of them reportedly developed warts in the days and weeks that followed their muddy festivities. Their cheerful bacchanal turned into a disfiguring warning against excess and decadence. The party goers who are willing to talk about their experiences swear up and down that the party wasn't that dirty, and they honestly don't understand how so many people ended up developing nasty little buggers all over their bodies.

This wasn't a verruca acuminata outbreak -- no one has come out and said they got genital warts at this party. It's the common wart, the verruca vulgaris, which is the culprit in this case. And that name tells you all you need to know about what went down at this hippie gathering. It was vulgar. And the attendants have the scars to prove it.

Kids, remember, don't scratch your warts, don't rub them against other people, don't let folks touch them, and please, if you're covered in them, don't dance naked in a muddy field full of people.
I'm feeling nuclear right now..
Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Trey replied on Fri Oct 15, 2010 @ 7:52pm
trey
Coolness: 102565
Originally Posted By NUCLEAR

Trey: You should let us know who the girl is so we can all hit on her...


I wasn't hitting on anyone, just exchanging a couple of IMs, and poor insecure guy took it all wrong. That PM is over 5 years old too. Noah, these articles are entertaining. Any chance you will write a non-fiction article? Spill out the dirt, names, and drama.
Rave News! Canadian Rave Scene Articles! Sticky
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