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Rave News! Canadian Rave Scene Articles! Sticky
Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Nuclear replied on Mon Sep 24, 2012 @ 9:11pm
nuclear
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RAVE NEWS - SEPTEMBER 17TH 2012




DUBSTEP PROMOTER SWIPES CASHBOX AT RIVAL RAVE

Meth addicted Dubstep promoter Bernard Bosworth swiped the cash box at a rival's party on Friday. Clarrence Turgeon, the promoter who was robbed, chased after the wily thief with the help of DJ Tasha Tamberlyn. Unfortunately for the pair, Bernard eluded capture, and hasn't been seen since the time of the crime.

Tasha couldn't believe Bernard's brazen act of thuggery. "He just walked up to the table, grabbed the cashbox, and ran off like a moron. At least a dozen people saw him do it, most of us know who he is, and several of us know where he lives. He's been taking meth for at least a year now, and I know crystal makes you stupid, but I never thought it'd make someone that stupid. He'd have to be a real imbecile if he thought he'd get away with this."

Sophia Papadakis was on door duty at the time of the theft. "I don't know what was going through his mind. I was taking tickets when he walked up to the table, got this big stupid smile on his face, and grabbed the cashbox. He started laughing, turned his back, and ran away. And he didn't run the way a normal person would. He was moving his body like some sort of demon possessed freak. Imagine what Big Bird would look like if he was wearing a butt plug while being chased by a tiger. That's how Bernard was running. Like his legs were made of silly putty or something. I was so shocked, I just sat there dumbstruck."

Clarence, meanwhile shrugged the theft off. "Bernard got away from us, but it's not a big deal. The cash box only had a few hundred bucks in it, and sooner or later, I'll get it back from him. I know where he lives, and if he doesn't play nice and return the money, I'll just rob his party next time."
I'm feeling nuclear right now..
Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Nuclear replied on Mon Sep 24, 2012 @ 9:11pm
nuclear
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RAVE NEWS - SEPTEMBER 18TH 2012




RAVERS IN DEEP SHIT THANKS TO ANGRY FARMER

Ravers who unwittingly trespassed on to Henry Becklenburg's field were splattered with shit after they refused to leave the farmer's land. "Those young bastards were trampling all over my grass," said Henry. "I told them to leave. They wouldn't. So I got on my muck spreader, drove it to my field, and I let those dancing idiots have a taste of animal waste. I covered all of em, head to toe, in manure. I covered their cars. I covered their tents. I cover their fancy music equipment. All of it in shit. They went to the cops to complain. I'm told that they're out nearly ten thousand bucks in broken electronics. Maybe that will teach 'em not to throw parties on other people's property. it's rude."

The leader of the renegade party, Jessica Ringauld, was livid. "We thought it was public land," said Jessica. "It didn't look like a farm field. It just looked a giant empty place that was perfect for dancing. There weren't any buildings in sight. We didn't know that anyone owned the place. There wasn't a fence, or a no trespassing sign, or anything. By the time Mecklenburg found us, we'd been partying for five hours, it was 3 in the morning. He should have just let us finish. We asked him politely if we could stay, we told him we'd clean up afterwards, we even offered to pay him for using his land. He wouldn't let it go. He just kept telling us to leave. We got upset at how stubborn he was, so we ignored him. Which, I guess, wasn't smart in hindsight."

One of the DJs, who brought his own equipment, says he plans on suing Henry. "He wrecked my stuff. And why? Because I was partying on his land without his permission? I don't think anyone needs permission to party. We have a constitutional right to get our groove on, wherever, whenever. That old farmer, he's going to pay for what he did."

Henry is unrepentant. "Young people have no respect for private property these days. They're all a bunch of godless communists. I did the right thing. I'd do it all over again if I had too. They were on my land. They deserved it."
I'm feeling nuclear right now..
Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Nuclear replied on Mon Sep 24, 2012 @ 9:12pm
nuclear
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RAVE NEWS - SEPTEMBER 19TH 2012




ABUSIVE METH DEALER IS A GOOD PERSON CLAIMS EX-GIRLFRIEND

Carly Jacobs was poised to snitch on her ex boyfriend Mitch Oshawa's meth dealing business over the weekend but backed out at the last minute. "I managed to convince Carly that Mitch was a dangerous criminal who was ruining lives," said Todd Ryerson, Mitch's old high-school friend. "She was going to help bring him to justice, but then she chickened out and told Mitch everything."

Mitch Oshawa found the whole business amusing. "I saw Carly on Friday at this dubstep event. She had this guilty look on her face that she get whenever she does something wrong, so I knew something was up. I just kept harassing her until she told me what was going on. That's when she shared her master plan for putting me behind bars. She was going to show police all these emails I'd sent her when I first started cooking meth, and then tell them about how my operation had evolved since it first started. She knew everything from where I kept my equipment to where I hid my spreadsheet files that I use to keep track of my sales. I could have been in real trouble, but she got her head on straight after I slapped her. She was really apologetic, which is good. She knows her place. Anyways, when I got back home, I hacked into her email account and deleted all the incriminating emails I had sent her. I swiped my hard-drive, moved my meth lab, and now instead of spreadsheets, I have a notebook that I hide in a secure location. I'm much more careful now about getting caught now."

Todd was devastated by Carly's betrayal. "It hurt like hell when I found out. Mitch got several of my friends hooked on meth. He got my younger brother, who's barely 14, addicted to the drug. He's ruining lives, and he's got to be stopped. What I don't get is that he's also abusive. He used to beat Carly all the time. He's an abusive prick, and yet she broke down and told him everything. It's a bloody tragedy."

Carly defended her decision to tell Mitch about their plan to turn him in. "Mitch, I think, is a good guy underneath it all. Sure, he used to hit me now and then, and sometimes he trades meth for sex with vulnerable underage girls, and I know he's partly responsible for at least three people trying to kill themselves, and sure there countless other lives he's probably ruined. But that doesn't mean he's a bad person who should go to jail. He deserves better than that. I was stupid to want to punish him."
I'm feeling nuclear right now..
Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Nuclear replied on Mon Sep 24, 2012 @ 9:13pm
nuclear
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RAVE NEWS - SEPTEMBER 20TH 2012




RAVER MAKES MILLIONS WITH SUBSCRIPTION DRUG SERVICE

John DeGaul, president of High On Demand, is one of the few successful entrepreneurs Montreal's rave community has produced. His drug subscription business rakes in hundreds of thousands of dollars in revenue every week and currently employs fifteen people. "The illicit narcotic industry is in dire straights because most drug dealers aren't very innovative," says John. "My business, High On Demand, is all about innovation. Drug dealing has become a passionless enterprise for most dealers. They treat drugs like a mere commodity. I view it as a luxury service. Getting high is an experience, and that's what I'm in the business of selling. Not drugs, but experiences."

John considers himself the Netflix of the drug dealing world. "How I sell drugs is just as important as the quality of the drugs I sell. Branding, packaging, image. It's all important. My clients expect elegance, ease, and class. They don't want to worry about the drugs they're taking. They want reliability and they want convenience. Using High on Demand, they get it."

High On Demand offers subscribers their choice of narcotics and delivery schedules. "We make everything as simple as possible for our subscribers. Once they've signed up with us, they get access to a secret website, and depending on their subscription package that they choose, we'll send them a regular supply of whatever drugs their heart desires. We ship them in air tight containers that come in a variety of styles. Our high end subscribers absolutely love our diamond engraved stainless steel models."

John is optimistic about the future of High On Demand. "The more subscribers we get, the better our services become. We've added fifteen new varieties of marijuana this month alone. The amount of drugs regular subscribers could get in a month has doubled over the last year. A larger membership base means cheap drugs, because the more people we have, the cheaper harvesting and procuring drugs becomes."

One new service John's especially excited about is Drop Off Plus. "Some of our customers are paranoid about being caught by the police, so we've started experimenting with secret drop off locations. Once a month, we deliver our containers to out of the way locations which customers can choose via our website. It's an incredibly simple process."

John says the only downside to High On Demand's profit margins are the occasional crooks who try to game the system. "Since we're not the most legal of operations, we can't expect the police to help us deal with our wayward customers. However, we have an effective security team in place that can be sent out to savagely beat a subscriber whenever it needs to be done. It's magical."

Bruno Botwin, one of High On Demand's enforcers, agrees. "John has built something truly special. Even the way he has us beat people up is stylish. We only use the finest iron pipes, we make sure to clean up after ourselves. We might bloody your nose, but we won't bloody your carpet. Details matter. The little things make a difference."
I'm feeling nuclear right now..
Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Nuclear replied on Mon Sep 24, 2012 @ 9:13pm
nuclear
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RAVE NEWS - SEPTEMBER 21ST 2012




BUSTED: RAVER SLAVERS ARRESTED IN HORRIFYING HUMAN TRAFFICKING CASE

Jasmine Baldwin and Eric DuFresne have both been arrested in what police describe as a horrific Raver enslavement ring. "We discovered a terrifying scene Friday afternoon when we busted into a club owned and operated by Baldwin and DuFresne." said Officer Wrigley. "Hundreds of ravers, all of them chained to the wall, many of them in a state of undress, being prepared for shipment across the world."

The criminal pair had been kidnapping ravers at parties for over a decade. Dancing teenagers would be drugged, only to wake up to a terrifying new reality: as chattel for the slave trade. "They've been doing this for fifteen years. They'd set up camp in one city, kidnap between a hundred to two hundred ravers, and then move on to the next city. Thankfully, one raver managed to escape her chains late Thursday night by calling on the power of dance."

The escaped raver, Marcel Marteau, said it was miracle. "I woke up naked, my legs and arms bound, with a giant man in a gimp mask looming over me. Just as he was about to do some awful things to me, I started humming a Skrillex song, beatboxing to dubstep, and I don't know why, but it was like the strength of the universe just channeled through me. Suddenly, it was like I had superhuman strength. The adrenaline rushing through my body gave me the power to break free from the rope that had bound me. I punched the gimp in the face, knocking him out. I ran out so fast. It was a pure rush. I found a police officer, I brought them over, and they freed all the other ravers."

The police found Jasmin Baldwin and Eric DuFresne passed out in a back room, their faces covered in a thick layer of cocaine. "Every night after they were done violating ravers in preparation for their new lives as slaves, they had a ritual where they would just bathe themselves in coke until they passed out," said Wrigley. "It's a both a miracle and a shame that their coke habit didn't kill them."

Montreal ravers can now breathe easy. With the raver slavers behind bars, party goers are much less likely to be drugged and kidnap, although officer Wrigley warns partiers from being complacent. "We arrested those two criminals, but there are other predators out there, licking their lips at the thought of enslaving ravers. Be vigilant, be smart, and if you suspect anything, call the police and let us know."
I'm feeling nuclear right now..
Good [+2]Toggle ReplyLink» Nuclear replied on Mon Sep 24, 2012 @ 9:14pm
nuclear
Coolness: 2596035
RAVE NEWS - SEPTEMBER 24TH 2012




MYSTERY DRUG PARTIES ARE THE NEXT BIG THING

A new fad is sweeping through Montreal, causing ravers to open up their apartments to strangers for what some have dubbed Mystery Drug Parties. Cegep student Jacques Couriers threw his first mystery party last week and was bowled over by how well it went. "Mystery drug parties are a blast," says Jacques. "And they're easy to throw. Just invite people over to clean up your apartment, and whatever drugs they find they get to keep. At my party, one girl found a dime bag of pot I'd forgotten about, another guy found five tabs of LSD I had lost last spring. You never know what high you'll get, so it's a mystery. By the end of the night, everyone is wasted and your place is spotless."

Mystery Drug Parties are the brain child of veteran promoter Paul Finkelstein. "I'm far too lazy to clean up after myself plus I also do a lot of drugs," says Paul. "I do so many drugs, that I'm always finding strange pills on the floor, or half smoked joints in the cupboards. Drugs are always playing hide and seek in my house. Last year, my girlfriend was complaining about how there was mould growing on my bedsheets, and told me if I didn't clean our place up, she'd stop having sex with me. Apparently, she'd get yeast infections whenever we'd do it at my place."

Faced with this ultimatum, Paul did what any lazy promoter does, and got a bunch of other people to do the work for him. "I asked for volunteers over Facebook. I told my followers that I was having a clean-up party, and they could keep whatever drugs they found. The response was huge. Fifty people showed up. You'd think with a crowd that big, the apartment would be worst off by the end of it all, but it wasn't. It was clean and sparkly. Every one got high, everyone got drunk, a couple of people had sex in my kitchen, but when everyone left, my apartment was so clean, you could have eaten off the floor."

After Paul's party, dozens of copy cats followed in his wake. "These days, a week rarely goes by without a mystery drug party," said Jacques. "I even heard that people in other cities are starting to throw them. My friend in New York went to one. Mystery drug parties are going global."
I'm feeling nuclear right now..
Good [+2]Toggle ReplyLink» Nuclear replied on Tue Sep 25, 2012 @ 1:16am
nuclear
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RAVE NEWS - SEPTEMBER 25TH 2012




PARTIERS PUMMEL WHISTLE SALESMAN

Partiers pummelled Paul Gauthier, a whistle sales man, at Dub Hawk Down this week-end. The rave, promoted by Louis Rinsom of Phat Louis Productions, descended into chaos once ravers started attacking Paul. "I just wanted to bring joy to the rave community with my colourful whistles," says Paul. "But instead, I was the target of hatred and violence. Now I can't look at a whistle without breaking into a cold sweat."

The trouble started after several dozen people started using the whistles they bought from Paul. "I paid to listen to dubstep," says Jonathan Farouk, one of Paul's many attackers. "I didn't pay to listen to whistles. A bunch of us just got fed up and beat the shit out of that whistle selling asshole."

Louis Rinsom, who had given Paul permission to sell at his event, had to intervene to protect him when things got out of hand. "I was fending off ravers with a mop, pushing them back. They were like mindless zombies, full of bloodlust," says Louis. "They wanted to kill Paul. I felt bad for him and since I had told him he could sell his whistles at my party, I had take responsibility for the whole fiasco. My parties are all whistle free from here on out. I think people over-reacted, but I don't want to risk another riot."

Emma Manson disagrees. "People were right to get violent. Whistles are obnoxious. Anyone who uses a whistle at a party should have their arms tied to the back of one car and their legs tied to the back of another. If the ravers don't repent their whistling ways, the cars should rip them in half," says Emma.

Paul wasn't the only victim of a whistle related beating that night. "After we attacked Paul, we started jumping anyone who blew a whistle that night," says Jonathan. "We must have kicked about fifteen, maybe sixteen whistle blowing asses that night. I hope the carnage we wrought sends a message to the rave community. No more whistles. Or else."
I'm feeling nuclear right now..
Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Nuclear replied on Fri Sep 28, 2012 @ 12:11am
nuclear
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RAVE NEWS - SEPTEMBER 26TH 2012




ROCK COLLECTING RAVER SEDUCES WOMEN WITH GEOLOGY

Rock fanatic Charles Gaudin says he wasn't always popular with the ladies. "I'd go to parties and try to strike up conversations with women, but they'd all look at me like I had leprosy. Once, a girl kicked me in the balls just for saying hi," Charles told Rave News. "That all changed once I started collecting rocks."

Two years ago, Charles inherited a dozen rubies and emeralds from his late grandmother. He fell in love with the bag of gems he'd been bequeathed, and would often spend his afternoons obsessively polishing them. Soon after he started reading books about gems, jewels, and minerals.

"Eventually, I decided to switch my University major to geology. I became engrossed with the subject. Now I live, breath, and sleep rocks. That's all I think about. And it turns out that chicks dig passion. I wasn't really passionate about anything before, but now that I am, it shows. When I invite a woman over to check out my rock collection, they always say yes."

Charles first fortunate love connection at a rave happened after he decided to turn one of his grandmother's emeralds into a piece of jewellery. "I love showing off my rocks. I've got over nine thousand different kinds right now, from adularia to zircon. And if I can't bring girls home to my rock collection, than I try to bring pieces of my collection to the girls through the jewellery I make."

One of his first rock related lays, Cynthia Betencourt, relates how she first fell for Charles charms. "He came up to me and asked if I wanted to touch his angelite, a pale blue rock he'd turned into a ring. And it was really pretty, so I said yes. Then he asked me if I'd come over to his place and check out all his rocks. There's just something about precious stones that turns me on, so of course I said yes."

Since then, Charles has been on a roll. "I date a different girl six days a week, and then on the seventh day, I do like God and rest. if you're struggling to find love, study geology. If you know your dirt, the girls will do dirty things for you."
I'm feeling nuclear right now..
Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Nuclear replied on Fri Sep 28, 2012 @ 12:12am
nuclear
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RAVE NEWS - SEPTEMBER 27TH 2012




RAVER RETURNS HOME AFTER BEING LOST IN FOREST FOR A WEEK

Samuel Desjardins was high on LSD when he wandered away from the campgrounds of Unnatural 2012, a three day music festival and into the forest. "I was tripping balls and for some reason, I thought if I followed the moon, eventually I'd be able to touch it. So I left the party and wandered into the woods," Samuel told Rave News.

He woke up the next day by the edge of a river, without a phone, a map, or a compass. "I was completely lost. I had no idea where I was or where the campground was. So I just kept walking and in the process, I got even more lost."

When night came, Samuel started getting hungry. "I was starving, so I just foraged for berries and fruits. I was getting worried that I'd never get back home."

He would spend the next week surviving on his wits alone, living in the wild, far removed from society. "Every night, I'd start a signal fire by banging two rocks together. It took me awhile to find a pair of rocks that could start a fire, but after six hours of searching, I got lucky. No one ever came for me though, which sucked. By the end of the fifth day, I had resigned myself to the fact that I might never find my way home. Unnatural 2012 took place hundreds of miles up north, in the middle of nowhere. There weren't that many roads around. At least I hadn't stumbled across any during my search," says Samuel. "Eventually I decided to find high ground, to get an idea of the landscape in hopes of finding a road somewhere, anywhere."

He noticed a small mountain in the distance while drinking water by the river. "I walked towards the mountain for a few days. By this point, I was hunting small animals with a spear I had fashioned out of a stick."

In time, he made it to the mountain, only to discover that it was a luxury ski resort. "I was ecstatic to find out that I wasn't nearly as far away from civilization as I had feared. The people at the resort were very kind and I was back home within days."

Samuel considers his time in the wilderness to have been well worth it. "It was a transcendent experience," says Samuel. "It's a shame I never did get to touch the moon, though."
I'm feeling nuclear right now..
Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Nuclear replied on Fri Sep 28, 2012 @ 12:12am
nuclear
Coolness: 2596035
RAVE NEWS - SEPTEMBER 28TH 2012




SMARTPHONES ARE THE NEW GLOWSTICKS

"Smartphones are the new glowsticks," says sociologist Helen LaFemme. "I've been tracking both the sale and popularity of glowsticks for the last decade. Once smartphones took off, glowstick sales plummeted," says Helen. "It's getting to the point where most people at parties are shunned if they wave glowsticks around instead of their smartphones."

Antoine Legault, a salesman for Glowsticks Emporium, tells Rave News that business has fallen. "The last few years have been horrible," says Antoine. "Apple and Google have eaten our lunch. In the past, we could count on blitzed out party goers to buy our glowsticks, but not anymore. We've had to diversify our product line in order to stay in business."

Glowsticks Emporium stays afloat these days by selling a variety of glow in the dark sex toys. "Condoms, anal beads, vibrators, dildos, whatever. It's crass, but it brings in the dollars, unlike glowsticks."

Rave diva Jen Dartagnon is a recent smartphone convert. "I used to be all about the glowsticks, but then my friends started snickering behind my back whenever I'd wave one around. I wanted to be cool like them, so I got an iPhone, which I love to wave in the air once the bass starts thumping."

Todd White, a spokesperson for Apple, says it's about time glowsticks died out. "Years ago, when our company was in financial turmoil, Steve Jobs wracked his brain trying to figure out how to bring us back to profitability," says Todd. "He realized that Apple's future could be saved if we came up with a more expensive alternative to glowsticks. It took many years to accomplish Steve's vision, but his day has finally come. The glowstick is dying. Long live the smartphone."

These days, you can't go to a show without noticing a sea of phones in the air. It's a brave new world, a world that some rave veterans find terrifying. "First they got rid of the pacifiers, now they're getting rid of glowsticks," says 40 year old booty house enthusiast Bob Roberts. "What's next? Are they going to stop playing happy hardcore? The future scares me."
I'm feeling nuclear right now..
Good [+2]Toggle ReplyLink» ikce replied on Sun Jan 20, 2013 @ 4:52am
ikce
Coolness: 58035
Good job on that feed.

J'en ai lu quelques un qui m'ont fait penser ; been there. done that.
I'm feeling jacuzzi right now..
Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Nuclear replied on Sun Jan 20, 2013 @ 11:52pm
nuclear
Coolness: 2596035
If you want all the new ones you can go here: [ www.ravenews.ca ] ... Rave News has started again!
I'm feeling nuclear right now..
Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» babaghamouk replied on Tue Feb 12, 2013 @ 12:01pm
babaghamouk
Coolness: 13080
[ raversguidetothegalaxy.blogspot.ca ]

i started writing this a few months ago and its about a persons discovery of the raving universe enjoy :)

p.s. it starts with the post entitled chaos 1 and then it goes up from there
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