Rave News! Canadian Rave Scene Articles! Sticky
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Nathan replied on Thu Aug 11, 2011 @ 7:46pm |
 Coolness: 166515 | Originally Posted By KISHMAY_PINAS
Is this the actual bitch from Edmonton that the RCMP is seeking like right now? Apparently she was caught a few days ago ... I think that is her pic though. |
| I'm feeling you up right now.. | |
| Good [+3]Toggle ReplyLink» Nuclear replied on Fri Aug 12, 2011 @ 1:08am |
 Coolness: 2603955 | RAVE NEWS - AUGUST 12TH 2011
LEVEL UP! Statistics, levels, quests, items, and pwnage. These are what floats around the gamer's mind. Video games have been drenched in electronic sound-tracks since their inception. So, naturally, the day has come when Techno, ravers, and gamers have melded into the world of Role Playing. A faction of Montreal gamers have come up with a game based on the Rave Scene. Though the computerized video game version is still in its early stages of of development, these people are raving it up on paper. The goal of the game is to move up the rungs of the Rave Scene ladder, from n00b to Raver, from Dj to Producer, to Promoter. The Ravers roll the dice to perfect their dance moves, moving their statistic points around to gain agility, grace, or strength; create specialized moves, and improve their wardrobe. The DJs throw the dice to decide how tight their mix is, to see if they pick up a groupie, to see if they get booked for the next gig, as well as collect Items such as Dubplates, and Skills such as Scratching. Promoters boost their stats to find out how many people show up to their event, to see which DJ they can book, to see how much promo they can do, as well as pick up Items such as Strobe Lights, and Skills like Connections For Discount Flyers. Producers create new profiles, push stats to make the next 'Bomb Track', and use Items such as a Firebox Sound-card. All of these Ranks have quests to complete as well, such as, in no particular order: Find a Venue, Get to the Party, Find the Gem in the Record Shop, Repair the Turntables, and Learn to Shuffle. Leveling up is important to get ahead in the scene. Coolness points decide how fast you can level up. There is also a rating system to see who is more or less popular, at any point in your ranking. Popular Ravers have an easier time becoming DJs, but they still have to prove their skills once they get there, with more rolls of the dice. Though these gamers seem to have fun Role Playing, experts aren't sure what to make of this. An Ex-Raver, now social studies major, states: "Well, it's great that these kids are taking in an interest in Rave culture, there is also the possibility that they never go out to a real Rave, replacing reality with a game. Even though they seem to have a very good understanding of how the scene works, there is no way of learning actual social skills in a fictional and closed environment". Others say that there is nothing to worry about, that most gamers would do their thing no matter what subject they decide to use as a theme for their Role Playing, and that alot of Ravers are already also Gamers. The founders of the game are also very aware of the drug culture, and even though they rarely consume, they have recently added it into their Rule Book. 'Tolerance' points decide how many drugs you need to ingest, 'Susceptibility' points decide how good or bad a trip you have, and both are affected by the Promoters party statistics, ie. a bad party will create more bad trips, and the Promoter loses Reputation points, as do the bad tripping Ravers, unless they are protected by a Glow-stick Item. However, if a Promoter is good enough to have a high level Dj during their party, a simple roll of the dice can change the dynamic and create 'Good Vibes', for which the DJ gets bonus points, and is on his way to becoming a great Producer. "Hopefully we can finish the Online version soon enough, and get thousands of people to play around the world, but for now we're having fun just Role Playing. Heck, we're tired of Dragons and Vampires" says one of the concept's co-founders, who wishes to remain anonymous, for fear of Ravers trying to get his players out into an actual Rave. Leveling up on paper is much easier than is real life. Just remember kids, it doesn't matter if you're a Winner or a Loser, or who you PWN, what matters is how you play the game. |
| I'm feeling nuclear right now.. | |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» BizZARo replied on Sat Aug 13, 2011 @ 1:18pm |
 Coolness: 31570 | Damn i should ave multi-class. |
| I'm feeling 80 mg right now.. | |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Nuclear replied on Mon Aug 15, 2011 @ 12:15am |
| Coolness: 2603955 | RAVE NEWS - AUGUST 15TH 2011
NEXT-GEN AND THE HOLOGRAMS It would seem, that the future is nigh. Technology has progressed exponentially, and nothing is safe from being turned from science-fiction into just science. Even humans themselves. Advances in electronics has helped musicians and disc jockeys to no end, creating a vast array of new gadgets, hardware, and software with which to create and play music. New generations of artists are throwing themselves onto this new level of creativity and imagination, pushing it to the limits and striving for better. A musician can be overjoyed with what he can now find at his fingertips. But, technology has gone beyond that, into realms that no longer have the need for the musician's fingertips. Welcome to the age of computer-generated Super-Stars. Scientists have made self-contained programs that can sing, create music, and write lyrics. Now, with holographic imaging even the performing artist can be replaced. Started in Japan, Pop-Stars are now nothing more than 3D projections on a stage. They have sold this technology to the global market. If you thought CG graphics in film were erasing the need for more organic special effects, and are replacing actors, you now have a new fear. Music is being made and performed entirely by computers. Feed the machine information, and out comes a hit song. Before releasing this to the public across the planet, agencies, corporations, and their lawyers are busy putting together contracts and a new legal-language that will allow them to drop their current human clients. It is easier and cheaper to purchase a computer-generated personality and the necessary gear, than to put up with human artists' growing greed, personality disorders, and drug problems. A hologram can do no wrong, won't get drunk and ruin its reputation, will never sing off key, and can't ask for more money. The Popular music world is already worried, but now another musical domain is being threatened. The DJ. Disc Jockeys are in demand for various reasons, including technique, song selection, and crowd reading. The machines are now programmed to do just that. They record and analyse crowd reactions and select drum-patters accordingly, are armed with over 1,000,000 songs in their memory banks, mix tracks together perfectly, and can now be present on stage with holographic technology. The fear is setting in, and many humans are dropping the idea of becoming a DJ, drowning themselves in alcohol and drugs to wash away the depression of a passion lost. A small faction of scientists are also exploring the idea of sexual desire and mechanical sexual performance, in order to keep the all important 'groupie' factor in play. If fans are also created by the possibility of sexual encounter, the music industry wants to make that happen as well. They want to market the perfect Rock-Star. There is a point when technology replaces hard work, and another point when technology replaces what you've worked hard on. |
| I'm feeling nuclear right now.. | |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Nuclear replied on Tue Aug 16, 2011 @ 12:51am |
| Coolness: 2603955 | RAVE NEWS - AUGUST 16TH 2011
I-RAVER From Terminator to RoboCop, robots have been a fascination of modern culture for the last few decades. Industries are automated, computers play chess, the Japanese have developed realistic humanoid robots and yet science-fiction warns us of the downfall of humanity in the face of the machine. Corporations are as ingenious as ever, especially when it comes to making a buck off of technology and the techno scene will not escape it. Working with a Japanese company, one Canadian entrepeneur is trying to take robotics to the dance-floor. After observing the club-scene and commercialized rave scenes in search of new target markets, he has noted that what makes a great party is how full the club is and how many people are dancing. A great event can be disastrous if the venue is even just a third empty. He has a solution. Fill the place with robots. The DNCR-3001 is an automatronic humanoid robot programmed with over 300 dance moves and 10 different personality traits. It can be the shy dancer at the back of the club, the sexy dancer grinding in the middle of the dance-floor, or even the speaker-hugger that spends it's time gyrating as close to the sound-system as possible. Available in both male and female, their clothing can be changed to match the style of the intended theme and music plus they are remotely controlled so they can even move to give room to actual people wanting to dance. The official press-release insists that the concept is not to replace people, but to fill up a room, add to the ambiance and improve the over-all experience. The company's spokesperson states: "We're in the final stages of this project and we're really excited. We pushed the date back three months and are glad we did because we've managed to develop a program in which the robots can analyze realpeople's behavior and react. So they can now look at you and return a smile or give you a thumbs up on a great dance move, creating a positive and encouraging - what the kids call - vibe". However, the price for renting a DNCR-3001 is fairly steep and is not, as yet for the poorer promoter. If the public reaction is positive says the company, they will install security programming in case of emergency. This on the other hand, is scaring some people in the Scientific community, based on the old fear of machines developing cognitive abilities and altering their own pre-programmed behavior, or simply doing the wrong thing as they lack proper situational judgment skills. "A robot can analyze and calculate, but it can't judge. Without natural instinct and street-smart observational abilities, I can foresee a hundred things that can go wrong during a whole night with real people that are on drugs or aren't comfortable around these machines. It's potentially dangerous" insists a Robotic Technology Sciences graduate from the University of Montreal who's name won't be divulged for fear of reprisals from the manufacturers of the DNCR-3001. Their spokesperson dismisses these claims already: "It doesn't matter, since all the robots come installed with an Emergency Shutdown system, which is simultaneous and instantaneous". The electronic music world is going to have to decide whether they prefer to have a full house, or a real house. So far, only three major promoters, two in the USA and one in Canada, have signed contracts for use of the DNCR-3001. Grounds will be tested, and perhaps the robots will be a more receptive crowd for the super-star DJ. Rave against the machine, or dance next next to one. |
| I'm feeling nuclear right now.. | |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Kire replied on Wed Aug 17, 2011 @ 11:25pm |
 Coolness: 66670 | technology has gone beyond that, into realms that no longer have the need for the musician's fingertips. Welcome to the age of computer-generated Super-Stars. ? |
| I'm feeling montreal bassix right now.. | |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Nuclear replied on Wed Aug 17, 2011 @ 11:42pm |
| Coolness: 2603955 | You can count on the Japanese to come up with something like that. I bet they love it! |
| I'm feeling nuclear right now.. | |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Kire replied on Wed Aug 17, 2011 @ 11:43pm |
| Coolness: 66670 | hahaha, seriously. my friend spammed me with " miku hatsune " apparently an international 3d superstar
my response is wtf |
| I'm feeling montreal bassix right now.. | |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Nathan replied on Thu Aug 18, 2011 @ 1:07am |
| Coolness: 166515 | yup. ;) |
| I'm feeling you up right now.. | |
| Neutral [0]Toggle ReplyLink» civicgarageparty replied on Thu Aug 18, 2011 @ 1:59pm |
 Coolness: 23240 | We’re looking for DJs to compete at the Civic Garage Party in your city. If you know any great DJs, tell them to email civicgarageparty@gmail.com |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Kishmay_Pinas replied on Thu Aug 18, 2011 @ 7:41pm |
 Coolness: 103225 | Oh oh oh mee me me can I can I please |
| I'm feeling ez sessions monday wut! right now.. | |
| Good [+2]Toggle ReplyLink» Nuclear replied on Wed Aug 24, 2011 @ 12:40am |
| Coolness: 2603955 | RAVE NEWS - AUGUST 24TH 2011
R BOYS Last year a group of Ravers calling themselves the PLUR Boys took the power back, fighting against those who cause violence against their scene. Much like most vigilante heroes though, their self-proclaimed justice has earned them a rival. The PLUR Boys reign as the anti-gang gang, dolling out retribution to outsiders who pick on or beat up on ravers. Their 'PLUR or Die' style vengeance has kept violence against ravers at bay, however one group of people has decided that they have over-stepped their bounds - that they cannot be judge, jury and executioner all on their own. R Boys are in town. The R Boys are a clique of 6; comic-book addicted, disciplined in the Martial Arts and organized around observing the PLUR Boys. Their revolt stems from an incident involving the PLUR crew and some people who were new to the scene. One of these 'n00b' individuals caught a speed-freak going through his back-pack, presumably to steal. He then proceeded to push and insult the perpetrator, when the PLUR Boys came around and dragged the victim out into an alley. Hours later, a 23 year old found the 17 year old victim bloodied and weeping. The 17 year old, Jack, later stated that the man looked down on him and simply said "This is not justice" and brought him to a cab, with his half emptied back-pack. Jack also said that the man hoped that he was not turned-off by the rave scene. Jack hasn't been to a party since. That anonymous 23 year old formed the R Boys. They issued a Manifesto, in which it states "Without Respect, what's the good of all the rest? We are here to insure that those who claim to provide security for the rave scene do so in a respectful and righteous manner. There needs to be over-sight, otherwise these people will become the terror they fight against". The difference between the PLUR Boys and the R Boys is that no one has any idea who all the R Boys really are. While the PLUR kids watch the scene, the R boys watch them. Again from the Manifesto: "No one has ever policed the police. We do that now". Most people want to do the right thing and most of them claim to know what's right. When a supposed hero buries all his enemies, what comes next? The R Boys seem to think that the self-serving PLUR Boys have reached a point where they have erased so many of the problems faced by ravers in today's ultra-violent society that it caused them to look inward to the scene. Perhaps this is due to boredom or the fear of losing the power they've amassed. Once proud defenders, they've recently developed an ominously oppressive presence in the scene. So far, only one major incident involving both parties has been documented. Downtown Montreal, a gang of young hooligans walks by a rave. They stare bug-eyed at the ravers out having a smoke or getting fresh air, decked-out in fat pants, bright shirts, half-tops, colorful gear and piercings. The preppy hooligans begin to snicker and laugh, poking fun at the way the ravers dress, then start asking where they can get some speed. Out come the PLUR Boys and start shoving and making 'your mom' jokes. The moment one of the hooligans shouts out "Hey fuck you, we're just fuckin' around" a glowstick meets face and a brawl is on the brink. Suddenly, 6 people arrive on the scene, presumably masked for the party's theme, they line-up around the entire group. One man speaks "Hey you guys stop harassing ravers please. Now, get the fuck out of here, we got this". The 6 masked avengers pounced and quickly neutralized, with little violence, the 5 PLUR Boys present. Someone whispers '5.0' and everyone scatters. The promoter of the event in question was overheard saying "This has gotten way out of hand" abd refused to let any members of the two gangs back into the party. Violence against ravers dropped 10% from 2008 to 2010, down another 35% in the last year. Raver-on-raver violence however, is only down 5%. Seems promising but the R Boys urge: defend yourselves, eliminate the need for 'Big Brothers'. The rave scene is known for it's non-violence, without even having to preach it, they just live it. Even the most vulgar and angry Techno does not incite fights or rage. Nonetheless, it is hard to escape the violence inherent in the system. And that has now gotten us an anti anti-gang gang. Respect, or GTFO. |
| I'm feeling nuclear right now.. | |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Nuclear replied on Wed Aug 31, 2011 @ 1:13am |
| Coolness: 2603955 | RAVE NEWS - AUGUST 31ST 2011
COPS AND RAVERS Police raids have been affecting the rave scene since its inception. In Montreal, since 2002, there had been more and more busted parties, up until about 2 years ago when the number of busts per year dwindled from 12 to 4. However, the reasons for the party-pooping has changed dramatically. When the Techno scene first caught the eye of law enforcement, it was immediately judged as another mecca for the drug culture. With the advent and subsequent popularity of Ecstasy and then Speed, the rave scene quickly became synonymous with pill-popping and drug abuse. Later, many forms of drugs would be accepted and consumed in and around rave culture, such as LSD, Marijuana, Ketamine, Magic Mushrooms, Cocaine, 2CB, and more obscure substances. However, certain of the more dangerous drugs rarely made it through the fence of better judgement and into the hands of ravers, such as Heroine and Crystal Meth, though it is not unheard of. Through the early to mid period of rave parties, many events were driven by drug dealers, or associates of drug dealers. This reporter refuses to state any names or examples for fear of reprisals from certain dangerous men. Soon after the turn of the last century, the police raided many parties, but undercover cops caught and arrested only a half dozen drug dealing minions. Unable to cause any real impact on drug consumption, due to the fact that both dealers and ravers became more and more subtle and ingenious, the Montreal Police turned to the Fire Department. They decided that if they couldn't stop the bad elements of rave culture, they would simply stop the parties entirely. The result was a string of raves being shut-down before they even began, as Fire Inspectors arrived on scene in the late evening only to decide that the venues were not safe nor up to date with the city's fire code. After thousands of dollars lost, reputations ruined, ravers frustrated, and no parties for months, certain promoters fought back by inviting the Fire Inspector to their locations beforehand, giving them time to put their venues up to code. This worked for a time, but most of the scene had already given up. Fast forward a few years, and people who were both frustrated and dedicated passionately squared their shoulders and tried desperately to bring the scene back to life. It actually worked, until they grew big enough to fall back onto the police's radar. Another series of busts, a few venues completely shut down. Backed up by the City Of Montreal, now the Police had discovered and new weapon to close locations, the permit. It was around this time that alcohol began rearing its head in the rave scene. Fast forward one more time a few more years, and we arrive to very recent history and the present. The drug culture is no longer the driving force behind the rave scene. Promoters now stand on their own two feet, often stating 'No Drugs Allowed' on their flyers in order to dissuade both gangsters and the police from invading their events. Drugs are still present in the scene quite obviously, but alcohol is also if not more the norm. However, now when the police arrive to hinder or observe an event, their first priority is alcohol. They no longer bust dealers, they no longer pat-down patrons to seize pills, they look for beer bottles and hard liquor. They arrive under the flag of the almighty permit. A few events have already been shut down this year because of an abundance of alcohol on site coupled with the lack of a liquor license. The cops no longer even look for glassy eyed ravers who are obviously high on drugs, they simply look for glass bottles. The Police's original excuse for busting up parties has always been noise pollution. But, as a weapon it's like bringing a chain to a bazooka fight, as promoters are very well capable of adjusting their volume in accordance with the law. The Fire Code justification quickly became obsolete as promoters were capable of finding and then following those rules. Drugs have never been a good excuse to shut down any event, as the dealers are rarely the promoters or venue owners, on top of which drugs are less and less prevalent in the scene. So, now with the ever stricter laws on alcohol, and the City's hard take on the necessity of permits, the police have the ultimate weapon. Unless, of course, there is no alcohol at your event. Still, many people find it odd that the one thing everyone assumes is the problem with the rave scene, the evil dark side of it that steals your children's souls, the drugs, are nearly ignored by the Police. Wherein, the one legal substance consumed by ravers, alcohol, is being used by the police to enforce City laws that are in place for the bar and restaurant industries. One promoter who's party was busted up because too many people in the permit-less venue were consuming alcohol stated ''It's absolutely ridiculous. We can do drugs in parties, but can't drink! Beer is legal! It's on sale at every bar, every restaurant, every grocery store, depanneur, and concert venue. Probably in the damn Bingo halls too! But we can't have people come into some random building after having bought their own shit - it's not like we're selling it - and drink it inside, as if they were at home. Why not?''. It would seem that in the Province of Québec, the only 10% of places you're not allowed to drink at are the only 10% of places you'd really like to get drunk at. It's alright though, 'cause you can still get high just about anywhere. |
| I'm feeling nuclear right now.. | |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» PiiXiiE replied on Wed Aug 31, 2011 @ 12:43pm |
 Coolness: 76435 | a tampon does not need to soak for 20 mins LOL If you dip it in a liquid it's completely soaked instantly :p |
| I'm feeling arright right now.. | |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» dawker30 replied on Wed Aug 31, 2011 @ 10:12pm |
 Coolness: 33145 | man i remember beeing at a rave few years ago and what happen is what you stated exactly that: the freaking firedepartement was there with the cop! on top of that, they tried to arrest all the people for beeing at a party!
Humm.. i wonder why party are going back to the underground rooots..DUH!!!!! |
| I'm feeling is going to fucking party tomoro right now.. | |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» MolocH replied on Fri Sep 2, 2011 @ 11:51am |
 Coolness: 226245 | Originally Posted By DAWKER30
Humm.. i wonder why party are going back to the underground rooots..DUH!!!!! LoL. |
| I'm feeling toxik right now.. | |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Sundari replied on Mon Sep 26, 2011 @ 11:43pm |
 Coolness: 70930 | THE OLD SCHOOL/ ST. CATHERINES, ON
I've been in the scene since early 1997 and I must say it has changed very much! The parties in those days were really underground. Our old spot in Ontario was an old bank that we renovated and turned into a complete fun house. No one could hear us. 2 music rooms, 6 lounge rooms, and 3 floors of total trance bliss! We put effort into our parties. Back in these days the drug dealers would wear white gloves. This is how you could tell who they were. This is how "liquid" gloves were born. (You know those gloves that are white that the dancers used to wear when doing liquid pop) The only way you could inherit these gloves was to battle someone that had them. If you won, you took the gloves and could sport them when you danced! It sounds silly but this is how it happened. However this trend never went mainstream in Canada until some friends of mine started making videos instructing how to dance. They soon became viral and the trend spread and they made a lot of money quick coming home from raves and making instructional videos. Better know today as the "LPC" or Liquid Pop Collective. However I think most of you wouldn't know what I'm talking about as most dancers stopped wearing "gloves" around 2004. The rave scene in Canada started in ONTARIO as far as I know in 1989 with the OM festival. As documented by LESTOR ALFONSO in the film 12 it discusses this briefly. Does anyone have any old school stories about the Quebec scene? I'd love to hear them:) |
| I'm feeling dreadilicious right now.. | |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Nuclear replied on Wed Nov 16, 2011 @ 8:55pm |
| Coolness: 2603955 | RAVE NEWS - NOVEMBER 16TH 2011
GRAVE ROBBING RAVERS PILLAGE MONTREAL CEMETERIES VILLE ST-LAURENT — A ghoulish trend is sweeping Montreal's rave community as underage party goers invade graveyards for their midnight dancing needs. Ville St-Laurent officials say their borough has been hit particularly hard by raving vandals. "They've broken tombstones, they've dug up graves, they've been caught fornicating on top of rotting coffins. One raver was caught stealing skulls at one party." an anonymous source informs us. "I blame Twilight" said Lisa R., a mother of a 17 year old diehard dubstep fan. "I think these ravers have been getting high on Stephanie Meyer's books, and that's why they're throwing parties in graveyards." Jonathan D., a teacher at one of Ville St-Laurent's many high schools, agrees. "The government should ban Twilight. Did you hear about that woman in Denver, Colorado who went around biting people in a convenience store? There's a morbid vampire craze happening right now. My students are partying in graveyards, and I can't get them to stop. Their parents can't get them to stop. The government needs to do something." Hidden underneath the bed of Alexis T. is the collar bone of a dead octogenerian. "My friend threw this bash at one of the nearby cemeteries. We were dancing to chiptunes when a bunch of us decided to dig up one of the graves. It belonged to this old lady, I can't remember her name. I think it was Doris. Or maybe Edna. Anyways, we decided to each take one of her bones, which we would then turn into jewelery. One guy made a really nice bracelet out of her wrist. He painted it fluorescent orange. It's so pretty. I'm going to make a necklace out of my bone." When asked if she felt guilty about what robbing graves, Alexis balked. "No way! That old lady is part of the Montreal party scene now. We're honoring her memory in a way no tombstone ever could. Whenever we wear our bone jewelery, it's like she'll be dancing with us." Stanley F., a youth psychologist at one of Montreal's finer hospitals, says he isn't surprised that ravers have resorted to grave robbing. "You know, they're reading all these books about vampires and goblins, and they're watching horror movies, and listening to the hip hop and the rock and roll and the techno music, and it just spoils their brain. Especially the techno. One of the studies I just conducted shows that techno music destroys the brain's insular cortex, a region that plays a huge role in regulating our capacity for empathy. Without it, you're pretty much a psychopath. I'm not surprised that people who listen to techno and read vampire books spend their evenings digging up graves." "We need to burn some books and ban electronic music, I think." Stanley said. "If we don't, these graveyard ravers are going to grow up to be serial killers." |
| I'm feeling nuclear right now.. | |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» fishead replied on Wed Nov 16, 2011 @ 9:11pm |
 Coolness: 75640 | 
it's true!! |
| I'm feeling new records right now.. | |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Nuclear replied on Thu Nov 17, 2011 @ 12:28am |
| Coolness: 2603955 | RAVE NEWS - NOVEMBER 17TH 2011
HE FOUND REAL LOVE AFTER QUITTING DRUGS VERDUN — "I was worried my penis was going to fall off from neglect." Joseph D. recently told Ravenews. "It'd been over two years since the last time I had sex." His dating woes started after he lost two of his front teeth during a meth bend. "I had been up for three days straight and for some reason, I can't remember why, I decided to climb a lamp post koala-bear style. I got to the top of the post but then I lost my grip and fell on my face. My mouth was all mangled up. I got some dental implants and now I look as good as new. Still, after the accident, my parents dragged my ass to rehab. They didn't want a druggie for a son, and they told me that either I got my shit together or they'd disown me." "They sent me to some fancy addiction center in the Laurentians. I was there for two months." After leaving rehab, Joseph tried to live on the straight and narrow. "I got a job as a bike messenger and I started taking night classes at Concordia. Everything seemed to be going well, but I wasn't getting laid. I thought it was just a dry spell." Little did he know that his dry spell would go on for years. Joseph hit on girls he saw at parties, but they all turned him down. He joined several online dating services, but none of the women he sent messages to ever replied. "I couldn't even score a date with a Craigslist hooker. Women don't want to sleep with men who aren't addicted to narcotics. I used to go to a party with a vile of K and an eight ball, and I'd drown in pussy. Now that I'm sober, the ladies want nothing to do with me." "That's why I bought A RealDoll. It's a life like sex doll that has a poseable PVC skeleton and silicone flesh. It feels like the real thing! It cost me over six thousand dollars, but I couldn't be happier with Lucille. That's why I call my doll." Joseph says he's saving up for a second one. "My sex doll is the best girlfriend I ever had. She isn't jealous. She doesn't get angry or mad. She puts out whenever I want her to. I'm going to build myself a harem. I'm going to call my next doll Alicia." When asked if he's still looking for love with a real woman, Joseph said no. "The last two years of soul crushing rejection? That's the best thing that ever happened to me. I never would have bought Lucille had any of those women I approached slept with me. I can't even imagine what life would be like without her. She's the love of my life. Once you've been with a RealDoll, you lose your taste for real women." |
| I'm feeling nuclear right now.. | |
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